Chapter 7 ― Zayn 

“What’s going on, Zayn?” Harry asked me but I wasn’t paying the slightest attention to him, I was looking at the way where Mila had left, still with that knot in my stomach and my heart beating faster than usual.

I was shocked by what just happened between us. I still didn’t understand what happened with her and that sudden change of mood, I still didn’t know why she just turned into someone different right in front of my eyes and I certainly didn’t know why she looked at me so… hurt. What did I do to make her act like that? To look at me like that? I was sure about just one thing: it was because of something I said. But that wasn’t the only thing that had me so absorbed and out of this world, it was also for what happened when I touched her. That electric jolt that went through my whole body and made my whole skin tingle like there was something under it, and my hand, the hand I had on her elbow, it was like I was touching a very powerful spot.

“Zayn?” Harry asked again and I had to shake my head to come back to this world. “You okay, mate? You look… well, weird.”

“Yeah, I think I’m okay.” The curly-haired boy looked even more confused and I sighed because I knew I wasn’t making any sense to him, but I couldn’t try to explain something that didn’t make sense to me either. “It’s just that I… I…” I trailed off furrowing my eyebrow, still so confused. A part of me just wanted to go after her, maybe she could help me to understand what was happening with me; another part of me wanted to put as much distance between us two as possible because all this was so overwhelming and it kind of scaring me a tad bit.

“Does it have to do with Mila? What’s going on between you two?” My friend asked again getting closer and putting his hand over my shoulder.

“I… I guess. There’s something odd with her and how I—” I cut myself off before saying something that could be interpreted as something else. You could never be too careful with Harry Styles.

“How you what?” He insisted, obviously not willing to let the matter drop.

“I don’t wanna talk about it, Harry. Can’t you just let it go?” I requested looking into his eyes, hoping he would understand that it wasn’t the moment and I needed to figure out many things before even talking about it out loud.

He stared at me for a few more seconds trying to decide what to do. He finally smiled and nodded. “Okay, but if you wanna talk you know where you can find me.” I nodded as well and my eyes went immediately to the window of the house, like I could see her. It amazed me that even if I tried, I couldn’t just shrug off what happened between us. “Shall we go back inside?” Harry asked and I nodded one more time.

As we made our way into the house again I noticed something very peculiar, something that made my heart stop for a second at the realisation: I was more concerned about Mila and what was happening between us than seeing Alex and Niall together, which was always my biggest concern every time we were all together. All the time I had to remember to show no expression, to act like I was perfectly okay with the fact that they were together and that inside I was feeling like tearing apart. For the first time since Niall and Alex got together, they were the least of my concerns. The only thing I cared about in that moment was Mila and trying to understand what was happening.

+ + + + +

“Zayn!” Liam exclaimed as he saw me standing there, my eyes fixed on them.

I had just walked into the house and the first thing I saw were Liam and Mila talking before he hugged her. I felt like an invisible hand had just squeezed my heart as I saw the smile on Liam’s face and how Mila hugged him back. Obviously she liked him better, she was happily talking to him, hugging him but she didn’t want to be in the same place as me.

Mila turned around immediately and our eyes met. She smiled a bit but I couldn’t reply, I just felt cold inside, I felt all my muscles tensing due to a sudden rage going through my veins. It seemed like everyone rather be with someone else than me, they always picked someone else over me. Why? Was I so annoying that no one wanted to be next to me? Why did no one pick me over the rest?

“We were just talking about you!” Liam went on, not noticing my mood and how I just wanted to shout at his face. “I’m so glad you’re friends now! No more fighting!” I raised one eyebrow confused. I saw Mila blushing and avoiding my gaze.

“Pardon?” I asked not looking at Liam but focused on Mila, trying to meet her eyes again.

“You know, that you agreed on a truce. Mila just told me that everything is fine between the two of you. Now smile!” He requested and I just frowned. I still didn’t fully understand what was happening and what Mila told Liam, but for some reason the fact that they were talking about me cheered me up a tad bit. “Right, Mila?”

“Yeah,” she replied but she kept avoiding me and I felt this urge to walk towards her until we were face to face, grab her chin and make her to look at me. “Friends.”

I didn’t know how Liam could believe her when it was evident for me that she didn’t feel what she was saying. She didn’t see me as a friend, on the contrary, she sounded like she was saying that just to content Liam.

