Chapter 35 ― Zayn

We walked away from Alan going to backstage and I had this stupid grin on my face. The simple thought of Mila put me always in a better mood and I thought I handled the situation very well. I didn’t exactly help her as I didn’t do anything to get her a deal with a publisher, but maybe she would become more popular and that, eventually, would get her a deal.

I was walking ahead. We smashed the first live Alan Carr’s interview. It was an honour for us to be the first guest to a new kind of show, I really liked Alan though Harry was always reluctant to talk to him as it seemed like Alan was keen to embarrass him the most. Although that night he managed it perfectly as he was the one making jokes about himself. Probably he learnt that from Mila and Moni who were so used to bully each other and bully themselves as well.

I was about to go sit but someone grabbed me by the shoulder and made me turn around aggressively. Before I could see who it was, someone pushed me against the closest wall. “Do you realise what you just did?” Harry spat surprising everyone, my eyes widened and I was speechless. “Tell me! Do you realise? Do you realise the fucking mistake you made?” He asked me and I was utterly shocked.

“Wha-what do you mean?” I questioned looking with my eyes for the other lads, trying to understand what Harry was talking about, but all of them were looking at me severely.

“You know what I mean! You did what you weren’t supposed to do. What has Mila told you? She didn’t want your help, she didn’t want her writing to be connected to you! You arsehole!”

My eyes shot open, I couldn’t follow him and Harry realised this. He stepped back, visibly frustrated by the situation and Louis had to grab him by the arm and try to calm him down. The curly-haired boy was really mad but I was still shocked and confused.

Liam stepped forward and came to me, looking at me concerned and a bit disappointed, but I didn’t see anything wrong with what I did. “I don’t understand,” I told him and he shook his head lightly.

“You shouldn’t have said that, Zayn,” Liam said calmly. “Mila’s been very clear about how she doesn’t want you to help her with that. She wants to succeed by her own means but now you have influenced on that. Many girls will read her because you told them to do so. You think she’s gonna be happy about it?”

Just then I started to consider that maybe I had made a mistake.

“You think she’s gonna be mad?” I asked and Harry snorted a few steps away. Louis still was trying to calm him down. “But— I— I thought— I didn’t think it was a bad thing.”

“I know that, Zayn, but you should’ve thought more thoroughly about it. It wasn’t a smart move,” Liam replied with his hand on my shoulder, a sympathetic look on his face.

“I need to call her,” I said stepping away and looking for my mobile in my pocket. I— I made a mistake and… Oh shit, Liam was right and I could understand why Harry was so mad. I had done what Mila asked me not to. I was a complete idiot.

But I had to be positive, maybe everything was going to be alright at the end. Things were going to be fine.

I left my band mates behind and dialled her number, but she wasn’t picking up and I started to get worried. Maybe she was mad already, maybe she didn’t want to talk to me. When I heard someone answering the call, relief took over my body, until I heard her severe voice.

“Mila doesn’t wanna talk to you now, so don’t call her,” Moni said and I had never heard her like that. I could feel the anger in her voice and it sent shivers down my spine.

“Moni, please, let me—”

“No. Not now,” she cut me off and I felt like everything was falling apart and I started to see the real weight of what I had done. “Bye,” she said before hanging up. I tried to call immediately again but now her phone was turned off.

She was mad. I had been an idiot. She didn’t want to talk to me.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and when I turned around it was Liam who was looking at me with pity in his eyes. I hated that look, it reminded me of those days when everyone looked at me like that because I wanted Niall’s girlfriend.

I finally met the girl for me, someone who made me happy and made me feel like myself, like I didn’t have to change everything and I could be true to myself.  I loved Mila, I couldn’t lose her for a stupid mistake, something I did because I just got carried away. I had to fix things between us.

“Don’t look at me like that,” I spat shoving him off. I walked away and I heard Harry calling me, but I didn’t stop. I had to talk to Mila, I had to fix everything.

“Zayn, wait!” Paul stopped me from keep walking. “You still have things to do here, you can’t just walk away. Whatever happened, it can wait,” he added.

“No! It can’t wait. I can’t afford the possibility to lose her over this!” I cried out, panic was starting to show in my voice.

