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Chapter Seventeen

Wrong

"Teen, nandito si Rachel."

"Po?"

I did not expect that Aaron's sister would come visit me one day after what happened in the past. We were so close to each other before. She used to look up to me. Until she witnessed how I cheated on her brother... Since then Rachel hated me and it was hard to bring back her trust in me just like with everyone else...with Aaron.

Naiintindihan ko naman na may rason si Aaron kung bakit niya rin ako nasaktan sa past actions niya ngayon. Ako ang naunang makagawa ng kasalanan sa kaniya noon. Kahit matagal na iyon at pinutol ko naman agad, it doesn't change the fact that I still once cheated on him. When he was nothing but a faithful and good boyfriend to me back then.

I said that I already realized my mistakes in the past. At nagsisisi na ako doon. Especially when Aaron broke up with me and left me years ago. I realized how important he was to me. And all I wanted was to get him back.

But now that he's here and trying to make things between us okay again. Maybe my pregnant hormones was also playing a part. Pero alam ko rin sa sarili ko na ayaw ko lang din na magkabalikan kami ni Aaron just because we're having a child. Ang totoo ay gusto kong makita ako muli ni Aaron. Na makita niya iyong parehong Tristeen na minahal niya noon. Na ako pa rin ang mahal niya. At ako lang...

Hindi nga siguro talaga nakukontento ang tao. I thought I just wanted him back. And I do but I want more. I want him to love me the same way he did before. Iyong ako lang ang mahal niya...

Because thinking that he still love Sophie, or the thought that he loved another girl other than me breaks my heart. I know that I looked at another boy before. But I definitely did not love Noah. Si Aaron lang ang mahal ko simula noon hanggang ngayon.

"Where is she, Manang?"

"Nasa baba naghihintay sa 'yo."

Ano kaya ang maaring rason kung bakit nandito si Rachel at pinuntahan niya ako? When was the last time that we talked like we are sisters? When I lost Aaron before, hindi lang si Aaron ang nawala sa akin. Pati ang closeness ko sa mga Ledesma, sa mga kapatid ni Aaron. Even my family's trust I almost lose. I thought I was losing everything that I had. And I blamed myself, too. Dahil ako naman talaga ang may kasalanan.

Our days back then were normal. Wala halos akong problemahin sa buhay ko noon. I was living a good life, I can buy and eat what I want and I can go to places that I wanted to. I was also doing good in school being a top student. I don't have problems at home. Sobrang bait din ng boyfriend ko sa akin at mahal na mahal ako.

What was I really looking for back then? When life already seemed perfect for me. Hindi ko alam. Ang alam ko lang ay nagkamali ako. At saka mo lang talagang maiisip kung gaano pala kahalaga ang mg bagay na mayroon ka kapag nawala na ito sa 'yo.

Rachel stood up from our living room's long sofa when she saw me. Nagpatuloy din ako sa paglapit sa kaniya. Bumaba pa ang tingin niya sa tiyan ko. And then I saw her smiled. "I think it's bigger than the last time I saw you." tukoy niya sa tiyan ko.

"Rachel... What are you doing here?" I held my protruding belly.

Nagbaba siya ng tingin. Nagpahanda naman ako ng meryenda kanila manang. "What is it? Are you all right?" I was starting to worry for her. She doesn't look all right at all.

"Yes, I'm fine... I came here to talk."

Nanatili ang tingin ko sa kaniya. "Are you comfortable to talk about it here? We can go outside to the garden. Hindi na rin naman mainit sa labas. Or we can head upstairs to my room. Just like before..."

I saw a small smile appeared on her lips. "I missed your room." she said.

Bahagya na rin akong napangiti at nagsabi muli kanila manang na sa taas nalang ihatid sa kwarto ko ang snacks namin ni Rachel.

"My boyfriend broke up with me."

Bahagya pa akong nagulat sa narinig kay Rachel. Of course she won't be a little girl forever. She grew up at ngayon ay dalaga na. She's experiencing things I also experienced when I was her age...

"I thought I liked someone else more. But when we broke up that's just when I realized that I am in love with him. But it's too late now because he thought I cheated on him. And maybe I did."

My lips parted.

Rachel looked at me in the eyes. "Were you also confused about your feelings between Noah and my brother before?"

Hindi agad ako nakasagot kay Rachel. Pero nang makabawi rin naman agad ay nagbuntong-hininga ako. "No." Umiling ako. "Aaron was becoming busier before with your family's business. He was helping Tito Axel. And I understand that... But I couldn't wait for him to stop being busy. Although it was still impossible. Kailangan niyang tumulong sa company ninyo at magtrabaho dahil may kailangan din siyang patunayan..." Natigilan ako at bahagyang nanlaki ang mga mata nang may ma realized na naman ako. And I hated myself for realizing all these important things just now.

Saglit kong mariing pinikit ang mga mata ko. I also gulped. "I...thought...I understand. O naiintindihan ko naman talaga. Aaron used to tell me his thoughts..." Natutulala na ako habang naiisip ko si Aaron na hindi pa dumadalaw mula pa kahapon because he needed to attend to a business trip. "But I was stupid. I was missing him so I turned my attention on someone else."

Tumingin din ako sa mga mata ni Rachel. "Hindi ko pa rin halos mapatawad ang sarili ko sa mga nagawa ko noon, Rachel. Nagsisisi pa rin ako hanggang ngayon. It was my fault that I and your brother broke up. I was the one who ruined our relationship back then."

Napalunok akong muli at mabilis na pinunasan gamit ang kamay ko ang luha sa pisngi ko. "But I wasn't perfect... And I was young...and stupid. I only realized how wrong I was when I already lost your brother. When he already left me."

Rachel was already silently crying in front of me. Nilapitan ko siya at kinuha para hawakan ang kamay niya. I may not be the best person to give her advice especially with this topic. But I'll just try to share to her my own thoughts, too. "Rachel...you're still young... And we do stupid things when we're young... I think being confused is part of growing up... It's not okay to hurt someone or anyone. But I think we just can't get out of this life without hurting anyone..." I sighed. "If you think you're really at fault, then tell him you're sorry that you were wrong. I think it doesn't matter if he forgives you or not... If he's truly hurt then it won't be easy for him. But at least show him that you regret what you did..."

I don't know if I was able to tell Rachel the right things that she should hear. Sa huli ay niyakap niya ako. Bahagya pa rin akong nagulat sa ginawa niyang pagyakap sa akin. I knew that we weren't okay yet... That she was still angry at me for what I did to her older brother before. Pero bahagya nalang akong napangiti at niyakap din siya pabalik.

Nang kumalas siya sa yakap ay ito ang sinabi niya sa akin. "But I'll tell you, if you hurt my brother again I will never forgive you. I think it's inevitable for human beings to make mistakes, or to sin... But we also do realize our mistakes. And when we knew that we were wrong and we regret what we did wrong, we should also know that we shouldn't do it again. Because we already know that it's not right."

My eyes widened a fraction. Unti-unti akong tumango sa sinabi ni Rachel.