Chapter 45

In humanistic psychology, it was believed that people were inherently good. That if their lives weren't so full of shit and junk, they wouldn't make morally wrong decisions.

Hindi ko kinuwestyon iyon noon man. At some point, I believed it too. Na kung hindi dahil sa nangyayari sa atin, hindi tayo gagawa ng mali. Our choices were influenced by the society we were raised in. Dapat ganito . . . dapat gan'yan . . . at kapag hindi mo naabot ang pamantayan nila, magiging sanhi ka lang ng dismaya.

That's why a lot of people tend to do bad things. They tell blatant lies to gain mercy. They changed themselves to fit in. They sell their morals to buy the approval of others.

But then, if we kept taking these people in, they wouldn't realize what was wrong. If we kept agreeing with their reasons, they wouldn't think about the results of their actions. If we kept looking the other way when they did wrong, they would think that justice was just a myth.

Mabigat ang pakiramdam ko nang magmulat ako ng mata. My vision was still blurry, but I knew I wasn't in the apartment. Tumingin ako sa gilid ko at napansin ang nakayukong lalaki. Hawak niya ang kamay ko at hindi ko na kailangang magtanong pa kung sino siya gayong kilalang-kilala ko ang init ng palad niya.

"Leon . . ." I said weakly.

Agad ang pag-aangat niya ng tingin sa akin. The moment our gazes locked, I saw the extreme fear in his eyes. So extreme that it broke through his glasses.

Wala siyang inaksayang panahon. He called a nurse and told her to inform a doctor to come see me right away, as if my case were an emergency. Pinanood ko lang siya, puno ng pagtataka ang dibdib kung bakit siya ang kasama ko gayong si Mill ang huli kong kausap.

"She's over fatigue."

Bukod doon ay wala na akong naintindihan sa sinabi ng doctor. My attention was drawn to Leon and the way he asked everyone what measures should be taken to ensure that this would not happen again.

Naramdaman ko ang pagkirot ng puso ko.

Alam ko namang pagod na ang katawan ko. All my life, I worked nonstop. No'ng bata, sa ampunan, para may maibaon sa eskwela, kailangan naming magtinda ng sampaguita o magtahi ng mga butas sa sako. No'ng mag-highschool, nag-aral akong magmake-up para magkaroon ng sariling pera dahil maraming gastusin at wala naman akong puwedeng daingan. No'ng college, hindi ako tumigil sa pagtatrabaho para may matirahan kami . . . para may maipambayad sa pag-aaral at maipanglaman sa sikmura. At no'ng makapagtapos . . . hindi pa rin ako nakahanap ng oras para makapagpahinga.

I worked so hard for myself. To become better. To improve.

Wala akong tigil. Hanggang ngayon. Kahit may kakayanan na, masyadong malupit ang mundo sa akin para hayaan akong makahinga manlang.

I was so used to being tired that resting felt illegal anymore.

"Amari . . ." Leon called me, his voice soft and kind.

My lips quivered . . . and before I knew it, I broke down into tears . . . again.

Naalala ko lahat. Mula sa mga pinagdaanan ko hanggang sa naging dahilan kung bakit ako nandito.

The hands reaching for the head cleaner. The pleas asking for help. The delusions and hallucinations. The hunger and innocence.

Naramdaman ko ang mahigpit na yakap sa akin ni Leon. I was shaking, trembling in horror. A lot of people died, thinking that they were in that fucking laboratory because they were bad! A lot of them starved! A lot of them asked for help but nobody . . . nobody in that firm listened!

"L-Leon . . ." hikbi ko. "H-Hindi dapat ako nandito. May mga . . . may mga pasyente sa loob ng lab. Humihingi sila ng pagkain. Humihingi sila ng tulong. Narinig ko sila, Leon. B-Baka kung ano pang gawin sa kanila. Exposed sila sa chemicals . . . kailangan kong tawagan ang pamilya nila. Kailangan kong pumunta sa fir—"

Leon cupped my face and gently stroked my cheeks. I was panting, remembering all the things that were going on inside the firm.

"Leave everything to me, hmm?"

Puno ng lambing ang boses niya pero umiling ako.

"Amari, listen . . ." he whispered, holding my face tighter so that I couldn't shake it anymore.

"H-Hindi, Leon. Ikaw ang makinig sa 'kin . . ."

