Abir held Mishti's hand tight as she stood with her head on his chest, outside the gates of her house. She wasn't sobbing any more, but she kept rubbing her face on his shirt every once in a while, while he had his arm around her waist, supporting her entire frame. A few minutes later, Abir watched Nishant open the main gate and step out, cautious about his footsteps. After all, he didn't want the entire family to wake up at 5 in the morning and bombard them with questions.

Mishti straightened up slightly as she watched Nishant come up to them, his hands on his hips as he glared at her before grabbing her wrist and pulling her to him, running a finger through the dried trail of tears on her face.

Suddenly Abir's arms felt too empty to him, but as he watched Mishti making an adorable pout at Nishant, trying to tone down his anger, his eyes began to sting with a vehement force especially after hearing Nishant whose words hit him like a truck of bricks, having the power to bring him to his knees.

"You were far better in London Ms. Tea pot, at least you weren't crying like this since Abhay and Jo happened. If you continue this I am gonna throw you back on a flight to London and cage you there", Nishant murmured, but his words made Mishti giggle, especially at Jo's mention. Josephine legit had been the light of her life in the past few months, along with Simi.

"I miss Jo, and Simi", she confessed, making Nishant smile softly. He loved the Samuels just as much. But that didn't take his attention away from her red, swollen eyes. He literally hated seeing his best friend cry, and in that moment, he wasn't sure he had any pleasant feelings for Abir - no matter what and how and why, in Nishant's mind - he was the reason behind her fragile state.

"If 'Tera wala pyaarʼ makes you relentlessly cry like this Ms. Tea pot, I am far too glad to never fall in love", he seethed, shooting a glare to the man standing behind her, while Abir immediately lowered his head, understanding the taunt. Mishti, quite oblivious to the exchange, nudged Nishant slightly, making a face.

"Let's go inside before Dadi finds out her Gudiya Rani was crying yet again", Nishant tried to take her in but Mishti resisted and turned to face Abir, whose eyes were either way stuck at her. He forced himself to smile at her, while she kept watching him intently, and suddenly she was running back into his arms, wanting him to hold her and he did. He held her and kissed her hairs until she was satisfied enough to go. Nishant took her inside while Abir kept staring at their retreating figures until he couldn't spot them anymore. It was in that moment that a lone tear rolled out of his right eye, and he shut his eyes immediately, taking a deep breath instead.

His guilt and his emotions had only heightened after last night. Mishti's cries and complaints seemed to seep inside his heart and he could physically feel the heaviness inside his chest. And with that a crippling fear had caught him by his neck - she had just started healing from the breakup, what if he damaged her again? Would he be able to live with it?

His mind went back to the morning the day before, he had presented her a bunch of Daffodils right here, and she had smiled at him - the same smile that he loved the most about her. Her eyes would crinkle a little when she giggled, her nose would go red like a baby when she was too happy to express. That sight of her smile was his balm, but yesterday when she had held the flowers with her vibrant smile, his gaze hadn't stayed focused on her face, but had traveled down to her hands instead. He could still see the faint scars running through the insides of her wrist. He had driven back to Rajvansh Sadan with an excruciating pain bubbling inside him, because every time he closed his eyes, he could only see her wrists - but in his imagination, they weren't faint scars, they would become fresh bleeding cuts, and he would helplessly see the blood trickle down her hands and make a pool on the ground, while Mishti would sob relentlessly, writhing in pain.

And so he had done what he was extremely good at - painted the inside of his own left wrist red, the twenty seven small cuts mirroring her wrist to the best of his memory. It was another thing that this master piece of his wasn't made by his famous paint brushes, they were done by the blade he had found in the washroom last night when he had closed himself there for five hours and ended up slashing his right wrist to mirror the deadly scar on her wrist. He didn't know if he had done that out of a sense of punishment or guilt, but he knew it was his reminder for life - he had pushed the girl he claimed to love to that collapsing point - this huge gash on his wrist would keep reminding him of the monster he had become for her, in place of the angel he wanted to.

He had later tied an untidy bandage over them in an attempt to haphazardly do a dressing and hid them well by wearing a full sleeved shirt ever since. He had spent the better part of the afternoon decorating the lake side and then the rest of the evening, trying to make it up to Mishti, knowing well in his heart that this was just the tip of the ice berg. One date, one attempt would not reverse anything - he would have to be consistent and determined and fill her life and soul with pure, unadulterated happiness.

