Chapter 3

"Totoo bang bet ni Leon si Zoey?"

That was the first thing I heard when I walked into our room, one week before we left for the summer convention in Davao.

"Hindi ko alam. Sabi lang nina Maricar. Baka napag-usapan nilang magkakabarkada."

"Sabagay, maganda at matalino naman 'yon. Hindi rin kataka-taka."

Dumiretso ako sa upuan ko. Unlike the usual days, medyo maaga ako ngayon. Ni wala pa sina Shaira at Meg. Pagkauwi ko kasi kaninang madaling araw mula sa bahay ng kliyenteng inayusan ko ay hindi na ako nakatulog.

Maricar entered the room and sat with our classmates who were just talking about Leon and Zoey.

"Totoong bet!" sabi pa niya. "Nakita naming magkasama kahapon sa Sway's!"

"Oh my god!"

"Korek! Ang cute nga nila kasi para silang nasa study date."

Naiiling kong ibinaba ang tingin sa Theories of Personality book ko. Wala ba silang ibang pag-uusapan? Ang ingay nila. Para namang maraming may pakialam sa buhay pag-ibig ni Leon.

"Akala ko pa naman si Mari ang gusto!"

Nagpatuloy ako sa pagbabasa na parang walang narinig kahit pa alam kong sinadya nilang ilakas 'yon para marinig ko.

"Gaga, hindi!" tawa ni Maricar. "Hindi raw niya type, eh. Okay lang 'yon kasi ayaw rin naman ni Mari sa kanya!"

I silently agreed. Tama! Kung hindi niya ako type, mas hindi ko siya type!

"After class sila nag-date ni Zoey?"

"Hindi. Naka-shorts na si Leon no'n."

"May landi rin palang tinatago si Leon! Hindi halata!"

Muling tumawa si Maricar. "Marami pa kayong hindi alam do'n."

"Eh, 'di ba, aalis na sila next week? Mari, third wheel ka pala, eh!"

When I heard my name for the second time, I lifted my face and smiled at them. "Okay lang! Maghahanap ako ng mga guwapong psych major do'n!"

I gripped my pastel yellow highlighter and continued to work on my readings. Tuloy-tuloy ang kwentuhan nila at hindi ko maiwasang mainis dahil sa lakas ng boses nila. Wala naman akong pake! Gusto ko lang maintindihan ang binabasa ko!

At dapat lang lumandi na si Leon! Doon siya mag-focus! Huwag na siyang mag-aral!

Ganoon pala ang type niya, ha? Maputi, makulit at palangiti? Edi sila na ang bagay tutal opposite attracts, 'di ba?! Mag-date sila nang mag-date para wala na akong ka-tie!

"Ang aga naman ng pagbusangot mo."

Napaangat ako ng tingin ako kay Shaira na inilalagay na ang gamit niya sa upuang katabi ko.

"Hindi ako nakabusangot."

Umupo siya. "Anong oras kayo aalis next week?" tanong niya, hindi na pinansin ang sinabi ko.

"Alas nuebe ang flight namin."

Habang sinasabi iyon ay napatingin ako kay Leon na pumapasok sa room namin. Bagong libro na naman ang bitbit niya. He took a seat and bowed his head to read. Ni hindi man lang tumingin sa paligid niya! Diretso basa agad talaga!

"Paano kayo naging friends n'yan sa Facebook?"

I turned to face Shaira. "Nino?"

She grinned. "Ni Leon."

Inirapan ko siya. I returned my gaze to my book. Ang babaeng 'to! Hindi ako titigilan kay Leon!

"In-add mo o in-add ka?" she asked as she chuckled. "Parang imposibleng i-add mo, eh. Wala ka namang ina-add sa mga kaklase natin."

This! This is what Leon wants! Kapag nalaman nilang ako ang nag-add sa demuhong 'yon — kahit hindi naman talaga big deal — iisipin nilang gusto ko ang lalaki!

"Pero parang imposible rin namang i-add ka kasi kami nga ni Meg, hindi niya ina-accept!"

I heaved a sigh. "Ang dami mong pinoproblema. May sagot ka na ba sa case analysis natin?"

