Chapter 16 ― Mila

Maybe I was ready for this situation, after all, dealing with Zayn wasn’t that difficult and I felt comfortable there with all the lads and the girls. Incredible, I felt like I fit in there, with them. I felt like I could be myself and they would accept me; and in the whole day Zayn never looked at me wishing I was another person. Maybe he was starting to see the real me.

I grinned at the mere idea and fought against the tingles in my stomach. It wasn’t a big deal, it wasn’t that important to feel like that.

As I walked to the room I was sharing with Moni, I forgot about my mum and her yelling and concentrated on what was important: having a great time with my new and old friends in this lovely house. My mum and her wishes didn’t matter anymore, I was far away and I was grateful. I didn’t have the time to get depress over her attitude.

I walked into the room where my friend was tidying everything up. She had this friendly OCD and she couldn’t stand things out of place. It wasn’t something that made things difficult for her or for me, as I lived with her, and it helped a lot to have the place always clean and tidy. She was a more relaxed version of Monica of FRIENDS.

“How did it go?” The brunette asked as she was putting her clothes in the wardrobe, organised by colour and kind.

“Same old, you know. My mum was being all bitchy because I’m not spending Christmas with them, as usual,” I replied walking towards my bag and taking out my clothes so I could put them in the wardrobe as well.

“You okay?” She asked more concerned this time. She knew better, she knew that every time my mum decided to act like a bitch, it affected me.

“Yeah, don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I’m far way.” I smiled because I believed I was going to be fine. I had many things to keep my mind out of my mum’s behaviour and I had Moni with me so I could rant about my family as much as I wanted and she would always listen to me and support me.

She looked at me a tad bit more with that worried expression, almost the same one Zayn had when we encountered in the kitchen. When he looked at me, during the last few seconds that our eyes met, I really saw concern, concern for me. It wasn’t nice of me, but it felt good that he reacted that way and with that only thing my mood improved after that conversation with my mum.

Moni smiled back at me and resumed her work and I tried to help her, but honestly, I wasn’t giving my best and my friend noticed. I heard her snort before taking the shirt from my hands. “Mila, why don’t you go outside? You are obviously zoned out, so leave me here and I’ll finish pretty fast. I’ll meet you later.”

I sighed because I knew that if I didn’t obey her and kept doing things the wrong way —wrong according to her and her OCD—, she was going to end up tying me to a chair. I left her alone there and went down. The place was pretty big and definitely stunning. Everyone was in their rooms settling down and I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t want to be left alone with my thoughts because that would lead me to think of my family and I didn’t want to embitter myself.

Without noticing it, I went to the living room and there it was Zayn watching the telly with a bottle of beer in his hand. I stopped there a couple of seconds, just looking at him, his profile. He was a gorgeous man, his features were so defined and so manly, the shadow of a beard made him look sexier, the way his lips touched the glass of the bottle was something breath-taking, the curves of his eyelashes should be illegal. When you stopped to contemplate him, you realised how beautiful he was. It was so sad that he was so blind and so stubborn, it was a shame that I cared so much about him noticing me even when I tried to lied to myself.

I didn’t know how long I stayed there, just staring at him, but by when he turned around and his chocolate eyes met mine, I was still standing there, my eyes locked on him. My heart made a flip and I yelled at myself mentally. It wasn’t okay to feel like this when his eyes looked right into mine and reached even my soul.

“Mila,” he said and I didn’t know if I heard something else because I wanted, or there was indeed real happiness in his voice. “Watcha doin’?”

“Oh, nothing. Moni sent me out as I wasn’t exactly helping her,” I replied shrugging. “What are you watching?” I asked taking a step closer.

“A rerun of FRIENDS,” was his answer and he pointed at the telly with the bottle. I looked at the screen and saw Phebs and Mike in the café. Oh, I loved that episode. “Wanna watch it with me?” He invited and I could feel his insecurity at asking that. I smiled as I walked towards the sofa where he was sitting.

“I’d love to. I adore Phoebe and Mike,” I replied taking a seat next to him. His smile was adorable, as usual, it lighted up all his face and it reached his lovely eyes.

“Beer?” He asked almost immediately and I nodded. He stood up really fast and went to the kitchen to grab a bottle for me. I really didn’t like beer but he was nice to ask. Before he came back, I noticed I started to get nervous though it was absurd for me to get all troubled because I was going to be alone with Zayn watching a TV show. It wasn’t a big thing, but for some silly reason, it felt like it.

By when he came back, the knot in my stomach was so tense I felt like it was going to explode in any minute and the smile on his face didn’t help, on the contrary, it made my heart race and I couldn’t help hating myself a bit for these reactions I was experiencing.

