Chapter 13

Amari Sloane Mendoza: Hi, Paolo. Can we talk?

Matapos akong ihatid ni Leon sa kanto ng apartment namin ay iminessage ko na si Paolo. I wasn't lying when I said that I don't usually reply to him. Sumasagot lang ako minsan kapag may tanong siya tungkol sa school. But other than that, I don't entertain his messages.

Paolo Ramos: Hi, Mari! Kauuwi mo lang ba? How's your thesis? And what do you want us to talk about? So glad you messaged me first :)

I breathed out as I leaned back on the sofa. Karsen was on her phone next to me while Mill was working on something with her laptop on the floor. Si Kat naman ay namamlantsa ng uniform niya para sa Lunes.

I was glad that Mill was preoccupied because otherwise, she could have teased me about how red I looked at the moment. Paano ba naman kasi ay hindi pa rin ako makakalma sa pag-uusap namin ni Leon.

Umiling ako at nagtipa na ng reply kay Paolo. I shouldn't let Leon dominate my head again. May kailangan pa akong kausapin para matigil na ang pag-iinarte niya!

Amari Sloane Mendoza: I don't want to be rude, but I'm not comfortable getting messages from you. I'm sorry.

Paolo Ramos: Oh.

Paolo Ramos: May mali ba akong nasabi? Ayaw mo bang tinatanong ka kung ano'ng ginagawa mo o kung kumain ka na? I'd like to know why so that I can make improvements to the way I do things.

Amari Sloane Mendoza: I'm just not comfortable, Paolo. I'm sorry to be so direct with you, but I don't see the point in getting to know you. You're a really nice guy, but I honestly don't think we'll get there. Thank you for understanding.

I closed our chat box after I hit the send button. Maiintindihan niya naman iyon. It wasn't like I misled him into thinking we could date. Bilang na bilang nga sa daliri kung iilang beses kaming nag-usap . . . and I'm not feeling it.

"Amari . . ."

I felt a rush of warmth on my face when I recalled Leon calling me by my first name. I put my hand on my chest to try to calm my heart, but nothing happened.

God, how can I stop liking that guy? We have a lot of things to work on!

"Badtrip na badtrip ako sa assignment ko tapos pag-angat ko ng tingin, makikita ko lang na namumula ka? Parang gago amputa," inis na pagpuna sa akin ni Mill.

I felt my friends' eyes on me. Awtomatikong napahawak ako sa pisngi ko at naramdaman ko ang init nito.

"Masama ang pakiramdam ko!" sagot ko kay Mill nang makabawi. "Lalong sumama ngayong nakita ko 'yang mukha mo!"

Karsen let out a soft laugh, and Mill gave her a frown that immediately caused her to bow her head while her lips were still pursed from laughing.

"Uminom ka ng gamot do'n," sabi ni Kat. "Wala ka namang pasok bukas, 'di ba? 'Wag ka na munang magtrabaho at baka tuluyang maging lagnat 'yan."

Mill scowled. "Katana, may nilalagnat bang gan'yan ka-gago? 'Wag nang painumin ng gamot! Sayang lang ang pera! Hayaan na lang na mag-kumbulsyon 'yan."

I made a face. Millicent just couldn't take a break, could she?

"Iba talaga ang nagagawa ng insecurity . . ." pang-aasar ko na lang.

Mula sa pagkakaupo ay tuluyan akong nahiga sa sofa. I put my legs in Karsen's lap to straighten my body while my head was placed on the arm rest.

"Kung hindi ko lang alam na busy sa thesis 'tong si Amari, iisipin kong nakikipaglandian 'to, eh," saad ni Mill. "Kaya lang, wala naman 'tong ibang nakakasama bukod sa mga kaklase niya. Malabo namang may magustuhan siya ro'n at kakaunti ang lalaki sa psychology."

I squinted at her. "Totoo pala 'yong sinasabi nilang chismosa ang mga journalism student, 'no?"

Ibinalik ko ang atensyon sa cellphone nang maramdaman ang sunod-sunod na pag-vi-vibrate nito.

Binuksan ko ang Facebook app at ganoon na lang ang gulat ko nang tumambad sa akin ang napakaraming notifications! I scanned through it immediately, and I forced myself not to let out a startled gasp when I saw that they were all from Leon!

