at the gentle knocks on the door, yeosang knew he needed to get up now. he didn't know how long had passed since he'd returned to consciousness, exhausted eyes boring into the ceiling since then, yet he did know that ignoring everyone and everything was probably not the best idea. they were all hurt in this situation, both physical and emotionally, therefore yeosang didn't believe he had the lone right to do so.

another three knocks. "yeosang..." it was san, much to the boy's surprise. "we-we need to go, now. please come out once you're ready..."

oh, yeah. we're going back home, yeosang had to remind himself. with the news that was being spread right now, he wasn't as glad about it compared to prior anymore.

drained, yeosang dragged his body upright. once on his feet, he didn't bother to fix his disordered appearance, instead heading straight out of the door.

both the kitchen and the sitting room were empty and for a moment, yeosang thought wooyoung and san had gotten impatient and left without him. until, he heard objects clattering against one another, as if someone was rummaging through something. nearing the sound, yeosang hesitantly knocked on the door to the spare room.

after a bit of silence, he pushed the door open, peeking his head through. the radically vibrant colours, being the very first thing he made out, pained his eyes, as san spun around to face him.

the pear-haired boy's mouth fell, in fear yeosang recognised, and it was only then that he took notice of the state of his surroundings — asides from the fact that it was revoltingly bright and colourful.

the room looked like a nursery, toys that any kid would fantasise about owning messily scattered around the place, tea-sets and playhouses and building blocks and jigsaw puzzles and a bookshelf of children's books and plushies. hell, yeosang hadn't even seen as many plushies cramped into one room in his life, from animals to cartoon characters and pretty much just everything you could imagine

despite his sheer confusion, yeosang, strangely, thought it was cute. however, at the panic widening san's eyes, he didn't think it was timely to be thinking of such.

yeosang opened his mouth to break the doubtful silence, although he didn't even know what there was to say, but san was fast to voice before him, "p-please don't say anything yet..." he picked at his fingers, busying his anxiousness with the view beyond the window. "i-i- you probably think i'm a weirdo, like e-everyone does, b-but i promise there's a reason... for all of this. j-just let me explain. please... then, you can say whatever you'd like, just—"

"sure," yeosang said softly, upon noticing that san was simply rambling his nerves out now. "you can explain. though i don't really see a problem, unless you, like... hand-crafted your plushies from dead peoples' ashes—" san stifled a laugh; "s-so... yeah, go ahead."

"o-okay. uhm..." san sat himself, comfortable, atop of the bed, snuggling a banana plushie into his chest. "i... i-i- i'm a little," he stated, looking back at yeosang for a reaction. all he received, though, was a confused look. "ah, you don't know what that means... d-do you?"

ysosang bit his lip. "sorry, i—"

"most people don't, it's okay! and if it makes you feel any better, woo didn't know, either." san chuckled to himself fondly at the memory, before adding, "he's probably waiting for us right now, too, so we should hurry up." yeosang nodded his head in agreement, keeping quiet to usher san on, in which he did, "s-so... being a little i-is a mindset, pretty much. one that you can slip in and out of, sometimes by will, sometimes not. and, uh, if the name of playroom isn't clear enough, little space is basically j-just... y-you know, like.."

as san struggled with his words, yeosang contemplated momentarily; after a bit of thought, he tried, "acting like a...?"

sans face scrunched up. "yeah? s-sorta... it's a lot more natural than acting, it is a coping mechanism, after all, but i guess so... i understand that you might have questions since this is, like, new to you, but i-i don't wanna keep woo waiting, so—"

"that's alright," yeosang assured, san standing up with his plushie. "i think i get the hang of it now, anyway." he paused. "thank you, by the way. for opening up to me. i know it must've been difficult, but i actually think it's pretty cool that you have a way to cope when things get too much to bear. and i... i appreciate you for trusting me, too. even after all that's happened..."

damn you, yeosang, why mention that? yeosang internally cursed himself, frustratedly fisting away the tears gathered within his eyes.

taking him aback, a pair of arms were suddenly engulfing his frame — warmly, tightly, comfortingly.

"don't worry about it," san said quietly. "i'll be honest, i am upset, and so, so, so fucking angry — woo is a real life angel, he's the last person to have deserve what he'd gone through. but none of it is your fault. woo told me everything that happened last night... you did the right thing, and you're so brave for it. i can't imagine how you must be feeling, i can tell jongho meant a lot to you, so you have every right to be upset. but that doesn't mean we aren't gonna help you as much as we possibly can. okay?"

yeosang sniffled shakily. "o-okay... thank you, san. thanks so so much."

shaking his head, san's lips curved upwards. "it's nothing. let's go now, yeah?"

nodding, yeosang followed san out of his apartment, the silence oddly comfortable as they headed down. the despaired weather caused yeosang to hiss, shivering as he hugged his arms around himself in an attempt to keep warm, teeth chattering. he hopped into the back of san's car, his stomach feeling weird at the purple-haired boy in the seat in front of him.

san started the engine, as wooyoung brought up, "ah, is nana joining us, baby?"

