Chapter Thirty-two

Called off

"I'm really sorry, Aaron... Alam kong hindi mabubura ng sorrys ko ang nagawa ko sa 'yo noon... But I want you to know that I really am sorry... I'm sorry..." Paulit-ulit na sinabi ko ito sa kaniya. We were finally able to talk about the past...after making some love...

Aaron was quiet. Bumangon ako and just wrapped the white sheets around my naked body. Sunod din na bumangon si Aaron sa tabi ko. We were now seated on my bed beside each other.

"You were nothing but a good boyfriend to me back then. While I was spoiled and an attention seeker..."

"That's not true..."

Tiningnan ko siya. "It's true, Aaron. I was really a spoiled brat. Pakiramdam ko noon sa akin lang nakaikot ang mundo. At gusto ko palagi lang na nasa akin ang atensyon mo. That when you just got busy with work, I..." Napapikit ako at nagtakip ng mukha gamit ang mga palad ko.

Iyon naman talaga ang totoo... Ganoon ako noon. And I hated that. I regretted my past choices... "Kahit pa alam ko na naman ang pinagdadaanan mo noon pa. You're right. I was aware of what's happening to you even back then. Alam ko ang pinagdadaanan mo sa pamilya mo and how you should work hard... But despite that I was still a bad girlfriend to you..."

"I'm sorry, Aaron..." Nanginig ang boses ko.

Pagkatapos ay tiningnan ako ni Aaron. He brought his hand to my cheek and his palm touched my face. "I'm sorry for the things I've said..."

I shook my head. "No. It's only right, Aaron! Totoo naman iyong mga sinabi mo sa akin ngayon. And it's good na nasabi mo na rin sa wakas ang noon mo pa siguro gustong sabihin..."

"I'm sorry..." This time he was the one saying sorry to me. And then he brought me close to his chest and hugged me. Hinagkan niya ako. While I cried in his arms.

"Huwag na muna nating ituloy ang pagpapakasal natin ngayon, Aaron..." sinabi ko sa kaniya pagkatapos kong kumalma.

I don't think it's the right time yet. Wala pa ring tiwala sa akin si Aaron. At may mga pagdududa pa rin siya. Bumalik lang naman siya sa akin because of Bella. Without our daughter I doubt if he'll still think of marrying me...

Aaron was just being a good father to Bella. Lahat ng ginagawa niya ngayon ay para lang sa anak namin. Siguro ay dahil ayaw niyang matulad sa kaniya si Bella... Kaya handa siyang isantabi ang mga dinaramdam pa rin niya hanggang ngayon para lang sa anak namin.

And it's not right...

I want Aaron to heal, too...

I want our relationship to heal first... Gusto ko na dumating pa rin ang araw na pareho na kaming handa kung mahal pa rin namin ang isa't isa.

"Tristeen..."

Nagkatinginan kami. Alam kong may may panibago na namang luha sa mga mata. This hurts me so much. If I'm being honest, ayaw kong pakawalan si Aaron. My selfishness was telling me that he might drift away from me if I'll do this now... Pero gusto ko rin na maghilom ang mga sugat niya...

"I want you to marry me if you already trust me again... Maybe I am really selfish, Aaron, but I want you to look at me and love me without the doubts..."

"Teen..." malambing na tawag niya at muli akong nilapit pa sa katawan niya.

I was shaking my head. "This is for the best... This is for y-you..." Bahagyang pumiyok ang boses ko dahil sa emosyon. "It's for us...and for our daughter..."

Hinuli ni Aaron ang mga labi ko at hinalikan ako. His kiss was deep and passionate. That I got lost...

But that was the last time...

Dahil muli pinilit ko pa rin ang gusto ko... Na huwag muna kaming magpakasal...

After that our engagement was called off. Wala nang nangyaring kasalan sa pagitan namin ni Aaron. We both became busy—ako sa trabaho ko sa hospital, at si Aaron sa trabaho niya rin sa company nina Tito Axel. Nagkikita pa rin naman kami ni Aaron and that's just because of our daughter, Bella.

"Daddy!"

