Chapter Seven

Nervous

"Mom..." I went after her to the master bedroom. Naabutan ko siya na pinahid ang konting luha sa pisngi niya.

I went to my mother and hugged her from the back. "I'm sorry, Mommy. I'm sorry."

Wala pa si daddy sa kwarto nila at nasa office pa niya dito sa bahay namin.

Hinawakan ni mommy ang mga kamay ko at brasong nakapulupot sa tiyan niya. I can feel her breathing to calm herself. At pagkatapos ay marahan niyang kinalas ang yakap ko sa kaniya and then she faced me. "Alam mo kung bakit hindi agad ako pumayag na magpakasal kami noon ng Daddy mo? That's because... I did not want him to marry me just because of his responsibility for us, for you. Aside from my being guilty because I thought I ruined his and Hannah's relationship. Pero ang totoo kahit hindi pa man tayo dumating noon sa buhay ng Daddy mo, Tristeen, baka hindi pa rin noon natuloy ang kasal nila ng Tita Hannah mo."

I wanted to ask my Mom why but that's not important to me anymore. Ang importante sa akin ay maayos kami agad ni mommy. Pero naisip ko pa rin si Tito Troy na pinsan ni daddy. Is it possible? Siya rin kaya ang dahilan kung bakit hindi natuloy ang kasal dapat noon nina daddy at Tita Hannah... He's Tita Hannah's husband now and they've been married for years, too. Mas nauna nga silang ikasal noon kaysa kanila mommy. At may anak silang kambal na halos kaedad ko rin, sina Kade at Kane na second cousins ko naman. And they have a younger girl sibling, too.

Ano pa man iyon pakiramdam ko dapat ay hayaan ko nalang sa nakaraan. Isa pa tingin ko rin ay naayos na nilang mga nakatatanda iyon noon. I shouldn't bring it back now.

Mommy held my cheek gently. "Teen, I'm just worried about you. You are my daughter so it's natural for me to feel this way. Ayaw ko lang na mapasama ka. Worst ay masira ka pa. You still have a bright future ahead of you. Ikaw ang magmamana ng Dela Cuesta Medical. You will also create a name of your own as an amazing doctor! Hindi ba iyon na ang pangarap mo noon pa man? You want to be just like your Dad." Mommy reminded me.

I smiled upon her gentle reminders. Niyakap ako ni mommy at yumakap din ako sa kaniya.

***

"Ah. I want pizza."

"Pizza again? Ilang araw na puro pizza lang yata ang kinakain mo, ah."

Ava's right. I have been craving for Hawaiian pizza with many pineapples. Kahit nga puro pinya nalang sana ang topping. Ava's gaze at me became serious. "What?" I asked because she kept looking at me.

She shook her head slowly. "Hindi kaya... Oh my goodness, Tristeen! Aren't you taking pills or using protection?!"

"What do you mean?" My forehead creased.

Napasapo naman sa ulo niya si Ava. We were again at the hospital for our duty. We're already near to finishing med school. "Aren't you... pregnant?" Hininaan pa ni Ava ang boses niya kahit kami lang naman ang nandoon sa parteng iyon ng hospital.

My lips parted. It took a while to sink in. Parang hindi pa ako makapanila. But it's possible! I don't remember Aaron using any condom or the likes while we do it. And unlike before I already stopped taking the pills since he left me... Kaya maari nga na buntis ako.

Humawak ako kay Ava. "Oh my god! Are you going to faint?! Not now! Hindi kita kayang buhatin!" Pero hinawakan niya rin ako at handang umalalay sa akin.

Umiling ako at malayo na ang tingin. "I'm not sure, Ava... But it can be possible."

Ava looked at me like she's just become more problematic than ever. "What the hell, Tristeen."

***

I thought about it over again. The last time Aaron and I saw each other was last week. He's been busy with his work now. We've been doing it for couple of months now since the night of my birthday which we also didn't really use any protection from the very beginning. Kaya posible nga. It's really possible that I'm now pregnant with his child.

