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Chapter Eighteen

Rest

I realized how selfish I was. Sa lahat ng tao sa paligid namin ni Aaron ay ako ang mas nakakakilala sa kaniya. We have known each other since we were young. Bata pa lang ako nang makilala ko si Aaron at noon pa man alam ko nang isa siyang mabuting tao. He was too good to be true. He was too good for me.

Aaron was nothing but good to me. He's a good son and big brother to his siblings. He's giving and understanding. He's a good person. Despite the other people's view and opinion of him being his father's child with another woman. Despite their judgements. Ni minsan ay hindi ako nakarinig ng reklamo kay Aaron. Hindi siya nagreklamo na bata pa lang siya nang iwan siya ng Mama niya. That's why since then he lived with his Dad and its family. He became responsible enough even at a young age. Because instead he has told me before that he was still happy with his life...

"Aren't you sad that your Mom isn't here, Aaron?" I remembered asking him this after knowing that his mom has been living abroad. We were just in grade school back then. It was few months after I met him for the first time.

Aaron looked at me and gave me a gentle smile. "Of course, I miss my mother, Teen. But I understand her. I understand our situation."

I was looking at him until my thoughts ran deeper. I have always wondered how a kid his age could be this understanding already. Napangiti na lang ako habang nakatingin kay Aaron.

"Hindi okay si Mama at Tita Eris... At alam kong may kasalanan si Mama..." Nagbaba ng tingin si Aaron matapos iyong sabihin, and his eyes looked sad. "Kaya nga...malaking bagay para sa akin na tinanggap pa rin ako ni Tita Eris." This time a smile formed on his lips again and he lifted his gaze to meet mine. "She accepted me in their home and let me be with Dad and my siblings. At hindi siya malupit sa akin. Kahit paano ay mahal pa rin ako ng pamilya ko, Teen." He smiled gently and genuinely this time. His eyes were showing an emotion of being grateful.

I smiled.

Aaron was like that. Instead of murmuring about his current situation and asking for more he was instead contented and chose to understand what life offered him.

On the other hand I was Tristeen dela Cuesta, the heiress of the dela Cuestas. I was spoiled by my family and was given everything that I needed and wanted. Was it because I was loved dearly by them? And was it too much? Maybe it was.

When I met Aaron he was just like my family. He loved me dearly. At palagi niya rin akong pinagbibigyan sa maraming bagay. Pero bukod sa pagmamahal niya sa akin alam kong mahal niya rin ang pamilya niya. I should really have known that. Bago pa ako dumating sa buhay niya ay may responsibilities na siya sa pamilya niya. At dapat bukod sa sino pa man ay ako ang nakaintindi nang husto sa kaniya.

But instead I was really selfish. It can be that I was used to getting everything. At ang kakulangan lang ng panahon sa akin ni Aaron noon dahil sa pagtulong niya sa family business nila ang naging rason ko upang masaktan ko siya. Dapat ay inintindi ko siya. Dahil kilala ko siya at alam ko ang mga saloobin niya.

Matagal ko nang inamin sa lahat at sa sarili ko na kasalanan ko talaga ang lahat. All these wouldn't happen if I did not do something that could hurt Aaron. Sinaktan ko siya. His past actions were only the result of what I did to him. At kahit pa nagsisisi na ako. Even if it's already in the past. At magkapatawaran man kami alam kong mahirap na iyong alisin sa kay Aaron. Maaalala at maaalala pa rin niya ang nagawa ko sa kaniya...

And seeing him trying right now to still make it all okay even if we say that it's just for our child, I still should appreciate it. Realizing my mistakes and broken promises to him as if opened my eyes once again. Naisip kong ilang realizations pa ba ang kailangan ko? But then I also think that realizing my mistakes is already a step for me. At least I'm aware of my past actions. At pinagsisihan ko at sana ay hindi ko na magawa pang muli. I think it's enough that I know that I should not commit the same mistake again.