Nagmamadali akong tiningnan isa-isa iyon. He liked my old pictures! Kapag maganda ang kuha ay ini-he-heart niya! And mind you, he almost loved all of them!

I was about to talk to him when my group chat with Meg, Zoey, and Shaira popped up.

Shaira Ylane Chavez: te @Amari Sloane Mendoza chika ka naman kung kailan ka naging bet ni leon

Zoey Alfaro: Nililigawan ka ba? Paano kayo gagawa ng thesis n'yan? In-explain kanina ni Shaira sa akin ang nangyari. Though I expected it before, hindi ko alam na tutuloy ngayon. And, paano si Pao? I thought he was making a move on you.

Mary Grace Andrade: anong nangyayari hahahahaha isang araw lang akong nalayo sa inyo hindi nyo na agad ako kaibigan

Shaira Ylane Chavez: meg shuta our ship is sailing!!!!!!!!!!

Shaira Ylane Chavez: wag puro seen mari aba magkwento ka gago kunwari ka pang di mo type

I closed our group chat and put my phone on my chest.

It was really happening, wasn't it?

Alam na talaga nilang may namamagitan sa amin ni Leon!

I shrugged everything off. Tumayo ako at pumunta sa silid namin ni Kat para ipagpatuloy ang nasimulang thesis kanina. This should be a good distraction to help me stop thinking about Leon for a while. Gusto namin ang isa't isa pero hindi ibig sabihin noon ay kakalimutan ko na ang grades ko na kailangan kong alagaan.

That night, before going to bed, I got a message from him in which he wished me good night and apologized for the hasty confession he had just made.

Hindi ako nag-reply. If I do, I may wind up chatting with him for the rest of the night. Pareho kaming may trabaho at ang pakikipag-usap sa isa't isa ay puwedeng makahadlang sa amin na gawin ang mga ito.

When Monday rolled along, I felt like I'd been dragged through the mud.

I didn't sleep a wink because I was too busy with work and my thesis to keep my mind off of Leon. Dahil late na akong nagising, wala na akong oras para magbasa pa ng buhok. I only gave myself a quick shower before rushing to get to school because I didn't want to be late for my class.

"Monday pa lang pero 'yong mukha mo pang-Friday na!" narinig ko pang pang-aasar ni Mill bago ako lumabas ng apartment.

Hindi ko na siya nasagot. Madaling-madali ako papunta sa school at sa kabutihang palad naman ay nauna ako kaysa sa instructor namin.

Nice pull, Amari. May nagkakagusto sa 'yo sa room n'yo tapos ang pangit mo ngayon.

I breathed out before taking a seat. Agad na sumiksik sa akin sina Meg, Shaira, at Zoey na parang may dala akong chismis para sa kanila. Paano ay hindi naman ako sumagot sa group chat namin.

"Mamaya na," sabi ko bago pa sila makapagsalita.

Tumawa si Shaira. "Hindi ko sure tuloy kung may nakakalandian ka. Hindi ka blooming today, eh."

I frowned. "Ang dami kong ginawa, okay?"

"Feeling ko hindi ka nagbasa ng buhok. May pa-messy bun ka, eh," pang-aasar pa ni Meg.

Zoey chuckled. "Hindi naman pumapangit si Mari."

Habang nag-iinarte sila sa paligid ko ay hindi ko maiwasang mapatingin kay Leon.

He had a book in his hands, but all of his attention was on me. When he saw me looking at him, he grinned a little and lowered his head to the book, para bang hinihintay niya lang na mapatingin ako sa kanya.

"'Yon, oh!" maarteng sigaw ni Shaira na tila nakita ang lahat. "Sino ba namang makakapagpangiti sa isang Leon Ysmael nang gano'n?!"

I palmed my face in frustration. Hindi puwedeng malaman ng iba naming kaklase na may landian nang nagaganap sa amin kung hindi ay uulanin kami ng asar! And I feel ugly today! Sana naman ay huwag niya akong lapitan para sa thesis!

Our instructor came and got the discussion started. From time to time, I would notice Leon looking at me. Sometimes, he'd look away and smile. Sometimes, he wouldn't stop staring. Napapakunot na lang ang noo ko sa kalandian niya habang pilit na itinutuon ang atensyon sa klase.

