Thalia's POV

I woke in a cold sweat for the third night in a row. My body ached and shook in fear. I was exhausted but no matter how hard I tired to sleep I simply couldn't. Jason was across the way sound asleep in his bunk. Piper lay curled up in his arms, something Jason said they'd taken to since after the war. Percy and Annabeth did the same. Chiron didn't care much anymore. He'd slacked on some of the camp rules for them.

Instantly, I wished that someone would do the same for me. Keep me tucked away so the nightmares wouldn't come but that wasn't meant to happen. Not for me. With a sigh I stood dressing myself quietly and sneaking outside. No one was supposed to be up this early but no one attempted to bother me even if they were.

For three days ever since I'd come back to camp it was as if an invisible barrier had been placed around me. No one spoke to me. They averted their eyes as soon as they made eye contact and whispers were soon to follow.

Of course it hurt but I was used to that kind of treatment. Sighing, I focused on putting one foot in front of the other, aware of the air growing chilly. Up ahead the lights of the Big House flickered never seeming to go out. In a way, they were a promise on cold nights that if need be safety and warmth awaited.

My legs carried me to the porch where I'd sat and talked with Chiron, Annabeth, Percy, and the others numerous times. The boards creaked lightly beneath my feet, a quiet cry in the dark. My breath puffed out in a cloud in front of me and with a sigh I leaned on the railing.

I jumped when there was a creak of the door behind me. Spinning quickly with my fists raised on instinct I saw two familiar faces. One was Chiron, the other was Reyna.

"Out here again?" Chiron asked gently, his eyes softening.

"Yeah," I nodded averting my gaze. "Couldn't sleep."

"Three nights in a row Thalia," He sighed, a sadness to his tone. "I really think you should talk to Clovis."

"I'm alright Chiron," I replied quietly and he let the subject drop as he had the past two nights.

"Thank you for talking with me Ms.Arellano." Chiron said as Reyna stepped out onto the porch. I couldn't help but tense at the proximity between us.

"Anytime." She bowed slightly to Chiron as a form of respect before he eased the door shut. I waited anxiously for her to leave but she remained, moving to lean on the railing next to me. "Can't sleep huh? Want to talk about it?"

"No. I was just thinking," I lied staring out into the dark.

"Three days and you haven't said a word to me and then you lie," Reyna sighed, and I could feel her dark gaze settle on me.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked turning to face her. It was a mistake, because I instantly wanted to shrink back and turn away. A look of hurt flashed across her face.

"What did I do to you?" She asked with such an intense curiosity I was forced to peel my eyes away.

"You didn't do anything." I said playing with the sleeve of my silver jacket. Artemis had been kind enough to give me one when I returned to camp.

"What did he do to you?" She asked hesitantly. "Cupid."

"You wouldn't think of me the same. You'd think I was weak," I laughed bitterly. I hated him with such a burning passion it physically hurt.

"Try me." She said and the challenge was clear in her voice.

"His arrow... it wasn't normal," I explained, trying to find my words. "It was one of those stupid love arrows of his."

"Annabeth told me." Reyna stated quietly. "It gives you visions that seem realistic."

"Yeah." I took a deep breath closing my eyes. "Yeah they are. But it's not like you would think. You don't fall in love with anyone. You're confronted by the people you already love."

"What did you see?" Her tone was gentle and I knew she was being careful considering our last encounter.

"I was alone in the dark. I couldn't see anything only feel. Physically and emotionally," I explained.

"That must've been hard," Reyna tapped her fingers lightly on the railing. "Annabeth said you hate confronting your emotions."

"Well who do you think she learned it from?" I laughed lightly and Reyna joined in. "Anyways I had to confront a lot of things. One of them being Luke."

"Your friend," Reyna said, her eyes curious.

"Yeah, my emotions towards him. The betrayal I still feel." My voice was shaking and I hated it.

"Thalia you don't have to explain if you don't want to." Reyna said resting a hand on my shoulder.

"That's the thing I feel like I have to but I can't ever put anything into words." I was frustrated to say the least.

"I have an idea." Reyna said her eyes sparking. "When I was traveling with Nico I was able to see things from his point of view. Understand him."

"How?" I asked, confusion clear on my face.

"This." Reyna held up a ring with a symbol embedded in it. "It helps me share my strength with others but I think there's more power to it."

"You want me to show you?" I asked. Reyna nodded slipping it back on.

"If it's not too much to ask of you, yes." She tilted her head slightly to the side to observe me.

"Alright," I agreed. Reyna nodded and in one swift motion took my hand in hers.