Pinalis niya ang luhang tumulo sa pisngi ko. His lips were shaking, and there was a visible stinging pain in his eyes.

"My . . . parents," I muttered. "D-Demonyo sila . . . lahat ng ebidensya laban sa kanila, nakuha namin ni Psyche. Walang makikinig na pulis sa 'min kaya kailangang dalhin 'yan sa media. Everything is on my laptop. Recorded lahat. 'Yong plano na i-expose sila sa anniversary . . ." Umiling ako. "Hindi ko puwedeng sundin. It has to be done as soon as possible. At kapag nandito ako, wala akong magagawa . . ."

Patuloy ang paghaplos niya sa pisngi ko. He was doing it gently as if he was afraid I would break.

"Habang nandito ka . . . ako muna, okay?" His voice cracked. "Tulungan ulit tayo . . . gaya ng dati. You can depend on me. Kung ano'ng gusto mo, gagawin ko. Basta, magpahinga ka. Promise me that."

Umiling ako. Paulit-ulit. Tuloy ang pag-agos ng luha sa pisngi.

"Amari naman, please . . ." he pleaded.

"Ayoko, Leon," iling ko ulit.

He breathed deeply. "Okay, then at least rest for a while, hmm?"

Tumitig ako sa kanya at kahit alam kong gustong-gusto niya akong tulungan ay sumilip ang maliit na takot sa puso ko. He was always concerned about me. Always too worried. Parang kaya niyang ibigay ang lahat ng hilingin ko.

"Leon, hindi mo 'ko kargo," bulong ko. "If you keep pushing this . . . you'll get tired again."

I felt him stiffen as his eyes welled up with tears. Ibinuka niya ang bibig, parang may gustong sabihin, pero walang lumabas na kahit anong salita mula roon. He ended up biting his lower lip, as if trying to hold back his emotions. Ramdam ko sa kamay niyang nakahawak sa akin ang panginginig niya, at nang mag-iwas siya ng tingin ay bumitaw siya nang tuluyan sa akin.

Hindi ko alam kung paanong nakatulog ulit ako matapos iyon. Hindi ko alam kung ilang oras, pero nang magkamalay ako . . . napagtanto kong hindi pa tapos ang mundo sa pagpaparusa sa akin.

"Nakita ko sa laptop niya. Kasama niya sa lahat ng 'to si Psyche . . ."

It was Mill's voice. She was talking to someone.

"Kung nagkataong wala ako sa apartment kagabi . . . kung nagkataong nag-overtime ako sa trabaho . . . kung hindi ako nakatawag agad ng ambulansya, baka kung ano na ring nangyari sa kanya!"

Her tone sounded thick with worry, almost like she was frustrated.

"Kat, Psyche was found unconscious in her pad just this morning!"

Para akong nabuhusan ng malamig na tubig sa narinig.

"Sira lahat ng gamit niya, at hanggang ngayon, hinahanap pa rin kung sino'ng sumaksak sa kanya. She's in a coma . . . she has bruises of abuse all over her body. Kung hindi kami nakarating agad sa ospital, baka isinunod na nila si Mari."

Unti-unti akong nagdilat ng mata, tahimik na ipinagdarasal na panaginip ko lang ang lahat. It felt like the weight of the world had been placed on my heart, and now, every muscle and joint in my body was in deep pain.

Sana panaginip lang . . . sana guni-guni ko lang . . . pero hindi.

The sun's rays hurt my eyes while Mill's shadows cast a silhouette on the window. She was holding a phone up to her ears, and I could see that she was panting, almost out of breath.

"C-Comatose si Psyche?" nanghihinang tanong ko.

Napatingin siya sa akin. She dropped the call right away and rushed to me, her face full of worry.

"Papunta na sina Kat at Karsen. Over fatigue ka raw sabi ng doc—"

"Comatose si Psyche?!" pag-uulit ko.

"Mari, kailangan mong makinig sa 'kin. Your safety is my number 1 priority no—"

"Sagutin mo 'ko, Mill! Comatose ba si Psyche?!"

Yumuko siya. "I'm sorry . . . Mari."

Paulit-ulit akong umiling. "No . . . you're joking, right?"