"Ay, pota! Oo nga pala!" Naramdaman ko ang paghawak niya sa bag ko. "Nasaan 'yong iyo? Ipa-paraphrase ko na lang sagot mo, ha?"

Sinimangutan ko siya.

She laughed. "Ibibili kita ng bagong foundation!"

I didn't budge.

"Maybelline!"

Umiling ako. "Marami akong Maybelline."

"MAC?"

Umiling ulit ako.

"Estée Lauder?"

I sighed. "Dapat marunong kang mag-sagot ng sarili mong analy—"

"Alya!" she cut me off. "Tangina! Ang mahal na no'n, Amari Sloane!"

Napangisi ako. "Deal."

Still grinning, I looked up, and saw Leon massaging the bridge of his nose. Unti-unting nawala ang ngisi ko nang mapatingin din siya sa akin. I rolled my eyes before lowering my head to continue reading. Shaira was quiet as she started paraphrasing my paperwork. Sinabi ko lang sa kanya na huwag kopyahin ang lahat dahil baka mahalata kami.

Leon was nothing but a display Facebook friend. I once uploaded pictures of myself with my friends and noticed that he liked it, but when I checked, his name had disappeared! Pakiramdam ko tuloy ay namamalik-mata lang ako.

"Ano'ng pinag-uusapan nina Maricar?" tanong ni Shaira habang nagsusulat.

"Gusto raw ni Leon si Zoey," I answered flatly.

"Huh?!" gulat siyang napabaling sa akin. "No! It can't be!"

I made a face. "OA mo."

Ibinaba niya ang ballpen at tuluyang hinarap ako. "Ikaw ang gusto no'n! Saan galing ang chismis na 'yan?!"

"Nag-date sila kahapon. Nakita nina Maricar." I shrugged. "At saka, ano bang ipinuputok ng butsi mo?! Ikaw lang naman ang naniniwala sa katangahan mong 'yan."

"People are like an open book to me, Mari. Alam mo 'yan! I know how to read them!"

I squinted. "Girl, psychology is science. You can't access someone's mind just because of their gestures and facial expressions. That's just your instinct. In short, hypothesis lang; hindi study."

Our instructor entered the room just as she was about to lash out at me. Nagsimula ang discussion na tumagal ng isang oras. Dumating din ang next instructor namin na nagpa-quiz lang. Nang mag-lunch ay na-kumpirma namin ang kanina ay haka-haka lang.

"Leon, tawag ka ni Zoey sa labas!"

Maricar's voice was loud enough for everyone to hear. My gaze was instantly drawn to the door of our room, where Zoey stood, waiting for the prick. I saw Leon approaching her, and my eyebrows furrowed as Zoey handed him a book, the same book I had purchased with his voucher.

"Tangina talaga," inis na bulaslas ni Shaira.

Tumayo na ako at inayos ang gamit ko. "Kasabay ko sina Mill mag-lunch. Saan kayo?" tanong ko, hindi pinapansin ang pagmumukmok niya.

"Nakakainis. Sigurado ako, eh."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Tigilan mo nga 'yan."

"You have no idea how Leon looks at you, Amari," she insisted.

"Are you having hallucinations?" Tumawa ako. "That guy has no emotions! Anong tingin ang sinasabi mo?"

"Ililibre mo talaga ako kapag umamin siya sa 'yo."

I sighed. "Will you stop? Kita mong may girlfriend 'yong tao." I put some strands of my hair behind my ear. "Aalis na 'ko. Bahala na kayo ni Meg sa buhay n'yo."

"Okay! Diet din naman kami!"

I nodded to put a stop to the conversation. Nasa pinto pa rin sina Zoey at Leon, pero wala akong pakialam. Bakit ba kasi ayaw na lang lumabas ng lalaking 'to?! Hindi 'yong haharang sila sa daan!

"Excuse me," sabi ko bago dumaan sa gilid ni Leon.

Hindi pa ako tuluyang nakakalampas ay naramdaman ko na ang isang kamay sa palapulsuhan ko. Agad akong napatingin doon.