"Bella!" Aaron smilingly caught our daughter into his arms after Bella excitedly ran to his dad.

Kakarating lang namin dito sa venue. It's the wedding reception for Jarvis and Sophie... Yes the two got married already and were both lawyers now. They're also running Tita Eris' family's law firm.

We just came from their church wedding. Sumabay na kami ni Bella kanila mommy at daddy. Pagod pa kasi ako sa duty ko sa hospital kaya wala akong gana mag-drive ng sarili kong sasakyan kanina. Kaninang papunta ay sa kapatid kong si Lance lang din kami ni Bella sumabay sa kotse niya.

I knew that Aaron would be busy with his family. Kaya hindi na siya namin inabala ni Bella.

I watched as Aaron carried Bella up in his arms. Pagkatapos ay nagkatinginan din kami. Lumapit siya sa kinatatayuan ko buhat ang anak namin. He stood tall and handsome in front of me. "I looked for you and Bella. Sa akin ko na sana kayo isasabay kanina papunta dito."

Umiling ako. "Ayos lang. Sumabay na kami ni Bella sa kanila ni Mommy at Daddy. I saw that you were busy pa kanina sa church. You were still busy with your brother." Aaron was Jarvis' best man.

Tumango na lang si Aaron sa akin. Pagkatapos ay muli siyang ngumiti kay Bella. My daughter also smiled to her dad. Napangiti na lang ako habang pinagmamasdan silang mag-ama.

Every time Aaron would look this gentle towards our daughter, it always touch my heart. It always gives me warmth.

"Hija," Lumapit sa amin si Tita Eris.

Maagap naman akong bumaling din kay tita at ngumiti. "Tita,"

"Kakarating n'yo lang ba? Nandoon ang Mommy at Daddy mo. Kumain na muna kayo. Aaron, hijo, pakainin mo na muna ang mag-ina mo."

Pareho kami ni Aaron na tumango lang sa kay tita.

"Bella! Come here, apo."

Binigay ni Aaron si Bella kay Tita Eris.

"Come, let's get us out seats first." Giniya ako ni Aaron para makakain na.

And then both Jarvis and Sophie stood before us. Tumigil din ako para batiin ang dalawang bagong kasal. Ngumiti ako sa kanila. "Congratulations on your wedding!"

Ngiting-ngiti si Jarvis at mukhang masaya sa pagpapakasal at ngumiti rin sa akin si Sophie. "Thank you, Tristeen." she smilingly said.

Matagal na rin kaya medyo nakakalimutan na rin namin iyong nangyari sa nakaraan. Everything's better now...

Pagkatapos ay tuluyan na akong dinala at pinaupo ni Aaron sa isang mesa. Mommy and Daddy were busy with the newly wed's parents.

"Ano'ng gusto mong kainin? Ikukuha na kita."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Aaron. "Anything's fine. Huwag lang masyadong marami. Thank you."

Aaron nodded. "Okay. Kukunin ko na rin si Bella kay tita para mapakain na rin natin."

Tumango ako kay Aaron.

So I was left for alone on our table for a while. Until a family friend went to me. Kakilala siya nina Tita Eris. Asawa yata ng business partner ni Tito Axel. At nakilala na rin nina Mommy at Daddy. "Hi, Tita..." I greeted her too when she came to me. Tumayo rin ako para salubungin ito.

Ngumiti ito sa akin. "Hija, minsan na lang kitang nakikita. Ngayon na lang uli sa kasal nina Jarvis at Sophie."

Tumango ako. "Opo. I was busy at the hospital."

Tumango rin ito. Ngumiti siyang muli sa akin.

"Upo po muna kayo." I politely offered. Nanatili kasi siyang nakatayo doon kaya nakatayo lang din ako sa harapan niya.

Umiling ito. "Hindi na, hija. I'm fine standing, napadaan lang din naman ako."

Tumango ako.

"Nakikita kong mukhang maayos naman kayo ni Aaron... Is there still a problem kung bakit hindi pa rin kayo nagpapakasal hanggang ngayon? Lumalaki na ang anak ninyo..."