Psyche's face flashed in my head. Ang pagtataray kapag inaasar ko siya at ang pagnguso kapag hindi niya naiintindihan ang binabasa. She was so determined to put an end to all of this. Hindi siya nagsawang bigyan ako ng update . . . malaki man o maliit. She trusted me so much even though she knew I could easily turn my back against her.

The world hates pretty girls, I guess.

"N-No . . ." Nabasag ang boses ko. "Psyche . . . no."

You will be their greatest downfall, Mari. I can't wait to see that.

Tuluyang nalaglag ang luha ko. I looked at the dextrose that was stuck in my hand and took it off right away. I was thinking about Psyche and how she had to stay with me until our plan was over.

"Mari, ano ba?!"

Hindi ako nakinig sa sigaw ni Mill. I needed to see Psyche. Hangga't hindi ko siya nakikita, hindi ako maniniwalang may sumaksak sa kanya! We were hiding so well! We were attacking from the inside! Imposibleng mahuli kami nang ganoon na lang!

"Bitawan mo 'ko, Millicent!" I shouted with all my might when Mill pinned me down on the bed, stopping me from standing. "K-Kausap ko lang si Psyche kahapon bago ako pumasok sa lab! Sinungaling ka!"

"Mari, makinig ka muna sa 'ki—"

"Hindi mo 'ko naiintindihan, Mill! Psyche wants nothing but to put Percy and Valeen in jail! She was abused and beaten up as a kid! Ang dami niyang peklat!" I cried out. "N-Nakuha na namin lahat ng ebidensya! Madali na dapat 'to lahat! Makikita niya na kung paanong makukulong ang mga putanginang 'yon, kaya ano'ng sinasabi mong nasaksak siya?!"

"Kumalma ka muna!"

Muling nagbagsakan ang mga luha ko. "How can I calm down, Mill?! How?!"

Sa lakas ng boses ko ay dumalo sa akin ang ilang nurse. With all that was left in me, I screamed and sobbed, furious at the cold, merciless world for how it had abused me and Psyche. Nahirapan silang ibalik ang dextrose ko, pero wala akong pakialam. I wanted to see Psyche. I wanted to be sure that she was safe.

Tinurukan ako ng pampakalma o pampatulog . . . hindi ko na alam. Basta sigurado akong mabigat ang puso ko nang mawalan ulit ako ng malay.

It was so tiring . . . the whole thing was sucking the crap out of me. Sa loob ng dalawa at kalahating araw na nasa ospital ako ay wala na akong ibang ginawa kung hindi ang umiyak. There were bodyguards outside my room, hired by Karsen's husband, Kobe. Palitan din sina Karsen at Kat sa pagbabantay sa akin dahil inaasikaso ni Mill ang mga ebidensyang nakalap namin.

Ang sabi ni Kat, bumibisita rin daw sa akin si Leon pero lagi akong tulog. Hindi naman na iyon ang naiisip ko dahil punong-puno ako ng pag-aalala kay Psyche. I advised everyone not to tell my other friends about it because the criminal was still at large and we still needed to work as quietly as possible.

Sa bahay nina Karsen muna ako inuuwi ng mga kaibigan ko. Ngayon, alam kong alam na ni Percy kung sino ang katulong ni Psyche sa paglalabas ng baho niya. Bukod sa posibleng nakita niya sa mga files ng babae, I'm sure my sudden disappearance raised suspicions.

But then, unlike Psyche, I had friends who could make sure I was safe. Lahat kaming magkakaibigan ay may sari-sariling bodyguards lalo at alam namin kung gaano kalaking tao si Percy. We were protected by money. Mula sa asawa ni Karsen, sa manliligaw nina Kat at Mill . . . kay Leon.

But Psyche . . . she had none. I failed to protect her when I was the one who assured her not to be scared.

I let another day go by, allowing my friends to finish what I started. Malaking tanong sa akin kung bakit hindi ako personal na inaatake ni Percy. Not me . . . not even my loved ones. Sinabi sa akin ni Mill na katu-katulong niya si Leon sa pag-aasikaso ng lahat. They were working as silently as they could. They watched Percy's every move and even hired people to keep an eye on the ones who might have helped him.

Everything was a blur to me. Apat na araw palang ang nakakalipas, pakiramdam ko ay ang dami nang nangyari. Psyche was still in a coma and was facing a lot of organ complications. Ininterview ang mga nasa firm pero lahat sila ay may alibi. Even Percy.

