Chapter 40 ― Mila

I wasn’t expecting to see him in my living room. Honestly, I never thought Moni was going to let him in and I wondered how this happened. But that faded into the background of my mind as my heart raced and all I could see was him. I hadn’t looked into his eyes in three weeks and my whole body had missed him, but at the same time having him there pained so much. My mind, my pride couldn’t let me forget that it was his fault all I had to go through, because he couldn’t shut up.

I wasn’t sure what his plan was, and I wasn’t sure if I had to do what he asked for or just walk away and hide in my room, surrounded by the familiarity of that place where I felt safe. But even if my mind kept telling me that I should walk away, that it was still too soon, my feet didn’t move as he started playing a tune that got to my heart. The exact moment when I recognised the melody I wanted to start crying. It was the effect that song had on me, always. But the fact that Zayn was there, playing it in front of me with his brown and beautiful eyes locked on me… it made it a hundred times more painful.

If you ever leave me baby,
Leave some morphine at my door

‘Cause it would take a whole lot of medication

To realise what we used to have,
We don’t have it anymore.

He sang and my knees were shaking, threating me with letting me fall to the floor. Bruno Mars was one of my favourite musicians ever and that song in particular was my weak point. I always felt the pain in Bruno’s voice, but now that Zayn was singing it… it was different, it was even more painful and his voice was tearing my heart apart.

There’s no religion that could save me
No matter how long my knees are on the floor

So keep in mind all the sacrifices I’m makin’

Will keep you by my side

Will keep you from walkin’ out the door.

I had to cover my mouth with my hand and fight the tears back. He was staring right into my soul and I knew he was being sincere. I always knew it.

Cause there’ll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby

There’ll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby

Just like the clouds

My eyes will do the same, if you walk away

Everyday it will rain, rain, rain...


He skipped the second verse and I understood why he did. He was using the parts of the song he needed to express what he wanted.

Don’t just say, goodbye

Don’t just say, goodbye

I’ll pick up these broken pieces ’til I’m bleeding

If that’ll make it right
 

Cause there’ll be no sunlight

If I lose you, baby

There’ll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby

Just like the clouds

My eyes will do the same, if you walk away

Everyday it will rain, rain, rain...



He let his hand fall over the strings one more time and the melody faded away in the room, his eyes still on me, waiting for a reaction from my end of the situation. My heart was beating so fast and I was torn between breaking down crying and just staying there, frozen in the middle of the living room.

“I never meant to hurt you,” he said because, apparently, I wasn’t able to utter a word. “I got carried away, I never thought it was going to end up like this. You must know that, Mila. I love you too much to do such a stupid thing like that on purpose. I didn’t think, I’m an idiot, I know that, but I learnt. I swear I’ll never do such a thing again. I guess I didn’t fully understand what it meant for you to do this alone, but now I do. Please, Mila— Forgive me,” he begged and my heart, that irrational part of me wanted to scream yes, that everything was fine. But I was the kind of girl who overthought everything.

“You broke my trust, Zayn. You didn’t just got carried away, you did what I asked you not to do so many times,” I said and my voice was shaking.

“I know, I’m really sorry. I won’t do it again, never,” he replied putting the guitar aside and stepping closer, but I didn’t move. Not backwards or forwards. I just stayed there.

“That’s the thing, Zayn, and what you don’t understand. You betrayed me and trust for me is something important, and it takes time to heal. That’s all what I was asking you for: time. You didn’t need to come here and serenade me, that won’t give me the time I need to heal and to trust you again,” in that occasion, my voice sounded firm and determined.

“I can’t lose you, Mila. I love you so much,” Zayn insisted and my heart was aching, but I knew that this was the right thing to do, it was what I needed to do.

“And if you do, then give me time. We can’t pick up right where we left off because I don’t trust you anymore. We can’t have that kind of relationship, Zayn,” I reasoned and I could see all the pain reflected in his beautiful eyes. I needed him to understand what I was trying to say. “I love you, too, and that’s why I’m telling you this, Zayn. I need time, that’s all what I ask you for. I will heal, I know it, but I can’t do it properly if you rush me. I know it wasn’t your intention and that you learnt, but that doesn’t heal me either.”

