𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙋𝙏𝙀𝙍 𝙏𝙒𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙔-𝙏𝙃𝙍𝙀𝙀
-𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘦-

𝙎𝙋𝙀𝙀𝘾𝙃𝙇𝙀𝙎𝙎, 𝙄 𝙎𝙇𝙊𝙐𝘾𝙃 to the ground. I had only traveled a bit from where Rue and Marvel had died, before finally sinking to my knees. My tears were shed, and I began to feel weak again.

I am weak.

"Oh my god, Casey," River sighs in relief, shoving himself out of the cave. "What the hell happened? I waited for you to come back- only to hear two cannons go off. Do you know how worried I was?"

"She's dead," I whisper, a single tear managing to fall from my eye. "They're both dead."

"Who's dead?" He questions, planting himself on the ground in front of me, grasping my cheeks as he looks into my eyes. "Case, tell me."

"Rue and Marvel," I shake my head, wiping at the tear furiously. "I didn't stop anything- I could've. Oh god, I just want to go home."

"You will," he assures me softly, rubbing the pad of his thumb under my eye. "Soon enough, I promise. Just a little bit longer, okay?"

"Not without you," My lip trembles. "Or Cato, or Aspen, or-"

I fight back the urge to sob again, covering my mouth instead. "I don't want to go home after everything is said and done," I finish. "But now that Aspen is gone, I think I realize that I can't be happy even if I do win. I'll always lose."

"We may not be there for you," River starts. "But we will be there. It doesn't matter what happens here. It'll all be a memory after you win."

"You think I want to have nightmares?" I question with a heavy heart. "Because that's exactly what will come from this. It happens to everyone, don't think I don't know. I understand what this place does to people."

"So what?" He raises an eyebrow. "Don't you think having a nightmare every now and then is better than dying?"

"No, I don't." I state. "Especially since it's definitely not the only effect of this shit hole. PTSD, flashbacks, constant grief-"

"Could all be avoided through a Capitol memory wipe," he intervenes. "You could forget about all of this in an instant, and remember select things from your life before the Reapings."

"Do you think the Capitol would actually let that happen?" I scoff. "I'd love to forget everything, even if I didn't win. I want to forget everything now. But we all know that's not going to happen. I might as well die and get it over with. It's been two days, and I'm already tired of living."

"Living is better than dying," River says softly. "Trust me, Case. You don't want to die in here."

___♕___

It wasn't long before the sun had set again, and the sky had began to dim down. River insisted that he hunt again, which I thought was pointless. He made sure to scold me about running off, and left me alone in the cave to listen to the birds chirping outside.

But of course I wasn't going to stay trapped in here- I had to do something. Whether it be walk or just sit down outside, I had to get away from the cave. I felt encased when I was there, and it certainly didn't help my claustrophobia.

I move through the woods quietly, my eyes focused solely on a clearing in the near distance. It was familiar- where I had been when Rue and Marvel were both killed. It brought back flashbacks, yet I found myself moving towards it anyway.

My mind seemed to be distant at the moment- based completely on my mother. She was all I had left at home, other than my best friend. And yet I was too selfish to think of her as I told River I wanted to die. What would she do when I was gone?

It would bring her grief, of course. But what would it really bring her?

I knew that as she worked, she was doing it for me. We had monthly payments for food that was enough to support her without having to work, yet she still helped with the district lumber supply. All for me.

I put my mother through hell these past few months, that was for sure. But what added onto it was that I was an extra mouth to feed, and extra work for her to struggle through. It was bad enough that my father and brother, our main supply, had passed, let alone her having to do it all by herself with little to no experience.

I knew it had to be hard for her to take care of me when I was home, but I had never really gotten the chance to sit down and think it all through. And now that I do know, I feel my words from earlier sink back in.

Wouldn't it be better if I did die? That way, someone else had a chance to go home and my mother would be guaranteed to live a better life, even if she did grieve.

Maybe Cato or River could win. Or Katniss, or Peeta.

No matter what, I would be giving another kid the chance to live their life happily, with no more worries of poverty and starvation. They would be set with their families, and have no problems.

That was- if they could forget.

Standing in the middle of the clearing, I stare forward with a stone expression. I most definitely heard the crunch of leaves behind me- but I saw someone in front of me, too.

It was Cato.

He was running in the distance- towards me, it seemed. His yells echoed across the arena, but I didn't seem to care for what he was saying. His lips were moving, that's all I could tell.

And then there was the sound of nothing. Time stopped around me as something pierced my back, pain eating away at my entire body. It didn't last long- it was only seconds before it was gone.

But after that, everything began to come back to me; Cato's yells, the stopping of the birds' chirping, and the retreat of a figure behind me. My eyes are on my abdomen, immediately finding the spear that sticks out far from my shirt, the wood and spearhead covered in blood.

My blood.

My body reacts before my mind can comprehend, my knees slamming against the dewed grass beneath me. My eyes meet Cato's again, but this time he's closer. I fall over, the impact of the solid ground not fazing me. I couldn't feel anything.