Akala ko ay matatapos na lang ang lahat na ganoon ang estado ko. I was still in shock and my body was all tired from all the shit I went through.

But then, it all came back to the reason why I did this.

"Leon was taken to the police."

Sa sinabing iyon ni Mill ay para akong natauhan.

"What?" I asked through my teeth.

"May mga eyewitness na nagsabing si Leon daw ang huling nakasama ni Psyche bago siya nasaksak. Sinabi rin ng mga residents sa katabing pad ni Psyche na nagtalo 'yong dalawa," mas detelyadong aniya. "Someone told the police that they were lovers . . . and Psyche was trying to break up with him. May motive."

I clenched my fist. "Hindi totoo 'yan, Mill. Hindi gusto ni Psyche si Leon!"

"I know," sagot niya.

"It's Percy!" mariing saad ko. "I'm sure it's him.'

Tumango ang babae. "Psyche contacted Leon the night she was attacked. Totoong nagkita sila."

Huminga ako nang malalim, hindi makatingin nang diretso sa kanya. "Why?"

"Sinabi ni Psyche lahat kay Leon. That you're working with her and that she's worried about you . . . being exposed," aniya na lalong nagpakirot ng dibdib ko. "Silang dalawa ni Leon ang sumira ng lahat ng gamit. Nakakatunog na raw kasi si Percy lalo at maraming CCTV footage ang hindi recorded. With Leon's help, they destroyed the evidence, making sure that you already had copies. No'ng naghiwalay sila, sa 'yo na dapat didiretso si Leon . . . pero nasa ospital na tayo."

I pictured everything in my head. Ang huling pag-uusap pa namin ni Leon ay noong nasa ospital ako. He said he'd help me, but I turned him down because I didn't want to wear him out. From time to time, during the past week, kapag pupunta siya rito at magbibigay ng update kay Mill ay nahuhuli ko siyang nakatingin sa akin. I knew he wanted to talk to me, but we both didn't have the energy to do so.

Gusto kong alisin siya sa gulong 'to. He was the reason why I worked for the firm. This was my last shot of love for him.

At ngayong nadadamay siya sa bagay na wala naman siyang kinalaman . . . nararamdaman ko ulit ang pagsiklab ng apoy ng galit sa puso ko para sa mga taong naglagay sa amin dito.

Kami ni Psyche ang nagsimula ng lahat kaya kami rin ang dapat tumapos. At habang hindi pa kaya ni Psyche . . . ng ka-partner ko . . . walang ibang magtutuldok dito kung hindi ako.

Hindi si Mill. Hindi ang pera ng iba. Hindi si Leon.

Ako.

"I need to talk to him," saad ko bago tumayo. "Nasa station siya?"

Kumunot ang noo niya. "Sino?"

"Si Leon."

Huminga siya nang malalim at tumango. "I'll come with you. Nasabi niya na lahat sa 'kin, pero alam kong kailangan mo rin siyang makausap."

I was nervous as hell, pained at the thought of seeing Leon being held up in a prison cell. May mga kasama kaming bodyguards pagpunta roon, at habang nasa byahe ay sinabi sa akin ni Mill na isa hanggang dalawang araw puwedeng i-hold ng mga pulis si Leon. I'm sure he could easily get away with this because I knew he was innocent, but still, the thought of seeing him in jail, not as a visitor of his siblings but as an offender . . . my heart couldn't take it lightly.

Nang makarating kami roon ay si Mill ang nakipag-usap sa mga pulis. My eyes were directed immediately at a cell. Nakaupo siya sa sahig at may dalawang lalaki pang kasama sa loob. His head was bowed, glasses were on the floor beside him, as he massaged the bridge of his nose. Gusot ang damit niya at magulo ang may kakapalang buhok. Even without seeing his full face, I knew it was him.

Walang pagdadalawang-isip akong lumapit selda. There were noises around me, but the sound of my heart breaking drowned them.

"Zamora," I said, controlling the emotions that were curling in my tone.

Agad ang pag-angat niya ng tingin sa akin. His eyes widened a bit.

"Ilalabas kita d'yan," mas mariing saad ko. "Don't lose your guard."

