Chapter 36

I walked along the street cursing myself. Alam kong hindi dapat ako magalit kay Leon dahil hindi ko naman hawak ang buhay niya. I had no control over who he got along with . . . at wala rin namang ginagawang masama sa akin si Psyche. It was just my jealousy acting up.

Alam kong mahal niya ako pero hindi ko maintindihan kung ano ang mayroon ang babae na hindi niya maiwan-iwan. He knew I was mad at her . . . at them. Why would you get in touch with people who hurt the one you love?

I sighed. Wala, balik na naman sa umpisa. It was a vicious cycle that could only be broken by me, but why did I find it so painful to deal with the fact that at some point in his life . . . he betrayed me?

From: Mill

Susunduin kita.

I was too preoccupied to reply. Naghintay na lang ako sa kanto at ilang minuto lang ay nakarating din naman agad siya. She didn't say anything. We just went home quietly. I pretended like everything was fine, but I couldn't help but go to sleep thinking about how I should never have kissed the man who had hurt me.

Kakausapin ko siya . . . pero hindi ngayon. I knew deep down that I wasn't mad; I was just disappointed.

Nang dumating ang Lunes ay naabutan ko siya sa labas ng opisina namin, may hawak na dalawang tasa ng kape at parang naghihintay sa akin.

When he saw me, he put out his arm to hand me the other cup, as if he wanted to say something, but I just shook my head.

"Not today, Leon," I dismissed.

Hindi ko na hinintay na makapagsalita pa siya. I opened the door to the office and made my way in. Oras ng trabaho ngayon. Our personal issues should be set aside. Maraming pasyente at kliyente ang kailangang unahin.

Mukhang naintindihan niya naman ako dahil hindi niya ipinilit ang gustong mangyari. While working, I kept wondering if I could handle knowing that he was still in touch with not only Psyche, but also my biological parents.

Alam kong mas mabigat ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya kaysa sa galit ko sa mga magulang ko kaya alam kong kakayanin ko 'yon. Just . . . not today. Malaking sampal pa sa akin ang pagtawag sa kanya ni Psyche. And learning that she must have done that for years, as if calling him was a normal thing, made me feel . . . insecure.

Wala na akong pakialam sa mga magulang ko, pero mahal ng nanay ko si Psyche. She took care of her, treated her gently, and loved her in every way. Saksi ako roon nang inayusan ko siya noon, at sa mga nagdaang taon, hindi ko kinainggitan 'yon.

May mga tao rin naman kasi akong matatawag kong akin. I had Karsen, Mill, Kat, Shaira, Meg, and Zoey. I had friends who bound me in ways that went beyond blood; they tied me in knots of shared laughter and bled with me in my deepest grief.

Kaya siguro ganito kasakit at kabigat . . . kasi inaasahan kong kabilang si Leon sa kanila.

'Yong may kasiguraduhan ako na akin siya at wala akong kaagaw sa kanya.

Gusto kong ako naman ang unahin niya. Ang nararamdaman ko, ang opinyon ko. I wanted him to be so loyal to me to the point where he could never cross paths with anyone I was jealous of . . . where his anger was directed at those who had hurt me.

Gusto kong kampihan niya ako . . . piliin. Na bago siya gumawa ng isang bagay, gusto kong itanong niya muna sa sarili niya kung masasaktan ba ako.

It was selfish . . . but that was what I wanted. I wanted his loyalty only to me. I wanted the assurance that he was mine and that he would never sell my emotions again. I wanted him to make a stand, and I wanted that stand to be where I was. Hindi siya gigitna sa akin, sa mga magulang ko, at kay Psyche.

Gusto ko . . . ako lang. Hinayaan ko na siyang piliin sila noon dahil kailangan . . . hindi ko na masisikmura kung isasantabi niya ulit ako ngayon.

"Amari . . ." he called.

Hindi ko inalis ang tingin sa mga dokumentong binabasa.

"Umuna ka na. I'll just take a cab."