"Ay, sorry!" sabi ni Zoey sabay bitaw sa akin.

I smiled. Leon was just beside me, but I could feel my boiling wrath already. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero kahit wala siyang ginagawa ay inis na inis ako. At hindi ko lalo alam kung bakit mas matindi ang inis ko ngayon!

I smiled at Zoey. "Okay lang. Bakit?"

Tumingin muna siya kay Leon bago muling inilipat ang tingin sa akin. Nagkakangitian naman kami ng babae kapag nagkakasalubong kami sa hallway. We knew each other by name . . . but this was the first time she had talked to me.

"I-e-excuse daw tayo ngayong hapon para makapag-review. Niyayaya ko 'tong si Leon na sa public library sa labas ng school na kami mag-aral para mas maraming libro," paliwanag niya. "Gusto mo bang sumama sa 'min?"

Leon? First name basis na sila? I haven't even heard Leon call me Amari! To think na halos siyam na buwan na kaming magkakaklase! Sa iilang instances na nakausap ko siya ay Mendoza lang ang tawag niya sa akin!

Umiling ako kay Zoey. "Hindi na. Hindi naman effective sa 'kin ang group study. I prefer studying alone. Mas nakakapag-focus ako."

Isa pa, ayokong sirain ang date n'yo! Baka gamitin pa 'yan ng boyfriend mo against me!

"Gano'n ba? Sayang naman." Lumungkot ang maamong mukha niya. "Paano? Uuwi ka na?"

Sasagot na sana ako nang makita ko si Ms. Lubrica na palapit sa puwesto namin. She excitedly hurried towards us, para bang masayang-masaya na magkakasama kaming tatlo.

"Akala ko ay isa-isa ko pa kayong hahanapin," she said, slightly panting. "Sa bahay tayo mag-aaral. Nahiram ko na sa library ang mga librong kailangan natin."

Zoey beamed. "Wala na po kayong klase, ma'am?"

"Meron pa, pero excused ako. Inutusan ako ni Dean na i-review kayo buong week. Kaya lang, tiningnan ko ang class schedule n'yo at puro hapon ang uwian n'yo." She pouted cutely. "Kaya ayan, kailangan nating mag-adjust. I-e-excuse ko kayo tuwing hapon."

I bit my lower lip. Ayoko. Mahuhuli ako sa lesson.

"Ma'am, baka po puwedeng malaman na lang 'yong mga librong kailangan? Ayoko po kasing umabsent. Kadalasan po ng major subject namin ay pang-hapon," sabi ko.

Ms. Lubrica chuckled. "Exempted kayo sa mga ipagagawa! Ako ang bahala."

Hindi ako makampante. If we were excused every afternoon, how would I recite in class? How would I learn? Kaya ko namang mag-self-study. Hindi ba puwedeng magtanong na lang ako sa kanya kung sakaling may hindi ako naintindihan?

"I'll have Maricar send me the lecture points."

Hindi ko alam kung kanino sinabi ni Leon iyon kaya napatingin ako sa kanya. I blinked to suppress my shock when I realized he was looking at me with his lips firmly pressed. There was something in his eyes I couldn't fathom. Or maybe it was just my imagination misinterpreting things.

Kasalanan 'to ni Shaira! The way Leon looks at me?! Wala namang kakaiba!

His Adam's apple moved. "Aaralin ko tapos i-se-send ko na lang sa 'yo 'yong summary . . ."

Is he talking to me?

"I can provide notes, samples, and worksheets, too." His voice grew gentler as he withdrew his gaze. "Kung . . . gusto mo."

For no apparent reason, my heart started slamming against my chest. Hindi iyon kagaya ng tensyon tuwing nagtatalo kami o tuwing malalaman kong mas mataas ang resulta ng exams niya kaysa sa akin. It was different. Something that I haven't felt yet.

"Ayun! Settled na tayo?" tanong ni Ma'am. "Hanggang alas sinco lang naman. Ang coverage kasi ng quiz bee ay General Psychology at Theories of Personality, tapos tig-tatlong araw nating aaralin lahat ng chapters."