"Just relax," She instructed, and I took a deep breath trying to calm myself down. Slowly Cupid's voice began to dance in my head. All of it was painfully familiar. It had plagued me the past three nights after all.

I was alone in the dark again. There was no noise except for the all encompassing voice of Cupid. He'd left for a brief moment before returning.

"It's time to play a little game. A therapy session if you will."  His voice was deep and rich. "I understand you hate confronting your feelings. I'm here to fix that."

"Leave me alone. Just go away! You've already done enough to me." My voice was strained and weak.

"That was a long time ago. There's some new developments now." He chuckled. "Oh let's see first on the list is...Luke."

"Don't you dare talk about him," I growled raising my head, my eyes searching the dark for his presence.

"Ah so I see you have some mixed feelings." Cupid's smile was so large it could almost be heard. "You hate him don't you?"

"No I don't." I shook my head but even as he said it I could feel anger bubbling up in the pit of my stomach.

"You can't lie here. Your emotions will become clear. No longer clouded," Cupid said. "I know why you hate him though. You can't understand how he would betray you? Poison your tree, attack Annabeth and Percy. Make her hold up the sky? Try to kill you after trying to make you switch sides. All of it despite what you'd been through together."

"Shut up!" I yelled angrily a flash of fear rocking me to the core.  I couldn't control myself here. I couldn't control my emotions.

"And yet you won't let the past go. You cling to the times when everything was fine yet you know it can never go back. Why?" He asked, his words calculating.

"Because he was always a hero. He never understood that I could've cared less about him winning a quest or his Dad caring for him." My eyes were alive with passion and anger. "He said we were family. I died for that and then he turned his back on it."

"But he died a hero," Cupid responded.

"I wasn't their." The bitterness was clear in my tone.

"All you remember is his anger isn't it?" Cupid's voice was gentle.

"Yes." I sighed. "That's all I remember."

"Good good." Cupid's tone shifted to that of a parent. "What about your Mother?"

Fear and sadness hit me with such force I felt nauseous.

"No I can't ." I shook my head pulling back my hand from Reyna's grasp. Her eyes opened and she gave me an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry. I pried too much." She swallowed hard. An awkward silence passed between us for a moment.

"I hate him," I whispered. "And I hate that I hate him."

"It's not your fault. Betrayal is one of the worst feelings." Reyna said a hint of empathy to her voice. "I felt the same way."

"When Jason left?" I asked leaning heavily on the railing again. It was starting to feel hot and I was forced to peel off my jacket.

"Yeah. After everything we'd been through he showed up again but I was non existent to him," Reyna said, sadness painting her features. "And I couldn't understand it. And yet I also couldn't understand why I despised him so much."

"But you got over it," I argued. "How?"

"Because I remembered the good and the bad and accepted both of them." She held my gaze with such intensity it felt like she could see through me. "You don't have to pick the good memories over the bad ones. They exist together."

"I don't know how to do that." I admitted. I'd never been able to do that.

"Look, I don't know how to help you with that. It takes time and patience with yourself. But there's something I should tell you." Reyna fidgeted with her hands spinning her ring. "When I was in my cell. I would've died if it wasn't for Luke."

"What?" I asked, confusion slipping into my tone.

"I saw him. He helped me, encouraged me to stay alive. He said you were on your way to help." Reyna explained.

"That's not funny Arellano." I recoiled taking a step back.

"I'm not joking. Please. Let me show you. It's the least I can do after what you showed me." She held out her hand, her eyes pleading with me to take it. I wasn't sure what caused me to listen to her but I did and suddenly I was in her head. Seeing what she saw and feeling it too. I watched her interact with Luke. He looked healthy, happy, content. It was a stark contrast as to what I'd seen him as before.

"See?" Reyna asked as we snapped back to reality.

"I don't know. I don't know what to do or feel." I was scared and more confused than ever.

"Don't think about it. Just let it happen." Reyna instructed. Her words made little sense but I did as told. I closed my eyes calming my thoughts and took a deep breath. I was expecting some sort of miraculous feeling, some sort of sign. There was nothing. "How do you feel?"

"I don't know." I frowned thinking. "I don't really feel anything for him."

"Because you've accepted both sides," Reyna smiled, taking me by both shoulders. "He isn't bad but he's not entirely good."

"Yeah." I smiled lightly feeling like a small weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

"Do you want to show me more?" Reyna asked hesitantly.

"Yes." And it was true. I did. I hadn't felt such peace about Luke in years. If she could help, if she could make it so that I could at least sleep, then that's all I wanted.

"Alright. You dictate when we stop understood?" She said taking my hand yet again.

"My mother means nothing to me," I told Cupid.

"You and I both know that's not true," Cupid snorted and I could imagine him shaking his head. "She used to love you Thalia."

"Those years were lies," I snarled, but my brain told me I was wrong. She really had cared at some point.

"But then she realized what you were. The danger you brought and that's when it all started. The drinking. The nights you spent yelling at one another. I remember how you cried yourself to sleep." Cupid 's shoes clicked like he was pacing.

"You know nothing about what happened." I was on my feet still trying to find him.

"Your Father came back and thought he could help her only he made it worse. Soon your little brother would be on the way. And you hated him. Just the idea of him," Cupid drawled.

"I love Jason!" I argued.

"Not at first. You knew he would take away the little attention you got," Cupid replied cheekily. "But then he was born and you saw an innocent life that would be left in the hands of your drunken mother. So you raised him and you loved him."

"She wasn't allowed to touch him."

"But she did. When you were at school. You used to pretend nothing happened but one day you couldn't deny it anymore and you felt horrible. You knew you should hate her but you couldn't. She was your mother. Slowly, your grades slipped, you acted up, and the only reason you didn't leave was because of Jason." Cupid's voice sounded right next to my ear.

"Why would I? She wouldn't care for him," I hissed.

"No she wouldn't. But then he dissapeared and she didn't even bother to look for him. That was the last straw. You left her, only you felt guilty because you knew their would be no one to care for her," Cupid concluded. "Why did you feel guilty after everything she'd done to you?"

"I didn't want to leave." I mumbled retracting my hand from Reyna's loose hold.

"You had no choice," Reyna said sympathetically.

"But I did. I could've stayed and helped her. She died in a car accident because I wasn't there. She was probably drunk," I said, sitting carefully in one of the chairs on the porch.

"Staying would've been worse for you. You never would have moved on." Reyna sat across from me.

"But I did and she died."

"You shouldn't feel guilty for it. You did your best. No kid should have to raise their brother," Reyna reasoned but I couldn't meet her gaze.

"Then why do I? I feel like I failed Jason." I had felt that way for a very long time.

"You never failed anyone, it only feels that way because for once you were allowed to do what you wanted. You were allowed to move on." I felt as though for once someone was finally able to understand the things even I couldn't understand about myself.

"It scares me," I mumbled.

"It may scare you but that's why you're so angry all the time. Because you haven't moved on and healed." Reyna glanced out at camp. The sun would be coming up soon. "You're finally confronting the things that have followed you around. Luke, your Mother, Jason's disappearance."

"There's one more though." I spoke hesitantly. "One more thing I haven't made peace with yet."

"What is it?" Reyna frowned though I could see in her eyes she knew who it concerned. She didn't have to say anything, instead I took her hand.

"But there's one more thing you can't understand," Cupid smiled. "How interesting."

"Please just let me go," I croaked. I was sitting down again with my knees tucked up to my chest crying. Confronting my feelings about Luke, my Mother, and my guilt had been taxing. Because all I was aware of was that one incessant voice, the aching of my chest from my rage and disappointment, and the pleasant horror of finally voicing how I felt.

"Tell me about your friend," Cupid said, his voice amused.

"What's there to know?" I asked bitterly.

"You aren't sure what to make of her are you?" He laughed ecstatically. "She helped you, cares for you, trusted you. But she read you like a book and you hate that. She pried you open and you aren't sure whether you should let her in or not. It's why you're angry."

"Not true," I argued.

"You blame her for all of this...torture. It's her fault you were out there all alone. Why I targeted you. You despise her even though you know you shouldn't," Cupid said giddily. "But there's something more. A bond you two share."

"She turned on me," I whispered, feeling small and useless not angry or upset like before. I was hurt. "And because of that I was weak and now you're here and won't leave me alone."

"So you blame her."

I could feel my heart hardening towards her. "In the end it'll be like my Mom and Luke. She'll care for a bit and throw me away. It's already happening."

"Now this is interesting," Cupid mused.

"What? The fact that I'm doomed to be trapped in a never ending cycle of let downs and the one person who I thought understood me is going to repeat the process?" I laughed.

"Well, it appears I don't need to say anything anymore." Cupid said quietly. "I'll be leaving now."

"So you're just going to leave?" I laughed bitterly. "Just like that?"

"Oh no. I have one more thing for you," He said coldly. "How do you feel about reliving this over and over again?"

My pulse sky rocketed. My breathing sped up and I panicked. "No."

"Oh yes. There's no escaping this Thalia. It's only been a mere second." Cupid echoed around the space. "One second of many."

"No that's not true! It's been longer than that!" I screamed.

"Not a chance. Have fun." With that he left and a few seconds later he returned asking the same questions over and over again.

"Hundreds of times by the time you guys woke me up." I whispered. "Each time I felt like I was losing my mind."

"I'm so sorry." Reyna said looking up at me, her eyes shining with tears. "All this time I thought you were afraid of me. You looked so broken when you woke up. You didn't look at me the same."

"I wasn't afraid of you. I'd just relived my pain so many times it was all I could feel. For the first day I didn't feel anything else. The second day was better. Today I made it through all right." I explained. "But I wasn't afraid of you."

"You blamed me though." Reyna's voice was barely above a whisper.

"Yeah I did," I admitted. "I was just afraid. Afraid you would repeat the cycle. People always come and go but no one ever stays."

"I'm not leaving," Reyna said fiercely. "I won't. Thalia, people have done the exact same thing to me. Remember when we were staying with your friends and you said we were painfully similar?"

"Yeah."

"Well it's true," Reyna insisted. "I'm not sure how but this helped me too."

"What do you mean?" I asked curiously.

"I had a lot of things pent up inside that I couldn't let go of. My feelings towards my father, my sister who left me, and my Mom who never shows up." She lifted her head to look at me and she seemed freer. More relaxed, almost happier. "It's like a weight that I've carried around for so long has just disappeared."

"Yeah. Me too, I sighed. Even as I sat there I could feel myself forgiving her. What had happened wasn't her fault, what happened was Cupid's fault. He'd done it so that I wouldn't move on. So I'd ditch Reyna and they wouldn't have to face us together. He'd done it to confuse me. "Reyna. I really don't blame you . It's not your fault I just couldn't understand why you'd read me like that."

"It was an accident. I never meant to hurt you. That morning I woke up in pain and I was confused. Yet I dragged myself to that meeting when I should've stayed in bed." She looked down at the ground ashamed. "So I did what I always did. I shut things out and put on my mask. I didn't even know I was hurting you until later."

"It's okay," I smiled thinly and she seemed surprised that I'd taken it so lightly. "What you said was true. I had a lot of guilt but I think we've sorted that out now.""

I stood from the chair and retrieved my jacket from where it was draped over the railing. Reyna stood as well sighing in relief. Off in the distance the sun was beginning to rise and it's bright rays began to bathe the camp in gold.

"Thanks for everything Reyna." I smiled lightly at her and she seemed happier as well.

"Yeah no problem. If you ever want to talk I'll listen. And if I'm ever being an ass like that again just smack me," She laughed, her eyes crinkling around the edges.

"Will do." I yawned. "But I think I'm gonna go catch up on some sleep."

"Honestly I need to do the same." Reyna noted walking beside me as we headed back towards the cabins. "Also, I explained to Chiron that we'd need provisions before heading back out."

"When are we leaving?" I asked feeling a slight burst of excitement. I wanted to get back out there, to fight, and to find my friends.

"Tonight after dinner." She said pausing in front of the Zeus cabin. Reyna had stayed with Annabeth in the Athena cabin.

"I'll see you then." With that I opened the door and walked inside. Piper and Jason were already awake and dressed for the day.

"Where were you?" Jason asked groggily still not a morning person after all these years. Then again I wasn't one either but when I woke up, I woke up and there was no chance of me going back to bed.

"Out and about," I shrugged sitting down in my little corner of the cabin.

"Oh! Thalia one more thing." It was Reyna again, she stood with the door open, just enough to stick her head through. "There's capture the flag tonight and I'm so whooping your ass."

"Yeah yeah." I rolled my eyes smiling lightly. She closed the door disappearing from sight and I suddenly found myself looking forward to something.

"So you guys made up?" Jason asked placing his glasses on his face.

"Yeah. We sorted through some things." And we had. Both of us had somehow guided each other to a peaceful conclusion of years spent feeling guilty, angry , bitter, or sad.

"Good," Piper smiled. "But you're still gonna try and kick her ass right?"

"Oh definitely. I never lose at capture the flag." It was true I had a long winning streak. "That is unless I have Percy on my team."

"Yeah he told us about the time you guys got stuck on the same team. You nearly killed each other and then you went on a quest." Jason smile d. "But if I'm not on your team please don't kill me."

"How could I? You're my little brother." Jason laughed heartily before linking hands with Piper and leaving for the day. With a content sigh I curled up on my side. For once I was able to actually sleep without Cupid's nightmares and i felt lighter than air. It was funny how confronting my emotions had been so pleasantly horrifying and yet freeing. "I'm so kicking her ass."

I laughed to myself quietly before drifting off to sleep.