“Time,” he mumbled. “But it hurts not having you,” he added and I understood him, oh how I did.

“But everything will go worse if you don’t give me time. Understand this, please.” And I knew that with that single sentence, he understood it. I asked him the same with my writing and he never really got it until he made a mistake.

When he nodded and smiled with all his pain still present in his features, I knew he had learnt to trust me when I told him what I needed and wanted. That single gesture was the first thing I needed to start trusting him again. Maybe I was never going to do it like I did, but it was a beginning.

“I’ll give you all the time you need. When you’re ready, I’ll be there for you,” he promised me and I smiled, grateful that he had finally understood.

+ + + + +

Almost two months had passed and not a single day I stopped missing Zayn. The way I woke up every morning and thought of him, wondering how he was doing, allowed me to realise how much I loved him. It was hard not to rush things and just go to him, but I knew that if I didn’t wait, things wouldn’t end up well between us. If I wasn’t completely healed, we wouldn’t have the ground to build a real relationship and I really loved him, I really did, otherwise I wouldn’t care so much.

Easter was here and I had done well in my exams. I deserved my break and with Moni we had planned just to get rest. She had me writing again, even if I wasn’t posting it on the Internet. She kept me doing what I loved the most and she swore that after I finished my first book, she wasn’t going to rest until we got someone to publish it. I always loved to have her by my side.

“Mila,” my friend called from the living room and I closed Darcy to go and see what she wanted.

I walked in the room and saw that my friend wasn’t alone, a woman in her middle thirties was there with her, both of them were drinking tea and there was a mug for me, I knew that. The woman had this only-business aura around her and she looked serious, but there was kindness in her green eyes and she smiled at me politely.

“Mila, this is Theresa. She came to see you,” Moni introduced as I kept walking. The woman stood up and offered me her hand to shake.

“Nice to meet you, Mila. Please, call me Terry. I’ve heard so much about you,” she said and I just grew more confused.

“Have you?” I inquired taking seat next to my friend.

“Oh yes, loads! My daughter wouldn’t shut up about you. She always kept talking about how amazing this writer was and how thanks to her, she kept living Harry Potter books,” she explained to me and little by little I started to understand.

“Oh, so your daughter used to read my stories. That’s nice,” I commented though it hurt to remember those times when I used to have readers.

“Since you started posting on the Internet. Would you believe me she cried the day she realised you got hacked? At the beginning she was happy for you and Zayn, but after you got hacked, she doesn’t want to know about him. By the way, I’m really sorry for what happened to you, very unfortunately I would say.”

“Thanks.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“Well, I’m not here to let you know about my daughter’s fascination with your writing. So let’s jump to business. You’ll see, I’m an editor for a very modest publisher but I have taught my daughter to appreciate good writing. So I trust her when she tells me someone is good,” Terry stated and my heart started beating fast. “I talked to my boss and it was really hard to convince him as I didn’t have any proof of your writing quality. Luckily, I got in touch with your friend here and after a couple of meetings, she gave me one of your old manuscripts.”

I looked at Moni surprised and my friend was only smiling, proud of what she had done. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently.

“This is my offer, Mila,” Terry carried on. “We want to sign you. We want you to publish with us one of your original stories. I know you have many ideas and that you’re currently working on one. Please, say yes. My boss is in love with the way you manage words and he’s as convinced as I am that you are the new revelation in the book industry right now.”

I was speechless. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Moni squeezed my hand again just to wake me up from the daydream I had fallen into.

“Are you serious? Is this for real?” I inquired and Terry laughed, nodding. “Oh my God! Yes, a thousand times yes!” I exclaimed next and the smile she gave me was one of pure happiness.

“Excellent. Tomorrow come to our offices to meet my, now yours too, boss and sign all the papers. We’ll discuss everything,” she said handing me a business card. “Now if you excuse me, I have to meet my girl and tell her that you said yes. She asked me to save her the first copy, she’s your biggest fan.”

“Tell her I love her, okay? I’d love to meet her,” I said with my voice filled with happiness.

“Oh, she would love it. See you tomorrow, Mila. Welcome aboard,” she told me one more time standing up and shaking my hand. I was trembling with excitement and I couldn’t control myself, I hugged her. She laughed and hugged me back. She had brought the most wonderful news and I officially loved her.