Hindi siya sumagot kaya nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya. He was looking at me, as if pleading, but I stood my ground. He had to let me process things on my own. Ayoko pa siyang marinig.

"I said not today, right?" I said. "I'm thinking, so give me time and space to do that."

He heaved a sigh. "Thinking of?"

"Of my decisions . . ." sagot ko. "I'm trying to figure out if it's worth it to have you back in my life."

Dumaan ang takot sa mukha niya. "Amari naman . . ."

Ibinaba ko ang tingin sa mga dokumentong nakalatag sa mesa ko.

"If you want to keep them in your life, then let me go," I said, heart bursting at seams.

Ang lakas ng loob kong maghamon kahit na alam kong ako lang din naman ang iiyak sa dulo. Isinantabi niya na ang nararamdaman ko noon . . . why would I even think he couldn't do that now?

"I'm trying to weigh things, Leon, and so should you."

Natahimik siya saglit bago muling nagsalita. "I don't need to weigh things. There's nothing heavier than my love for you, Amari."

Mapait akong napangiti. "I wish I could believe that now . . ." bulong ko. "Sige na. Umuna ka na. Let's not prolong this conversation . . . marami pa akong trabaho."

He looked like he had a lot to say, but in the end, he just nodded and left quietly. Ganoon din noong mga sumunod na araw. Hindi ko siya inimikan dahil gusto kong iparamdam sa kanya na dismayado ako sa mga desisyon niya. Hindi rin naman na siya nagpumilit na kausapin ulit ako.

I'm sure he had an explanation, but I didn't want to hear that yet. Sigurado kasi akong kapag mabigat ang rason niya ay mabababawan lang ako sa naramdaman ko. I would condemn myself for thinking illogically . . . at ayokong gawin 'yon ngayon. I wanted my disappointment to be taken seriously. I wanted to know that the way I felt was okay.

"Get one and pass," saad ko sa klase sabay abot ng text papers nila. "This is our last practice test, so give it your all. Our review is almost over, and I hope you learned a thing or two from me. Good luck."

Tahimik na sumunod ang klase. They were sitting one seat apart from each other and had folders on their desks to keep their papers hidden.

Naupo muna ako at nagbasa ng isang librong hiniram ko rin sa library. It was, again, the book where the victims of unethical research projects recounted their experiences. Ang pinakamalalang nabasa ko ay ang paggamit sa mga taong may mental health disorder para i-test ang mga bagong gamot. Some people died, some had severe episodes, and some managed to get better.

Napatigil lang ako sa pagbabasa nang mag-vibrate ang cellphone ko. I looked at the class first before checking who the text was from, and I couldn't help but smile when I read it.

From: Unknown Number

Hello, ate. Si Nathaniel 'to. Kinuha ko sa cellphone ni Kuya ang number mo. Tungkol sana doon sa offer mong mag-enroll. Sa tingin mo, puwede kaya ako ro'n? Nahihiya akong magsabi kay Kuya, pero gusto ko sana ulit mag-aral. Nakakatakot lang na baka pag-usapan ako ng mga magiging kaklase ko.

Hindi pa ako nakakapag-reply ay may bagong text na ulit siya.

From: Unknown Number

'Wag ka munang maingay kay Kuya, ha? Susuportahan naman ako no'n. Nahihiya lang akong siya pa ang magtutustos sa akin. May kaunting ipon ako ngayon kaya pinag-iisipan ko rin, ate. Gusto ko sanang maging doctor ng mga bata, kaso alam kong mahal kaya kahit anong program na lang. Basta makapagtapos. Pangarap din kasi 'yon ni Nanay para sa 'kin.

Some strings tugged at my heart. Kung nandito lang si Tita . . . she must have been so proud of her boys.

To: Unknown Number

I'll meet you tomorrow. Lunch time. Pag-usapan natin 'yan sa personal.