I was still hard on Aaron these past months. Kahit pa gusto lang naman niya akong samahan sa pagbubuntis ko. Maybe it was the hormones, pero alam ko rin sa sarili ko na umaandar pa rin talaga ang pagiging spoiled brat ko. I sighed to myself.

Dahil nasaktan niya rin ako at nagkasakitan kami. Dahil pinaiyak niya ako. Sa loob-loob ko alam kong gusto ko rin siyang pahirapan. At medyo excuse nalang ang pagbubuntis ko, making it a reason why I was giving him a hard time despite he's been trying. And seeing him trying his best just for me and my situation right now being pregnant with our child, ay parang inaabuso ko na rin si Aaron.

I sighed again. And I think a bit loudly this time. Napatingin na sa akin si Manang na sinasamahan ako dito sa may pool sa bahay namin. I wanted to swim but my stomach felt heavy. Kaya tinamad nalang akong maligo. Instead I'm just here resting on the lounger with a big umbrella shielding me from the morning sun. Mukhang maganda naman ang araw ngayon. Pero hindi ko ma enjoy dahil nakakaramdam pa rin ako ng inis kay Aaron na hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin ako dinadalaw uli. Ano? Napagod na ba siya kakasuyo sa akin? Ayaw na ba niya? Hindi pwede kasi magkakaanak na pa rin kami. Ano, tatalikuran din ba niya ang anak namin?

Getting all these thoughts inside my head made me tear up.

I heard Manang sighing beside me. "Sinubukan mo na bang tawagan o i-text man lang si Sir Aaron?"

Nakanguso at kumunot ang noo kong bumaling kay Manang. "Busy po siya sa trabaho..." I pouted and caressed my protruding belly.

Tumango naman si Manang. "Oo nga. Busy nga iyon ngayon sa pamilya niya at sa kompanya nila na kasalukuyang humaharap sa isang krisis."

Nagtagal ang tingin ko kay Manang sa sinabi niya. "Po?" Napatanong ako. I thought Aaron was just usually busy with work...

Manang sighed again. Nanatili lang naman ang tingin ko sa kaniya. "Narinig ko lang sa Mommy at Daddy mo. Kaya naiintindihan nila na halos hindi ka pa muna maasikaso ni Aaron sa ngayon. At isa pa ay maayos ka lang naman dito. Hindi ka naman napapabayaan at sinigurado iyon ng mga magulang mo kay Aaron para mapanatag din siya."

Wala akong nasabi at binaling nalang ang tingin sa tiyan ko. I was wearing a modest one-piece swimsuit. Kahit wala naman na talaga akong balak maligo. With my tummy now bigger I feel like I still looked cute in this swimsuit. Or that's just what I think? Why do I sometimes feel ugly since I got pregnant when I was always confident that I am beautiful. I sighed for the nth time now.

"Bakit hindi mo rin kumustahin si Aaron, Tristeen? Hindi madali ang pinagdadaanan niya ngayon sa pamilya niya." Manang said.

In the end I slowly nodded my head and decided to do that.

I was already inside my room and I just finished bathing and changed into a comfortable dress that's just right for my pregnant belly, when I decided to send a message to Aaron. Halos araw-araw pa rin naman siyang my messages sa akin at missed calls kahit hindi siya nakakadalaw dito sa bahay dahil sa problema sa trabaho niya. Ako lang itong walang respond sa kaniya, because I just don't feel like it...o mas gusto ko kasi na puntahan niya sana talaga ako dito sa bahay.

I sighed after sending my message to Aaron asking him of where he was, how was he doing, and if he's okay. Hindi ko na muna hinintay ang reply niya dahil baka busy pa siya. Tinabi ko nalang din muna ang phone ko at humarap sa salamin ng dresser ko. I have a fair skin but I looked paler nowadays. I sighed again and again this time almost frustratingly.

Then I started doing my makeup. Because I don't want to feel ugly.