My lips parted a little. At hindi agad ako nakasagot. Bahagya akong natigilan. Nang makabawi ay ngumiti pa rin ako. "We'll still discuss it with our family, tita..." I don't know if what I answered was right or just okay... Pero hindi naman kami ni Aaron pinapangunahan kahit ng mga magulang namin...

Alam kong may masasabi ang ibang tao tungkol sa nangyayari sa amin. Pero I don't think it's right too na manghimasok sa buhay ng ibang tao kung hindi nga rin naman tayo kahit magkamag-anak...

"Oh! Sorry, hija... I didn't mean to..." Mukhang nahihiya na ito ngayon.

Am I being rude? There's no pressure between me and Aaron. Kahit ang mga magulang at pamilya namin ay hindi na kami pinapangunahan. They're aware that me and Aaron were already grown ups at alam na namin ang ginagawa namin. So they just let us be...

Umiling ako. "Ayos lang, po..." I smiled.

"Siya, I'll go back to my husband now." Pagpapaalam na rin niya.

I just nodded and let her leave. After that naupo na akong muli sa upuan ko kaharap ang mesa. I sighed.

I just thought that, why do other people would care so much about my life? As if marrying Aaron or not would affect their lives? Ano ba ang makukuha ng ibang tao sa sarili ko namang buhay? When my family isn't even telling me what to do. And then I'll receive some kind of pressure from other people outside my family members? I just...don't think it's quite right...

At tingin ko rin ayaw ko lang din talaga na pinapangunahan ako... Because I have a mind of my own. And, marunong din naman akong makinig. Pero doon lang sa mga taong magiging apektado sa mga desisyon ko sa buhay.

Aaron returned with our food and our daughter. Ngumiti ako sa mag-ama ko... "Naku, tuwang-tuwa na naman si Bella na makakakain siya ng cake." I sighed.

Aaron just smiled. "She likes sweet."

Problemado akong tumango.

Aaron chuckled a bit at my reaction. "Hayaan mo na ang bata. Hindi naman ito palagi. It's just sometimes. Pagbigyan na natin. She'll be sad if we won't allow her to eat and have what she wants even sometimes."

Umiling ako. "Ayaw ko lang din na masyado siyang spoiled, Aaron..." Maybe because thinking about how I was before I thought I wouldn't want my daughter to be that way, too...

Umiling din si Aaron habang nakaupo na doon sa tabi ko. And on his lap was our daughter. Ngumiti ako sa anak ko na inabot na ang isang slice na cake at tinikman na agad ang icing doon habang nag-uusap pa kami ng Daddy niya. Napailing na lang ako. "Don't worry about it. We're here to guide her. And our Bella is a smart girl. Nakikinig din naman siya kapag sinasabihan natin." Aaron said.

Tumango na ako at ngumiti din sa kaniya.

"Bella love cakes!"

Natuon ang parehong atensyon namin ni Aaron sa anak. We both chuckled after seeing the little mess from the icing around her pretty small mouth now. Kumuha agad ako ng baby wipes at tissue sa bag ko.

"But Bella can't eat too much..." I said as a reminder to her too as I wiped her lips clean.

"Bella won't! Promise!"

Ngumiti na lang kami ni Aaron sa anak at sa isa't isa.

Mukhang naging maayos pa rin naman kami ni Aaron pagkatapos ng lahat... Although, years had passed, and Bella's now in Kindergarten, but Aaron wasn't still proposing to me again... Ako naman ang may kagustuhan na huwag muna kaming magpakasal noon... Huwag muna. Pero bakit pakiramdam ko yata ngayon ay wala na talagang balak si Aaron na pakasalan pa ako...

And then I remembered what Rachel had told me the last time we talked... That Aaron was getting close to the daughter of their important company investor...

Kasalanan ko pa rin na naman ba? Na hindi na lang ako nagpakasal noon at hindi naman din umatras noon si Aaron sa pagpapakasal sa akin kahit ganoon pa ang nangyari sa amin? Pinalampas ko pa ba? Ang pagkakataon na bigyan ko ng buo at kompletong pamilya ang anak ko...

I think, whatever happens... It's still my fault again...