Ibinaba ko ang cellphone, may ngiti pa rin sa labi. It just warmed my heart to see how full of optimism and ambition Nathaniel was. Sana nakikita 'to ni Tita Leah . . . sana alam niyang napakabuti niyang ina dahil kahit mag-isa ay napalaki niya nang maayos ang mga anak niya.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin at agad na nakuha ni Leon ang atensyon ko. He was leaning against the frame of the back door, looking at me with furrowed brows. Bumaba ang tingin niya sa cellphone ko bago muling ibinalik ang mga mata sa akin.

"Pahiram ng key to correction," aniya.

Agad na naglingunan ang mga estudyante sa kanya. Kapansin-pansin ang pagngingisian nila at pagpapalitan ng makahulugang tingin kaya napairap ako. These students really thought that our lives were like a soap opera.

"Where's yours?" I asked as I reached into my file cabinet.

"Nasa office. Hindi ko nadala."

I took the key to correction and put it on my table. Dumaan naman siya sa pagitan ng mga estudyante na hindi pa rin binubura ang mga malisyosong ngiti sa labi nila.

"Class, are you done?" tanong ko.

"Hindi pa po, ma'am."

I arched my brow. "Then, eyes on your work. Sa mismong board exam, hindi puwedeng gan'yan kayo." Agad silang nagyukuan. "You should focus on your exam instead of waiting for rumors to happen so you can have something to talk about."

Halos itago nila ang sarili sa folder na hawak. I sighed as Leon walked up to my table. Kinuha niya ang papel na kailangan at inusisa iyon.

"No cellphones during class, right?" he whispered.

I scoffed. "Isusumbong mo 'ko kay Ms. Lubrica? Go ahead. She'll know about the person who forgets an important document too."

Tumingin ako sa klase na mukhang hindi naman narinig ang sinabi ko.

"Your textmate can't wait?" tanong niya ulit, mas mahina ang boses.

I slammed my back against my chair when I realized that he wanted to know who I was talking to. Hindi ko naman sasabihin 'yon sa kanya. Hindi niya nga sinabi sa 'kin na may number pa rin siya ni Psyche.

"If you're done, please leave. I have a class to observe."

He licked his lower lip, and I could see how frustrated he was. I just shrugged it off. Hindi ang nararamdaman niya ang makapagbubura ng mga agam-agam ko.

Nagbuntong-hininga siya bago naglakad palabas ng silid. Hinayaan ko lang siyang umalis, walang pakialam kung nagtatampo siya o ano. At hanggang sa maghapunan kami sa opisina ni Ms. Lubrica ay tahimik lang siya. Ganoon din naman noong mga nagdaang araw. Alam kong iba lang ngayon dahil mukha siyang nababahala.

"Briefing na lang tayo next week. Report n'yo rin sa 'kin kung ano'ng resulta ng exams nila at kung ano'ng estimate passing rate," sabi ni Ms. Lubrica habang kumakain kami.

"Okay, ma'am," sagot ko.

"Ikaw, Leon? Malapit na ang finals ng mga tinuturuan mo. Tapos ka na bang gumawa ng exam?"

"Sa Theories of Personality pa lang, ma'am. Wala pa sa Developmental Psychology."

"Okay. You know what to do, right? Ipapa-check pa 'yan kay Dean kaya as much as possible, ayusin mo na. Baka mahuli ka sa grading."

"Yes, ma'am. I'll start later."

Nagpatuloy sila sa pag-uusap tungkol doon. I put down my spoon and fork and combed my hair using my hands. Mill had been so busy with work lately that I didn't bother calling her to pick me up anymore because I wanted her to get some rest. Hindi naman kalayuan ang apartment. I could go home on my own.

Habang nag-uusap ang dalawa ay umilaw ang cellphone ko. A quick look told me it was from Nathaniel, and sure enough, it was.

From: Nathaniel

Ate, good evening. Sorry makulit. May mga alam ka bang website or online library na puwede kong pagkuhanan ng files? Mas maganda sigurong mag-advance reading na. Ayokong mangulelat sa klase.

I smiled. He was this excited?

To: Nathaniel

I'll send you the links later. I-check mo muna 'yong curriculum ng Grade 11 STEM para alam mo kung ano ang mga subjects na uunahin.

