I can finally breathe a sigh of relief as I come into the studio theater where class is held, and where Patti already is mingling with some of the senior theater students. For this class, we aren't just with other kids in our grade, we are with other juniors and seniors. Patti knows one of the senior girls from a theater camp she did growing up and from around school, so she filled me in on what to expect.

Juniors and seniors all work together in this class, though there is definitely a hierarchy that the seniors sort of impose on the juniors. Not in a mean way, more in a mentoring kind of way. Then, as my mom frightened me about, the ensemble members are cast in whichever plays make sense for them and for the others, they work backstage. Typically, Patti told me, you act in two and you're backstage in two. If you are really skilled at stage managing, for example, you may be backstage for three, and vice versa. It all depends on that individual actor, and I'm really hoping that whatever Mrs. Permala thinks I'm better at, it allows me to spend time with my friends. Although I think that whatever intensity Patti has inside her is contagious, because the hope that I get good parts for my acting resume also crosses my mind.

When I was in Hollywood, Tara Lyons and I talked a lot in her trailer about being dyslexic and acting. One day she wanted to know if I had an acting resume yet, or if I would like her to help me create one. After I told her I didn't have one, but I'd love her help, she asked me, "Are you passionate about acting?"

I shrugged. I didn't know then and I still don't really know. "It's fun."

"Let me put it a different way. Imagine that you pursue acting. You are between jobs. You need to do something for money, so you're waitressing or busking in the subway or something like that. Would you still be happy?"

"Waitressing?"

"Or whatever. Would you be happy in between jobs?"

"I think for me it's less about what I'm doing and more about who I'm doing it with. I would be happy between jobs if I could be with Thatcher and Patti and Moth."

"At the job or just in life?"

"I guess just in life."

"So then maybe that's all you need. Maybe you don't need to act."

"Well...," I started, and she raised her eyebrows with anticipation. "I think I do. Mainly because I don't think I have any other skills, but also—"

"—No, stop right there," she said, holding her hand up at me. "Stop any self-deprecating language right now. If anyone in show business hears that, they'll take it as gospel and won't hire you. If you don't believe in yourself, no one else out here will, because there are a million other people directors need to audition and they don't have time to tend to your ego. So let's hear that first reason again."

I took a deep breath. I have never been good at giving myself a compliment, and especially not in front of a celebrity I've been watching on my screen for years.

"I think I need to act because I am talented at acting, especially Shakespeare I think, and he's hard."

"Good, much better."

"And out of all the things I've done in my life, acting has been the one that has made me happiest. I can be someone else and somehow it helps me learn to be a better version of myself every time."

"Yes, girl, speak it."

"I want to keep growing as a person, and to do that, I think—I know that I need to stick with acting."

"Do it."

"I know it will be hard."

"Yep."

"But not everything has to be Hollywood. It can be local theater, or teaching theater, or something a little more attainable."

She gave me a look like I was sinking into dangerous self-talk territory.

"But anything is attainable for me?"

"Yep."

I laughed. "Thanks. So, yeah, I guess I am passionate about theater after all."

"And it's good to have a support system when you are getting into something so uncertain as acting. Keep your friends in your life. You may not always be together, you may be working on different projects at different times, but you can always still have each other in your lives."

I think back to this conversation now as more people start filtering into the theater, including Moth who comes up behind me and puts his arm around my shoulders. "Well, well, well. Ensemble theater. Here we are," he says.

"These are our misfits now," I tell him. "It's not just us anymore."

He holds his hand over his heart. "Though I shall never forget or betray the misfit name."

"We will all still be close, right? The four of us I mean?" He looks at me like he has no idea what I'm talking about. "Like, even though there are so many more people in our group now technically?"

"Yeah, Janie," he says seriously. It sort of takes me aback. "Of course."

Then a long, blue sweater with a patch on the elbow wearing arm wraps around Moth's neck to put him in a playful choke hold. "You moving in on my girl?" Thatcher asks in a goofy mobster voice.

Moth smiles. "No way, she was moving in on me." He pretends to run away scared, making his way down the stairs toward Patti who has now spotted us and is waving us toward her. Thatcher takes Moth's place on the step beside me.