Zayn handed me the bottle and sat again. I tried to focus on the show and laugh with those two I loved so much, but I was so conscious about his presence that I just couldn’t pay any attention to what was happening on the screen. Every time he took a sip of his beer, my eyes drifted to him, the way his Adam’s apple went up and then down again. It was hypnotising.

“So, is this the first holidays you spend without your family?” He asked glancing at me and I had to shake slightly my head to break the trance I was into.

“Um, no. With Moni we’ve had other holidays alone,” I replied trying to focus on something else, not on this warm eyes. “What about you?”

“Yeah, first time. My mum was pretty sad when I told her about this,” he laughed and I couldn’t help finding his laugh just adorable. What was happening with me that day? I felt like a total creeper. “It’s not like we actually celebrate Christmas, but anyways, it’s family time.”

“But it’s really good to spend this days with your friends as well. We really had fun last time with Moni and it was only the two of us,” I told him with a smile. “This year you’re spending these days with your best mates, that’s great. And there’re the girls as well.”

“Yeah. Niall was so excited for this. You know, he always gets homesick when we are out of the country and he loves holidays with his family, but he couldn’t wait to come back and see Alex,” he commented and for the first time I noticed that his tone didn’t change that much at saying her name and he didn’t sound sour when telling me this.

“They are pretty in love, uh?” I added just because I wanted to see his reaction. It wasn’t okay to push him on this topic, but I wanted, I needed to know if his feelings for Alex were changing or not.

“Yeah,” he said and I could see his resignation. He knew he didn’t have a chance in that situation, even if he didn’t like that. “Niall is the happiest when he’s with her.”

“I can see that,” I commented and I saw a bit of sadness in his chocolate eyes, but at the same time I saw happiness and I could guess it was because he loved his best friend and wanted him to be happy. “You’re a really good friend,” I mumbled and that surprised him. His eyes immediately met mine, they were wide open in sheer incredulity.

“What did you say?” He asked, his stare so intense and I started to feel uncomfortable.

“That um— um— you’re a good friend. Look, I don’t wanna be rude but, I know you like Alex, and you like her a lot,” I started and saw him tensing. “But regardless that, you’re happy for Niall, because he’s happy. I can see that, too. You could perfectly try to steal Alex from him but you would never do that, right?” He looked at me a couple of seconds before shaking his head from side to side. “I thought so. That’s what makes you a good friend, that you put his happiness first. That’s pretty selfless and admirable.”

He stared at me a few moments and a smile made its way slowly to his lips. “It’s the first time you say something nice to me,” he said and his smile turned in a cheeky one.

“Well, there’s always a first time, but don’t let that get to your head, okay?” I warned and he laughed. “But seriously, that’s amazing. Not many men would do that. Not many people, period. People are selfish.”

“I guess that’s true but I couldn’t take the girl that makes my friend so happy, even if I could have a chance, which I don’t.”

“Did you try? At least once? Not that I’m saying you should, just curiosity. ‘Cos it really seems like you love her. Sorry if I’m intruding too much. You can tell me to mind my business right now,” I told him though I didn’t want him to do that, I wanted to know more.

“No, I didn’t. And it’s okay, I’ve never talked about this before and it seems like you’re the only one who really see through all the show I put up,” he said and I thought I heard admiration in his voice. “I always knew she liked Niall. I always knew I didn’t have a chance. I did a few stupid things that I shouldn’t, but I never tried to win Alex.”

“May I ask why do you like her?” I inquired looking for his eyes, but he looked away, focusing on the bottle.

“Um… I guess because she treats me like a normal guy, you know? She doesn’t care that I’m famous and I feel like I can be just me with her,” he replied and for some reason, that made total sense. “And, I dunno, she’s just um… great, I guess.”

What was that bitterness in the middle of my chest making me despise Alex’s existence in that moment?

“Are you conscious that there’re plenty of girls who could treat you like that? That Alex is not the only one?” I told him and I wanted to bite my tongue for saying such a thing. What was he going to think of me after that? Plus, it sounded really bitter.

“Yeah, I know,” he said in a whisper, his eyes locked onto mine and I who don’t see me just as one of the boys of One Direction.”

I didn’t know why, but I really felt like he was telling that specifically to me. Maybe it was because of the way he was looking at me, maybe it was because he was closer, maybe because my heart was beating so fast and it seemed like the whole world had disappeared around us, but I truly felt like those words were addressed to me and only me.

-:-:-:-

I hope you liked the chapter, please VOTE/COMMENT! