一个人走 无聊的路口
I walk alone 
Reaching a pathetic intersection
我还在做梦 以为你会喜欢我
I'm still dreaming
Thinking that you like me
我的希望落空 而香烟不离手
My hopes are becoming nothing
Cigarette smoke rises into the air
抽到我心很痛
My heart is beating so fast
that it hurts

"Evan," she says softly, reaching up to stroke my cheek gently. Her lips curve into a small smile. "I'm glad that you're here..."

I smiled at her, my heart beating so fast I was afraid it might just leap out of my chest. She opened her mouth again, whispering—

"Evan."

I jumped when a heavy book fell next to my head, snapping me out of my dream. I looked up through blurry eyes to see Samantha hovering over me, her thin lips pulled down into a frown.

"You fell asleep," Samantha reprimanded, crossing her arms. "Again."

"I'm sorry," I muttered, sounding less than sincere. I scratched the back of my neck and stretched my sore muscles. Using my desk as a pillow was a bad idea. Samantha let out a loud sigh, concern flitting through her muddy brown eyes as she shook her head in disappointment.

"What happened to you, Evan? Your grades are suffering and finals are just around the corner," Samantha sighed, taking a seat down next to me. I groaned internally, regretting sleeping in class for the first time. Next time, I should remember to get far away from Nosy Samantha when I want to take a nap.

When her question was faced with silence, she let out another sigh.

"I know we're not friends and I know you don't like me, but I'm asking because I'm concerned for you as your class monitor," she said. I eyed her suspiciously, trying to figure out if she was just trying dig for secrets to share with the rest of the school, knowing that my negativity was useless. Although we weren't friends, I knew Samantha wasn't the kind of person to gossip. Besides, she was too busy studying and sucking up to the teachers to gossip about her schoolmates.

"Life sucks, Sam." With a loud sigh, I propped my feet up on my desk and threw my hands behind my head.

"So?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow at me.

"So I take naps in class instead of listening to boring Mrs Seah yap," I yawned, much to Samantha's annoyance.

"Look, I don't mean to pry, but even I knew that you had a thing with Mei," Samantha said, pursing her lips. "But you can't be miserable over something like that, right?"

Frowning at her implication, I shot her a dirty look. Samantha rolled her eyes, throwing her hands up in frustration.

"It really is because of Mei," she muttered in distaste.

"Do you have something against her or what?" I couldn't help but snap defensively.

"I don't have anything against Mei, I just find it stupid when people get all depressed over love," she explained.

"I'm not depressed!" I protested, but sounded like a deflated balloon. Samantha shook her head, rolling her eyes again. I was really tempted to flick her on the forehead just to stop her from giving me any more of her condescending looks. "I'm just...grieving, I guess."

"Over infatuation?" Samantha asked in a monotonous voice, looking less than impressed.

"Over love!" I snapped, shooting her another glare. When the rush of anger subsided, I couldn't help but slouch in my seat. Resignation washed over me and I buried my face in my palms. Samantha knew that I was suffering. The rest of the school probably does, too.

I cringed in embarrassment just thinking of Mei, and tried my best to ignore the lump forming in my throat. I didn't only get my heart broken— I was humiliated in front of the whole school, no less.

两个人走 我恨这路口
Two people walking
I hate this intersection
你说不爱我 放我在夜裡难过
You say you don't love me
Leaving me in the night amidst the sadness
连再见也不说 而眼泪没停过
You don't even say goodbye
My tears won't stop flowing
哭到我鼻涕流
I cry til' my nose is running

"Has it not once occurred to you how everyone found out about you...making a scene after she broke up with you?" Samantha sighed. For once, instead of the familiar contempt in her eyes, I saw pity.

"What do you mean?" I asked, frowning in confusion and feeling the familiar constricting of my throat at the memory of that night.

"Who do you think leaked the video of you crying after she left you?" Samantha asked bluntly, raising an eyebrow at me.

"How would I know?" I couldn't help but snap angrily. But Samantha saw right through me, and she knew I was only using anger as a front to disguise my vulnerability and weakness.

"Look, six months ago, before you and Mei were even a thing. Who were you?" Samantha asked, tilting her head and waiting for an answer.

Who was...I?

"How do you even know so much about Mei and I? I thought you spent your time studying and I don't know...doing nerd things," I tried to joke, lips quirking into a small smile. When Samantha gave me a hard look, my smile crumbled.

