Chapter 14

I swallowed hard to slow down my heartbeat. His eyes, even with his glasses on, show so much emotion that they cut right through me.

"B-Bakit ka nanghahalik ng kamay?" pagalit na saad ko bago bawiin ang kamay sa kanya. "May kamay ka namang iyo . . ."

His lips curved into a smile as he stood.

"Magbibihis na 'ko."

I kept my eyes on his plate and continued taking the fish bone out even though my hands were shaking. Nang makaalis ang lalaki ay saka lang ako nakahinga nang maluwag.

Fuck. His soft lips just brushed against the back of my hand!

The nerve of my . . . hand!

Nauna pa sa labi ko!

Umawang ang bibig ko sa naiisip. I shook my head and breathed a lot to get my unwanted thoughts out of my head.

Amari, it was just your flirty side coming out! Gusto mo ang lalaking 'yon kaya syempre . . . normal ang kiligin at mag-isip ng kung ano!

"Why are you shaking your head?"

Leon's voice from behind me brought me back to my senses. Lumingon ako sa kanya at nakitang naka-T-shirt na puti na lang siya at itim na trunks.

Lumapit siya sa akin at bago pa ako makapagsalita ay naramdaman ko ang kamay niya sa buhok ko. Tinanggal niya ang pagkakapuyod ko at maya maya'y sinuklay iyon gamit ang kamay niya. He clasped it all in the center and pulled it back into a ponytail, leaving no strands hanging loose.

Iniharap niya ako sa kanya at sinuri kung maayos ang pagkakaayos niya sa buhok ko bago dahan-dahang tumango.

"Okay na . . . let's eat."

As if hypnotized, I slowly took a seat. My heart was beating wild, and there was nothing I could do to calm it! God! Leon would cause me my death!

Tahimik kaming kumain. Siya rin ang nagtanggal ng tinik ng ulam ko at hinayaan ko na lang siyang gawin iyon. Pakiramdam ko, sa oras na magsalita ako ay manginginig ang boses ko.

We finished lunch in no time. He cleaned everything before setting up the things we needed to work on our thesis. Naghintay lang ako sa kanya sa sala dahil nabanggit naman niyang hindi kami rito gagawa.

"Isuot mo 'to," sabi niya bago inilapag sa tapat ko ang dilaw na sipit na tsinelas. "Baka maputik sa farm. Madudumihan ang white shoes mo."

Bitbit niya sa magkabilang balikat ang dalawang laptop bag nang tumayo siya sa gilid ko na para bang papanoorin pa ako sa pagsusuot ng tsinelas. Tinanggal ko ang medyas at tahimik na inilagay iyon sa bag ko. I put on the slippers and was surprised by how big they looked on me.

"Kaya mo bang ilakad kahit gan'yan kalaki?" he asked. "Wala kasi 'yong kay nanay, eh."

Tumayo ako. "Oo. Komportable naman. Kanino ba 'to?"

"Akin."

Naglakad lang kami papunta sa farm. He said that it was at the end of their barangay and that we could get there in five to ten minutes.

Wala nang masyadong bahay sa looban. Dulo na rin kasi halos 'yong bahay nila. Nearly all I saw were rice fields, and the road we were on was bordered by really ancient and large trees.

Hindi ko inaasahan na may makikitang ganito sa isang lungsod. Para kasing nasa probinsya na kami.

In contrast to the other farms and lands we'd seen along the way, with their profusion of trees, their farm is home to a wide range of vegetable and root crops. Hindi ito kalakihan, tulad ng sinabi ni Leon noon, pero sa tingin ko ay sapat na iyon sa negosyo nila dahil sa dami ng mga pananim.

On the edge of the property was a big tree, supporting a tree house with wooden fences and open windows. The wooden stairs looked sturdy, and I knew they were when Leon climbed up without making them move.

Inalalayan ako ng lalaki sa pag-akyat at nang tuluyang makarating sa tuktok ay sumabulong sa akin ang preskong hangin at sariwang amoy ng paligid. Tatlong silya at isang parihabang mesang gawa rin sa kahoy ang naroon. With a few exterior upgrades, I'm certain this place could be an attractive rental choice for anyone looking for a quiet spot to work or study in peace.

The breeze whipped through my nape, drying up my sweat, and as I glanced at Leon, I saw him watching me with his lips parted and his soft hair blowing in the wind, too.