"mhm! been using him a lot recently!" san's eyes glistened in excitement, sparkly and shimmery, as he answered.

"mm, that's good." wooyoung smiled, bringing his hand up to caress its fingers against the back of san's head. "what were y'all talking about that took so long, then?"

san tensed up a bit. "i, uh... i came out to him. a-about, you know, little space..."

carefully taking one of san's hands from the wheel, wooyoung brought it up to his lips. "my brave boy, aren't you, baby? it went well, i'm sure?"

yeosang found himself to be glad that wooyoung still thought good of him. perhaps, since the younger did, there was a chance he could think of himself the same way, too.

"yeah, i-i think!"

wooyoung nodded, along with a slight hum, and yeosang liked to think the smile on his lips was directed at him due to the second of eye contact they maintained in the rear view mirror.

the rest of the drive to wooyoungs' place, proceeded without any more words, not even from the couple who gladly took every possible moment to shower each other with love. gazing out of the window, yeosang zoned out upon the familiar streets they passed by — his college building, the local convenience store down the street to it, and the outskirts of the city centre a few turns away.

they were all, almost by unfair coincidence, places that involuntarily reminded yeosang of jongho: places they hung out together; places they investigated wooyoung's case together; places which shaped every one of the memories that had now crumbled right beneath their fingertips.

"yeosang..." san gently shook said-boy's arm, returning him to reality. "we're here."

yeosang averted his gaze from san towards his surroundings, the fresh breath of nostalgia at the area he grew up with filling his lungs, which in turn flooded his guilt back to shore. "d'you wanna come with?" san continued. "i could drop you to yours if you'd prefer that, i think i remember the way, still."

"uh- is it alright if i come with you guys?" it'd been a while since yeosang had visited mrs jung; in fact, they hadn't even spoken after wooyoung initially went missing. therefore, he easily made up his mind, figuring that was one thing he could do to make himself feel like a better person.

"since when has it not been?" wooyoung simply replied, before swinging the car door open.

at this, he received san's concerned attention. "woo, what did i say? please be careful! slow down, we aren't in that much of a hurry, gosh..."

yeosang trailed after wooyoung, nails digging into his palms as he hurried up to him, with san a few feet behind. he clasped his fingers around his best friend's wrist, prompting him to spin around, surprised.

"w-wooyoung?" at the latter's quizzical raised eyebrow, yeosang sighed and looked away. "i'm sorry."

the gusts of wind around them whistled, causing the trees to sway along underneath the overbearing pressure.

"being mad at you is hard, yeo," wooyoung started through a breathy chuckle. "especially 'cause i missed you so fucking much. so, i forgive you. i'm not saying anything is your fault, you're the reason i even got out of there in the first place, and i'll never, ever be able to thank you enough for it... you saved my life, yeo, seriously. but—" "we'll catch up to you, sannie." wooyoung nodded at his lover walking past them. "—but i just- i wish you'd told me sooner. about you and..."

"yeah, i-i know. and i was meant to, i really was," yeosang said. "but i'm a coward and kept it back for too long..."

wooyoung snorted. "you? a coward? what you did for me yesterday could've scened in a fucking action movie, or something- you can't be serious?" yeosang stayed quiet, shuffling his heels against the pavement. "oh, yeo..."

glancing up, yeosang didn't have time to think before wooyoung's arms enveloped his shoulders, their fronts pressing together into a hug. despite the elder's arms staying stationary by his sides, wooyoung didn't let go. when the figure cooped up in his arms began to tremble, when his clothes became damp, when indistinct sobs came from the head cuddled in his chest, he didn't even think of moving. instead, wooyoung just held onto yeosang as if he was the most precious gem in the world.

"hey, hey, it's okay..." wooyoung soothed. "it might not seem like it sometimes, and i completely understand why, but you did the right thing, trust me. maybe that's just me being selfish, bu—"

"wooyoung," yeosang interrupted the male in a whisper. "d-don't say that. please..."

"oh... oh, okay."

"i- i really—" yeosang sniffled, finally wrapping his own arms around wooyoung, squeezing his torso a little. "i was willing to do anything to have you back, you know? because i-i missed you, too... i missed my best friend."

———

a/n: woosang bbs what else is there to say

except imsofuckinginlovewithhim aha idek what to do w myself :D