I gulped. Nakatingin pa rin ako kay Leon kahit na ang buong atensyon niya ay na kay Ma'am na.

I didn't like the way my heart reacted. No! It was just because of Shaira's remarks! Ipinipilit ng babaeng 'yon na gusto ako ni Leon kaya iyon ang naiisip ko! Right! I have nothing but hatred for him! Kaya bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko ay dahil sa matinding inis! He would send me his notes?! Ano sa tingin niya, hindi ko kayang gawin 'yon?!

"Bigyan mo rin ako, Leon!" reklamo ni Zoey.

He nodded, a small smile showing on his lips. "Sure."

Doon na ako nagbaba ng tingin.

Calm the fuck down, Mari! Ikaw ang kausap niya kanina pero hindi ka man lang nakasagot kakatitig mo sa kanya! You hate that guy! Stick to your guns!

"Ako na ang bahala sa sarili ko," saad ko nang makabawi sabay baling kay Ms. Lubrica. "Mag-lu-lunch lang po ako, ma'am. Anong oras po tayo magkikita-kita?"

Kaya kong gawin ang notes na sinasabi niya! I don't need anything from him.

"Ala-una. Sa gate na lang tayo."

I bid my goodbye to them before walking away. Buong lunch break, kahit rinig ko ang ingay nina Mill at Karsen, ay hindi ko magawang makisali. My thoughts were jumbled. Sa sinabi ni Shaira, sa pagwawala ng puso ko . . . I couldn't understand. My mind also kept replaying Maricar's words about Leon and Zoey's date. Alam ko sa sarili kong wala akong pakialam doon kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit naiisip ko iyon ngayon!

It just felt weird. I couldn't imagine Leon dating someone. How could Zoey like him? He's emotionless and self-centered! Paano sila nag-uusap? Are they even friends on Facebook? If so, who adds who? Sinabi rin kaya ni Leon na i-add siya ni Zoey? O siya na ang gumawa ng paraan?

I groaned frustratedly. Now I don't think going to Davao is a good idea.

Hindi ba magiging awkward na nandoon ako? I mean, we'd spent days together! Kung gusto nilang mag-solo, sino ang makakasama ko? Si Ms. Lubrica?

"Nakakatanga talaga kapag sobrang talino, 'no?" pang-aasar ni Mill. "Buti talaga ako maganda lang."

"Hindi ka naman maganda," sabat ni Karsen.

Tumawa si Mill. "Sana mag-announce ng hiatus si Kobe tapos hindi na bumalik," tukoy niya sa idol na idol ni Karsen.

"Ate Kat!"

Umiling si Kat. "Sinimulan mo 'yan."

Pabalang akong sumandal sa upuan ko.

"Kumain ka. Hindi ka nag-umagahan," malamyos na sabi ni Kat bago nilagyan ng sabaw ng sinigang ang kanin ko. "Whatever you're thinking, we'll talk about it later."

I kept my mouth shut the entire lunch. Hindi ko alam kung saan kumain sina Zoey at Leon pero nang pumunta ako sa gate ay nandoon na silang dalawa. Wala pa si Ma'am kaya umupo muna ako sa waiting shed. They were talking . . . and I didn't expect Leon to talk that much. Tuwing recitation ko lang naman kasi siya naririnig. The last time I talked to him was at the book store a few months back. Matapos 'yon, wala na.

Shaira said he looked at me differently. Siguro dahil naiinis din siya sa akin gaya ng pagka-inis ko sa kanya? I don't know. Basta sigurado akong hindi niya ako gusto.

"Mari, make-up artist ka, 'di ba?"

Zoey drew my attention.

I nodded at her. "Part-time."

Ngumiti siya at tinabihan ako. My heart pounded when Leon took a seat across from us.

"Kaya pala ang fresh mo lagi. Ang ganda ng kapit ng foundation mo." Zoey scanned my face. "Pero makinis ka rin! Parang hindi mo na kailangan."

I chuckled to take my mind off the tension building in my gut. Mag-usap na lang sila! 'Wag na nila akong pansinin!