"Mag-start na tayo," sabi ko.

He slowly nodded. He pulled out a chair for me and set up the laptop that I was going to use. Within a little, less than ten minutes, the only sounds that could be picked up from the background were the chirping of the nearby birds, the extremely faint honking of distant vehicles, and the friction of our fingertips coming into contact with the keyboards of our laptops.

"Ask me if I can help you with anything," Leon said. "I have a water jog in my bag. You can drink that."

I cleared my throat. "Dito ka ba laging gumagawa ng assignment?"

"Yeah," he replied, his eyes on the screen of his laptop. "Mahina ang signal sa bahay. I could barely send a message."

I pursed my lips. Totoong mahina ang signal sa bahay nila. Kung pumupunta pa siya rito para lang makapag-internet, ibig bang sabihin, noong mga panahong nag-cha-chat siya sa 'kin ay pumupunta pa siya rito?

But those were almost the strokes of midnight or, if not, the break of dawn! Nagse-send pa siya ng notes sa akin dati!

"Yes, I come here to message you if that's what you're thinking."

I bit my lower lip in frustration. "Pero madaling araw na 'yon!"

He chuckled. "Dito ako madalas mag-aral. You've seen our house. There's no quiet place there for me."

"Tapos sasabihan mo akong matulog?! You're a hypocrite who can't walk the talk!"

His brow shot up. "I often sleep here, too."

He looked to the side, so I did, too. May nakatuping banig doon at isang itim na unan.

"There."

It wasn't hard for me to imagine him here, squirming around on that scratchy and uncomfortable mat. It must have hurt his back because the floor was made of wood. Siguradong lalamukin din siya rito kahit pa mahangin naman. Kung madalas siyang matulog dito, dapat man lang ay may maliit siyang lalagyan ng pagkain. What if he wakes up in the middle of the night, thirsty or hungry?

I heaved out a sigh when worry flooded my thoughts. Saan ba nila ginagastos ang pera nila? Kung may lupain sila at magandang puwesto sa palengke, tingin ko naman ay kakayanin nilang mamuhay nang mas higit sa buhay nila ngayon.

College scholarships were no doubt in the cards for Leon because of his stellar academic record. Bukod pa roon ay sinusuportahan niya ang pamilya sa pagiging part-time tutor niya. With all that money, I'm sure they can afford to buy a house with better ventilation and a firmer foundation.

"Hindi ka ba komportable rito?" tanong niya.

"Don't mind me," I replied.

Hindi na siya sumagot. I did my part as I should have. Sometimes I would ask Leon if I could include a certain study in our paper, and sometimes he would do the same.

Sa tahimik at bilis naming gumawa ay natapos namin ang higit sa kalahati ng chapter two ng tatlong topic. We still have quite a few Saturdays left to work on our paper, but if we maintain this pace, we might be able to turn it in within a little over a month.

"It's quite a view," saad ko nang tumayo sa gilid ng bintana para tingnan ang paligid.

It was a combination of urban and rural scenes. Such a lovely color scheme. Grassy, golden hues from the countryside, gray, dark blue, and just a hint of black from the city landscape. Dahil natatakpan kami ng puno, hindi naaabot ng araw ang aming balat. If there were a few rays that could hit and reach our skin, they wouldn't be as hot and irritating.

Mayroon pa kaming kaunting oras para bumalik sa school at ipakita kay Ma'am Abulencia ang natapos namin. Leon saved our work on a flash drive before standing next to me.

"Wait until the sun sets . . ."

Lumabi ako. "Imposible. Ipapasa pa natin kay Ma'am 'yan!"

"Next time," he said, chuckling.

"Hindi na ako babalik dito, 'no!" reklamo ko pa. "Ang init-init."

It was a lie, of course. I couldn't show him how the silence between us was enough to bring me closer to him.

"Mapapabalik mo lang ako rito kung maganda at romantic na ang ilaw. Hindi naman sapat ang lente lang," pagpapatuloy ko. "At 'yong kama mo, hindi dapat banig! Matigas sa likod 'yan. Nakakatamad."

His head tilted to me, as if ready to watch me complain.