Kinuha niya ang salamin sa sahig at isinuot iyon. He stood up and walked over to me, his eyes full of care and worry. Gusto ko siyang sigawan at sumbatan kung bakit siya pumayag na malagay sa loob ng selda gayong wala naman siyang kasalanan. Gusto kong magalit dahil imbes na nagpapahinga siya . . . ako lagi ang inaalala niya.

"Kumusta ang pakiramdam mo?"

I clenched my fist on the softness of his voice. Ang isang kamay ko ay humawak na sa bakal ng selda para humingi ng suporta roon. There he was, locked up in a cell, and still . . . he wanted to know how I was feeling? He was really, really . . . silly.

"O-Okay lang," mahinang sagot ko bago yumuko. I couldn't stand his eyes. "Ikaw?"

"Okay lang din."

I breathed deeply, forcing myself not to cry. "I'll get through this, right?"

"Oo naman," sagot niya. "After all, the ball was yours to hit now."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya. "What do you mean?"

"Tingin mo ba papayag akong makulong dito kung alam kong hindi ka ligtas sa labas?"

Kumunot ang noo ko. "I don't understand."

"I estimated the time. Alam kong darating ang oras na mapagbibintangan ako. I just didn't tell anyone that yet because I had to assure your safety first." He smiled a little. "Sige na. Umalis ka na rito hangga't hindi pa pumupunta si Mr. Mendoza."

"Leon . . ." Umiling ako. "Hindi kita naiintindihan."

Lumapit siya sa selda, halos nakadikit na ang katawan sa bakal.

"Hindi niya alam na kasama ka ni Psyche."

Doon nanlaki ang mga mata ko. "Huh?"

"Kaya hindi ka nila ginagalaw, Amari . . ." aniya. "He thought she was working with Dr. Talavera or . . . me."

Napasinghap ako nang ilagay niya ang kamay sa ilalim ng kamay ko. Sinadya niyang banggain iyon . . . para bang sinusuportahan iyon mula sa ilalim.

"Leon . . . hindi ganoon katanga si Percy. I disappeared without saying anything, and he knew you were my ex-boyfriend. Si Psyche rin ang nagpasok sa akin sa firm at sa research team. Imposibleng hindi niya natunugan 'yon! He might have noticed the camera I put inside the lab now. He could easily link it to my IP address!"

"I cracked your email. Nahulaan ko ang password mo. I sent them a leave of absence letter and your medical certificate," he confessed. "I'm sorry. Wala akong binasa ro'n. I just used it to email them."

"Still . . . that doesn't make sense. Malabong hindi nila ako pinaghihinalaan."

Umiling siya. "He can't think straight. Mrs. Alvarado has been losing touch with him, and he isn't doing very well."

"What?"

"Why do you think he was so eager to create a medicine that would cure schizophrenia?"

I breathed, not knowing where the conversation was heading.

"Because he wanted to beat Clozapine. Makapagmayabang."

"No." He shook his head again. "It's because he was suffering from it."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. "S-Schizophrenia?"

Tumango siya. "I've been looking at that for years because the firm was too focused on making drugs for that specific disorder. I followed him for years, too, and I'm not too dumb to figure out that he had symptoms. I've seen him take Clozapine, but even that didn't help him well."

Naramdaman ko ang kamay niya sa akin.

"Let's distract him. I'll act like I really did plan everything with Psyche," he said. "Now's the time to do what you planned, Amari. Don't let your efforts go to waste."

I didn't know how I managed to digest all that information. Alam kong hindi magsisinungaling sa akin si Leon at hindi rin ako para magduda sa kakayanan niya. It answered all my questions right away. Kung bakit hindi ako ginagalaw ni Percy . . . at kung bakit parang ang dali-dali ng lahat.

All my plans worked out . . . except keeping Psyche safe. Sa pangongolekta ng ebidensya, kahit namuhay sa kaba, ay hindi ako nahuli.

It explains everything. Percy's defenses were starting to drop, and he was losing sight of reality. Nagagalit siya kay Valeen . . . which was new. Hindi lang pala iyon sa pangmamanipula ni Psyche. Dahil din iyon sa pagma-manifest ng kondisyon niya.

However, I couldn't help but be afraid for Leon. Kung si Psyche ay nagawang saktan ni Percy . . . how much more damage could he do to Leon? Kahit pa nasa loob ng selda ang lalaki ay hindi ako makakampante. I really needed to act now.