"Hindi naman ako nagfo-foundation kapag sa school lang ang punta ko. Bukod kasi sa sayang, hindi rin maganda sa balat kapag inaraw-araw. Okay na sa 'kin 'yong pressed powder lang," I replied.

She nodded excitedly. "Matagal ka nang marunong mag make-up?"

Napaisip ako. "Halos apat na taon na."

"You've been working since high school?"

Sabay kaming napatingin ni Zoey kay Leon nang sumingit ito sa usapan namin. Nakatingin lang din ang huli sa akin. I didn't know he was . . . listening.

I pressed my lips together. Pakialam niya? Relasyon nga nila ni Zoey hindi ko naman itinatanong. At saka, bakit ba siya nakikisali? He wasn't the type to talk to me!

"Oo," sagot ko pa rin.

His forehead formed a crease. "You've been a working student since high school?"

Pinandilatan ko siya. Ang daldal! "Oo nga!"

Hindi na siya nakasagot dahil dumating na si Ma'am. O baka wala naman na talaga siyang balak sumagot. We rode a bus to Ms. Lubrica's home, and I opted to sit next to her to give the couple the alone time I knew they were dying to have. I was having mental turmoil. Ang init-init ng ulo ko ngayon! Feeling ko tuloy ay magkakaroon na ako.

It took us almost an hour to reach our destination. Natulog ako sa byahe dahil hindi ko gustong marinig ang usapan ng dalawa na nakaupo lang sa likuran namin ni Ma'am.

Bungalow type ang bahay ni Ms. Lubrica. May dalawang gate na hindi naman kalakihan at isang maliit na garden kung saan nakalagay ang kulungan ng itim na aso. It looked like a family home, only that she was living alone.

"Pasok kayo," sabi niya. "'Wag masyadong maingay at baka magising ang aso ko."

We entered her house as quietly as possible. It was easy for Leon, of course. We removed our shoes, and I grimaced when the guy put his beside mine. Mukha tuloy maliit ang rubber shoes ko!

Ms. Lubrica turned on the air conditioner while Leon brought the books to the living room's center table. Umupo ako sa carpeted floor at inilabas na rin ang mga gamit ko. Ganoon din ang ginawa ni Zoey.

"Sa Theories of Personality muna tayo, ha? Our goal is to go over the theories of psychoanalysis and behaviorism," she explained as she distributed the books. "Bale, ano bang gusto n'yo? Idi-discuss ko o magtatanong na lang kayo kung may hindi kayo naintindihan?"

We were all seated on the carpeted floor, surrounding the table. Zoey was in front of me. Sa kaliwang gilid ay si Ms. Lubrica at sa kanan naman si Leon.

"'Wag na pong i-discuss, ma'am. Na-take naman na po namin 'to. Medyo madali na siguro," sagot ko bago lumingon kay Zoey. "Ikaw ba?"

She pouted cutely. "Discuss sana para mas ma-retain sa utak natin."

I nodded, my gaze falling on Leon.

"Ikaw?"

He moved his glasses as he blinked. "I'm okay with your suggestion."

I froze for a moment before gathering the strength to speak again.

"So . . . hindi na magdi-discuss?" I asked. My voice was faint.

"Gusto ko ng discussion," saad ni Zoey.

There was a moment of silence. Dalawa kami ni Leon na ayaw ng discussion. We should stick to that, right?

"Mabuti pa, maghati na lang tayo," natatawang untag ni Ma'am. "Kami ni Zoey sa kwarto, tapos kayong dalawa ni Leon dito sa sala. Okay lang ba?"

My eyes widened. "Po?"

"One-on-one discussion kami ni Zoey sa loob tapos solo reading lang kayo rito. We'll have a practice quiz after. Tingnan natin kung ano ang mas effective."

Dinaga ang dibdib ko. Parang . . . parang gusto ko na lang din magpaturo!

"Okay po, ma'am," sabi ni Zoey.

I panicked a bit when they stood up.

"Dito na lang din po kayo!" I could hear the terror in my voice.

Dumaan ang pagtataka sa mukha ni Ma'am. "Paano kayo makakapag-focus?"

My lips parted. Ma'am, mas lalong hindi naman ako makakapag-focus kapag ang lalaking ito lang ang kasama ko!

Zoey laughed when I didn't react. "See you later!"

Wala na akong nagawa nang maglakad ang dalawa papunta sa silid. I didn't know what to do, especially when Leon stood up to take a seat beside me.

I wanted to curse. Hindi niya ba napapansin na natataranta na ako rito?! Hindi ba big deal sa kanya na ilang oras kaming magkasama?! At lalong wala lang ba sa kanya ang pagtabi sa akin?!

"Gusto kong sumandal," he said before I could even say anything.

We were still sitting on the floor, so he leaned against the lower half of the couch.

Napakalapit namin sa isa't isa. I wanted so badly to complain. If he really needed to lean on something, he could have sat on one of the couches! Bakit kailangan niya pang tumabi?!

"Start reading your books, Mendoza," utos niya habang binubuklat ang isang librong kinuha niya sa mesa.

I looked at him in disbelief.

"Do'n ka sa couch! 'Wag kang lumapit sa 'kin!" inis na sabi ko.

"I like the floor better," he murmured as he flipped through the pages.

"Nauna ako rito! Ikaw ang mag-adjust!"

He straightened his long legs, and I couldn't help but glare at him! He was ignoring me!

"Sa taas ka nga!" pangungulit ko pa. Goodness, I wouldn't have the guts to start if we were this close!

He shook his head, taking a glance at me. "You're so bossy."

Napanganga ako, irritation was growing. "Ayoko ngang katabi ka, eh! Ano bang mahirap intindihin do'n?"

Hindi niya ako pinansin. Seryoso niyang tiningnan ang libro na para bang wala akong sinasabing importante. Hindi niya ba naisip ang sasabihin ni Zoey kapag nakita kaming magkatabi?! Wala siyang kwentang boyfriend! Thank heavens I wouldn't have the chance to date him!

"Ayaw mo talaga, ha?"

I moved closer to him to intimidate him. I leaned against the same couch he was leaning on, trying to get as close as possible to the point where our legs touched.

I felt him stiffen. Huh! Leave, scumbag!

Kumuha rin ako ng libro at ginaya ang posisyon niya. My heart was thumping, almost wanting to get out of my chest, but I didn't budge. If there was someone who needed to move out, it wouldn't be me!

But a minute passed and nothing happened.

I was dying in a rage, but I wouldn't allow my pride to be shattered! Hinding-hindi ako aalis! Magtiis siyang katabi ako! At isa pa, siya naman ang mapapagalitan ni Zoey! Sana nga ay makipag-break sa kanya ang babae para mawasak ang puso niya tapos hindi na siya makapag-aral nang mabuti!

I mentally scolded myself. Are you seriously wishing someone's pain now, Amari? For your own gain?

I sighed, but again, I didn't move. I started reading about Carl Jung's analytical psychology, trying my best to calm myself. And my position was kind of comfortable. Bahala siya.

After some time of promising myself not to move, I gave up. Wala kasi akong maintindihan. I took a pad of yellow paper and a pen from the table. Dumapa ako sa carpet at nagsimula nang magsulat. This way, I could understand things. Mas naaalala ko kasi kapag isinusulat ko. Hindi ako kagaya niya na kayang tandaan ang inaaral kahit nagbabasa lang.

An hour passed. Bukod sa ingay mula sa aircon at sa pagbubuklat niya ng libro ay wala nang maririnig sa paligid. Surprisingly, it wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be.

"Huh?" I blurted out when I read something confusing. "Nabasa ko na 'to! Ba't paulit-ulit?" I asked myself. "Pero hindi naman collective unconscious 'yong term no'ng isa . . ." Lalo akong nalito. "I'm sure I read something like this."

"Carl Jung?" Leon asked.

I bit my pen as I nodded. My confusion was eating me. Wala ako sa mood makipag-bulyawan.

"You must have read it at Psychodynamic theory," he said. "The collective unconscious is Jung's counterpart to Freud's phylogenetic endowment."