"Oh my god, Casey," Cato mutters once he reaches me, sinking down next to me. "Shit! Where's River?"

I don't respond, not finding a way to open my mouth. My brain wouldn't process the pain or even attempt to let me react on my own accord. I was shutting down while being trapped.

And although it wouldn't process anything else, my mind began to shift me from Cato's presence and into a separate state- one I recognized as memories.

"There it is," Someone says behind me, slight irritation clear in the voice. "The Capitol. Such a beautiful place, filled with so many buffoons and cold-hearted killers."

I realize the voice to be Johanna's, glancing over my shoulder at the dark-haired victor. I let out a deep breath, and press my palm against the glass of the train window, watching the large buildings pass quickly.

The day was bright, the sun shining in the sky, and no storm clouds in sight. I couldn't possibly believe the sights that I was seeing when we first entered the Capitol: silver buildings lining the outer edge of our train, and thousands of colorful citizens standing on the pavement, cheering and screeching as our train shot by.

My vision goes black before I'm swept into a different flashback, Cato's words fading with the passing seconds.

'Casey.'

I unfold the letter, and read exactly what it says.

'I'm sorry for the incident with Glimmer earlier. You didn't allow me to fully apologize, so I would like to later on tonight. Meet me on the roof of the tributes center. I'll be waiting, Casey.

-Cato'

I crumble the note in my hand after reading it twice, and toss it to the floor. I cross my arms over my chest, and leave my room, a stern look carved onto my face.

"Johanna, who was in my room when I showered?" I ask, walking into the living room.

"No one, why?" She looks up from her magazine.

"There was a note on my bed . . . " I trail off. "So, no one was in there?"

"No, I didn't see anyone." She shakes her head, sitting the magazine aside. "Who was it from?"

"Uh, I'm not sure," I lie. "It didn't have a signature. It's fine, I'm just overreacting. See ya, Jo."

"Bye . . . ?" She says, but it comes out as more of a question.

I jog to the elevator, and push the 'roof' button. Johanna stands up from the couch, probably intending to follow me. But before she can, the elevator door closes. I let out a breath, and rub my bare arms.

The door of the elevator opens again. And this time, on the other side of me is Cato Hadley.

---

"What do you want to do first?" Aspen asks, his eyes gazing over our surroundings. "Edible berries and plants? Weapons? Survival techniques?"

"Edible berries and plants," I nod. "I'd rather do that than embarrass myself with the weapons station."

"You wouldn't embarrass yourself," He rolls is eyes. "I'm sure you're good at something. But we need to cut this conversation short, and head over to the station."

"Why?" I furrow my eyebrows.

"They're staring at you again," He sighs in annoyance, pulling me towards a booth.

---

I don't speak as I stare at Aspen. Tears well up in my eyes, in which I blink them away, and look to the floor.

"Get out," I say harshly. "You made yourself clear at the Training Center, and I'm making myself clear now. Get. Out."

"Casey, I want to apologize for earlier," He says with sincerity. "I didn't mean-"

"You didn't mean what?" I ask, gritting my teeth. "You didn't mean to hurt me like that? To completely leave me behind when I counted on you?"

I stand from the bed, and walk over to the door.

"Save it, Aspen," I murmer, the tears no longer in my eyes. "We're done here."

---

"Cato," I breathe, shoving away from him slightly. I look away, not meeting his gaze. "Sorry, I thought you were River."

"You need to move quicker," he says, completely ignoring my comment. "Try again."

I clench my jaw. "The last time I checked, I didn't want your opinion. You hate me, remember?"

I push past him, and make my way over to River. But before I can even move three steps forward, Cato's hand braces my arm.

"I said try again." Cato moves me back to my place forcefully. I grit my teeth, and yank my arm away from his grasp. I sigh, and turn around, facing the ropes. River doesn't even glance in my direction, making my nerves flare.

I reach up, and latch my hands to the rope, before moving ahead.

"Swing yourself forward," Cato instructs, his hands on my waist again as I jump up. "When I let go, grab hold of the next rope as quick as you can. Move stealthily."

I don't make a move to remark. Instead, I do as he says, as move forward as soon as he lets go of me. I pace myself as fast as I can, and find my arms aching when I reach the seventh rope.

"Keep moving," Cato says loudly.

I huff, but comply, finally reaching the end of the course. Cato meets me at the end, watching as I jump down from the ropes.

"Nice job," he compliments, a smirk growing on his lips.

"Yeah, whatever," I murmer. "Thanks for the help, but I have to go find River."

"Fine." he says lowly, leaning close to my ear. "Meet me on the roof after dinner."

But before I can reply, he walks away.

---

"I would take it back if I could," Aspen takes my hand in his. "Please, Casey, please. It kills me to know that I've caused this much damage to you. Just listen, okay?"

"No!" I snap, shoving him away from me as I stand. "I don't want to hear your pathetic excuse of an explanation! You don't deserve to even talk to me after how much pain you've caused."

"I know, and I want to make it better-"

"Make it better?" I chuckle darkly. "You think you can swoop right in and make it better? You left me! I had no one! But now that I have River, you want to team up again? As if I'd let you!"