And fate, that funny fate, was clearly playing with me again, for I met the demon right before he was sent into the fires of hell.

"Amari, what are you doing here?"

I felt like the world had stopped spinning when I heard Percy's voice. Akala ko noong una ay guni-guni ko lang iyon kung hindi ko pa narinig ang pagsinghap din ni Mill. Kabababa niya lang ng sasakyan habang papalabas kami sa police station. He still looked the same the last time I saw him — dirty and unhygienic.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit awtomatikong naglaro sa isip ko lahat ng duming ginawa niya. Mula sa pangmamanipula sa akin hanggang sa paggamit ng mga pasyente para gawin ang gamot na para sa kanya. I understand it all now.

He doesn't know a thing, Amari. Act again . . . and this time, give it your all.

I smiled despite the thumping of my heart. "Tungkol po sa kaso ni Psyche. I was interviewed."

"Nahuli na ang gumawa no'n sa kanya. Your ex-boyfriend, right?"

Umakto akong nagulat sa narinig. "Si Leon po?"

"You don't know?" he asked. "Those two are in a relationship, and Psyche attempted to offer him the firm's private information. Ginamit ka no'ng gagong 'yon noon, at ginamit niya rin si Psyche ngayon. Some people just don't change, do they?"

Nagngingitngit ako sa galit sa kanya. He might have schizophrenia, but his crimes weren't valid. Hindi ako para magpakita ng awa sa taong walang naitanim na kabutihan sa akin. Hindi ako para maawa sa taong walang habas na gumamit ng iba para sa sariling kapakinabangan niya.

Dahil siya ang nagpatunay sa akin na hindi lahat ng tao ay likas na mabuti. For me, he was the other way around. He was hiding behind his good name but was actually pure evil.

"Just like you. You're still irrational and selfish. Tingnan mo, sa akin din naman ang bagsak mo. You got over your pride and came to me. Eh, kung umpisa palang ay pinakinggan mo na 'ko, hindi ka na para magpakatanga sa lalaking 'yon," aniya pa.

Naramdaman ko ang paggalaw ni Mill sa likod ko pero sinenyasan ko lang siya. I even saw Percy laugh at her reaction.

Sarkastiko akong napatawa. Masyado ko siyang inilagay sa pedestal. He was smart, a genius. He was a respectable chemist and was the owner of a research firm. Akala ko, wala na siyang pagkakamali. Akala ko, imposible nang mapabagsak siya.

"Do you think I'm stupid?" biglang tanong ko.

Umiling siya. "No, but you could've been smart if you weren't so emotional."

"Intellectual quotient and emotional quotient should be balanced, sir." I smiled.

Humalakhak siya. "You don't have the right to preach to me about the things I already know, Amari. I may believe in your intelligence, but you're still a big disappointment to me."

Oh . . . should I be sad now? Funny how it didn't irk me a bit.

Tinitigan ko ang mukha niya at umapaw ang paninibugho sa dibdib ko. I just couldn't believe I used to dream about being recognized by him. I couldn't believe I loved him.

He shrugged. "Anyway, I don't want to waste any more time here. I've got to go inside. See you in the firm."

Lumampas siya sa gilid ko ngunit nagsalita ulit ako.

"Sigurado ka bang si Leon ang gumawa no'n kay Psyche?"

Nakita kong natigilan siya.

"Is it the truth or just your . . . delusion?"

Marahas ang paglingon niya sa akin. I saw him breathe heavily like I had hit a nerve.

Hinarap ko ang galit sa mata niya, walang takot o pangamba. I thought so highly of him . . . and he thought so lowly of me. Ni hindi niya naisip na ang may pinakamatinding motibo para pabagsakin siya ay ako.

Hindi ko tuloy alam kung matatawa ako o maiinis. Until the end, he believed I was inferior to him . . . that I was no match for him.

I chuckled. "I'm sure, I'll see you around, sir."

Wala na akong inaksayang oras matapos iyon. I felt a sense of pride rushing within me as I knew that everything would end today.

"Let's release all the evidence now, Mill. I'll do an exclusive interview."

Psyche was in a coma, and now, Leon's name was being tarnished.

Masyado nang maraming nadadamay. The evidence gathered was already on hand. There wasn't any time for me to waste.

She stared deeply at me.

"Are you sure?"