For our next class, I didn't expect it to be both fun and informative. Ms. Lubrica, who taught one of our most important classes, Psychological Assessment, told us to draw two people on a blank piece of bond paper for an activity. Isang babae, isang lalaki. Nilagyan namin ng number 1 at 2 kung ano sa dalawa ang nauna naming iguhit.

Wala namang time pressure pero sa loob lang ng fifteen minutes ay tapos na kaming lahat. We gave her our papers, and she stacked them on her table.

"So, meron akong isang folder ng interpretations dito at bibigyan ko ng oras ang estudyanteng matatawag para i-explain o i-interpret ang nakikita nila sa drawing gamit ang guide natin," sabi ni Ma'am.

"For example, maraming erasure 'yong drawing. From the interpretation guide, we can say that the person who drew it was indecisive or dissatisfied sa sarili niya. We can also say that this person might show signs of anxiety. Do you get it, class?" dagdag niya pa.

"Yes, ma'am," we answered.

"Bubunot ako ng drawing at mag-volunteer na lang 'yong gustong mag-interpret."

"Hinding-hindi ako mag-vo-volunteer," tawa ni Shaira.

"I heard you, Ms. Chavez . . ."

Shaira chuckled nervously. "Joke lang, ma'am. Excited nga ako, eh."

Ms. Lubrica shook her head as she straightened our papers and picked up the one in the middle.

"Mr. Zamora . . ." basa niya sa pangalan bago lumingon kay Leon.

Nanliit ang mga mata niya. She then took a quick look at me, which caught me off guard, and then her eyes went back to the drawing.

"Hmm, interesting," she said. "Puwede bang i-interpret 'to, Mr. Zamora?"

I didn't know why it had gotten me nervous. I looked at Leon. He was now leaning on his chair; his right calf was resting on his left knee lazily.

"Yes, ma'am," he replied.

"Thank you," sabi ni Ma'am. "Who wants to volunteer?"

"Ehem . . . Amari . . . ehem!" pambubwisit ni Shaira.

I glared at her. "Ikaw kaya?"

"Ms. Mendoza?" tanong ni Ma'am.

Great!

I faked a smile and looked at her. "Yes, ma'am?"

"Gusto mong mag-interpret?"

I took a deep breath and once again, glanced at Leon. Bahagyang napataas ang kilay niya nang magtama ang tingin namin. He suddenly sat up straight and fixed his glasses as if he were a good student. Well, of course . . . he is.

Recitation 'yan, Amari. Grab the chance.

I stood up and walked in front with confidence. "I think I can, ma'am."

Ngumiti siya. "As expected from you." She handed me the paper. "Okay, begin."

My eyes dropped on the bond paper, and I couldn't help but make a crease on my forehead when I saw Leon's drawing.

Well, the woman surprisingly looked like . . . someone.

She was wearing the same all-white uniform as us. Her hair was up in a messy bun, with a few stray curls outlining her cheeks and jaw. Her eyes were also gleaming with joy.

And the guy he drew was familiar as well! Mas matangkad ito sa babae, nakasalamin at may maliit na ngiti sa labi. They were standing or walking next to each other, wearing the same uniform!

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa lalaki. He looked angry from the way his eyebrows were furrowed, but I could see that his ears were red!

Tama 'yan! Mahiya ka! Who in their right mind would draw me for a personality test?! At sino 'tong kasama ko?! Ikaw?!

I cleared my throat and tried not to shiver at the thought of someone drawing me. Kinuha ko ang folder kung saan nakalagay ang interpretation guide at sinimulang i-analyze ang drawing ni Leon.

"Uhm . . . erasures are in moderation," I started.

"Please show the drawing to the class, Ms. Mendoza."

I gulped. "B-Baka po hindi komportable si Mr. Zamora, ma'am."

"Mr. Zamora?" tanong ni Ms. Lubrica sa lalaki.

I glanced at him and then gently shook my head. He sketched both of us, and our classmates might recognize it because he drew so well!

Mukhang nakuha niya naman ang ibig kong sabihin dahil umiling siya kay Ma'am.

"I'm not comfortable, ma'am," he answered.

Ms. Lubrica chuckled. "Okay, then."

Napabuga ako ng hangin. Isang irap pa sa lalaki bago ko muling tiningnan ang interpretation guide.

I don't think his drawing will show how important the test was because it was literally just us! He didn't demonstrate any creative ability at all! Idinrawing niya lang kung ano ang itsura ko ngayon at kung ano sa tingin niyang itsura niya!

"His drawings were consistent, well-proportioned, and detailed, but not excessively," saad ko. "This suggests that Mr. Zamora was an intelligent adult." Para namang hindi pa given 'yon. "The figures seem like they're walking, so I think their active movements imply that he's the type of person who is willing to work through his problems."

"Naks, swerte ng magiging jowa!" pagpaparinig ni Meg.

I fought the urge to glare at her before continuing. "The woman figure has cupid-bow-shaped lips, which proposes," I trailed off as I looked over at the guide, "adolescent erotism or sexual desire . . . and youthful lust?"

Namimilog ang mga mata kong napatingin kay Leon na ngayon ay seryoso lang na nakatitig sa akin.

Huh! I am judging you!

I flipped back to the guide and scanned it several times before putting it away.

"Ma'am, I can't tell you more about his drawing because, according to the guide, the figures show that Mr. Zamora is healthy and normal," I said after a while.

Kinuha sa akin ni Ms. Lubrica ang bond paper, nakangisi at parang nang-aasar.

"Many different meanings can be extracted from drawings that are created by individuals who want to express their thoughts and feelings to the people whom the drawings depict," saad ni Ma'am sa klase. "Kumbaga, may mga taong nag-d-drawing ng artista o isang kilalang personalidad. Puwedeng hinahangaan nila 'yon o hinihiling nilang sila mismo 'yon. Maraming dahilan . . ."

I walked toward my seat and listened to her.

"Meron namang nag-d-drawing ng magulang, kapatid, o sarili nila," she added. "In these cases, the examiner should ask the person who draws the figure what that means."

She then sat a little closer to the edge of her table and looked at Leon, sending shivers down my spine.

"So, Mr. Zamora . . ." she muttered. "'Yong drawing mo ba ay totoong tao o hindi?"

I stopped myself from looking at him.

"Totoo po, ma'am," he answered, his voice deep and clear.

"What is this person to you?" tanong pa ni Ma'am.

I lowered my gaze and pretended I was doing something in my notebook.

"The male figure was me, and the female figure was someone very . . . important to me."

My heart hammered at his answer. Pakiramdam ko ay nagpunta lahat ng dugo sa mukha ko. Nakakainis! Pangit na pangit ako sa sarili ko ngayon tapos lalandi siya nang gan'yan?!

"What are the figures' moods?" pagtatanong ulit ni Ma'am.

"They're happy, ma'am." I could hear assurance in his voice. "Especially the male figure."

Hindi ko alam kung paano natapos ang klaseng iyon na normal pa ang paghinga ko. My classmates kept asking me who Leon drew because Ms. Lubrica laughed at his answers the whole time we were in class, but I didn't answer them. Tanging si Shaira lang ang nakakuha ng ideya kung sino ang nasa drawing.

Bago mag-uwian ay hinintay kong makaalis sa room ang mga kaklase namin para mapagsabihan ko si Leon. Kung gaganituhin niya ako nang gaganituhin ay baka hindi talaga ako makapag-focus sa klase!

Sinabihan ko ang mga kaibigan ko na hintayin ako sa labas ng department namin at nagsinungaling na makipagkita pa ako kay Ma'am Abulencia para sa thesis namin. Parang hinihintay din naman ako ni Leon na umalis dahil hindi siya gumalaw sa upuan niya hanggang sa makalabas na lahat ng kaklase namin.

"May balak ka bang i-announce sa lahat na gusto mo 'ko, ha?" pagsusungit ko.

We were sitting across from each other and were only a few meters apart, so I could see that he was surprised and delighted.

"Tingnan mo! Alam na tuloy ni Ma'am!" dagdag ko pa. "Ba't ba kasi ako?! Personality test 'yon, hindi art class!"