Maybe we cleared things up, but it was evident that she didn’t like me. She didn’t hate me, I knew that, but she didn’t want to be near me either.

“Oh, c’mon, Zayn, smile! You made a new friend today!” He put his arm around Mila’s shoulder and pushed her towards me until we were all face-to-face. “Now hug! That’s what friends do!” He literally pushed us against each other.

My arms automatically wrapped around her small body and pulled her even closer. That jolt of electricity I felt before went through my whole body again, this time magnified. My whole body tingled and I just felt so different, a sensation I couldn’t describe, I just knew that I didn’t want to let her go. I hugged her tighter when I felt her own arms surrounding my waist and his face hiding in my chest. I buried my nose in her hair and her perfume just hit me; a sweet and exquisite perfume.

“Aw, see? This is better,” Liam cooed and if he hadn’t spoken, I wouldn’t have remembered he was there, too.

Mila tried to pull back but I didn’t want to, not yet. I— I liked to hold her in my arms. She was so small, so petite yet she felt so right against my body.

It was weird. I had hugged thousands of girls but I never felt like this before. It was so different how I felt her in contrast to the way I felt other girls, including Alex. Mila just felt like something completely different and unique.

“Now let’s go ‘cos they’ll need help with the BBQ,” the brunet reminded us and just then I let her go though I still wanted to keep her there, in my arms. How weird was that?

I looked down at her eyes and she finally met mine. I bit my lower lip as I saw how her cheeks blushed before stepping back and walking behind Liam who was already going to reunite with the others. I stood there for a while, trying to understand why I was feeling like that, why all these emotions came at me when she was close. I wanted to understand the meaning on this, I wanted to know why she felt so different.

I breathed in deeply and walked towards the kitchen where all my friends probably were preparing everything for the BBQ and the game we were going to watch.

As I walked into the kitchen I saw all my friends laughing and even I had a smile on my face, at least until I saw Alex and Niall standing there, hugging each other oblivious to the world.

I knew they always tried not to be all lovey-dovey in front of me because both of them knew about the situation and didn’t want to make this awkward, but sometimes they just couldn’t help it and I understood that, after all it was obvious and we all knew they loved each other. I normally tried to avoid them when they started to act like that, but sometimes I couldn’t, sometimes I had to stand there and bear with them being, well, a couple. That afternoon was one of those times.

I stood there, staring at them feeling that so familiar wave of jealousy running down my body. I couldn’t help asking myself over and over again why Alex couldn’t see me like something more than a friend, why she had to pick Niall over me, why she didn’t love me as she loved Niall.

It was when I saw them so happy together when I wanted to feel like that more than ever. I just wanted someone to love me for who I was, not for being Zayn of One Direction. I wanted someone who loved me like Alex loved Niall. I didn’t want to be treated different because I was a popstar, I just wanted to be treated like a normal boy. That was one of the reasons why I liked Alex, because she never treated us like we were something else but normal lads.

Was it too much to ask for someone to want me? For someone to need me?

I looked away because it hurt to see them and accidentally my eyes found Mila and her expression was like someone had just punched me in the stomach. I saw so much pity in her eyes, but not only that, I also saw something dark and bitter, something that I didn’t see in her before. There was such intensity in her gaze that left me out of breath.

I felt divided in three. A part of me was mad because I didn’t need her compassion, I had enough with my own pity party; there was this other part of me who just wanted to know what else she was feeling, what else was behind that look; and there was this part that wanted to go to her and asked her for comfort, for a distraction.

I just stood there, feeling all these things inside and not knowing what to do.

“Zayn, take this!” Harry suddenly interrupted my thoughts handing me a beer and with a bright smile. “Let’s make this more fun!”

I smiled as I broke eye contact with Mila. I took the bottle and smiled at Harry who just patted me on the back. “You okay?” He asked in a whisper and I nodded. Sometimes Harry could surprise you with how observant he was. “You know? I like Mila,” he said really low so only I could hear him. I tensed at his words. “You should talk more to her.”

And then I understood what he was saying. He didn’t mean he liked Mila for himself, but he liked her for me.

I glanced at her briefly, considering that and wondering: did I like her for myself?

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Shout out for @SammIsMyName because she left me a comment so beautiful that it made me even cry. Thanks, love! Hope you love this chapter.

Bel, xx