Terry left us alone and Moni and I started jumping around the place. I was so happy and I felt like I loved the whole world. I couldn’t stop smiling like an idiot.

“See? Told you that you were gonna do it, didn’t I?” Moni told me giving me another hug. “This is perfect! Finally, you’re gonna be published!”

But it didn’t feel completely perfect. There was one more thing missing in my life to feel like everything was perfect. I needed someone else to celebrate with me this moment.

“Ugh, go!” Moni said surprising me.

“Pardon?” I inquired furrowing my eyebrows.

“Go and look for Zayn. He should be here too. Harry called earlier saying that they were coming back for a couple of days. That includes Zayn, right?” She explained to me and I looked at her impressed. “You still love him, we all know that and you need him. He’s been waiting for you all this time. For God’s sake, you two need each other. I always saw this, that’s why you were… are my OTP.”

“But—”

“Go, okay. You know it’s time. You need it, you achieved what you wanted it and he didn’t help you. You did it yourself. Now let him be part of your happiness, too. Just tell him I’ll be watching him, though,” she added and I giggled hugging her one more time.

I had done it, on my own, with just my writing. He hadn’t got me the deal, my words did. With some help from Moni, of course. And Terry’s daughter. And maybe Zayn’s mistake could have pushed these events to happen, as well.

I didn’t trust him fully again, but to finish fixing that between us, I needed him.

I took my keys and drove as fast as I could to his new house. Harry had given me the new address long time ago and I was finally using it.

It took me a while and by when I was standing in front of his door my heart was beating so fast I should have been dead by now, it felt like an eternity had happened since the last time I saw him. Impatiently, I knocked at his door and waited.

I still loved him, very, very much. No matter how much time had passed, my feelings hadn’t got weaker. On the contrary, I was sure I was in love with him and I confirmed that when he opened his door and my eyes met his that showed surprise and at the same time, happiness.

“Zayn,” I said half whispering.

“Mila,” his voice showed his surprise as well. “What— When— How—?” He inquired ever so confused, it was cute and funny.

“I have good news and it just didn’t feel right if I didn’t let you know,” I told him and he furrowed his eyebrow, still puzzled. “I got a deal with a publisher. I’m gonna publish a book,” I blurted out and the transformation of his face left me giggling.

All confusion disappeared and extreme happiness replaced it. Without previous warning he took me in his arms and hugged me tightly, he even spun me around.

“I knew you could do it!” He exclaimed letting me stand on my feet again. “Congratulations! I’m so happy for you,” he carried away and I was still laughing.

I didn’t think about it, I just gave into what I wanted to do. I grabbed his face and pulled him until I crushed my lips onto his. That caught him off guard, but it didn’t take him long to hug me tighter and kiss me back, his lips moving in sync with mine.

Oh man, how much I had missed him!

We pulled away but he kept me close, our bodies still closely pressed together.

“Does this mean that…?” He left the sentence hanging in the air, but I knew what he meant with that question, so I nodded.

“Did you wait too long?” I inquired smiling and stroking his cheeks softly.

“It was worth it, I have you back,” he replied leaning in to kiss me one more time. He was right, he had me back as I had him.

Now I could say everything was perfect that day. I got a deal to become a published writer and I got Zayn back. Sure we still had things to fix and many problems to face, but we were going to take it slowly and carefully. He was going to gain my complete trust again, I knew it, and we were going to be fine. From this point onwards, we needed to walk this path together. The time I needed had passed and for this new stage, I needed him by my side.

And I had him.

-:-:-:-

Thanks for sticking with me all this time. I really hope you enjoyed it the last chapter and thank you for taking Misconceptions to the first place in Fan Fictions more than once. It means the whole universe to me. I never hoped that could happen and now I'm even more nervous because Music Sheet is the next book in the series but I'm afraid you won't like it as much as you did with this story. I hope I won't disappoint anyone.

Dedication goes to Mila because this story was for her and without my best friend, this wouldn't exist. Thanks for being my best friend, Mila. I love you ❤

I'll start posting Music Sheet (Harry Styles) and Let Yourself Fall (Liam Payne) on Sunday, so I hope to see you all there that day ;)

And now, off you go to read the epilogue of this story!

Bel, xx