When the past collides with the future.....

Their eyes bore into me as I stay huddled on the floor amongst the firefly of ashes that dance around me, that is all this is left of him. Panic pumps my broken heart as the harsh reality dawns on me "they now know I'm a monster, I have to leave again".

Ally words rattle around in my disjointed brain, from when she entered the house and found me clinging to his smouldering corpse while Lola and Miss Toulouse watch on horrified - like a cruel echo the words keep repeating "Phoenix, what have you done" and for this I have no answer, I cannot explain how I'm able to do this, only why.

Before I lived with my grandmother, I lived with my father's sister, I won't call her aunt because that would insinuate there was a bond there, there was not.

She viewed me as a burden that was thrusted upon her when my parents died. We lived in the same house but had very little to do with each other, the rules were simple don't get in trouble, don't get in her way basically bring as little attention to myself as possible, which isn't easy when your only eleven years old.

People assume all women are maternal, that's just not true, not every woman is destined to be a mother but at the very least they can be a decent human being; she was neither of these things. What she was, was an uptight, neat freak with distaste for all humans especially for children. Her only joy in this world was for her beloved cat "Dexter" that was as mean and nasty as her.

For a while we plodded on, trying to avoid each other like two passing ships. This wasn't ideal but I knew I had no other options, so I made sure to stay out of her way. Everyday after school, I would let myself in, make myself something to eat then hide away in my bedroom until it was time to sleep and start all over again. This was the pattern we followed until I ruined everything.

Dexter was a pampered spoilt house cat and he knew it, he was far too precious for the outside world so my dads sister would constantly remind me, but without fail every opportunity that furry little demon would try to escape, it was as if his very nature was telling him that he wasn't meant to be locked up.

So every time I'd come home, I would have the challenge of getting inside without him manically charging at me, then would come the scratching, hissing and biting but I would shoo him back inside knowing his safety was far more important than my own.

This was our daily routine until he outwitted me, I came home as usual prepared for the furry little beast, I quietly opened the door ready for his attack but was pleasantly surprised by no manic quick charge from Dexter, I'd not had many victories or moments of joy so I took his absence as a pleasant win for me - I'd crept in undetected, warm smugness washed over me.

That moment was short lived when I was suddenly charged by my dads sister instead of Dexter, before I could even lower my tattered school bag to the ground I had her callous old hands wrapped around my throat as she screamed at me like a wailing banshee, her spit hitting me in the eye as I gasped breath.

"Where is he?, where is he?, you did this on purpose you nasty little bitch".

The more I struggled the harder she squeezed, it was as if all the air was being pushed back down into my lungs and at any moment I could pop like an over inflated balloon.

I tried to fight back but her rage fuelled such strength I was no match for her.

"You let him out on purpose to hurt me, didn't you".

Realisation of what has happened suddenly enters my oxygen deprived brain, that furry little shit must of escaped and she believes I'm behind it. The only thing I can think of was this morning when I left for school the little devil must have escaped without me seeing - I try to plead with her through gasps that it wasn't my fault but my words fall on deaf ears, she can't and won't believe me.

I truly believe a few seconds more and she would of killed me but fate had other plans.

The doorbell starts to ring like angelic chime from the heavens, I'm unable to scream out, my voice like my breath is now trapped within my heaving chest, at first she ignores it far to engrossed in throttling me to death but when it keeps on ringing like annoying alarm drilling in to her hysterical brain she finally releases me.

I fall to the ground like a sack of potatoes, too weak to run away as I clutch my bruised throat as air floods into my body, awakening my nearly dead weak body.

She steps back to compose herself, straightens her clothes then casually opens the front door and I hear her coldly say "can I help you?"

I recognise the voice that speaks back it's our elderly neighbour Mrs Matthews "I found your cat in my garden, he was hiding in my rose bush, I brought him inside as I remember you saying he's a house cat".

I hear dads sister squeal like a teenage girl with delight as she yanks the furry demon from Mrs Matthews arms " my baby, my baby". Her happiness burns in my gut, what was once fear is now distorting in to anger.

Mrs Matthews waffled on about her garden and her recent win at bingo, exactly how desperately lonely people do when they finally have some human contact but it goes unnoticed as dads sisters coos over her fur baby like a first time mother. There is no thank you or overwhelming gratitude from dads sister she simply exclaims "I need to feed him, bye" then slams the door into the opened mouth of Mrs Matthews who's shocked by her coldness.

I raise up to my feet, preparing myself for what is going to be unleashed upon me now. My mind is scrambled, should I plead for forgiveness for a crime I didn't know I'd done or muster the last of my energy and bolt, lock myself in my room, hopefully hiding out to ride the storm that is my dads sisters vile temper.

"You need to apologize".

I cower at her words, feeling my body shrink under her glare "I'm sorry".

"Not to me you stupid girl, to Dexter".

Head hung low I mumble an apology to the furry little demon, praying this will come to end soon. She slinks forward and shoves him in to my arms, knowing full well he will scratch and bite me just like he's done so many times before " look him in the eyes and apologise like you mean it" she snarls.

Dexter beady eyes dilate like all predators do before they attack their prey, his paws fly as he violently tries to scratch my face as I hold him at arms length whilst trying not to drop him.

"Say it you little bitch, tell him your sorry for chucking him outside to die".

I start to sob, no longer able to hold back my tears but this just brings amusement to her.

"Your just like your dad" she laughs "He was a weak willed person with no backbone and your mum, what a sniffling pathetic excuse for a woman, hardly surprising their precious offspring would turn out to be so fucking pathetic".

"Stop" I plead

"You know what phoenix it probably would have been better if you'd had just died with them in that car crash, what is they say weed out the weak".

"Stop".

"Some people are better off dead".

You know the stillness you feel in the air before a storm hits, darkness falls as the electricity crackles with the impending moment, that's how I felt within myself, a calmness washed over me, that turned into a warmth that started in my toes up to my head rising like smoke. I no longer heard her words as if I'd been submerged into a wonderful warm bubble almost like the safety of your mother's womb.

In that moment one thing I'm sure of is she felt the change in me, she gingerly edged towards me, arms outstretched for me to hand back her precious dexter, her mouth erratically moving but no noise coming out. I pulled the retched little beast closer to my chest then stepped back further away from her reach, he frantically bit at my hand like a cornered viper, his teeth like tiny sharp pins tearing at my flesh. I saw her slowly mouth the words "give him to me....now".

"NO" I screamed, my words roared out of me like an aggressive erupting volcano, my body now a light with flames that lap at the screeching cat that is now desperately struggling to free himself from within my grip, silence emersed me as the pain I've had inflicted upon me is burnt away and a stillness flickers over me like protective little guards, shielding my tortured broken heart. The smell of his burnt fur clings to the air, as the little demon lays floppy in my arms.

Tap, tap, tap, tap

This repetive noise like a mothers heart beat as penetrated my sanctuary of flames, it becomes louder and louder until it's all I can hear, out from the shadows hobbles over Miss Toulouse her little walking stick tapping with every step she takes.

"Phoenix this is the past, your caught in a memory, you don't live here no more, let me take you home, you need to take my hand so I can wake you up".

"What have I done" I wailed the realisation of my actions boiling at my brain.

"You survived my darling, now let me take you home" she stepped closer to the fire that has consumed me, then pushes her frail unwavering hand into the flames with no fear ready to guide me back to the present.