Tumango ako. "I can't waste any more time. Hangga't nananahimik 'yong kabila, kailangan ko nang kumilos."

I remembered everything I saw. I knew I needed to keep my anger . . . my wrath. I wasn't facing a human; I was facing a demon.

Alam kong ang go-signal ko lang ang hinihintay nila para mailabas sa publiko ang kaso. Ayaw ni Mill na magsalita ako agad dahil natatakot siyang maging inconsistent ang mga sasabihin ko. She told me that I was prone to acting on impulse, and given the gravity of the case, I should keep my feelings in check.

"Hindi puwedeng si Mill ang mag-report nito, Ms. Mendoza. You're affiliated with her, and she might get emotional or biased while reporting," saad sa akin ng chief ni Mill.

"I'm not a direct victim. I'm just an eyewitness. Ano'ng bearing no'n?" tanong ko.

"It's okay, Mari."

Umiling ako sa kaibigan. "It's not, Mil. Sa ilang araw na paghahawak mo ng mga ebidensya, alam kong alam mo na rin ang grounds ng kasong 'to. It's easy to talk about the details, but I want a reporter who can get at the heart of the case."

Hindi naging mahirap ang proseso ng pagkumbinsi ko sa chief. Even though he was hesitant, he still gave in to my demands. Of course, it was a big scoop. A respectable research firm using patients with mental disorders as guinea pigs. It would be fucking huge.

I told them everything from the bottom of my heart. I held back my emotions as I watched and listened to the videos and recordings again, thinking about Psyche, who was supposed to be with me, and Leon, who took the blame for me. Hinayaan niyang siya ang mapagbintangan para magawa ko ang plano ko. He didn't even tell me his plans . . . he just let me rest and do what I wanted.

"Ang Mendoza Research Institute na itinatag nina Percy Ezekiel Mendoza at Valeen Claire Alvarado, ay inakusahan ng pagsasamantala sa mga taong may mental disorder sa mga clinical experiment nang walang pahintulot ng mga naaangkop na partido. Bilang ebidensya ng mga naitalang dokumento na nagdedetalye ng kanilang mga internal operation, hinihinalang halos dalawang dekada na nilang ginagawa ang krimeng ito. Tinatayang mahigit isang libong tao ang namatay dulot sa chemical exposures at drug trials, at marami pa ang pinaniniwalaang nasa loob ng mga pasilidad ng kompanya."

Needless to say, the news spread widely throughout the country. Mill reported it the way I wanted it to be done. Several families had come forward with reports of missing loved ones, and a sizable crowd had gathered outside the firm to demand explanations.

Ang dapat na pagdiriwang ng ikatatlumpu't limang anibersaryo ay nauwi sa pagkakaaresto nina Percy, Valeen, at lahat ng taong nanahimik ukol sa krimen. Hindi naging sapat ang yaman nila para pagtakpan ang ingay na nilikha ng balita lalo at galit na galit ang publiko. Some people wanted them to be killed. Some people were hurling shit around the firm. Ligtas ding nakauwi ang mga nagsisipayatang mga pasyente, at kasama ang masa, ay isa ako sa mga lumuha para sa paghihirap na naranasan nila sa loob.

Pero hindi pa ako tapos. Hindi ko hahayaang ganoon kadali ang sasapitin nila. Psyche was still in a coma, and despite the fact that Leon had been freed and proven innocent due to their exchange of messages . . . my rage remained in hell.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the entire truth, and nothing but the truth in your testimony before this court?" asked the bailiff.

"I do," I replied as I raised my right hand.

"Please state your name to the court."

My name . . . my name that I'm disgusted about. Isang beses akong sumulyap sa mga magulang ko na parehong nakatingin sa akin.

"Amari Sloane Mendoza," I said, still looking at them.

The prosecutor turned to the judge. "Your Honor, we are giving the testimony of this witness to authenticate the substantial allegations filed against the accused. She will testify that she has witnessed the internal operations of MRI. She will also name the accused, verify pertinent materials, and testify on other related things. May I proceed?"

"Proceed," said the judge.

"Amari Sloane Mendoza, are you related to Percy Ezekiel Mendoza?"

I breathed deeply. Nagbayad kayo sa kasalanan n'yo sa iba . . . at hindi ako papayag na hindi kayo magbabayad sa kasalanan n'yo sa akin.