He propped his elbow on the armrest and rested his jaw on his knuckles while looking at me with a spark of happiness in his eyes.

Bigla akong na-conscious sa itsura ko. I didn't apply any makeup to my face earlier because I was in a hurry, so I know that I look like a disaster right now.

"First of all, I didn't know the drawing would be handed in," he said calmly. "Kung alam ko lang, hindi ikaw ang idinrawing ko dahil ayoko namang malaman ni Ms. Lubrica kung gaano kita kagusto."

I forced myself to keep my grimace on despite the fluttering of my heart. "Kasalanan mo pa rin!"

"I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable," he muttered. "Hindi na mauulit."

"Dapat lang!"

He let out a muffled chuckle while maintaining his intense focus on my face. His eyes were soft, and the way he looked at me left me feeling as if I were a piece of art on display in a gallery.

Bago pa man magreklamo ang apat na sulok ng room namin sa staring contest namin, tumayo na ako at kinuha ang bag ko. There is no chance in hell that I'll spend another second with him at this place! Not while I'm still looking like a mess!

"Mendoza," tawag niya sa akin bago pa ako makalabas ng room, dahilan para mapatigil ako.

"Ano?" I asked without looking back at him.

The world had fallen silent around us. It was barely midday, quite close to the time of lunch. Most of the students who were passing through the hallways had no idea that there was a red-faced woman tucked away in this room.

"Ang ganda mo ngayon."

It was just one of the many times he made me feel seen and recognized. Matapos kasi ang araw na iyon ay hindi na siya tumigil sa pagpaparamdam sa akin kung gaano niya ako kagusto.

On a few occasions, I'd find him sneaking a chocolate bar into my bag. Sometimes it was a book and sticky notes of his viewpoints, and other times it was a lunchbox he'd packed himself. Kapag nakikita ko iyon sa loob ng bag ko ay napapatingin ako sa kanya, pero mukhang wala lang naman sa kanya iyon.

"Sabado na naman!" I complained to myself.

Leon was walking alongside me as we made our way to the library to start the second chapter of the three studies that we were working on. Dahil sa teamwork namin ng lalaki ay natapos namin ang chapter 1 nang wala masyadong revision.

"I brought a portable pillow just in case you want to sleep," he said.

Sumimangot ako. "Ayokong maging pabigat, 'no!"

One thing that stood out to me about him was that he was too attentive when it came to me. He was back to being himself, parang noong nasa Davao kami, only that he was more expressive this time.

"Baka nga lang antukin ka," he insisted.

Inignora ko na lang siya. Pagpasok namin sa library ay nagtaka ako dahil kakaunti ang tao. Our classmates, whom I thought would be here, are nowhere to be seen.

"Umuwi na ang mga nag-the-thesis," sabi ng librarian sa amin. "Walang internet ang buong school kaya kung plano n'yong magbukas ng computer, wala kayong maaasahan."

It was as if a bomb was blasted just above our heads. Wala kaming dalang laptop dahil nga inaasahan naming dito kami gagawa! Ilang Sabado na kaming pumupunta rito at ngayon pa talaga nawalan ng internet?!

Matagal nang inirereklamo ng mga teachers 'to pero hindi nila magawan ng aksyon! Ang laki-laki ng ibinabayad ng mga taxpayer para makapag-aral kami nang libre, tapos ganito naman ang kalidad ng serbisyo?

"Thank you, ma'am," malumanay na saad ni Leon.

I waited until the librarian had left before I frowned.

"Ayokong mag-computer shop. Sakto lang ang dala kong pera. Twenty pesos pa naman ang isang oras ngayon! Siguradong mahina ang one hundred para sa ating dalawa," inis na litanya ko. "Hindi rin naman tayo puwede sa Sway's. Wala tayong laptop at mahal ang inumin do'n!"

He let out a soft chuckle. Unlike me who was fuming mad, he seemed to be amused at our situation.

"What do you want us to do then?" tanong niya.

"Malay ko! Alangang makigawa tayo kina Zoey? Nakakahiya! Wala pa tayong dalang gamit."

Nauna ako palabas ng library at naramdaman ko naman ang pagsunod niya sa akin.

What I liked most about him was that he knew when to make a move on me.