"Is that right?" Thatcher asks, turning his smile to me now. "I'd better snatch you up." He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me toward him, kissing me on my forehead. "It feels good to be back here with you," he whispers so only I can hear. Chills roll down my spine.

"My god, it's Thatcher Gorsky," a girl says from behind us. Thatcher steps away from me to look at who it is. "You're a real, live celebrity."

I don't recognize her from last year's theater class. Maybe she's a senior? Her thin face is covered in light freckles and her strawberry blonde hair falls straight down her back. She's pretty in the same way a doll is pretty. Clear skin and eyes, a symmetrical smile.

"Wait--Paige Brewster? No way," he says excitedly. He moves away from me to hug her. "What are you doing here? Did you move back?"

"Mm hm." She nods, grinning.

I recognize the name, but I can't place where I've heard it. Thatcher turns back to me to introduce us.

"Janie, this is Paige, she was in our theater troupe before you joined theater last year. Paige, this is my girlfriend Janie."

"Oh my god, Janie, hi. Thanks so much for taking care of the troupe while I was gone."

She talks to me like she's talking to a child, and I immediately can't stand her. What does she mean taking care while she was away? It's like she thinks the past seven months was just a long babysitting gig for me and now my friends will go back to their real family.

"Well," I start, trying my best not to sound like Gina used to when she'd get catty, "we all took care of each other. I think that's why we ended up going to Hollywood."

"I saw." She nods slowly, again, like she thinks I'm dumb or something. "I'm so jealous. But, oh well. I'm happy to be back now."

"Happy to have you back," Thatcher says. Paige smiles at him before touching his shoulder like it's a railing she's using to help her walk down the stairs.

Once she's out of earshot, Thatcher turns to me. He smiles at me, his eyebrows raised. "Are you OK?"

"Yep, let's go sit," I lie.

It's been six months, but this is the first time I've been territorial around a girl. Actually, it's the first time I've felt territorial around any other person ever. I don't like it. It makes me feel like I'm some wild animal, heated and snarling on the inside. If I don't like it, I definitely don't want Thatcher to see this side of me, so I keep it to myself.

Unfortunately, it's looking like it might be more difficult to keep wild Janie caged, I think while I watch her surprise Moth and Patti. I feel wild Janie clawing at my ribs as Moth greets Paige with a huge hug and a, "Paigey Brew!"

He doesn't have a nickname for me.

Even Patti is jumping up and down before it's her turn to finally hug Paige too.

Ugh.

The late bell rings, so everyone begins to settle into seats in the audience.

"Good morning my Ensemble Thespians," Mrs. Permala greets us, coming down the stairs from her office in the booth.

Thatcher and I take seats on the end of the nearest aisle, and I can't help but notice that Paige sits right between Patti and Moth, where we should be.

Mrs. Permala's bangle bracelets clang as she lowers her hands and clasps them in front of her oddly iridescent purple dress.

"Welcome back to our seniors."

About half of the class cheers, the half I don't know yet.

"Yes, woo hoo," she repeats matter-of-factly, and Thatcher laughs to himself. "And to our juniors, welcome to what is sure to be your most favorite theater course yet."

Moth, and only Moth, cheers at that. Now we all laugh.

"Your enthusiasm is always appreciated, Timothy," she says. "Now, for those of you who are new, I will explain what to expect, and then I will allow our Ensemble captains Sean and Emma to address to group."

She reviews the stuff I already know, like how there will be four shows and the work will be divided evenly so as to allow for each thespian to have their moment in the sun, her words not mine.

"I'm sure you've worked out by now that with these time constraints, we haven't a moment to lose, so without further adieu, our first play of the season shall be...," she pauses for dramatic effect, which works at least to get me sitting on the edge of my seat. Thatcher takes my hand.

"A Midsummer Night's Dream," she finally announces, "by William Shakespeare. I thought with the success of our little troupe of Shakespearean actors last year, it was wise to continue with the same momentum."

The class applauds for the announcement, and maybe also for us, I can't tell.

"Are there any questions before I relinquish the stage to our captains? Yes, Layla?"

"Does that mean the four of them who did, or tried to do, Romeo and Juliet last year are automatically getting roles or will the auditions be fair?"

