"comin'!"

san's cheery voice from the other side of his apartment door met yeosang's ears, who chuckled quietly as his fist fell back to his side. in his hearing, the doorknob rattled for a moment, before it swung open with an obnoxious creak, revealing san's taller figure — an inviting grin across his lips and his fingers firmly wrapped around a breadstick.

"you planning to jus' stand there, yeosangie?" san started through an amused giggle.

yeosang smiled sheepishly in return, before stepping inside. "sorry, i was just, y'know... thinking about stuff," he lied.

nothing much had changed between them over the past few months. san was just as great to yeosang as he'd always been, yet, for a reason he still couldn't articulate, the older caught his stomach churn uneasily whenever it was just the two of them. it always made him feel so guilty, because san was the last person he should've been wary of, but what could he do?

locking the door behind yeosang, san hummed in understanding and followed him into the sitting room. he plopped back into his seat on the couch, returning to his bowl of chocolate sauce, while yeosang awkwardly busied himself with a spring toy laying around.

"woo's still at therapy, but he'll be back in a couple minutes!" san said, answering yeosang's thoughts. "so you can do whatever till he gets here, you know i don' mind."

"can i... ask you something?" yeosang bit down at the inside of his mouth.

almost immediately, san nodded his head, causing the latter's eyes to flicker elsewhere nervously. yeosang knew that the second the words leave his lips he'd regret his choice even coming here, but he blurted out, regardless, "about wooyoung's therapy — do you think... he's getting better?"

something within yeosang ached when san's eyes, previously identical to the sun's bright rays, sunk downwards in dismay. tense at the question, his arms moved to hug onto his own frame.

and what did you gain from that? a voice asked yeosang, who watched as san's mouth peeped open.

"i..." the red-haired shook his head, knees lifting to his chest. "i can't really tell you. i-i'm not wooyoung, i don't know what goes on in his head... as much as i wish i did sometimes," he confessed in a saddened whisper. "but i think- i-i know his night terrors are getting less frequent than they were at the beginning! and th-that's obviously a good thing..." san tried to smile, his attempts a failure.

"yeah, that is really good, you're right," yeosang said softly. no matter how difficult it could be around the younger, his optimism was always something he so admired; yeosang couldn't help but blame himself for sucking that away from him. "i was just wondering, 'cause you know how he can be. to be honest, i... i was worried that maybe he wasn't telling me all of it."

"i worry 'bout that, too, sometimes," san mumbled slowly, coming as a surprise to yeosang, but he remained quiet and listened. "i want to do all i can to help him, b-but i know he'd prefer doin' it on his own... and i-i don' know, i just—"

at the shimmer brought forth in san's eyes, yeosang interrupted him, "hey, i understand. but it's okay, san, i mean it. i get that it's hard to accept, but, truth is, he's stubborn."

san chuckled. "very stubborn, yeah."

"you know what, though?" yeosang continued gently. "he's strong, too, so unbelievably strong that i know for sure he'll get through this. so, i know it's not the easiest thing to do, but please... just trust him. because i can assure you that he's only doing what he thinks is best for you both."

sniffling shakily, san nodded his head and rubbed his sleeve against his tear-filled eyes.

"wait- that's not good for you, sannie, i'll get you some tissue." yeosang jumped to his feet, which turned towards the direction of the kitchen.

stopping him in his tracks, however, was the sound of keys jingling. yeosang's eyes fell back onto san, whose expression lit up slightly, even throughout his puffy eyes and red nose.

"w-wooyoung?" san's head spun backwards hurriedly, facing the door to his apartment, which was pushed open. "woo..."

"hey, bubba." wooyoung smiled at his lover. whilst heaving a hand of grocery bags through the door, he finally acknowledged yeosang's presence, too. "oh, hi, yeo. you're here already?" he glanced up at the clock, before sighing. "and i thought i was early."

snickering, yeosang shook his head in disbelief. and when san excitedly sprinted over to wooyoung, subconsciously humming out of delight at the pair of lips pressed against his hairline, he assumed that the roll of tissue just centimetres from his fingertips was no longer necessary.

"hm, what's this?" san quizzed at the plastic bags in wooyoung's grip, who took them over to the kitchen.

"our dinner, little one," wooyoung answered, untying the knots at the handles of the bags. "some of your favourite snacks, too, for later."

san gasped, and the younger giggled at him softly. "really, really?! thank you, wooyoungie!"

"of course, sannie. and yeo?" wooyoung turned to his best friend. "have you eaten yet?"

yeosang snapped out of his dreamy gaze. he had to remind himself to stop, that fantasying about the jongho he knew wouldn't get him anywhere. "n-not yet, no."

"good, 'cause there's way more than enough for the three of us."

as the microwave prepared their food for them, san beckoned yeosang with him to the sitting room floor — for a reason he was unknown of, and that truthfully made, like, zero sense to him, the little preferred his dinner on the carpet in front of the television rather than the actual dining table — where the three ate every sunday night. perhaps yeosang could call it a tradition by now.

interrupting the murmur of the show being played on the television, wooyoung entered the room, his footsteps padding against the linoleum ground.

yeosang forced himself to look away when he crouched down behind san, placed his plate by his crossed knees and began to cut his food into smaller chunks for the boy.

he loved his friends, there was nothing more admirable than what they had with each other, but on occasions it just became too remorsefully overwhelming for him to watch. what more did yeosang need to give up for a love like theirs?

"how's school been without me, then, yeo?" wooyoung asked the brunette, whose fingers twiddled around his chopsticks, for what must've been the hundredth time after he'd started the home school program he was advised to enrol in.

