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Darkness dreads me. I feel it's the most horrible thing. But one thing I got in my brain is she loves darkness the most. It's her favorite thing. She always lives her moment in darkness. I asked why, and she replied with a smile. A smile I never wanted to see on her face. A kind of smile I always hate.
But she never listens to me, she never talks with me. Why? She always pushes me aside like a plague. I never knew she hated me this much. It would be a lie if I said I was never hurt by her actions. And by the time I got the reason behind her painful smile, something in me snapped. It's me, I was the reason.
Gulping the last drop of alcohol, I made my way to my, to our room. There I saw an angel sleeping on the right side of the bed, with a book resting on her chest. A laugh made its way onto my lips. She loves her books, isn't it? Making my way towards her I gently snatched the book from her hands and pulled out her reading glasses. I closed the book and noticed the title, 'A good girl's guide to murder'; again, a murder mystery.
This is one of her things, in these four months of our marriage I got to know so much thing about her, every single detail. Like how she yawns continuously whenever she feel nervous or anxious. Like how she made secret death glare to those who speak nonsense. Like how her head hurts whenever she is angry. I seem to notice everything.
Her chest heaved up and down with her breath. She looks so peaceful in night unlike she is in day time. She doesn't like to speak much but whenever she open her mouth, it's my favourite thing.
I crouched down and pulled her black locks from her faces and tucked it behind her ears. Her breathing is giving me a type of peace which I forgot existed. Never in my life I have ever thought I would be feeling peace just by seeing someone breathing. It's always the other thing around, only painful screams put me at ease. But whenever she screams it felt someone had pushed my guts out.
I chuckled when I see her frowning her brows in sleep, she looks so cute.
"Raghav..." she murmured, and I froze. Raghav, again.
Why can't she just forget him? I'm her husband now. I love her now, what that fucker even given her, pain? She cries every night remembering him. And her cries break my heart. He is gone, he is dead. But why can't she get over with it? It always frustrates me. And this is most likely the reason she ignores my love for her. She just didn't want to move on from him. And here I, waited for her for 6 years.
Slowly I creased the tear which came from her eyes and not realizing the same tear escaped from mine also. Why, she is so vulnerable. Why she is in so much pain. Why can't I do anything for her? why she is so helpless? I never seen her like this. After his death she lost her smile, she lost her hope.
I still remember the day when I saw her for the first time. Wearing a midi dress, she distributed flowers in the traffic. She purchased the whole bunch of red roses from an old lady giving her Rs.2000. That felt too stupid for me, she purchased the flowers worth of 200 in 2000. But then I noticed hint of confusion on her face when she looked at the flowers, probably contemplating what she should do with them now.
But then again, she smiled, and there was something in her smile which held me capitative. She moved to the other side of the road and stood between bunch of kids wearing baggy and raged clothes, not minding her own shiny dress. One by one she gave the roses to the kids who in result jumped in excitement. I wonder what that single flower held for the kids to jump in this much happiness.
Unknowingly her eyes met mine. And gosh, my heart skipped a beat. Smiling she came to my side and held her hand towards my face which held a rose. Her face glowed when I held the rose in my hands and suddenly, I know why these kids jumped in happiness.
It was not the love at first sight, not at all. But it was her small gestures which pushed me towards her. There was something in her which held me capitative. There was something in her which made me forget my work. There was something in her which held my hands who were about to punch a bastard. There was something in her which made me forget my anger. There is something in her which gives me peace.
After meeting her, I was not normal. This Omkar Kashyap changed. From being a blood thirsty monster, to a love sick puppy.
Morning fell, and I got up with my alarm clock blasting in middle of serine silence. Rubbing my eyes, I saw a lady wearing a black business suit in front of the mirror, my eyes followed her hands which were adjusting her hairs. I so wanted to touch her black silky locks.
"Good morning." My heavy voice made its way out. I never liked my morning voice, it's so hoarse like dry sand.
And as usual she didn't even glance at me, I sighed. Getting up I made my way towards bathroom which just smelled like her. I inhaled a good amount of that fragrance till I started my routine.
The aroma of food reached our room when I was getting ready to go to the work. I made my way to the kitchen only to see my love sitting on the dining table munching on some food. Her mouth was stuffed with some parantha which was cooked by our chef. She never takes light breakfast. Sighing, I also got seated on my chair and started eating my toast with fruit jam.
"You were late last night." I commented looking at her. As much as I wanted my voice to be soft it came as hard it could.
I noticed her visible stiffness.
"None of your business." She whispered but was enough for me hear.
"It is. You are my wife; I need to know where my wife doing till 2 a.m." I rested my elbow on the table as I saw her shifting in her seat. Her sharp glare made its way toward me.
"I'm not your wife, not until I accept you. Get that inside your head." She snapped and got up, ready to leave. But not until I get my answers. Getting up, I pulled her toward me which resulted her head to bang with my chest.
"I asked, where were you?" my voice came dangerously low, which I didn't wanted. But habits die late.
Her eyes made a direct contact with mine. One of the things, I like about her, her fierceness. The way she never back down. The type I always wanted.
"So what? What would you do if I didn't tell you where I was last night. Listen here, you are no one to ask anything about me. And I'm not obliged to tell you where I was." She explained lightly but with a scowl on her face and hint of irritation in her voice.
"No, you are not obliged. But I was worried, that's why I asked." Clearing my intension, I let go of her arm which I was holding. Muttering a 'whatever' she escaped. I know there is something she is hiding. Her mouth can tell a lie but not her eyes.
I scoffed, knowing I couldn't provide comfort to her even if I wanted.
Raghav, what you had done to her. You are making her suffer every day. She is getting weak day by day and I can't see her like this. Glancing at the watch I realised I was getting late for the meeting.
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