From: Nathaniel

Okay, ate. Kinausap ko na si Nash na siya muna ang tumao sa tindahan bukas. Saang school kaya tayo mag-e-enroll? Public lang sana.

To: Nathaniel

I have a few schools in mind. Ikaw ang mamimili bukas kung saan mo gusto.

From: Nathaniel

Salamat, ate. Nakakakaba. Hahahaha.

Hindi ko maiwasang matawa sa naging reply niya. I could hear him in my head.

"Wow, it was nice hearing you laugh, Mari," kuha ni Ms. Lubrica sa atensyon ko.

Ibinaba ko ang cellphone at nagkibit-balikat. "Natawa lang po ako sa reply ng kausap ko."

Tumango-tango siya. "I'll assume that's your friend," aniya pa sabay baling kay Leon.

I shook my head, still smiling. "Hindi po, ma'am."

"Oh . . ." Umawang ang labi niya. "Okay . . ."

Leon stood up, his chair clanging. Dinampot niya mula sa gilid ng mesa ang paper bag at tahimik na inilagay roon ang mga wala nang laman na food containers. His face was blank as he did that.

"I've got to go, ma'am," pagpapaalam ko bago kinuha ang bag ko. "May gagawin pa po ako sa bahay."

Nathaniel was waiting for the links. I should send those as soon as possible.

Napakurap si Ma'am. "Ba't hindi ka pa magpahatid kay Leon? Delikado . . ."

Umiling ako. "No need, ma'am. Sanay rin naman po akong bumyahe nang mag-isa . . . at hindi rin naman po malayo ang apartment."

She cast a wary glance at Leon, still unsure. Isang pagpapaalam pa ay lumabas na ako ng office at mabilis na naghintay ng masasakyan. I was so quick that I had already taken the jeep when Leon exited the university. Lumabi lang ako nang makitang hinabol niya ng tingin ang sinasakyan ko.

As soon as I came home, I did some research on reliable online libraries and forwarded the links to Nathaniel. Masayang-masaya naman siya at sinabi pa sa aking mag-aaral siya buong gabi. I realized that he might have been lurking outside their home while waiting for me to send the download links so that he could start reading. Mahina pa rin kasi ang signal sa kanila.

From: Nathaniel

Maraming salamat, ate. Ako ang unang tatakwil kay Kuya kapag iniwan ka. Hahahaha.

To: Nathaniel

We're not together. Be open to the possibility of having another ate.

From: Nathaniel

Mukha mo ang naka-display sa bahay niya. Imposible.

To: Nathaniel

Just focus on your readings, will you? Stop pairing me with your brother. I hate him atm.

From: Nathaniel

May LQ kayo? Hahahahaha. Kaya pala nandito ngayon at masama ang timpla.

From: Nathaniel

Pasok na ako sa loob, ate. Tinatawag na ako ni Kuya. May dalaw talaga siya. Hahahahaha. Salamat ulit! See you bukas.

I pouted. What's wrong with Leon? 'Wag niya naman sanang pagbuntunan ng inis ang kambal.

To: Nathaniel

Text me if he gets mad for no reason. That's not healthy.

From: Nathaniel

Nako. Hindi ganoon si Kuya. Nagpapalamig lang 'to ng ulo kaya nandito. Gusto ng kakwentuhan.

To: Nathaniel

Okay. Good luck with your studies. Bukas na lang.

I heaved a sigh as I stared at the ceiling, imagining those three grown-ups in a small home, talking to each other.

Alam kong sa pagitan namin ni Leon ay ako pa ang mas may kakayanang magalit nang walang dahilan. I mean, I had a reason . . . but sometimes, it was shallow. Between the two of us, I was the more emotional one. Kaya nga alam kong may paliwanag siya kung bakit may koneksyon pa rin sila ni Psyche.

The following day, I got up early and decided to go to work already. Hindi na rin ako nagdala ng packed lunch dahil magkikita naman kami ni Nathaniel mamaya. I went straight to the cafeteria and bought myself a cup of coffee and a slice of red velvet cake.

