Day 15, London. 3:35 AM

Mishti was sitting in her room, working when a familiar aroma began over powering her senses. She immediately looked up from the laptop, her heart beating wildly against her chest even though her rational mind knew what she was expecting to happen couldn't happen. Abir was in office, she had video called Ketki, who had also joined the office much to Mishti's surprise and through her, she had seen a fleeting glance of him - he wasn't aware but she had seen him, and it had overwhelmed her - the knowledge that near or far - he mattered, he always would matter.

The door of her room was pushed open and the maid walked in, carrying a bowl and a mischievous smile. Mishti already knew what was in that bowl - it was her favorite aroma in the world, but she was confused as to how was it so nostalgic.

Grinning with visible excitement, Mishti took the bowl and scooped out a spoonful khichdi, letting it melt in her mouth and she moaned in delight. It was exactly how she liked it, and more than that, it was exactly how his khichdi tasted.

"Did I pass?", The maid asked eagerly, and Mishti laughed, nodding, "With flying colours, but how?"

The maid giggled, wiping her hands in her skirt, as she remembered the morning she had had.

"Your boyfriend video called on Ni Sir's phone and instructed me, in so much detail. Measured quantity of every spice and every ingredient, guided me through it to the T. Said he just wanted you to feel home even if you are continents apart", she answered, and Mishti felt elated. She couldn't stop smiling.

"Thank you Gracie", she acknowledged the maid's efforts too, and once she left, she was quick to dial Abir.

"You Ajeeb Rajvansh, how did you get a British lady to cook Indian food with such brilliancy?", she fired into the phone, and heard him laugh loudly at her tone.

"You liked it?", he questioned softly, already aware she did just because of how happy she sounded. Making Mishti happy was the easiest task in the world.

"Loved it, and you just increased Gracie's workload because I am going to make her cook this every day", she beamed, and he laughed at her excitement. Mishti heard someone called for him and he was about to disconnect when she stopped him, catching him unaware.

"Abir", the way she called his name stopped him immediately and he hummed, not knowing what to expect.

"I will wait for you to cook me my khichdi again", and she cut the call, smiling. She knew he was smiling too.

Day 22, London. 6:45 PM

Mishti trembled and staggered a few steps back, before loosing her balance and falling on the floor, hurting her hand. Her eyes still stayed focused on the cupboard - precisely, the last shelf of her cupboard where she had just found her well hidden first aid box.

Memories hit her in full force as those feelings consumed her, the pain and the need to feel something else than that pain. It was almost like a deja-vu happening to her.

She managed to sit on her knees as she dared to open the box. Inside it, apart from her antiseptic and bandages, also lay her then solace, wrapped in a thin newspaper. For that fleeting moment in time, she was reminded of the peace it brought along, those thin slices on her skin. She looked down at her left wrist, the familiar marks had faded for most part.

But before she could fall down that pit, she was startled when out of nowhere she recollected Abir's face from the day he had first seen the scar on her right wrist and the next morning when she had confessed about all of it to him. It jerked her out of that trance and she got up hurriedly, putting the box away but breathing heavily.

It was like a film of moments running through her mind. She recollected that dreaded day when she had found him bleeding and trapped inside a car. She remembered feeling like the world had fallen apart around her. Like she couldn't breath against the boulders pressed against her chest. And then she recollected his face, his reaction to her wounds. He looked nothing short than a picture of devastation either. Like his world had fallen apart too.

Mishti ran to her bed and dialled Abir who picked up on the first ring, like always. Lately it had been a ritual, no matter what time she called, he always picked up on the first ring.

"Mishti", she could hear the strange relief in his voice, yet again.

"Abir", she was sobbing already, she couldn't hold back.

"Mishti", it alarmed Abir, he panicked immediately, "Mishti, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"I found the blade. And the first aid box and I don't know why but I wanted to hold it again", she began crying heavily, while hearing his sharp intake of breath.

"Mishti, did you -", Abir's voice broke as he left the sentence incomplete.

"No, No I did not, I couldn't", Mishti clarified, her words still heavy with her cries, "I couldn't look past your face from that day when I told you, I remembered you and you - your memory stopped me", Mishti wept inconsolably, clutching the phone tight.

Abir didn't say anything, but she heard his muffled sobs anyway.

It made her chuckle, the way they both had been crying at the drop of a hat these days, it was comical but it was also them.

"Pata hai Abir, last time when I picked the blade, nothing could reach me and put my need to feel, rest. It was so overpowering, I was tired of the same thoughts hitting me again and again, I was tired of repeatedly being discarded like I meant nothing-", she was cut off by a loud scream from Abir.