Binalikan ko ang sinasabi niya. I didn't read Freud's theory because I was too familiar with it. Mas nahirapan ako sa theory ni Jung. When I saw the term phylogenetic endowment, I realized that he was right.

"Hindi ko gets," bulong ko sa sarili ko. I understand that they're similar, but I don't understand what they mean.

"Look at your hand."

Nakadapa pa rin ako sa carpet at nakaupo naman siya sa gilid ko. I didn't bother looking at him. I just did what I was told.

"Assume that your fingers are the people and your palm is the unconscious mind."

I pouted. "O, tapos?"

"Your palm serves as the storage of the early experiences of our ancestors that we inherited."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "It doesn't make sense. 'Yong mga napagdaanan ng ancestors natin ay nasa unconscious mind natin? At namana natin 'yon?"

"Yeah, a part of our unconscious, as per Freud, stems from our ancestors' experiences, which have been passed down via hundreds of generations."

I put my hand down. "I don't agree. There's no way we could have inherited their experiences. Hindi namamana 'yon."

I heard him chuckle. "That's why it's a theory."

"At dalawa pa talaga sila ni Jung na naniwala ro'n?" I shook my head. "I like Alfred Adler's theory better."

Hindi na siya sumagot kaya nagpatuloy ako sa pag-aaral. I'm not sure how long I've been doing it, but whenever I don't understand something, I find myself asking him.

Napagtanto ko na mas marami talaga siyang alam kaysa sa akin. I asked him about tabula rasa, operant conditioning, object relations theory, and everything I couldn't understand . . . at nasasagot niya lahat! I wonder if he really needs this review. He could win the quiz bee alone!

This is the first time I talked to him without feeling irritated. I didn't think I would find it nice. Puwede naman pala kaming matinong mag-usap. Puwede ko kayang i-request na 'wag niya masyadong galingan?

I sighed, put down my pen, and closed the book. Hindi na kaya ng utak ko. Masyado nang maraming information. I want to sleep.

Ginamit ko ang makapal na libro bilang unan at inilagay ang kanang pisngi ko roon. I was still lying face down on the floor. Slowly, I closed my eyes, promising myself that I'd only sleep for five minutes.

Before my mind went blank, I felt someone removing the book and replacing it with a comfortable pillow. Hindi na ako nagbukas ng mata dahil tuluyan na akong hinigit ng antok.

Nagising lang ako sa kalansing ng mga pinggan. I was puzzled to find myself on the couch, with a throw pillow at the back of my head. I don't recall ever getting off of the floor to sleep here.

"Finally, gumising ka na!"

Ms. Lubrica's voice put a stop to my thoughts. Bigla akong tinamaan ng hiya. Bumangon ako at bahagyang inayos ang buhok ko. God! How long have I been sleeping?! It was certainly more than five minutes!

Wala sina Zoey at Leon sa paligid. Did they go home already? Bakit hindi nila ako ginising?!

"Leon was just buying us dinner. Si Zoey naman, umuna na," sabi ni Ma'am habang inilalapag ang pitsel ng juice sa center table.

"Sorry po, ma'am."

I felt guilty. Dapat ay may quiz pa kami pero nagtulog lang ako!

She shook her head. "It's okay. Tatlong oras ka lang namang tulog."

My lips parted. "Tatlo?!"

Tumawa siya. "Okay nga lang. Nasabi naman ni Leon na marami kayong naaral. We'll just have the quiz tomorrow." She looked at the gate when it chimed. "Ayan na yata si Leon." I was too stunned to utter anything. "At nga pala, baka ganoon na lang ang set-up natin. Zoey said that the discussion was effective for her."

My heart raced. "Eh, si Leon po? Baka po mas gusto niya ng discussion din?"

I was praying she'd say yes because I couldn't go through the rest of my review days like that! Kahit pa sabihing hindi naging madugo ang pag-aaral namin ni Leon, parang hindi ko na kayang ulitin 'yon! He even saw me sleeping!

She shrugged. "He prefers not to join the discussion. Baka raw malito lang siya."