Ugh, I forgot about Layla too. Why was I excited to be back at school, again?

Mrs. Permala shoots her a disappointed look. "Of course, Layla. My auditions are always fair. However, Shakespeare isn't for everyone. I will cast those who show the most promise with the text during auditions. If you want a part, you will need to practice and utilize every resource you have to make sure you are correctly interpreting your lines."

"Kay," Layla replies. "Thanks."

"Any other questions?"

No one raises their hand.

"Lovely. Without further adieu then, let's welcome Sean and Emma to the stage."

We all applaud as the girl who Patti was talking to earlier and another boy slide past everyone else in their aisles to join each other on stage while Mrs. Permala takes a seat in the first row on the stage right side of the theater.

Emma has shoulder length, chestnut brown hair, and wears a flannel button up with a white tank top underneath. She seems so approachable, I guess like a senior should seem to a junior in Ensemble Theater on the first day. Sean seems just as approachable, but a little more formal. He wears jeans with a belt, already more formal than I usually am, and up top he wears a light green button up shirt, sleeves rolled up, with a cream vest over top. His brown hair is swept off to the side of his forehead, and he makes sure it is exactly where he wants it as he steps onto the stage alongside Emma.

"Hey everyone," Emma greets us with two big jazz hands. "We are so pumped to be back and to be up here as your Ensemble captains."

All the seniors cheer, so most of us juniors chime in.

"Thank you, thank you."

"Those of you who don't know us, we are Sean," he says, turning to Emma.

"And Emma."

"And we are excited to be passing down the traditions theater groups for decades--"

"--centuries, probably--"

"--probably, have passed down before us. Some are obvious to you right now, like Ensemble captains."

"Yes, there are always Ensemble captains who lead the charge," Emma adds.

"And there are also always other things that we cannot--"

"--and should not--"

"--on pain of death--"

"--or torture, let's keep it a little lighter for the first day--"

"--right, there are other things that we cannot reveal," Sean says.

Thatcher and I have been chuckling to ourselves at these two. They are so good together. This is what chemistry looks like when directors go and search for it, I think.

"But we sincerely hope that you all enjoy every moment of the class."

"And also of learning about all the traditions we have as they come."

Then one of the seniors in the front row starts singing the word "tradition" like from that one musical Patti had me watch with her over the summer, Fiddler on the Roof. Afterwards, close to half of the class probably, including Sean and Emma, sing along with a more succinct, "tradition." A bunch of the kids in the class laugh at this, including Thatcher, before Sean starts again.

"Anyway, speaking of traditions: Some of them are roles, like we've been tasked with."

"Some others are awards given out at the end of each show, and some at the end of each year," Emma adds.

"You'll learn all about that at our annual Ensemble cast pre-show party."

"We are hosting it at Sean's house this year."

"We'll make sure you all have the address by Friday, because it will be Saturday night."

"So clear your calendars, y'all," Emma shouts at us.

"And if you had plans, cancel 'em," Sean adds.

"Yep, sorry, they're cancelled. This is more important."

"We can't wait to really get to know all of you then, and we hope you can all come."

"And by 'hope you can all come,' Sean means he knows you will all come, we both just can't wait."

"Right, in case you couldn't tell, this is my translator here."

"No problem, it's what I'm here for," she tells him.

"They are so funny," I whisper to Thatcher.

"I know, they're great," he replies.

"So," Emma continues, looking back at all of us in the audience, "are there any questions about the optional but also super mandatory theater class party at Sean's house Saturday night? No? Great, awesome," she finishes without giving us any time to actually ask anything. "Thanks for listening, everyone."

Moth starts to cheer again, but this time we all join in. It's like we are actually applauding a performance, that's how in sync they were together. I hope that's how Thatcher and I look, or how we could one day look, on stage together too.

I'm back to feeling excited about being in school after listening to some of what I can look forward to in this class. We spend the rest of the time getting to know each other with silly theater games. I'm not even thinking about how Layla and Paige almost ruined my mood, because I'm too busy having fun. At least we can enjoy this before the serious stuff, also known as auditions preparations, begin tomorrow.