" Mishti No, please. You mean everything. To me. To so many of us. I know I haven't done anything to prove you that but Mishti-", Abir cried out in despair, “Please don't even think you mean nothing. You are the greatest treasure of my world, and without you, my world ceases to exist".

Mishti didn't say anything for the longest time, because she let his words sink in first. And then, when they did, she laughed and continued from where she had stopped because she wanted him to know.

"I wanted to feel something more than that pain then, so I chose the way that I could find. But today, when I saw that, despite the nostalgia setting in, I also couldn't get your reaction out of my head Abir. All these days I was confused, because I didn't understand why didn't you react verbally when you saw them, but now I understand. I couldn't verbally really react when I found you in that car either. Maybe it's our emotions that paralyzes us, isn't it? The fear that consumes us with a lot of what ifs, perhaps. What if I really lost you? What if you really lost me?", Mishti breathed out, feeling a lot better after rambling.

It felt good to be able to speak like that, without hesitation.

"Even if I agree to your theory, the truth is I really lost you anyway because I was too much of a coward to hold on", Abir chuckled, and Mishti could feel the bitterness he held against himself, "And Mishti, wouldn't it have been so much better if you had really lost me too, that day. It would have saved you so much heartache if you didn't fall for someone like me", Abir's voice fell down to a whisper. It was something he had been meaning to tell her, or ask her for days now.

"Someone like you, was also what I needed all my life. Someone like you, became the most important and happy part of my life for quite a while. Someone like you, became someone I loved - truly, madly, deeply, and it was solely because that someone was you. You taught me how to love, myself before you. Yes you have hurt me too bad, and Yes it tore me apart, but I can't and I won't let you hold only your flaws against yourself. You can't teach me something and practice something else Abir. If I have to live for myself, and put myself and my feelings before everything else, you should too. You deserve to too", Mishti was enraged, all her anger now directed at one person. If he was here, she was sure she would have rewarded him with another of her slaps.

"I do not know what's just words and what's reality anymore Mishti, I don't know right from wrong, between what we know we should do, the logical and realistic part, or what we actually end up doing, the emotion and feelings part, but what I do know is the fact that the only reason I can look at myself and not fall down is because I am the someone you loved. Your love makes me live Mishti Agarwal", Abir answered, and Mishti could physically feel her heart skipping a beat.

Always a man of words, even when not writing cheesy Shayris.

They didn't remember when they cut the phone, but they remembered feeling light and better either way.

Day 36, London, 5:00 PM

The board of directors all clapped as Mishti signed the papers with Nishant. The idea that she pitched impressed so many more people than she was expecting it to. Previously the company they presented it to had liked it, but today the investors, the BOD and the CEO all of them had heard her and seen her hard work and she received a lot of applause. They were supposed to begin in the next week. Mishti felt like she was flying in the air, giddy with happiness.

After a hearty celebration of the merger, and having a crazy party with Nishant in their cabin, Mishti finally found her phone and was about to sneak to the terrace when the receptionist found her and handed her two huge bouquets - one of yellow roses, and the other, Purple and mauve, occasional Lavenders.

The card read - “Always and forever proud of you, Angry Chorni. Congratulations”.

Mishti grinned at the flowers, and sniffed them, even though finding it difficult to balance them together in her petite hands. She walked out of the office, called for a cab and sat inside, putting them beside her with so much love, before calling Abir.

"So tell me Ajeeb Rajvansh, how many spies are working for you?", she asked, making Abir laugh.

"Hush, that's top secret", he played along, "Should I choose to accept the mission, I am not allowed to reveal the details", Mishti burst out laughing at his failed attempt to mimic Tom Cruise.

"Thank you Abir", Mishti spoke then, "I feel so elated to see the response today and I would have missed this if you didn't push me to come back. I made a name for myself, a tiny name as of now, but I did. Mishti Agarwal, the entrepreneur, and not just a daughter or friend or beloved. The Board of directors want us to implement my scheme in all of their branches", Mishti declared, and heard him squeal excitedly on the other hand.

"Oh My God, Mishti, I am so happy for you. You deserve all of this and more. And dare you put any of it on me, Ms. Always so humble. This is all you, all of it and I can't stop saying it but I am mighty proud of you", she could read his happiness in his voice. It made her heart flutter, like always.

"Abir", she spoke with voice so cautious, Abir was suddenly alarmed.

"Mishti, what's wrong?", he was quick to question.

"Nothing, I just wanted you to know I love these flowers -all of them", Mishti smiled as she picked a bouquet up and hugged it close, before saying her goodbye.