I wanted us to talk so I tried calling him. Matagal bago niya sinagot. "Aaron—"

"Hello, who is this?" boses babae ang sumagot.

Napalunok ako. Hindi na uli ako nakapagsalita. Hindi ko pa talaga nakakausap si Sophie... Pero may pakiramdam ako na siya itong sumagot sa tawag ko sa phone ni Aaron. At the end I chose to hang up the call and I even got nervous.

Hindi ako mapakali sa loob ng kwarto ko. Pabalik-balik ang lakad ko sa harapan ng kama ko. I just tried calling Aaron because I wanted us to meet so that I could talk about this to him properly. Naiisip ko na rin si daddy. If he finds out I'm sure it wouldn't be easy for all of us. Siguradong magagalit siya. Magagalit siya kay Aaron at magagalit siya sa akin. And the more time na hindi ko pa nakakausap si Aaron ay mas lalo akong natatakot.

At gabi na, ah. Magkasama ba sina Aaron at Sophie ngayon kahit gabi na? At nasaan naman kaya sila... Halos kagatin ko na ang daliri ko sa pag-aalala at pag-iisip. That I jumped to where I stood when I heard a knock on my door. Pinuntahan ko ang pinto at pinagbuksan si mommy. Her forehead creased when she saw me. Agad niyang inabot ang noo ko. "Are you all right, Tristeen? Namumutla ka, anak." Mommy said.

Umiling ako. "Okay lang po ako, Mom, uh, what is it? Why are you here?"

"Mukhang wala ka namang lagnat. Are you sure you're okay? Parang hindi maganda ang ayos mo, anak."

I nodded. "Yes, po, Mommy. Okay lang po ako. Don't worry."

"Okay. Dumaan lang ako rito sa bedroom mo to check on you, anak. Sabi ni yaya hindi ka pa raw kumakain ng dinner mo. Hindi mo ba gusto ang pagkain? Gusto mo bang magpaluto ng iba?" She asked me worriedly. "Nitong mga nakaraang araw napansin ko rin na parang wala ka yatang ganang kumain. If you're feeling unwell you should tell me at least. I'm worried. Baka naman stressed ka duties mo sa hospital? Should I talk to your Dad?"

I shook my head immediately. "No, Mommy. Okay lang po ako. Uh, bababa na rin po ako para kumain. Si Daddy po wala pa?"

Umiling si mommy. "Pauwi na rin ang Daddy mo. Nauna lang ako para maabutan pa kitang gising dahil nasabi sa akin ng maids na hindi ka raw kumakain nang maayos nitong mga nagdaang araw."

Umiling muli ako. "I'm all right, Mommy. Sige po bababa na ako para kumain ng dinner."

Mommy smiled. "All right. Pupuntahan ko rin muna ang kapatid mo sa room niya to also check on him."

I nodded. "Okay, po."

Nang wala na si mommy sa kwarto ko ay bumaba na rin ako para makakain. Pinaghain ako ng maids. Mukhang masarap naman ang nilutong pagkain ng cook pero parang wala lang talaga akong gana. But still pinilit ko paring kumain para 'di na mag-alala si mommy.

Nang makabalik na ako sa kwarto ko ay nagdadalawang-isip pa pero sinubukan ko muling tawagan si Aaron. This time siya na ang sumagot. "What is it?" He asked me in a cold manner.

"Where are you?"

"Is that the reason why you called? I'm at my parents house. Ibababa ko na 'to—"

"Wait! Saan ka uuwi mamaya? Uuwi ka ba sa condo mo? Aaron, we should talk."

"About what?"

"I'll tell you kapag nagkita na tayo. Please."

Ilang sandali pa bago siya sumagot. "Fine."

Binaba ko ang phone ko pagkatapos ng tawag. Hindi pa rin ako mapakali and I can feel my nervousness.