This is the fifth in a series of writing rants. What I'm gonna say is based off a few things I've seen people do, including Think_Insiration's "Zia's Blog of ... um, something!!" xXTheDragonRidersXx's "DR's blog of Writing (...and other things)" Parogar's "Haters Gonna Hate" and a few others.

This is basically going to be a short [yeah right] collection of things I hate as a reader. If any of them apply to you, please try not to take offence. Like I always say, use it as constructive criticism. Build upon it. I know I'm not the greatest writer, and this is not intended to offend, but some of these ... *sigh* You'll see.

If you don't want to continue reading, by all means, you don't have to. This may offend, but every word is true..

Dialogue VS Context

Warning: If you can't handle being confused, this is where you'll wanna stop. This peeve is a little confuzzling and if you don't keep track of what I'm saying, you will end up extremely baffled. It was a little confusing to write, so if you can't keep track, don't bother. Simple as that.

This is a thing another a few of my friends do (gods, I love them to death!). This doesn't make them, or you, a bad writer, its just incredibly irritating to me as a reader. This idea of Dialogue VS Context covers a number of things, so I'll go through a few.

The first is when a character thinks something and then says it, pretty much making it a repeat. This is one of the things that annoys me the most. I cannot explain how much this bugs me! Its just so annoying and a waste of time! The character legit just repeats what they just thought. Like this:

She looks like she is cold, I thought.

"It looks like she is cold," I said to him.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?! Like I said; waste of time for both the writer and reader. It annoys the crap out of me!!! It's incredibly infuriating, and I see it so often. How can so many people do this? If I see this in a book, I usually ditch it instantly. It's so annoying!!! ARGH! Stop doing this!!!!!

*deep breath* Okay, okay. I'm sane (ha! no!). The next thing is when the character thinks something and then a different character says it. For example:

Wow, I thought. I like the blue top, it matches my eyes.

"I like the blue one on you," my best friend said. "It matches your eyes."

"I know, right?" I giggled.

*barfs*

This. Is. Stupid. What about this one?

We must've looked like death, because of coming straight from the fight and being covered in blood.

"Oh my gosh!" someone yelled. "You guys look like death! Were you guys in a fight?"

No Styx, Sherlock. *bangs head on desk* Oh, oh okay. So the character has magically convenient mind reading powers now? Oh okay, because that makes absolutely no sense! Thinking that they looked like death, then another character convieniently uses the EXACT SAME WORDS! 

The next thing I'd like to mention is things that are said that shouldn't be. Pretty much using thoughts or context as dialogue, and similar stuff to that. Lets look at an example:

"Wow," she whispered. "Look at the luscious trees that tower over the road like the legs of enormous giants."

Do you say this? Would you say this? No. Then don't make the character! Its so stupid. If you wouldn't say it in real life, don't make a character say it in a book. Its just wrong. Who says the word luscious in real life? Or describes trees like that? No one, that's who. If you know someone who does, please, send them to an assylum, because that's some crazy shit! In context to describe a scene, its fine, awesome even. In dialogue? *points to the door* Get out.

The next is similar, as in still saying things you'd never say in real life. But this is slightly different. Its not quite using context as dialogue, just saying things that you never really would, because it either a) doesn't make sense, or b) doesn't make sense. Its so infuriating!!! Sometimes, it can slide. Other times, I'm tempted to throw whatever device I'm using half way across the world like the Olympic thrower I'm not.

For this example, I'm going to pick on my friend a bit. She is amazing and a great writer and I would hug her to death if I could, but I have noticed a few of these dialogue/context things in her books. And I recently read a perfect example of what I'm talking about here.

The example I'd like to pick on a bit is a part when the characters come in and one was covered in blood because he'd died but the other acquired a healing power and brought him back to life. This isn't what I'm picking on, it was actually really cool and all, but it was when they walked and were bombarded with questions, and one of them was, "Did you die?"

Now, excuse my narrow mind, but would anybody actually ask someone this? Aside from it probably being insulting, would anyone actually ask another person if they died? Man, I love my friend so bad, but this just baffles me. Anyone would assume, whether correct or not, that if he'd died he wouldn't just come strolling through the front doors like he was gonna grab some ice cream and watch telly. 

Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration, but I get my point across. No matter what circumstances, you wouldn't ask someone if they died. They didn't even know the girl had suddenly got healing powers. So if he'd died and was up for an evening walkabout, I personally would probably be running away, screaming "ZOMBIE!" I dunno, maybe thats just me.

A more appropriate question could be "What happened?" or "Why are you covered in blood?" or "Was there a fight? or, heck, even "Did you get stabbed?" Just not "Did you die?" I don't think even a five year old would ask that. My sister wouldn't ask that. She's ten but acts five. Same thing.

I don't really want to go picking on my friend (you know I love ya!), but this was just a perfect example of what I wanted to talk about. This sort of thing bugs me because I've seen it so much in so many books. And it doesn't make sense, so majority of the time, I end up losing interest and bailing.

Writers of the wattpad universe, please think about all this. If you think you do it, maybe try not to next time you're working on a chapter. If its annoying to me, I'm sure its annoying to others out there. I can't say I've never done any if this, because I have. But I always try my best to avoid these at all costs. And thats what I'm calling everyone out there to do now.

End of rant.