Minutes into eating, I saw a bunch of interns entering the place. Mabilis na naagaw ni Paolo ang atensyon ko nang malawak na ngumiti at kumaway ito sa akin. I waved back a bit, and I wasn't so shocked when he came over to my table.

"Good morning," nakangiting aniya. "Ang aga mo, ah?"

I smiled back. "Good morning. Tapos na ang shift mo?"

Tumango lang siya. He told me to wait while he ordered his breakfast, and I did. Madalas ko rin naman siyang makasalubong dito. Talagang hindi lang magpanagpo ang oras namin. Laging tanguan at ngitian lang ang nangyayari. To be honest, I'm relieved we didn't have a love connection because we got along well. Hindi kami awkward. Or maybe he was just a really good conversationalist.

"Naabutan din kita," sabi niya bago inilapag ang tray ng rice meal sa table ko. "Tagal kong pasilay-silay lang, eh."

I scoffed. "Don't test me."

"Alam ko." Tumawa siya. "Hirap mong biruin."

Natatawang umiling na lang ako. I kept eating my cake while silently scolding myself for having carbs for breakfast.

"Hindi ba magagalit ang boyfriend mo na kumakain ka kasama ako?" maya maya'y tanong niya.

I pursed my lips. "Meron ba?"

"Oh . . . you didn't get back with Zamora?"

Nagkibit-balikat ako. "Hindi . . . at talaga bang chichismisin mo 'ko tungkol d'yan?"

He chuckled. "Well, the nurses are talking about your relationship. Nag-internship pala kayo rito dati kaya maraming nakakaalam na mag-ex kayo."

I rolled my eyes at him. "You're so nosy."

Napabulanghit siya ng tawa. "Kaya hindi mo 'ko type, 'no? Mahilig ka sa tahimik."

I threw him my tissue, which made him laugh more. Sumimangot lang ako at hinintay siyang matapos doon.

"Kung na-gets ko lang agad noon na mga introvert pala ang gusto mo, sana nagpanggap ako," pagpapatuloy niya pa.

"Hey, I thought you were an introvert before! You were so shy!" saad ko.

"Syempre no'ng una lang 'yon. Hindi pa tayo close, eh." He shrugged. "I bet if Zamora hadn't pursued you before, you'd consider dating me."

"You wish, Paolo."

He grinned. "Thank goodness, I can take rejection pretty well. I used to like you a lot."

"Sino bang hindi?" I joked. "It's in the past now. You know we can be good friends."

"At ano? Hahayaan ko pang masuntok ako ng lalaki mo?" he asked, chuckling. "Seriously, I haven't thanked you before . . . but I'm grateful that you've turned me down immediately. I've avoided a heartbreak."

I took a sip of my coffee, staring intently at him. Nang ibaba ko ang tasa ay sinimangutan ko siya.

"Why are we talking about this again?" tanong ko. "Are you sure you've moved on from me? I mean, a lot of people are having a hard time doing that."

Napangisi ako nang muli siyang tumawa.

"Show me your arrogance again, and I might end up having my first real heartbreak," he said. "Stop showing me your dominant sides. Mahirap na. Baka magustuhan ulit kita."

Umiling ako. "You can never handle me, Paolo."

"Try me."

Umawang ang labi ko kasabay ng pagdaan ng disgusto sa dibdib ko. "You're kidding, right? Ew . . . hindi tayo talo. I can't imagine dating you."

"Tangina, swerte talaga ni Leon." He touched his lower lip and looked at me with such amusement. "Women who know what they want are attractive, and in our next lives, you have to want me, Mari."

Inirapan ko na lang siya. I highly doubted that. I knew my love for that particular guy was so strong that I thought it could be passed down from generation to generation. Walang puwang ang ibang lalaki sa puso ko dahil puno ito ng pagmamahal sa . . . kanya. I was just too disappointed now to move forward again.

"Speaking . . ." bulong ni Paolo.