"Yes."

Nakarinig ako ng mga pagsinghap.

"What's your relationship with him?"

"He's my father," sagot ko. "I'm Percy Ezekiel and Valeen Claire's daughter."

The growing levels of the gasps prompted the judge to hush the courtroom. Nakita ko pa ang pagtitig sa akin ng judge at ang paglipat ng tingin nito sa mga magulang ko.

I just smiled to myself. No one could deny it now that we were in the same room.

"Do you have a document to support your claim?"

I nodded. "Yes, I have submitted to this court my birth certificate. However, I was written there as the daughter of Percy's wife. And you can ask her now if it's true."

"Objection, Your Honor. That was not taken up during the direct examination!" the defense attorney said.

"Sustained."

Napangiti lang ako. I expected it. It wasn't related to the case, so of course, it was dismissed. Wala naman akong pakialam. I just wanted, for once, to make them feel terrible about themselves. Masyado nila akong minaliit, minata, at hinusgahan. It was only right to talk shit about them in their faces.

"Did you work for the Mendoza Research Institute?"

Tumango ako. "Yes. First as a cleaner, and later as a researcher."

"If you were their daughter, why did you have to start working as a cleaner?"

"It's Percy's command. I can't do anything about it." I chuckled. "Objectively speaking, do I look like someone they'll acknowledge? They abandoned me in a shelter, and looking at them now, I thanked God for that."

It was dismissed again, but to hell with it.

Tahimik lang sila. Syempre, the more they talk, the more mistakes they are likely to commit. Imposibleng hindi 'yon naituro ng abogado nila.

"You're a psychologist, a counselor, and a psychometrician. Why did you work for the firm as a cleaner?"

I balled my fist, remembering the twins.

"Dahil may nagsabi sa 'kin na malaking drug dealer si Percy. That his sons were going around the city, influencing vulnerable teens to take illegal drugs. I just want to check if it's true . . . and I discovered something bigger than I expected."

"Who is it?"

Umiling ako. "To protect his name, I prefer not to disclose."

Tumango naman ito. "What did you discover then?"

"They have coded the patients as drops, and they've been using these drops for drug development. I was the one who gave out all the documents, videos, and information about the case, and it was the best thing I've ever done in my life." I gritted my teeth. "As a mental health professional, it is my duty to assist these drops in transitioning to a normal life. However, Percy, Valeen, and the rest of their team viewed these drops as expendable in the name of the greater good."

"I'm showing you a document that was originally labeled as Exhibit A. Please review this document and inform this honorable court if it is the one you are referring to."

I nodded. "Yes, it is."

The videos and recordings, no matter how compelling they were, could not be presented as evidence because they were obtained illegally. Pero dahil sa search operation sa buong firm, maraming nakolektang mas matitibay na ebidensya laban sa kanila. Even the drugs were discovered.

"We're using the annotations made on these documents at the pre-trial session as our Exhibit A for the prosecution, Your Honor."

Nagpatuloy ang trial. I gave honest answers to all of the questions that were asked of me. It felt so good to see how quiet and defenseless they were as if their thorns had been cut off. I was subjected to cross-examination, but I knew that the most they could do were ask for a reduced sentence, which I seriously doubted they would get.

"You said you're the one who leaked the confidential documents. Why did you not submit them first to the police?"

"My ex-boyfriend has been sending petitions to the police about the firm's involvement in illegal drugs for years, but no one has paid attention." Pinigilan ko ang mapatawa. "Percy and Valeen . . . you've had enough fun. Iabandona n'yo 'ko, wala akong pakialam. Paulit-ulit n'yo 'kong minaliit, wala akong naging reklamo. Pandirihan n'yo 'ko, wala kayong maririnig sa 'kin."

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Pero idinamay n'yo 'yong alam n'yong importante sa 'kin. Idinamay n'yo 'yong alam n'yong iniingatan ko. Idinamay n'yo 'yong alam n'yong mahal ko . . ." Umiling ako. "I'm sorry, my lovely parents, but I can't tolerate that."

"Prosecutor, do you have any re-direct questions?"

"No, Your Honor."

Tumingin sa akin ang judge. "You may step down."

I smiled widely, eyes set on Percy and Valeen.

"Thank you for bringing me into the world. I'm sure that of all the mistakes you've made, I'm the one you regret the most."