"What are you trying to get at?" I asked Samantha, exhaustion leaking through my words. And more importantly, what does this have to do with Mei?

Six months ago...

"Just answer the question," she pressed, looking more impatient than ever.

"I was...the captain of the swim team," I replied lamely, causing Sam to roll her eyes. I threw my hands up in frustration, shooting her an irritated glare. "How the hell would I know?"

"Does playboy ring a bell?" Samantha drawled, checking the clock hung on the wall at the front of the classroom. It had been fifteen minutes since the last bell rang.

Rolling my eyes, I scoffed.

"I'm not like that anymore," I declared, almost proudly. "Not after I got to know Mei."

"But you were quite notorious, weren't you?" Samantha grinned, looking more condescending than playful.

"So?" I snapped rudely. "What does this have to do with what happened to me?"

"You were so popular, Evan. Everyone wanted to be your friend. All the girls wanted to date you. And you took advantage of that," Samantha said, wrinkling her nose in distaste. At this point, her statements were more confusing than insulting, even though they all rang true.

"Y'know, you really didn't seem like the kind of person to enjoy gossip," I said, trying to lighten the mood.

"I'm not," Samantha reassured, pulling a face. "But I can't help it when rumours spread. And I can't help but hear what people are talking about. But popular people like you tend to think that losers like me are invisible, and somehow can't hear what you guys gossip about, even when you practically yell it into my face in class and during breaks."

I cringed, feeling slightly sorry for her.

"Anyways," she continued. "Who was Mei six months ago?"

I shot her another look of confusion, but she gestured for me to answer quickly. Sighing, I wracked my brain for an answer...but found none.

"I don't know," I admitted reluctantly. There was not much I didn't know about Mei. I pursed my lips and stared at Samantha expectantly.

"She was like me," she said, rolling her eyes. "She minded her own business, she didn't look like much, and she certainly wasn't popular. She was a nobody."

"Yeah, I remember now," I piped up, snapping my fingers. "She came to school after summer break looking like a completely different person. She was beautiful. Everyone thought she was a transfer student. I asked her out on the first day back from semester break!"

"She didn't only look like a different person, she acted like she was a completely different person too," Samantha muttered quietly, shaking her head and snorting.

"Okay, I really don't understand how any of this has to do with that video of me," I admitted, scratching my head and shooting her another confused look which she probably took for a normal expression from me by now.

"Right," Samantha said, wrinkling her nose. "I saw that video."

I cringed, rubbing my temple. I hoped Samantha wouldn't talk about the video, or at least mention the contents of it.

"Yeah, you cry a lot for a guy," she added, completely unaware of how embarrassed I was feeling. I felt the familiar prick in my eyes and blinked furiously.

"Samantha, stop." But my warning was too soft, and she was far too engrossed about remembering the details of the video.

"Never saw someone scream like that before," she continued, pursing her lips. "It must've been so embarrassing for you, the day after that happened. You know, walking into school and realising everyone saw you have a mental breakdown in the middle of the street."

"Will you shut the fuck up?" I snapped, shooting her a furious glare. Samantha blinked, pity flashing through her eyes again. I hated it. "Did you just talk to me just to remind me of that? To poke fun at me?"

"No!" Samantha denied, and looked sincerely apologetic. She wrinkled her nose again. "Sorry, I tend to get carried away. And I have bad social awareness."

爱情就是黑洞 扭曲我所有
Love is a black hole
Taking away my everything
我想要爱你却迷失了我自己
I wanted to love you but I lost myself doing so
真的分不出来 给的是不是真爱
I really can't tell whether my love is real
游戏 我玩不起来
I can't play these games

"Whatever," I muttered, slumping against my chair and staring out of the window. I hated that the entire school saw me when I was at my weakest— vulnerable and miserable.

But I guess that was a gamble that I took without considering the consequences. I was just an addict blinded by the rewards of loving and being loved by someone.

"I'm sorry," Samantha apologised again, biting her lip. She sounded sincere.

"It's alright," I replied quietly. "It's not like I care."

"Evan..."

"I mean it, Sam," I muttered, and she kept quiet. The air was filled with tense silence before she nudged me with her fist and grinned.

"I still think you're pretty cool," she said. I have her a pointed look, and she quickly protested.

"It's true! You're still cooler than half the people in school, anyway," she said. "Fall from grace or not, you're a pretty decent dude."