My heart started to thump right away. I looked where he was looking, and my chest tightened when I saw Leon settling down at an empty table. Madilim ang mukha niya habang mariin ang tingin sa pagkain. I slowly sat up straight, calming my racing adrenaline.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit lagi na lang akong natataranta kapag nand'yan siya. Kahit noong maayos kami. My chest would always react as if seeing him were something new . . . like a young girl experiencing her first crush.

"Magkagalit kayo?" tanong ni Paolo.

I shook my head slowly. "Hindi . . ."

"Ba't hindi lumapit sa 'yo?"

"Ba't naman siya lalapit sa 'kin?"

He squinted. "Imagine having an LQ and seeing your girl having a meal with a man who used to like her . . ." Umiling siya. "You'll drive him mad, Mari."

Well, imagine being in the midst of making out only to be cut off by a phone call from a woman who used to be his fake ex-girlfriend.

Tahimik na lang kaming kumain ni Paolo. I gulped down my remaining cake and bid him goodbye as I walked up to the office. Ramdam kong nakasunod si Leon sa akin dahil amoy ko ang pamilyar na bango niya. He wasn't saying anything, but I could hear his footsteps and feel his searing glare on the back of my head.

Wala akong narinig sa kanya hanggang sa mag-lunch break. Nag-ayos ako saglit dahil nakatanggap ako ng text kay Nathaniel na naghihintay na siya sa restaurant na kakainan namin. Nang lumabas ako ng opisina ay kunot-noo nang nakatingin sa akin si Leon. Sumilip siya sa mesa ko, at lalong nagsalubong ang kilay niya nang ibalik ang tingin sa akin.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

My chest hammered. "Lunch out."

He chuckled sarcastically as he bowed his head. "Enjoy."

"I will."

Lumabas ako ng opisina namin na naninikip ang dibdib sa kaba. He looked . . . jealous. Pero ang kapatid niya naman ang kikitain ko! At . . . wala naman siyang karapatan. He didn't think I'd be jealous either when he kept talking to Psyche. He should get his own taste of medicine . . . para hindi niya na ulitin . . . para malaman niyang hindi masarap sa pakiramdam ang may pinagseselosan.

"Amari!"

Napalingon ako sa opisina nang marinig siyang tumawag sa 'kin. He was already outside.

"Ano? Aalis ka talaga?" may panunumbat sa tinig niya.

"Hindi ba halata?" tanong ko, pinipigilan ang manghina sa nakikitang selos sa mukha niya.

Tumitig siya sa akin. "Do you hate me that much?"

"No!" I replied. "What's wrong with having lunch with . . ." With your brother who wanted to keep this a secret from you?! ". . . someone?"

He sighed as he shook his head. Walang imik siyang pumasok sa loob ng opisina at iniwan ako roong nakatunganga sa saradong pinto. Part of me wanted to reassure him, but I didn't have time because I only had an hour for lunch! At naghihintay na sa akin si Nathaniel!

Lumabas ako ng building at nag-taxi na para mas mabilis akong makarating sa restaurant. It only took me 10 minutes as I quickly ordered food for two to be served to Nathaniel's table. Umupo ako sa tapat ng lalaki at ngumiti sa kanya na parang hindi ko ginalit na naman ang Kuya niya.

"Let's go directly to business, okay? Isang oras lang ang break ko," saad ko sa kanya habang iniaabot ang folder. "Nakalagay d'yan ang public schools na puwede mong lipatan. They're all convenient. Malapit lang sa terminal tapos well-equipped din ang teachers. There were hardly any signs that students were being picked on. I called the guidance offices for that."

Bumaba ang mata niya sa listahan. "Ise-search ko 'to mamaya, ate."

"Okay . . . tapos kailangan na rin nating i-process ang transcript of records mo. By tomorrow, we can go to your previous school and have it requested. You're not a minor anymore, so you can get it yourself, but I'll go with you because some people who work at the registrar are rude."

"Nako, hindi na, ate. Ako na!"

Umiling ako. "You have a prior misconduct . . . baka kailanganin mo ng guardian. Same time tayo. Tapos, ang alam ko, 3-5 working days ang itinatagal bago ma-process ang documents. We'll meet again by then."