Kapag thesis ay thesis talaga ang ginagawa namin. Kung magpapalipad-hangin man siya ay sisiguraduhin niyang natatapos pa rin namin ang gawain.

Bukod sa mga kaibigan ko sa room ay wala ring nakaalam ng nararamdaman niya para sa akin. We still compete against each other head-to-head in recitations and quizzes. Doon ko naisip na hindi niya talaga ako pinagbibigyan.

"We only have two choices," he said after a while. "Sa apartment n'yo tayo gagawa o sa bahay namin."

Gulat akong napalingon sa kanya. I looked directly into his eyes to see if he was joking, but he wasn't!

"Hindi puwede sa apartment!" segunda ko agad.

Jusko, nandoon ang mga kaibigan ko! Baka magulantang sila kapag nakita nila akong may kasamang lalaking hindi ko kailanman nabanggit sa kanila!

"Edi sa bahay tayo?" tanong niya. "I'll make us lunch before we start. May isa pa namang laptop si nanay na hindi niya na masyadong ginagamit. You can use that."

Dinaga ang dibdib ko sa kasiguruhan sa tinig niya.

Come on, Amari! Lagi namang second choice ang bahay ng ka-partner kapag hindi puwede sa school! Hindi ka dapat mag-isip ng kung ano! Mabuti nga at nag-o-offer siya!

"Wala bang tao ro'n? Nakakahiya yata . . ." I managed to say.

"Nasa palengke pa si nanay pero baka nando'n ang mga kapatid ko," sagot niya.

Dahan-dahan akong tumango. I could tolerate that.

"Okay . . ." I agreed.

Pinauna niya ako sa paglalakad at bumuntot lang siya sa akin. Nang makalabas ng school ay pumara siya ng jeep at muli ay pinauna akong sumakay. Siya na rin ang nagbayad ng pamasahe namin dahil hindi ako makaimik. Eh, kasi naman! Nahihiya ako!

We were silent the whole ride. Mas malayo ang bahay nila kaysa sa apartment namin pero hindi rin naman sobrang tagal ng byahe. Dahil hindi rush hour ay wala rin masyadong pasahero. Tuloy ay napaka-awkward namin! Akala mo naman ay hindi pa siya umamin sa akin!

Papasok pa sa loob ng isang barangay ang bahay nila. Tumigil muna kami sa kanto dahil kinuha pa niya ang payong sa loob ng bag niya.

"Walk closer to me," utos niya. "The sun might hurt your skin."

Lumabi ako. "I have a lot of melanin in my skin, so I'm good to go."

Napairap siya sa sagot ko. "Having a lot of melanin doesn't mean you'll never get a sunburn."

"Punyeta, magsukob na lang kayo!" sigaw ng isang tambay sa kantong pinagtigilan namin. Ni hindi ko siya napansin kanina roon. "Melanin, melanin! Keaarte n'yo!"

I felt my cheeks heating up. Leon opened the umbrella and I hesitantly inched my way closer to him. Agad niya itong inilagay sa ibabaw ng aking ulo hanggang sa puntong halos wala nang matira sa kanya.

"Let's go," he muttered.

I moved closer to him so we could both fit under the umbrella. I felt him move away. Nagtaka ako kaya lumapit ulit ako sa kanya, pero gaya ng nangyari kanina ay umatras ulit siya. Kulang na lang ay ibigay na niya ang payong sa akin dahil kalahating balikat niya lang ang napapayungan!

"Bakit ba ayaw mong lumapit?!" bulyaw ko sa kanya. "May pa-sunburn sunburn ka pa d'yan tapos hindi ka naman pala magpapayong!"

"I have a lot of melanin," he reasoned out.

I grumpily grabbed his hand on the umbrella's handle and pulled him closer to me. Naramdaman kong natigilan siya.

Napatingin ako sa kanya at napansin kong ang mga mata niya ay nasa magkapatong na kamay namin sa handle. He gulped and took a deep breath as he slowly lowered his gaze on me, jaw clenched and forehead creased.

"You're so stubborn," he said under his breath.

Naramdaman ko ang pag-alis ng kamay niya mula sa hawakan ng payong, ngunit sa loob lang ng ilang segundo ay ibinalik na niya iyon, ang kanyang mga daliri ay dahan-dahang binalot ang kamay ko.