"Thanks," I snorted, rolling my eyes.

"Hey...," Sam began, a look of curiosity flashing through her eyes. "How did you know that it was true love?"

I shot the unkempt girl a strange look, slightly surprised at her sincere question. How did I know that I loved Mei?

"I just...knew, I guess," I replied, my eyebrows furrowing together. It felt like the answer to her question was on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't for the life of me put it in words. "I just wanted to love her. I would've given up everything for her. As cliché as it sounds, I wanted to become a better person, for Mei. It was just as simple as that."

"Was it really simple, though?" Sam asked, pursing her lips. "Didn't you give up swimming to focus on your studies because you wanted to get in the same college as she did?"

"Yeah," I replied, not understanding her point. "I gave up swimming for a stable future."

"The last time I checked, swimming was your future. You got accepted into several colleges. But none of them were Mei's choice."

"Mei always said swimming wasn't a proper career," I explained, shifting in my seat. All this talk about my old flame was making me uncomfortable.

"Evan, maybe you confused becoming a better person with becoming a completely different one. You lost yourself trying to get her to love you, y'know," Sam said without batting an eyelid.

"She did love me," I muttered, shooting her another glare. I was sure Sam was already used to it.

"I don't know whether or not to pity you or to be thankful that you're an idiot," Sam sighed, tilting her face towards the ceiling and allowing the ceiling fan to blow away the strands of hair covering her face.

我不想走 去你妈的路口
I don't want to go
To that fucking intersection
破碎的痴梦 丢到马桶让水流
Broken daydreams
I throw them down the toilet
本人依然没救 而香烟没停过
I couldn't be saved in the first place
Cigarette smoke won't stop rising into the air
抽到我心很痛
My heart is beating so fast that it hurts

"Mei was the one that posted the video," Samantha said quietly, and at first I wanted to joke about how serious she was being before what she said fully registered in my mind.

"Mei...what? No," I denied quickly, shaking my head. "She wouldn't do something like that to me."

"Evan...Mei didn't love you," Sam sighed, rubbing her temple and muttering under her breath. "She never did, okay? She was just trying to get revenge on you."

"R-Revenge?" I sputtered loudly, looking at Sam with wide, confused eyes. "I didn't even know her before summer break!"

"Does the name Sierra Langdon ring a bell?" Sam asked, raising her eyebrow. Frowning, I wracked my brain for a familiar face, and sucked in a deep breath when I remembered the quiet blonde from Biology class.

"She had a crush on me a few years ago," I replied. "But I don't know how she has anything to do with Mei."

"Sierra transferred before summer break because she was being bullied," Sam explained, pursing her lips. "Have you ever wondered why?"

Swallowing, I shook my head slowly.

"I'm not friends with her."

"She was getting taunted by everyone because they knew she had a crush on you. I don't know if you remember her confessing to you," San explained. Blowing out a sigh, she cocked her eyebrow and cast me an almost pitiful look. "Someone took a video of you rejecting her. Everyone found it the funniest thing. But poor Sierra didn't."

"What does she have to do with Mei?"

"Mei was her best friend. And she was completely heartbroken when Sierra transferred."

"How do you know all of this? What if you're just...just lying?" I continued to question, refusing to believe her words.

"You know I have nothing to benefit from lying to you. As for how we knew each other...the losers and outcasts usually sit together, y'know. Imagine my surprise when Mei turned up after summer break looking like a whole different person. She was carrying out her little plan that she shared with us during lunch whenever she missed Sierra," Sam murmured, tucking her hair behind her ear.

My heart stopped, then began to race. I couldn't understand what Sam was saying. I didn't want to. Mei...my Mei, was nothing but a liar?

I clutched my chest tightly, feeling uncomfortable from how fast my heart was beating.

"That's not true," I managed to say, my words coming out as a breathy whisper.

"I'm sorry," Sam mumbled, looking apologetic. "But I thought you should know. She crossed a line. The sooner you realise that, the sooner you'll move on."

Shaking my head, I swallowed.

"I have to see her."