"Pati 'yong upuan, matigas sa pwet! Wala man lang cushion! Walang ka-design-design 'tong loob. Kung dito ka lagi tumatambay, dapat pagandahin mo naman! Masyadong simple! Hindi puwedeng 'yong view lang 'yong maganda!" I swallowed when his eyes glistened. "Ano bang tinitingin-tingin mo?!"

"I'm taking notes."

I grimaced. "Hindi ka naman nagsusulat!"

He stood properly, his jaw clenching. "If I make a lot of money this year, I'll buy a solar-powered air conditioner."

My eyes widened. Nagbibiro lang naman ako!

Naramdaman ko ang kaliwang braso niya na pumulupot sa bewang ko, ang kamay ay humawak sa bintana sa gilid ko at tuluyang hinigit ako palapit sa kanya.

Napalunok ako sa nangyari. He fucking trapped me in his arms again!

I moved a little to brush him off, but he didn't flinch.

"Nagrereklamo ako rito tapos nanghahawak ka!" My lips quivered. "Bakit ba lapit ka nang lapit?!"

His eyes wandered over to my face.

"Let me know what you want and I'll get it for you. I'll paint the insides in the color of your choice . . . green, perhaps? Blue? Yellow?" His voice was hushed. "As for the romantic lights . . ." His lips twisted into a grin. "What do you need them for? And . . . the soft mattress? Bakit? Tatabihan mo 'ko?"

Sinubukan kong kumawala sa braso niya ngunit hinigpitan niya lang ang kapit sa hamba ng bintana. Mukhang nag-eenjoy siya habang pilit akong lumayo sa kanya. Goodness, I was just afraid he would hear my heart beating fast, especially since he made it sound like I was asking him something sexual!

"You don't understand, do you? This is my favorite place in the world, and I'm willing to make changes so that you'll like it too."

I shook my head. "Nagsu-suggest lang naman ako!"

"What else? You want a personal reading nook where you can curl up with a book and relax while I work on my commissions? You want a little room where you can practice your make-up skills while I watch and envy your lipstick?"

His gaze fell on my lips, and I made the attentive decision to cover them with my hand.

"Ang landi mo!" nag-iinit ang mukhang sabi ko.

"We haven't talked in more than three hours. I thought you were mad at me because I took you somewhere you didn't like," he said.

"Nagthe-thesis tayo!" depensa ko sa sarili bago ibinaba ang kamay. "Ano'ng gusto mo? Mag-chismisan tayo habang gumagawa ng RRL? Edi, wala tayong natapos, ha?!"

"Hindi dahil naiinis kang mainit dito?"

"Hindi! Nagbibiro lang naman ako, eh!" Umirap ako. "Ang hangin-hangin nga!"

"Boring?"

I glared at him. "Hindi nga!"

"Maganda?" tanong niya pa.

"Malamang! Ngayon nga lang ako nakaakyat sa gan'to, eh!"

He bit his lower lip in an attempt to suppress his smile. His eyes were lingering on me. "Well, I know someone prettier."

Hindi niya tinigilan ang panlalandi sa akin hanggang sa makarating kami sa bahay nila. Para bang binawi niya ang oras na nag-thesis lang talaga kami! Kung alam ko nga lang na magiging malandi siya, nagdala sana ako ng tangke ng oxygen para makahinga ako nang maayos! Jusko, may balak yata siyang patayin ako!

"Next time I bring you here, I'll show you the land I'm talking about," sabi niya pa. "Inaayos na ni Psyche ang documents ngayon para mailipat sa pangalan ni nanay."

I put on my shoes and slung my bag over my shoulder as I nodded.

I was happy enough that I didn't get to meet his mother because I probably looked like a mess! Hindi na rin naman lumabas sa silid ang kambal kaya hindi ako nagkaroon ng tyansa na makapagpaalam.

Leon and I had just submitted the flash drive to Ma'am Abulencia, and as on previous Saturdays, he dropped me off on our apartment's street before going home.

The days after that were like any other. Hindi ko alam kung hindi napapansin ng mga kaklase namin ang pagiging madikit ni Leon sa akin o sadyang wala silang pakialam dahil wala pa namang nagtanong sa akin tungkol dito. Leon kept up his routine of bringing me packed lunches and sneaking snacks into my bag to the point that I started looking forward to it every day.

He was making me feel things I'd never felt before. I know it sounds cliché, but he made me want to tell him how I felt, too. For such a long time, I fell asleep again without thinking about the past and how it had messed up my life.

