1. Ask him who Milah is

2. Ask him who Liam is

3. Tell him he's gone soft

4. Ask him why he's gone soft

5. Tell him he's the worst pirate you've ever heard of

6. Tell him perms are bad

7. Tell him the cartoon Captain Hook is hotter than him

8. Ask him if he missed Emma in the year she forgot him

9. Tell him Emma wants to break up

10. Tell him Mr. Smee is a better pirate than him

11. Ask him where the Jolly Roger is

12. Tell him Rumplestiltskin says "Hi,"

13. Ask him why he tried to hurt Belle

14. Tell him Bealfire says "Hi,"

15. Laugh and point at him chanting "Hookie's a hottie, Hookie's a hottie,"

16. Read his story from the book to him

17. Tell him Emma read his story and is mad at him

18. Ask him how much he loves Emma

19. Tell him "It's just a little crush. Quit being so dramatic," when he says he'd go to the end of the world or time for her

20. Ask him why he only has one hand