深陷沼泥之中 没有人救我
I've sunk so deep into the earth
No one can save me
手机上都是你曾经留的讯息
I still keep the text message you left me
你眼神的不耐 有如利刃飞过来
The glint in your eye let's me know you think I'm intolerable
Your glare shoots me down
瞬间 我终於明白
In this instant
I finally understand

As if the gods above had some kind of agenda to spite me, the door swung open and Mei and Isabella walked in, chittering and giggling to themselves. Isabella stopped short when she saw me and Sam at the back of the room. When Mei realised that something had caught Isabella's attention, she stopped talking and followed the direction in which Isabella was looking.

The breath caught in my throat when her eyes locked into mine. Mei visibly swallowed, blinking rapidly before looking away, as if she had seen a ghost.

I might as well have been a ghost, since it has been awhile since I've slept well and had dark eye bags and sunken cheeks. I was a mess.

"Ask her," Sam said quietly. Take the chance. Ask Mei if she was lying all along.

Did I want to?

Anything to get to hear her voice again.

"Let's go somewhere else," Isabella said, and the two girls turned to exit the classroom. Feeling as if I was going to regret it if I let her step foot out of the class, I stood up quickly, knocking my chair onto the floor. The two girls gasped and jumped in the surprise at the loud noise.

"Mei," I called out, my voice sounding weaker than I had intended. She froze.

"Y-Yeah?" she replied softly, her eyes shifting towards the door.

"I need to talk to you about something," I said, swallowing thickly. Mei bit her lip, looking at Isabella for help.

"Mei and I—," Isabella began.

"Bella, please." My old friend paused when I pleaded with her, hesitating for a second before sighing. Mei grabbed her arm in an attempt to stop her, but she shook her head slightly at Mei. Isabella and Samantha shared a look, before quietly exiting the classroom.

"Let's talk, Mei," I said softly. "I promise it'll only take awhile."

Pursuing her lips, she set her books down on the table.

"Okay. What do you want to say?" Mei asked in resignation.

"I don't want to say anything to you. I want to hear what you have to say," I replied, standing up and walking towards her. I stopped when we were an arm's length apart. I was afraid I would burn if I stood too close to her.

"What do you mean?"

"Your friend...Sierra," I started, and immediately, it was like something changed in Mei. Her eyes welled up with unshed tears, and she clenched her teeth.

"Don't say her name," she seethed, her sadness turning into anger in a second. Mei shot me a scathing glare, and I was so surprised by her reaction that the words died in my throat.

"You, of all people, don't deserve to say her name," she continued. I blinked, realisation dawning onto me. Sam wasn't lying.

"It was you," I said quietly, my eyes and throat stinging. And yet, the tears never came. Perhaps I had no tears left to cry after the first time Mei left me.

"You were the one who shared the video," I said, casting my gaze downwards. I couldn't bear looking into her eyes, eyes that once looked so innocent to me. I was wrong.

Mei was silent for a moment, before she sighed.

"Yeah, it was me," she muttered, sounding unapologetic.

"H-How, how could you?" I asked in defeat. The feeling of betrayal was almost as painful as heartbreak.

"You had to learn a lesson. You hurt too many people," she replied.

"I never hurt anyone on purpose," I protested. "I never did anything like that intentionally. I wasn't the one who filmed Sierra, or spread the video. I didn't acknowledge it."

"Maybe that's why! You pretended like nothing had happened! You completely ruined her life, and you went on your jolly way. You were in your happy little bubble, completely unaware of what you had done. It drove me insane!" Mei snapped, her eyes widening frighteningly in anger. I stared at her, the girl I loved, feeling a sense of loss yet again.

The Mei I loved wasn't like this. She wasn't vengeful or bitter. She was kind, intelligent and innocent. It was like I was losing her all over again.

"Did you mean that?" I whispered softly, looking up into her eyes. The hate that flashed in her eyes glinted at me under the fluorescent, mocking me. I knew her answer before she replied.

"Every word, Evan. I wanted you to hurt as much as Sierra did."

Time stopped in the classroom. The two of us— broken and teary-eyed.

Sam was right.

I had fallen in love with a girl I didn't even know. I changed myself so desperately in an attempt to win her love. But it was never her intention to love me in the first place.

I had lost Mei. I had lost my heart and myself.

"Okay," I finally replied. "You got what you wanted, Mei. I'm glad you did. Even though you weren't sincere, my feelings were. You can't take that away from me."

Mei remained silent.

"Thank you for talking to me," I mumbled, managing a smile. Taking in a deep breath, I grabbed my bag from off the floor and slung it over my shoulder.

"See you around."

不在为你心痛
And my heart no longer aches for you