That maybe, crashing my walls a little isn't a mistake at all.

And that, like Leon, I could feel myself hitting rock bottom . . . but I wouldn't let my feelings take over for now.

And I think I made the right choice.

"Is Zamora hitting on you?" my father asked over a phone call on a Friday night.

Umawang ang bibig ko. Paano niya naman nalaman 'to?

"Hindi ko pa po alam ang class standing ko," I answered instead. "Hindi pa naman po tapos ang sem. Wala pa pong list."

"Oh, he is." He chuckled. "Akala ko ay namalik-mata lang ako nang madaanan ko kayo sa university n'yo. He was carrying your bag for you. Isn't that sweet?"

"Dad!"

"The guy knows how to play his cards, Amari! He's flirting with you, so you'll get distracted!" pagalit na sabi niya.

Huminga ako nang malalim at bahagyang lumayo sa apartment para pakalmahin ang sarili.

"Hindi na po kami mga bata para pag-isipan nang gan'yan ang isa't isa."

"Bakit? Simula ba nang nilandi ka niya ay nataasan mo na siya?" he asked. "Simula ba nang nilandi ka niya ay nagpatalo na siya sa 'yo?"

"Dad naman . . ."

"You don't know what's going on inside a man's head. Kung totoong gusto ka n'yan ay pagbibigyan ka niya. He would move aside so you could go first, but based on your test scores, I think he's still better than you!"

I balled my fist. "Hindi ko po gustong nagpapatalo si Leon para sa 'kin. I want to win fair and square."

"If you let your feelings get in the way, Amari, you'll never win. Trust me. I used to really like your mom. Just look where it gets us," litanya niya. "Separated with an unwanted child."

Para akong nasuntok sa sinabi niya. I quickly covered my mouth so that he wouldn't hear the sudden gasp that I let out because of the sudden tightening in my chest.

"The guy is just using you. Come to think of it, wala naman siyang makukuha sa 'yo. You're almost homeless and penniless," he added. "Zamora will most certainly fall in love with someone who is well-established and who comes from a reputable family."

Nanghihina kong inilayo ang cellphone sa tainga ko.

"Amari, think wisely. Hindi ka tanga. Love is an illusion, and he's clever enough to realize that you are unable to experience it, so he is using that to his advantage in order to exert control over you."

Those were the last words I heard before I dropped the call. My hand was gripping my phone as if I needed it to hold me up.

Nasa labas lang ako ng apartment at kahit gustuhin kong pumasok sa loob ay hindi ko maihakbang ang mga paa ko. I felt like I was being ushered into this area against my will as my father's comments played over and over in my head.

What are you sad about, Amari? The fact that you're an unwanted child, penniless, homeless, or love deprived?

Totoo naman, ah? Hindi ka dapat nasasaktan dahil hindi naman 'yon gawa-gawa lang.

Ilalagay ka ba sa ampunan kung gusto nilang palakihin ka? Magkakayod ka ba sa katatrabaho kung may pera ka? Tatyagain mo bang mapagod kakaaral kung may bahay ka? At . . . manlilimos ka ba ng pagmamahal sa tatay mo kung hindi ka nauuhaw ro'n?

I heaved a sigh. 'Yan kasi! Masyado akong nagsaya nitong mga nagdaang buwan! Nabawi tuloy!

Leon deserves better . . . he should look for one. Alam ko naman na 'yon. Wala naman talaga siyang mapapala sa akin. Sinusungitan ko pa nga siya, eh. Kaya dapat, maghanap na lang siya ng bagay talaga sa kanya. Someone who is loved, has money and a place to live, and is wanted by others.

Hindi niya naman ako para gamitin. He could easily defeat me without making such a move on me. But if he is . . . well . . . then there's nothing more heartbreaking than realizing someone is manipulating you for their own ends.

My cellphone rang, and as I looked down at it, I realized that it was the person I was having head-over-heels thoughts about.

Nagpalitan na kami ng number at minsan ay tumatawag talaga siya. Pinapaalala niya sa akin ang mga assignment, kung meron man, o ang updates sa thesis namin. Sometimes, he'd call just to check up on me; sometimes, just to ask if I had eaten already.

"Hello?" I said as I answered the phone.

"Hi."