Dumating ang order namin at inasikaso ko ang pagkain niya. I handed him the cutlery and cut the steak for him while he read the required credentials.

"Hindi ko sigurado kung ma-c-credit ang subjects na na-take mo na dati. You didn't finish the second semester, right? Kakausapin natin ang lilipatan mo para mabawasan ang loads mo. Baka naman payagan ka . . ." dagdag ko pa. "Pero kapag hindi, mag-a-apply tayo ng scholarship. If you still think about money, puwede kang mag-part time sa guidance office or canteen. Sigurado namang may vacant ka."

Tumatango siya. "May isa akong subject na nahihirapan ako, ate. Literature . . ."

"Forte 'yan ng Kuya mo."

He chuckled. "Forte no'n lahat."

I pursed my lips as my insides agreed. "Dahil hindi mo pa ipinapaalam 'to kay Leon, ako muna ang magtu-tutor sa 'yo. At since nag-a-advance reading ka, we can meet this week, same time. I'll prepare worksheets for you. Hindi kasi ako puwede ng weekends. I have to do my weekly library getaways."

"Nagbabasa ka sa free time mo, ate?"

"Yup."

"Parehas na parehas kayo ni Kuya." Ngumiti siya. "Nasaulo niya ang periodic table no'ng nasa kindergarten siya tapos no'ng nag-grade 1, kaya niya nang magsagot ng quadratic equations. Grade 4, nakapagsulat siya ng summary ng Noli Me Tangere at El Filibusterismo. Ang sabi ni Nanay, puwede raw siyang ma-accelerate, pero hindi siya pumayag kasi ayaw niyang madaliin ang paglaki ni Kuya."

Napakurap ako sa mga sinabi niya. I've always known Leon was smart, but not to this degree.

I was in grade 5 when I got to memorize the periodic table, and I started getting good at basic calculus when I was in grade 7. Hirap akong magsaulo ng dates noon kaya hindi ko sinubukang magbasa ng history. I never thought of reading Rizal's books because I was more interested in human anatomy when I was in grade 4.

"Bakit mo sinasabi sa 'kin 'yan?" I asked. "Ganoon din naman ako. My guardians before used to call me a child genius."

"Guardians? Parents mo?" tanong niya bago sumubo ng pagkain.

Umiling ako. "Mga caretaker sa ampunan."

Kitang-kita ko ang pamimilog ng mga mata niya. "Shit, sorry, ate! Hindi ko alam!"

"Sa tanda kong 'to, tingin mo big deal pa rin 'yan sa 'kin?" I chuckled. "I lived in an orphanage until I turned 17."

He seemed to feel bad about bringing that up. Sanay naman na ako sa ganoong reaksyon. They would feel sorry for me, like my life was a tragedy.

"Pero 'yong ginagamit mong pangalan . . ." he trailed off.

Tumango ako. "Oo. Sa mga magulang ko. Amari Sloane D. Mendoza. D is for dela Vega, which is the maiden name of my biological father's wife, and Mendoza, which is his last name."

"Mendoza ka?"

"Unfortunately." I chuckled. "My middle name was supposed to be Medina, but my parents were messed up, so they kind of messed up with my name, too."

Tumigil siya sa pagkain at pinakatitigan ako. Hindi ko alam kung bakit noong mga oras na 'yon ay dinaga ang dibdib ko. He looked like he was about to say something that would change my views . . . my life . . . and the way I saw Leon.

"Alam kong maraming Mendoza at dela Vega sa mundo . . ." His gaze remained intense, almost identical to Leon's. "Pero related ka ba kay Percy Ezekiel Mendoza, ate?"

I was taken aback. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa tinidor at hindi makapaniwalang tumitig din sa kanya. My heart was beating so hard it hurt. How did he come to know him? Dahil . . . siya ba ang tumulong sa kanila noon?

That was . . . possible. Si Mr. Mendoza naman talaga ang nag-offer kay Leon na palalabasin sila. Nawala iyon sa isip ko. I should have kept my mouth shut. I shouldn't have said anything about my past!