I was flustered. He drew me in even closer, and when I tried to take my hand off the handle, he just tightened his grip, as if asking me to stay put.

His nails were clean and neatly trimmed. Ang kanyang palad ay magaspang ngunit mainit, at dahil na rin sa matangkad siya ay kapansin-pansin ang mahahaba at balingkinitan niyang mga daliri.

I pouted. Bakit mas maganda ang mga kamay niya kaysa sa 'kin?! Pati ba naman sa aspetong 'to ay talo niya 'ko?!

"You've got soft hands for someone who's been working since high school," he commented.

I felt my heart flutter. "Bitawan mo kaya . . ."

He chuckled. "Tanggalin mo."

I bit my lower lip and didn't do what I was told.

"Ikaw ang bumitaw!" utos ko.

His lips curved into a playful grin. "Ayoko nga."

We were like that until we reached their home. It was a small wooden cabin with bamboo fences in front, and some of their clothes were hung out to dry on the side, as if they had just been laundered.

Bahagya akong sumulyap sa kanya at napangiti ako nang wala akong nakitang hiya o pangamba sa mata niya.

Binitawan niya ang hawakan ng payong at kinuha ang mga sinampay. He draped them over his arms before nearing me.

"Pasok ka," he instructed while opening the fences.

As soon as I stepped inside, I was struck by how clean everything looked. Ang daanan na yari sa kahoy ay halos sampung metro lang ang haba, pero nagawa nilang hanayan ito ng mga halaman kaya nagmukha itong maaliwalas.

May maliit silang terrace kung saan nakalagay ang mga sapatos at tsinelas nila. Some of the shoes looked like they had been thrown together, but the ones I had seen him wear were in order. Tumingala ako at ganoon na lang ang paninikip ng dibdib ko nang makitang halos bumagsak na ang kisame nila.

"Aayusin ko 'yan bukas," untag ni Leon habang inaayos ang mga sapatos. Ang mga damit na kinuha niya ay nakasukbit na sa balikat niya. "No'ng isang linggo lang nasira. Nag-withdraw na ako no'ng isang araw para makabili ng materyales."

He was quite hands-on. He was too all-around. Paano siya nakakapag-aral kung marami siyang ginagawa?

He cleared his throat as he stood straight. "Wala kaming WiFi pala. May tree house kami sa farm ni nanay. May signal do'n kaya do'n tayo gagawa. May load din naman 'yong broadband . . ."

I pursed my lips and nodded slowly. Napangiti siya sa reaksyon ko.

Binuksan niya ang pinto at bumungad sa amin ang kambal na kapatid niya na nakahilata sa banig at nanonood ng TV habang ang mga pinagkainan ay nasa paligid lang nila.

"Kuya!" bulaslas ng isa bago napatingin sa akin.

Pasimple niyang sinipa ang kakambal na pupungas-pungas na bumangon.

I expected Leon to scold his brothers for being so lazy when there were chores to do, but instead, he approached them and began playing with their hair.

"Ano'ng inulam n'yo?" tanong niya sa dalawa.

For heaven's sake, they're teens! They're capable of cleaning their house!

"Kumuha kami ni Nash sa pitaka mo," sagot ng isa. "Bumili na lang kay Aling Yolly."

"Akala ko nagluto si nanay bago umalis?"

"Paksiw na bangus," Nash cringed.

Hindi ko alam kung ganito talaga ang relasyon nila . . . pero naiinis ako. Kung kapatid ko ang dalawa ay tiyak na iiyak sila sa akin. Ayoko sa mga tamad. Kita na nilang nahihirapan ang kuya nila tapos sa mga simpleng bagay ay hindi pa sila maasahan.

Leon looked at me as he put down the clothes on the mat. "Mga kapatid ko, sina Nash at Nathaniel."

I tried my hardest to throw on a happy face. "Magandang tanghali . . ."

"Ate Amari n'yo," sabi naman niya sa kambal. "Ka-partner ko."

The twins returned my greeting, and it wasn't long until they locked themselves away in their room. Leon started cleaning for a while, and as he was washing his brothers' dishes, I decided to help him by folding the clothes.