His voice was so soft that it was easy for it to get to my core. In the back of my mind, I kept hearing my father say that Leon just used me, but in my heart . . . I wished he hadn't. At kung totoo naman, sana ay hindi niya ito ipinaalam sa akin.

"Where are you?" tanong niya.

"Nasa apartment," saad ko.

"In your room?"

"Oo . . ." pagsisinungaling ko.

There was such a long pause between us that I thought he had already hung up. I could picture him in his tree house, looking out at the view after setting up his mat and pillow.

"I miss you," he whispered.

My heart clenched. "Nagkita tayo kanina sa klase."

"I know . . . I just miss you."

Tears clouded my vision as I realized how much I needed to hear those words from someone . . . that's the first time I've ever heard somebody say those words to me. Hindi ko iyon narinig kay Jin, sa mga kaibigan ko, at kahit sa sarili kong tatay. No one misses me because I don't usually stand out. My presence isn't the one you'll miss at parties or the one you'll notice.

I'm the crowd's least favorite. I noticed it even before. Karsen often does cute things that make people like her. Mill is the fiercest and has the strongest vibe, so you'll want to take a second look at her. And Kat, since she's always going from place to place, she is the type of person who draws attention to herself. She makes her presence known and demonstrates her generosity.

The seven-year-old Amari used to be envious of her friends. She must be out of her mind.

"Are you crying?" Leon asked gently.

Something tugged at my heart.

"Hindi . . ."

"Are we . . . okay?"

I gulped. "Bakit naman hindi?"

"You sound cold."

"I'm just thinking about random stuff," I replied.

"Like?"

"Like . . ." I closed my eyes. "Like where we're heading."

Should I communicate? I know Leon better than my father. Should I tell him my doubts?

I gulped as I made my choice. "I know you like me because you've shown it to me, but where are we headed? How do you want us to end?" I breathed deeply. "Because if you're just playing around, I want you to stop now, Leon. I've been to hell and back. I don't want to go through that again."

I heard his breathing on the other line.

"I don't want you to think I'm in a hurry because I can wait until you're ready," aniya. "But since you asked, you're the one I could picture myself marrying in the future, Amari."

Hindi ako nakasagot agad.

"Kapag may nagtanong sa 'kin kung sino'ng gusto kong pakasalan, pangalan mo ang isasagot ko," saad niya pa. "For now, your hands are the only ones I can imagine myself holding, your lips are the only ones I can imagine myself kissing, and you are the only one I want to fall asleep next to," marahang sabi niya. "You have no idea how excited I am to wake up every day because that means I'll see you at school and how I'll be over the moon when Saturday comes because I'll get to spend the whole day with you."

With all those words . . . I felt so bad and guilty for even considering the idea that he was just using me.

"Kung naipaparamdam ko sa 'yong wala ka lang sa 'kin . . . I'll do better."

Umiling ako. "You don't have to. I'm just having doubts."

"Tungkol sa 'kin?"

His voice was so soft that it made me feel worse about myself. I shouldn't really let what my father says bother me.

"Nakausap ko lang si . . . Mr. Mendoza," I admitted. "You're not using me, right?"

"No, of course not. Is that why you're crying?"

I smiled sadly. "Hindi naman ako umiiyak."

"Look to your side."

Out of curiosity, I looked to my right and was shocked to see Leon standing there, four blocks away from me! He had a brown paper bag with him and was wearing shorts and a plain white T-shirt.

"Sorry . . . is this creepy? I don't usually do this." Hindi siya lumapit pero nakita ko ang pag-iling niya. "I told you I missed you. Dadalhan din sana kita ng kare-kare. Niluto ko 'to kanina kasi maraming dalang gulay si nanay."

"Kanina ka pa d'yan?"

He nodded. "I saw you crouching and thought you looked sad. Hindi naman ako makalapit dahil ayokong maabala ka."

"So, you called instead?"

"Puwede ba akong lumapit?"

"At kapag nakita ka ng mga kaibigan ko?"

"I can tell them I'm here to deliver the food you ordered."

The doubts in my heart were completely washed over. Puwede pala 'yon. With proper communication and understanding . . . it was made possible.

Maybe Leon does not deserve better because, in his eyes, I am the best. Maybe he's not looking for someone with money or a house because he knows he'll find what he needs and a home to stay with me. Maybe he isn't looking for someone who is filled with love because he knows he can give me all the affection I long for.