"'Yong mga anak no'n ang nagpasok sa 'min sa pag-d-drugs, ate. Tatay mismo nila ang supplier nila."

Napatigil ako sa pag-iisip. "W-What?"

"Naging kabarkada, eh . . . pero no'ng nagkahulihan, kami lang ni Nash ang nakulong. Sila 'tong talamak na, pero ikinanta nila kami." Umiling siya. "Okay lang. Dapat lang din naman sa 'min 'yon dahil gumamit din kami."

My mind completely went blank. I had so many questions, but all of them seem to have disappeared. It was such a big revelation to me that I couldn't think of anything to say. Bago kami maghiwalay ni Leon, klaro niyang sinabi sa akin na tutulungan siya ni Mr. Mendoza para palabasin ang kambal. He didn't tell me . . . this. And all these years, I've cried about his betrayal.

"Kahit nga si Kuya, eh. Kung hindi pa kami nagmakaawang 'wag kaming pyansahan, baka hanggang ngayon, baon pa rin siya sa utang."

I was rooted to my seat when Nathaniel's words rang in my head. Hindi sila pinyansahan ni Leon. They served their time in jail!

"N-No'ng umuwi ang Kuya n'yo . . . hindi kayo nakalaya?" I asked in my small voice.

Umiling siya. "Hating-hati siya no'n . . . pero hindi. Nakinig siya sa 'min no'ng sinabi naming kailangan naming managot sa batas, kaya kahit kita niyang may mga pasa at sugat kami tuwing dumadalaw siya sa presinto, tinitiis niya lang. Ginagamot niya lang kami kasi alam niyang kahit may medic do'n, hindi naman kami mapapansin."

My lips quivered. This . . . wasn't what I envisioned. Kung hindi siya nagpyansa . . . did it mean he didn't ask my dad for help? He didn't work for him?

But he said he would! Pinaniwalaan ko 'yon! It even made me question his love for me now! Dahil tinalikuran niya na ako noon . . . I was afraid he'd do the same thing again!

"Hanga ako kay Kuya kasi hanggang ngayon, hindi niya sinusukuan ang kaso namin. Kahit nakalabas na kami, gusto niyang managot din sa batas ang mga anak ni Percy. Nag-petition siya, pero iba ang nagagawa ng pera, ate. Back-up din kasi nila ang tatay nila." Mapait siyang ngumiti. "Kulang pa rin siya sa mga ebidensya. Hindi naman kami pakikinggan ng mga pulis. Sabi ko nga, tama na. Malaking mga tao kasi ang binabangga niya."

I could feel tears coming to my eyes. Bakit hindi niya sinasabi sa 'kin 'to?! We've been okay for weeks! He had plenty of time to tell me he didn't work for the people who hurt me!

"I . . . I have to go, Nathaniel."

"Ate?"

Huminga ako nang malalim. "I-I have to talk to your brother."

"Ate . . ." Umiling siya. "'Wag mong sasabihin na sinabi ko. Pagagalitan ako no'n."

I looked right into his eyes and felt a surge of emotions rising inside me.

"Leon cried so much when we were in Italy. He cried when Tita Leah died. He must have cried when he saw your bruises."

I shook my head as needles of pain stroked through my heart.

"I'm not as powerful as them, but your brother won't have to fight against injustice by himself, Nathaniel."

"Ate, hindi na . . . ayokong madamay ka pa rito."

Mr. Mendoza . . . you fucking dickhead. You put Leon's siblings behind bars and offered to let them out. You know Leon couldn't resist them, and you know that it will hurt me. You really are a genius . . . you attack the weak.

But unfortunately, you were wrong in one thing — you've brought a genius into this world, too.

"Even if I have to spend everything I own to put that asshole in jail, I wouldn't bat an eyelash, Nathaniel." I gritted my teeth. "I'd look into his past, his research firm, and his extramarital affairs . . . I'll be the living witness of the mistake he shouldn't have made."