I was good at it, so by the time he came back, I was already done.

Namilog ang mga mata niya nang makitang nakatiklop na ang mga damit. Akmang gusto niya pa akong pagalitan pero pinagtaasan ko agad siya ng kilay.

He sighed. "I'll cook. Ano'ng gusto mo?"

Naiinis ako na masyado siyang masipag at mabait! Ba't hindi niya pinagsabihan ang mga kapatid niya?!

"Paksiw," I answered because I didn't want him to cook anymore.

God, he needs to take a break!

He motioned me to the kitchen, and I noticed how clean it was. Humigit siya ng isang monobloc at umupo naman ako roon. Sunod ay inihanda na niya ang pagkain na parang sanay na sanay siyang gawin iyon. Naglagay siya ng pinggan sa harap ko at sinalinan iyon ng kanin.

"Hindi boneless," bulong niya sa sarili na nakarating naman sa pandinig ko.

Natataranta siyang naglakad papunta sa ref nila at naghanap ng kung ano roon. He scratched the back of his head when he closed its door, hands were free. Pakiramdam ko ay stressed na stressed siya dahil matinik ang ipapakain niyang isda sa akin.

I noticed a few sweat drops on his forehead, probably because he was moving around a lot. Hindi pa nakatulong na sobrang init sa loob ng bahay nila na kahit may nakatutok namang maliit na electric fan sa amin ay iba pa rin ang singaw ng hangin.

"Can you wait?" he asked. "Bibili lang ako ng ulam sa labas."

Sinimangutan ko siya.

"Umupo ka nga!" hindi napigilang saad ko. "Kanina ka pa galaw nang galaw! Ang dami mo nang pawis, oh!"

He touched his forehead. "Naiinitan ka?"

"Ako ba ang pinagpapawisan?" pagsusungit ko pa.

I stood up and walked up to him. Nakita ko ang pagtataka sa mukha. I moved behind him and gave him a gentle nudge in the back to encourage him to sit down.

Tumalima naman siya.

"You're stressing me out, Leon Ysmael," I muttered as I pulled out my handkerchief from the pocket of my uniform. "Tamo, basa na ang likod mo! Magpalit ka ng damit bago tayo kumain, ha?!"

Nasa likuran niya ako kaya hindi ko nakikita ang reaksyon niya. I just used my handkerchief to dry his nape and forehead while he sat upright like an obedient soldier.

"Parang tanga kasi," I whispered as I continued to wipe his sweat. "Wala ka bang pagod? Si Superman ka ba?"

Iniabot ko ang panyo sa kanya na kinuha niya naman. Wala siyang sagot sa akin, para bang hinahayaan lang akong magbunganga. Kumuha ako ng pinggan para sa kanya at naglagay ng maraming kanin at ulam doon. Naghugas na rin ako ng kamay at ramdam ko ang pagsunod ng tingin niya sa akin.

"'Wag kang maarte, ha?" suway ko bago inalisan ng tinik ang bangus sa pinggan niya.

He was just watching me as I did that. Nakasimangot lang ako dahil ako ang napagod sa ginagawa niya. Siguradong mag-aaral siya mamayang gabi tapos may gagawin pa siyang kisame bukas! Private tutor pa siya tapos ang mga kapatid niyang imbes na tumulong sa kanya ay mukhang wala man lang kagawa-gawa! Nakuha pang mag-inarte sa ulam!

I shook off my thoughts. Wala akong karapatang mainis dahil wala naman ako sa posisyon nila. Hindi ko lang mapigilan lalo at naaawa ako sa kanya!

"Magpalit ka na ng damit. Kapag natuyuan ka at nilagnat, aabsent ka pa," pagpapatuloy ko. "Paano kita matatalo n'yan? Kailangan mong maging fit and healthy para makalaban ako! Sige ka, ikaw naman ang kawaw—"

I froze on the spot when he suddenly reached out for my hand and gently . . . so gently . . . kissed it.

His eyes suddenly went up to me, and I got a glimpse of a powerful emotion flowing through them, completely silencing me.

"I've hit the rock bottom now, Amari," he whispered as he was in deep pain. "You've turned me into a hopeless case, and I'm sure I wouldn't even want to complain . . ."