Cheers, to the end of another hiatus! With season six starting in two days, I decided to make one more chapter (literally my 4th of the summer but shh) and one that's been highly requested: I'm bringing back the conversation type jokes!
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Graham: *dies*
Walsh: *dies*
Neal: *dies*
Killian:
Emma:
Emma: TRY IT BITCH. I FUCKING DARE YOU
Killian: *dies*
Emma: LOL YOU THOUGHT. HERE I COME.
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Snow: Henry's trying to destroy magic? Why would he do that?
Gold: Why not? He's tried it before.
Regina: What's he gonna do, use more dynamite?
Gold: Um, yes.
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If Killian had a funeral:
David: We are gathered here today because somebody *glares at coffin* couldn't stay alive for more than 20 min- whoop. There he is, standing right there. Welcome back, no one leave, we'll probably be back here again tomorrow.
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Presenting: if the characters had social media

Henry: The death to birth rate in this town is very concerning
Killian: IT'S NOT MY FAULT I WAS MURDERED
Emma: Which time? Because I can name at least one time that it was definitely your fault
Elsa: Damn, I'm glad I got out there when I got the chance...
Henry: Take me with you. I feel like I'm next.
Regina: We've decided that we're naming the baby Robin!
Arthur: Isn't that kid, like a month old now? You guys need to get your priorities straight.
Zelena: How does your pathetic ass have internet you're dead
Arthur: Rude.
Neal: Why do you guys keep naming babies after dead people?
Robin: Hey guys, I'm dead. Where's the trip to the underworld to save me?
Robin: Guys?
Robin: Cool, I'll just chill with Cruella, I guess...
Regina: Be there in five minutes
(I know he's not there but shhhh)
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"Killian, have a Snickers, you're not you when you're hungry" -Emma to dark!Killian at some point, probably
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"I accidentally ruined my life. How do I start a new account?" -Rumple
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"Siri, how do you delete an alternate timeline that you accidentally created?" -Emma
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Rumple: You don't understand what's at steak if I don't have all the power!
Emma: Understand the palm of my hand, bitch!
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"Hello, darkness, my old friend" -Rumple, 5x12
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"Don't joke about murder! I was murdered twice and it offends me!" -Killian
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"Oh. It's okay. I guess I wasn't meant to have a good life" -Emma
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Zelena: You're really campaigning for bitch of the year, aren't you?
Rumple: As defending champion, are you nervous?
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Henry: In my play, Killian is going to be my father
Killian: I don't want to be your father
Henry: That's perfect! You already know your lines!
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"I'm fine. All the bleeding was internal. That's where the blood is supposed to be!" -Killian, after getting hit by the car
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Zelena: Why does everyone always assume the worst of me?
Regina: It saves time