At mabuti na rin na parang naghanda pa rin ako kahit hindi ko alam na dadalawin ako ngayon ni Aaron, because early that evening he went to our house. Nag-reply din naman siya sa akin kanina kahit medyo natagalan at kung ano-ano pa ang naisip ko dahil lang sa matagal niyang reply. Kahit alam ko na naman na may ginagawa nga siya ngayon para sa company nila. He replied that he's all right and that we'll talk and he's sorry for being occupied.

Well, it's really okay now. May problema hindi lang ang company nila kung 'di ang pamilya niya kaya ayos lang na iyon muna ang unahin niya. Dahil tama si Manang na okay lang naman ako rito sa bahay. Naaalagaan naman ako nang mabuti rito at nakakakain nang tama. So I'm all fine here.

"Aaron..." salubong ko sa kaniya.

He gave me a gentle smile. Even if it's really evident in his face that he was tired and his day wasn't easy. May dala rin siyang doughnuts para sa akin dahil binilin ko na rin sa kaniya kanina sa messages namin. Pero sinabi kong ipa-deliver nalang niya dito sa akin sa bahay when he asked me earlier if I have some cravings. I did not expect na siya pala mismo ang magdedeliver sa akin ng pagkain na gusto ko and I think he'll stay longer, too.

"Here's your doughnuts. I'm sorry for being really busy these past few days. I promise to come again here tomorrow."

Tinanggap ko ang doughnuts. Umiling naman ako sa kaniya. "It's all right, Aaron. I understand that your company and your family needs you right now. Ayos lang naman ako dito sa bahay namin. At hindi mo kailangang pilitin na makapunta ka talaga dito sa 'kin. It's okay." I tried to assure him.

Isang ngiti muli ang gumuhit sa mga labi ni Aaron. Para bang kahit na obvious na pagod siya ay mukhang nababawasan ang pagod niya ngayon... I cleared my throat. "Kumain ka na ba? Kung hindi pa ay sumabay ka na sa akin mag-dinner. Tapos na rin magluto sina Manang." I told him.

Aaron nodded and went with me to the kitchen. Nakasabay din namin ang kapatid ko na kumain ng hapunan at masaya pa silang nag-uusap ngayon ni Aaron ng tungkol lang din naman sa isang online game na mukhang pareho nilang nilalaro. Sina Mommy at Daddy naman ay nasa hospital pa dahil abala din doon ngayon.

After dinner I feel like I couldn't let go of Aaron. Seeing how tired he really looked and with those dark circles under his eyes because of obvious lack of sleep. And thinking that he'll still be driving himself home, naawa naman ako and thought that he can sleep here in our house tonight instead.

"You can sleep here tonight!" pigil ko sa kaniya nang talikuran na niya ako para makaalis na. Gabi na rin at alam kong maaga pa siya bukas. He can rest here tonight and go to work early the next day. Tingin ko ay mas okay iyon kaysa umuwi pa siya and it would take another hours before he can finally rest on his bed. "Instead of still going home to your place. It will take more time. Magpahinga ka nalang muna dito ngayon. I know babalik ka pa sa trabaho mo bukas."

"Pwede kong palabhan kanila Manang ang damit mo ngayon para masuot mo ulit bukas. Or you may also ask your secretary to bring your clothes here? Pwede ka rin manghiram muna ng pantulog sa kay Daddy." I added, hindi pa man siya nakakasagot sa offer kong pagtulog niya nga dito sa bahay namin.

Tumango lang si Aaron sa huli. Pinatawag ko sina Manang and told them na dito ko na ipapatulog ngayong gabi sa bahay si Aaron. "Sige, ipapahanda ko ang guest room." ani Manang at mag-uutos na sana sa iba pang kasambahay na gawin iyon nang pigilan ko siya.

"It's all right, po. Aaron can sleep in my room." I said.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Manang. Ramdam ko rin ang tingin sa akin ni Aaron. But what? Ano naman ngayon kung sa kwarto ko siya matutulog, 'di ba? Buntis na nga ako't lahat. I'm sure even Daddy wouldn't really mind.

Bahagyang tumikhim si Manang. "Osige..."

After that I brought Aaron up to my bedroom to rest. He needed it.