"Casey, I'm trying to protect you! Why won't you just listen to me?" He clenches his jaw, his body going rigid.

"You think this is about protection?" I ask incredulously. "Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence. But if you haven't already noticed, I can defend myself. And if I ever need help, River will be the one beside me."

"He'll stab you in the back, Casey!" Aspen growls, his eyes growing darker.

"What, like you did?" I ask, my voice finally cracking. "Like you did when I cried myself to sleep because I knew I wouldn't make it without you? When I actually doubted my survival of the first thirty seconds in the arena? Aspen, River is nothing like you. He's proven to me that he'll be there for me."

"And I'm sorry for that," He looks to the floor. "I know what I did was wrong, and that I don't deserve your forgiveness. But will you please give me a second chance? I've already broken off from the career pack . . . I did it yesterday."

---

"You're early," Cato says, emerging from the door that leads to the garden. "I'm surprised you even came at all."

"I'm am, too," I frown, turning to face him. His blue eyes pierce mine, seemingly searching for something. "Why did you want me to come up here?"

"Another apology," He shrugs. "I've been a little hard on you."

"Yeah, hard is the perfect word to describe it," I snort. "And you don't owe me an apology. If acting out is a part of your nature, then I completely understand where you're coming from. Glimmer's terminology doesn't stand far from yours, though."

Cato stiffens at my words.

I suck in a sharp breath, realizing what I've just said.

"I already told you, I'm not like her," Cato sighs, surprisingly calm. "Clove may be, but I'd like to think I strike up my own category. One that Marvel seems to fall under, too. Considering that you had a conversation with him yesterday."

"How do you know about that?" I raise an eyebrow. "Are you spying on me?"

"He told me," Cato smirks.

"That jerk," I huff. "I suppose you know everything, huh?"

"Including the fact that you do have trust issues and why?" He nods. "Yeah, I know. But that doesn't matter."

"It matters to me," I murmer. "I opened up to him, and see where it got me?"

"Why do you not want me to know about your problems?" He asks, clearly frustrated as he takes a step forward. "Why do you shut everyone out?"

"Because no one can solve my problems," I reply steadily, not meeting his gaze.

"I'm only asking for you to let me help," He says lowly. "Just tell me, for yourself. I want to hear it from you, not Marvel."

"Just stop trying to help," I grit my teeth, shoving him away from me. I pace the balcony, running my hands through my hair. "Why do you have to be so complicated?"

"I'm complicated?" Cato chuckles. "I'm just asking to help."

"And I'm telling you no," I glare.

I stop in my tracks as Cato grabs my arms, and pins me against the wall. My posture goes rigid, and I freeze completely as he stares into my eyes.

"Why are you shutting me out?" He asks, almost in a whisper.

I breathe harshly, my heartbeat picking up. Tingles shoot up my arm from his touch, making me shift my weight onto my left foot.

"I don't try to," I say honestly, not looking away from him. "It's natural for me to forget about the people who try to care."

"Why?" He leans closer, his breath fanning my face.

Meanwhile, my breath gets caught in my throat. And by this time, I believe my heart is being ripped from my chest.

"Because no one has ever really cared," I murmer, managing to keep my composure without melting.

"Well I do."

I'm finally dragged away from my memories by my body being shaken. I stare at Cato, my tears falling freely as I watch him beg for me to stay awake.

"I love you," I manage to fight myself, getting the words out as I place my hand on my cheek. "I love you so much, I want you to remember that."

"No, stop," Cato states, his eyes glossing over as he holds me into his chest. "You can't talk like that- you're staying here with me, okay? Just keep your eyes open, you'll be fi-"

"I'm going to die, Cato," I smile weakly, wiping away his stray tear as my bottom lip quivers. "We both know I'm not going to win."

"Please don't-"

"I want to thank you for believing in me, even when I didn't myself," I start off, running the pad of my thumb over his bottom lip. "You were always there, even when I didn't want you to be."

"You have to stay with me," he shakes his head, his deadly and careless façade destroying as he slowly falls apart in front of me. "I can't live without you."

"You lived without me before," I chuckle, shaking my head as my tears blurr my vision. "Now all you have to do is do it again."

"Please stay," Cato begs, cradling my face.

"I can't," I smile again. "I'm better off gone than here. At least I'm finally getting out of here, huh?"

I wince as the pain finally hits me full force, my chest internally lighting on fire. I hide it from Cato, though, already knowing how hard he'd take it knowing I was in too much pain to bear it.

My vision blurrs, scaring the life out of Cato as I blink rapidly.

"Hey, hey, look at me," he says softly, looking down at me. "I love you, Casey. I love you so much."

"I love you more," I murmer, white spots fading in and out of my sight of him. "Always remember me, okay?"

"I could never forget you," he states, leaning down to place his lips on mine right as everything disappears.

And even as my heart slows to a stop and my body shuts down, I can still feel the sparking sensation of Cato's lips as he kisses me for the very last time.

And then it was gone.

_______