Ako na ang nagkusang maglakad papunta sa direksyon niya. I didn't end the call as I approached him, and as I drew closer, I could see how surprised he was.

No. I shouldn't let my father's words affect my growing relationship with him. If I were to do that, I would have to start all over again. Ako ang nakasama ni Leon, hindi siya. Ako ang nakakaalam kung sino si Leon, hindi siya. All he cares about is my class standing, not the content of my heart.

"Hug me," utos ko.

He was dazed for a second, his eyes gleaming in disbelief, before he stepped forward and pulled me into an embrace. He rested my head on his chest, and I could hear his heart pounding as he cradled me. Naramdaman ko ang paghalik niya sa tuktok ng ulo ako, para bang pinapawi ang lahat ng agam-agam ko tungkol sa aming dalawa.

"Thank you for telling me what's bothering you right away," bulong niya. "That's a brave step. You did well."

Days after that, we were asked to write the documents needed for the preliminary pages of our thesis. Leon took the initiative of writing the table of contents while I volunteered to do the acknowledgment. Tig-isa kami ng dedication at dahil hindi pa naman kumpleto ang buong paper, wala pa kaming gagawing abstract.

"Jusko, kahit sa preliminary pages, ako pa rin ang gagawa! Bwisit na ka-partner!" reklamo ni Meg habang papunta kami sa library. "Kapag ganito pa rin next sem, isusumbong ko na 'yan kay Ma'am!"

"Tulungan ka namin kapag maaga kaming natapos ngayon," suhestyon ni Zoey. "Madali lang naman 'yan. Nakakainis nga lang talaga kapag may inaasahan kang tumulong tapos hindi naman gumagawa."

"Ay wow, I felt attacked!" ekseheradang saad naman ni Shaira.

Nauna na sa library si Leon. He said he'd prepare the computers we'd use. Marami kasing estudyante ngayon lalo at hindi naman Sabado. We were only given enough time to do this because, just like Zoey said, it was easy to do. Hindi na kailangang maglaan pa ng isang buong araw para tapusin.

"Sana all guwapo ang ka-partner," pang-aasar ni Shaira nang marating namin ang library at ang lalaki ang bumungad sa amin.

"Sana all masipag ang partner," pagpaparinig naman ni Zoey na tinawanan ko.

"'Te, tumulong naman ako, ah? May galit ka ba sa 'kin?! Mas marami ka lang nagawa. Kaya nga kita ibibiling milktea, 'di ba? I love you, please . . ."

Naiiling na nilayuan ko na lang sila. I went to where Leon was and began to work with him. We were quiet, just like the other times. If it weren't for the other students, we would have been engulfed in complete silence.

Fifteen minutes into working, he moved his chair close to me.

"Ano'ng kailangan mo?" tanong ko habang iniisa-isa ang mga kailangan naming ilagay sa acknowledgment.

He was kind of clingy when we were alone, so I kind of got used to him. But still, his breath tickling my neck was wreaking havoc in my system.

"I've sent my dedication file to you. Pa-check."

"Later . . ."

"Ngayon na."

I rolled my eyes. "Kulit, ah? May ginagawa pa 'ko."

"Please?"

Bwisit!

I closed the document I was editing in anger and went to my email. He was still looking at my computer screen as I downloaded his file.

"Buksan mo."

I sighed. "Bakit ba ang excited mo?"

I clicked on his file and waited until it was done loading.

"This research paper is dedicated to the following people who gave me the drive and motivation to finish this thesis," mahinang basa ko.

I gave the document a brief scan, and when I saw that it followed the format, I just nodded.

"Okay na 'to," I said.

"You didn't read my dedication to you."

I glared at him. "'Wag mo 'kong landiin. Nasa library tayo."

"Just read it for me, please."

I heaved another sigh. "Some people are just too demanding!"

I scrolled down to the bottom of the document, and what I read rocked me to the very core of my being.

To my thesis partner, Amari Sloane Mendoza;

Can I court you?

"Matagal ko nang ginagawa 'yan pero gusto ko lang siguraduhin sa 'yo . . . kasi tinanong mo sa 'kin kung ano tayo."

I took a deep breath and clutched the mouse in my fist. My heart was racing wildly again, but I was able to come up with something to say that still sounded like me.

"Wala sa format, Zamora!"

When he chuckled, I knew he understood.