She knew he understood.

Day 48, London. 2:00 AM

The last few days had been extremely busy for Mishti, she had to supervise all the work because it was her creative vision and she wanted it to be perfect. Nishant had been a great help, but he had been equally busy too. She had also started visiting Abhay weekly again, just to clear her head a little more.

On the same front, Abir seemed to be neck deep in work too because they had hardly called each other in the past week. Of course, she still woke up to his good morning messages and slept to his "good night, sleep tight" every damn day, but it would be lie if she said it did not bother her, because it did.

And right now, she was having this same conversation with Abir, who had like always picked her call in the first ring and somehow that had made her angry. How could you always pick up instantly, but couldn't manage time to dial a number?

"I don't know, I don't understand you Abir", Mishti was annoyed, as she complained, "You can call me sometime too. Why is it always me?"

"Its not that Mishti", his voice began to tremble, but he knew excuses would take him nowhere, and would rather end up hurting her more.

"I am just scared to call you", he finally admitted, releasing a heavy breath and Mishti's eyes widened.

"Why? Would I bite you through the phone?", she immediately retorted, frowning, "You don't even let me video call you"

"Mishti, I just-", he sighed, a little agitated with the lack of sleep, and struggling to find the correct words, "I feel overwhelmed when I talk to you Mishti, I don't want to end up begging you to come back because I miss you so much, especially not now when I know you need to be there and reach for the sky. I miss you, even when I don't tell that to you every day and most days I just wish I could hold you once-", his voice choked and he stopped, gulping the lump in his throat.

Mishti sat stupified, because even though she was complaining about the same, hearing it from him, made it more real.

"Abir", Mishti fought back her tears, "If you need me I will be there, you know that, don't you?"

"No, Mishti please don't", Abir was quick to counter her, "If you come back now leaving your professional high like that I would never forgive myself. This is why I don't talk to you on my own, talking to you makes me want to tell you everything and I don't want my emotions caging you like that", he exhaled heavily, "Let's just forget we had this conversation, please? I am not letting you ruin anything for you because of me"

Mishti heard what he said and also heard what he didn't say. And it broke her heart because she hated the quagmire they were both stuck in. They needed to heal, but healing was painful and messy and it was hurting them equally.

"Abir, tell me honestly. Sab theek nhi h na wha?", Mishti couldn't stop herself from asking the one question that had been bugging her since day one.

Abir couldn't answer for a while. They stayed silent, one preparing to answer, the other preparing to hear it.

"Nhi hai, but that's not your worry right now. It will get better, everything will fall back in place", Abir finally spoke, but it made Mishti more angry.

"What do you mean not mine Abir? It's our relationship we are talking about, us includes both of us, doesn't it or we are back to you and me again?", she questioned, angry tears brimming in her eyes.

Abir sighed loudly, yet again.

"Yes it's our relationship and it's its Us, not you and me, but Mishti, how long do you intend to fight or excuse or suffer because of my family? This is not the collateral reward you deserve because you fell in love with me. You have always and already bore the burnt of it. I can't let you get hurt again, please understand where I am coming from. It will kill me if you get hurt because of me, like you always have been. I want to change that Mishti, let me please", his voice held request and it shut her up because she could see where he was coming from. But how could she knowingly let him suffer?

"And you? I am worried about you here Abir. I can't loose you again", she was openly crying now. So was he.

"You stupid girl, the thread I am hanging on is you, and you are too strong for me to fall", Abir smiled, "I know you are worried and I know you know I am keeping things from you, but Mishti we can't keep going in circles. Some of our pain and struggles has to be individual too".

Mishti cried harder. Of course she knew that. Abhay told the same thing to her too.

"But promise me you will tell me everything when I come back", she demanded, and that made him laugh amidst his tears.

"Who else, if not you Angry Chorni? I will give you the whole list and you can use your purple belt to all your content. It was always you, it will always be you", he pacified her and that calmed her down before she actually registered all his words and cried out, "Brown belt, Ajeeb Rajvansh".

A relationship, is never a straight road, but if you know someone is there to hold your hands through the bumps, it makes it worth it.

Note :

1. Yes we will have the parallel pov of Abir for these 90 days too.

2. I don't know why some of you felt Mishti could stay oblivious of Abir even if he is not addressing his issues to her directly. That just can't happen.

3. Don't worry, I love angst but I am not sadist enough to put my favorite characters through hell. Mishti is healing, Abir will too. That being said, the next coming chapters would go weird, I was watching this track again and I realized I had previously forgotten a few things.

Happy reading :)