"less embarrassing, of course." yeosang grinned at the male.

wooyoung rolled his eyes, yet his lip was tugged upright at the sound of san's whimsical laugh chiming into their conversation. "your mom always told you not to lie, what did you ever learn from her?"

yeosang scoffed. but even he could admit, though it only be to himself, that wooyoung was right.

it was almost as if, upon hearing of their peer being fucking jailed, his classmates only learnt how to be more heartless. and as much as he thought he deserved it, yeosang didn't know how to deal with it at times; the snickers in the hallways, the mutters in the classrooms, and the notes in his locker were all just too much for his shattered heart to endure. even hongjoong and mingi, despite their relation with wooyoung, spared yeosang weird glances from time to time.

except, whenever san was by his shoulder, which was almost all of the time anyway as neither of them really had anyone else, yeosang was left to be — minus a few nasty faces his classmate pulled at him out of san's sight. nevertheless, yeosang was, quite frankly, grateful for san's infamous reputation.

although, it was rather funny to think about, the fact that their classmates perceived him as some sort of criminal to beware of, as he waddled back into the sitting room after vanishing for a moment, a blanket hunched up in his arms.

eyes drifting towards san, wooyoung chuckled. "feeling sleepy, baby?"

san just hummed lazily, lips jutted outwards as he silently climbed into wooyoung's lap.

"yeah? how much of your essay did you get done, hm?" wooyoung murmured, carefully wrapping the soft material around san's frame, curled up into a ball against his chest.

san sighed, cosy as ever in his lover's arms. "can't remember. was a lot, though, 's nearly
done, now.

"worked hard today, didn't you, bubs?" wooyoung stroked a hand through san's bright red streaks. "good job."

"mm, thank you," san mumbled happily, nuzzling further into wooyoung's chest, the warmest place he could ever imagine.

"so..." yeosang eventually cleared his throat. it was either start a conversation, or straight up leave; either way, there was no chance he had the emotional capacity — or rudeness — to just sit there and intrude the comfortable pair. "how was, uhm, therapy?"

wooyoung shrunk in his spot a little. "oh. it was fine. just the usual, y'know."

yeosang held back the urge to snort in his best friend's face. "the usual? cmon, don't- there's no way anything about it is ever the usual."

wooyoung was hesitant, yeosang knew, yeosang could tell. it was clear, from the way his eyes darted around the room with no genuine purpose, to the way he nervously fidgeted with the hem of san's clothing, who was close to unconscious by now. so, yeosang added on, tone far more gentle this time round, "i just want to know what's going on, wooyoung. you're my friend, my best friend, and honestly... i just want you to talk to me. l-like we used to."

"i'm sorry," wooyoung whispered, blurred gaze examining the floor. "i want to. i really want to, yeo, i- it's just... you loved him. didn't you?"

yeosang's heart trembled. he squeezed his crossed legs closer to one another, as if it'd shrink him into nothing but a speck of dust. "i-i- w-what's that got to do wi-with anything? it-it doesn't matter, he doesn't ma—"

"i know it's hard," wooyoung interrupted yeosang quietly. "and i know we don't talk about it, not any of us. about him, about what he did — to me or to you. b-but... i want to change that," he proposed, finally looking upwards again.

"why?" yeosang could only utter, eyes grey.

"because... because he was good to you." what? "i know he was. i know you, and you don't—"

"no," yeosang muttered, shaking his head back and forth. jongho wasn't good, everyone told him jongho wasn't good. he was confused. what was wooyoung saying?

"listen to me, yeo," wooyoung insisted, and despite his soft tone, yeosang felt as if he was asking him to commit a crime. "if you wanna talk about him, then i understa—"

"no," yeosang's voice cried in a broken whisper. "i said no. st-stop, wooyoung, stop." teeth gritted, yeosang tugged at his hair, continuing in adamant refusal, "please stop." he wanted it to go away — wooyoung's face, bruised and bloody and in the midst of tears. "he wasn't good to me if he hurt you."

"yeo- yeosang—"

"no, no, no, stop it." he wanted it to go away — jongho's smile, bright and lovely and adorned with admiration. "he was never, ever good to me. he lied and lied and lied, over and over and over, why—"

"yeosang..." this time, wooyoung's breath fanned across yeosang's skin as he spoke, and it's only then he noticed how close the boy now was, kneeling in front of him with his hands on his shoulders. "hey, look at me. right at me."

yeosang sobbed, clutching the latter's shirt. it hurt. the pity in wooyoung's eyes hurt, the guilt he felt being embraced by wooyoung hurt. all of it just hurt.

"it's over, yeo," wooyoung whispered to yeosang. "we're okay, see? i'm okay, you're okay... we're both okay. we always will be, yeah? always."

all yeosang did, however, was shake his head.

he wanted it to go away, he'd do anything for it to go away —  the fire ignited in him that jongho never let out.

———

a/n: i rlyrlyrly dont know how i feel ab this, a part of me wants to completely rewrite it all but another part of me thinks it's perfectly fine and ahhh idk but i'm publishing it anyway hi

bid ur farewells to missing cus she's never being updated again 🤪🤪🤪 i'm actually upset tho like i loved the plot for this sm gosh <///3

but yeah i hope u enjoyed missing's epilogue cus i for sure cried real bad writing it :D

also there may or may not be a woosan spin off for this soon (sorta like a prologue with their backstory n stuff since it is quite deep)! i'll be honest, i have no clue when she'll be out but yk keep an eye out for it if u want to yays

oh and last thing!! thank u so so fucking much for 3k <33