“Calm down, Zayn. You can talk to her later. Maybe you need to give her just a bit of time. I’m sure she’ll see that it was an accident,” Niall spoke for everyone else and I had to close my eyes and breathe deeply to control my temper. It wasn’t a good idea to lose it in that moment because I was scared. “And if she doesn’t, we can ask the girls for help. It’s gonna be fine,” he added and I really hoped he was right.

“Okay. Just a little bit of time,” I agreed opening my eyes again, still fighting to remain calm.

+ + + + +

My phone went off when we were on our way to home. I took it off immediately, hoping it was Mila. I had tried to call her the whole day, but it was no use. She had her mobile turned off and Moni just sent me to the voice mail. I was so nervous and incredibly mad at myself for being so stupid. I should have thought more about what I was saying, I just— I couldn’t stop. I wanted the whole world to know how much she meant to me, how amazing she was and in the middle of that, I did something stupid. I just hoped everything would end up well. I begged it was just something that wasn’t bigger than what it seemed.

However my disappointment was evident when I saw Phebs on the screen of my mobile phone. I sighed and picked up, maybe she knew something.

“How could you?!” Was the first thing she yelled at me. I pulled away the phone due to how loud she screamed.

“Phebs, you okay?” I asked, I had never heard her screaming.

“No, I’m not okay. How can I be okay? Uh? It’s all your fault!” She kept yelling and I had my phone several inches away from my ear and I still could hear her clearly. Liam and Niall were looking at me confused, Harry was ignoring me and Louis was texting Eleanor, so he wasn’t paying attention.

“I don’t understand. What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about how your damn fans hacked Mila and deleted her account! That’s what I’m talking about. Why? I thought we were friends and that you would take care of her!” She cried out and the blood in my veins froze.

Phebs had to be messing with me, she couldn’t be right about it. No, our fans didn’t do that. I refused to believe they were capable of doing that to Mila. They heard me saying how much I cared about her and yet they still did that? No, it couldn’t be possible.

“You joking, right?” I asked her, still in shock and Liam got closer, still worried.

“Of course I’m not, you arsehole! I’m here freaking out because Mila’s stories are gone and she’s so sad and angry and I think Moni is ready to kill someone. She told you! She told you to not say anything about that and you… ugh! I can’t even with your existence!” She exclaimed and I could hear the frustration in her voice, but I still couldn’t react. She had to be lying.

“Phebs, I—”

“I don’t care! I just, ugh! I don’t even know why I’m calling you!” And right after that she hung up. I had never heard her or seen her mad. Phoebe was one of the calmest people I had ever known and this behaviour wasn’t typical of her. She had to be really mad at me to act like that.

It was true and it was serious.

I looked at Liam and Niall desperately, begging for some help and both almost jumped next to me. “Don’t panic. It’s gonna be fine, maybe we can get someone to fix this,” Liam suggested but I didn’t know if that was possible. If the account had been deleted it had to be permanent, right?

“Mila must be really mad,” I mumbled and for the first time since the interview was over, Harry spoke.

 “You should be more scared of Moni. She’s gonna cut you in little pieces and then burn down all the evidence and spread the ashes on the ocean.”

The worst part of that whole sentence was that it was possible. Moni could get to those extremes in order to protect Mila.

“Oh shit, I need to talk to her now!” I exclaimed and Liam put his hand on my shoulder again.

“We can go and talk to her, just relax. You’re not gonna fix anything if you don’t calm down, Zayn,” he reminded me but it was so difficult when I could imagine how mad Mila was. Her writing was really important to her and now our fans had attacked her and hit where it hurt her the most.

“Even Phebs will calm down and things will be alright,” Niall added with a smile, trying to light up the situation but I couldn’t be optimistic. I was scared.

I couldn’t bear the thought of losing Mila, not for something as stupid as this mistake. Yet I hated myself at the same moment for having been so stupid and neglectful. Louis had told me that everything I said it would have an impact on Mila, and I thought I was able to protect her, but I was wrong. I had hurt her with my stupidity.

I had to do something. I had to fix everything between us. Somehow, I was going to make her listen to me.

I looked at Harry and he rolled his eyes. He was still really mad at me and I didn’t blame him. I had been stupid.

-:-:-:-

Dedication goes to @SWfanAudrey because I really liked her comment on the last chapter.

Bel, xx

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