But again, the late night call from Mishti and the hours that followed until now, had managed to shake him and wake him from this dream he was harbouring again. Mishti's cries and her words had set into motion another chain of thoughts he had been struggling with before too but had managed to keep the storm silent.

As he walked up the stairs of the temple, he could feel himself shaking and trembling with the fear clogging his throat, so much so that he just fell down on his knees as soon as the idol of the deity was line of his vision, without even reaching close.

Who was he kidding?

What had changed in his life in the last few months?

Nothing.

Even if everyone knew why he broke up with her, or even if Nanko wasn't wary of their relationship anymore - what did that change for him and Mishti?

Again, Nothing.

Because Meenakshi Rajvansh was still the same, still hovering over them and there was no way he could say he would keep Mishti happy. No body knew better than him what his mother was capable of - her shrewd nature and manipulation capabilities weren't the only thing he was scared of, his mother had a bitter tongue and she had used it to hurt Mishti time and again. She had labelled her as a home breaker before too, and she could go beyond that now, he knew. Even if he and Mishti made their paradise away from the Rajvansh Sadan, like he had thought of before, now he knew that wouldn't solve everything. His mother, if she wanted to, and she would he already knew, could find ways to hurt Mishti more. She didn't seem to care about her biological son and his feelings, Mishti was just another girl. There would be no filter, no limit to the devastation his family could cause her - which was in a way, he would cause her.

A whimper escaped his lips as he leaned forward and pressed his palms to the cold temple marble, breaking down into sobs. He was glad the place was otherwise empty, given it wasn't even six in the morning yet, he could at least cry out in peace.

A lot was clouding his mind, and that ranged from Mishti's wounds and her pain to Nishant's words, from Parul maasi begging him to not break Kunal's heart to Kunal facing that very heartbreak, from wanting to hold Mishti and never let her go to his mother's abilities to ruin a person beyond repair.

At this point, Abir was ready to do anything to make sure Mishti wasn't hurt again - by him or by anyone remotely related to him. He wasn't sure he could win from his mother, and he was petrified at the thought of Mishti being on the receiving end of any of her plans, so he decided to do the one option he still had open.

If he needed to beg his mother to keep Mishti unscathed and safe, irrespective of if or not she wanted to get back together with him, he was ready to try that too. He knew his mother had always wanted him to join the business full fledged, and stop being the hippie he was, stop doing the painting and writing for charity, and stop investing his time and passion in the NGO and rather share her workload instead. He was ready to bow down to whatever she wanted from him, if she promised to stay away from Mishti and not hurt her in any sense.

He knew this sounded insane, but for him nothing else mattered anymore. He wasn't sure he would survive another moment if he in any way, directly or indirectly became a reason behind Mishti's tears. Mishti's pain last night had drowned him, and he wasn't sure how long it would take him to reach ashore, but he for sure knew he wasn't going to let anyone or anything hurt her again. Not even himself.

If Mishti was smiling and happy, he knew he would survive anything in the world, even if she chose to leave him behind. He couldn't place why and where that thought had stemmed from, but it had been consuming him for a while.

Mishti Agarwal had loved him - the Ajeeb Rajvansh, and that made him the luckiest person in the whole world according to him. Even if she had loved him for one second of his life he knew he was going to feel the same way - here he had months of love. And she still loved him, he had no doubt about that. That was enough for him to withstand anything.

Hours later, when the temple began to become crowded with devotes, he managed to stand up and leave. He only hoped it would go the way he was thinking.

Either way, he could only hope.

Note :

1. Nishant isn't a negative character, but his loyalty is to Mishti, he doesn't really know Abir, so to me it makes sense for him to not be fond of the man behind his best friend's pain.

2. I am not hinting at any separation, do not take Abir's internal battle that way. He isn't going to leave Mishti or sacrifice their relationship. He is just scared of hurting her more, because most of the times, if not directly, he  still is the reason behind her hurt. Be it Kunal or Meenakshi. The connection between all of them was and still is Abir. That's why I feel it is normal for him to doubt his presence in her life, especially when he is seeing her wounds so up close and personal for the first time.

3. I am not sure What I want to do with Abir and Meenakshi's relationship yet. So it might go a little haywire or more angsty later - bear with me a little *puppy eyes*

Reviews awaited ❤️