Eh, hindi naman siya nagre-review, eh! He was more like Ms. Lubrica to me. Tinuturuan niya lang ako! I'm certain he doesn't need to review! He knows everything!

Hindi ko naman maisaalang-alang ang review ko dahil hindi ko rin gusto ang discussion!

The screen of the door made a noise, and I saw Leon walking through it, carrying a brown paper bag and his gaze sliding in my direction.

Sana umuwi na lang din siya! Hindi niya pa sinabayan ang girlfriend niya! Hindi talaga siya thoughtful.

I was uncomfortable, but I tried not to show it. Tahimik lang kaming kumain. Ms. Lubrica posed questions to us, to which we just responded, but other than that, wala na. Nahihiya ako dahil pakiramdam ko ay na-delay ko ang quiz namin. Zoey must have seen me sleeping.

Bakit ba kasi hindi na lang nila ako ginising?

"Pasensya na po talaga, ma'am," I said. "Madaling araw na po kasi akong natapos sa trabaho kanina at hindi na po ako nakatulog." I lowered my head and bit my lower lip. "Babawi na lang po ako bukas."

I heard Ms. Lubrica chuckle. "Silly, there's no need to apologize. Si Leon naman ang nagsabing 'wag ka nang gisingin kasi nga puyat ka raw."

I raised my head and looked at Leon. He blinked twice when our gazes met. Nagbawi siya ng tingin bago kinuha ang baso sa mesa.

I didn't look away. Ba't niya alam na puyat ako?

He cleared his throat as he looked back at me, putting his glass down.

"I just assumed," he said.

Tumango na lang ako para matapos ang usapan. We helped Ms. Lubrica clean before we went out of her house. Inihatid niya pa kami sa sakayan ng bus.

Leon and I were silent on our way home. Bukod sa pagbabayad namin ng pamasahe, hindi ko na ulit narinig ang boses niya. Sa tabi ng bintana ako naupo at nasa tabi ko lang siya na nagbabasa na naman. I'm thinking of the next days. I'll stay with him for the rest of the afternoon and then return home with him. Iniisip ko pa lang ang haba ng oras na kasama ko siya, gusto ko na agad itigil ang review.

"I woke up at 3 a.m. today and saw that you're still online," biglang sabi niya, nakayuko pa rin sa librong binabasa. "That's why I assumed you didn't sleep."

Hindi ko pinansin ang sinabi niya dahil valid naman ang rason lalo at totoong online ako kaninang madaling araw. I was more concerned with the light.

"Hindi ka dapat nagbabasa kapag madilim," I said carelessly. "Kaya ang labo ng mata mo, eh."

He glanced at me. "I'm just distracting myself."

From what? Gusto ko sanang itanong, pero tumango na lang ako. Hindi ko dapat siya pinapakialamanan. Baka pinapayagan naman siya ng girlfriend niya na magbasa kahit pangit ang ilaw.

I heaved a sigh. Today marked a turning point for me. I was feeling things I shouldn't feel . . . and it was scary.

Tumagal ang byahe at parehas na kaming walang imik sa isa't isa. Nagtaka lang ako nang makitang malapit na ako sa kanto ng apartment namin pero nasa tabi ko pa rin siya. Sa pagkakaalam ko kasi ay mas mauuna siyang bumaba sa akin.

"Saan ka ba nakatira?" hindi napigilang tanong ko.

"Lampas na."

I arched my brow. "Ba't hindi ka bumaba?"

"I'm . . ." he trailed as he pursed his lips, "gonna buy something at the bookstore."

Sumimangot ako sa kanya. "Ginagawa mo nang droga ang libro."

Tumayo ako nang makita ang posteng palatandaan ko sa kanto namin. He moved to my seat to give me space.

"Sir, patabi po sa kanto," may kalakasang sabi niya bago pa ako makapagsalita para sa sarili ko.

I clenched the strap of my bag, feeling weird again.

"Mendoza."

God! I might die of a heart attack!

"Ano?" pagsusungit ko.

I wasn't sure whether I was seeing things correctly, but he seemed . . . amused.

"Ingat ka."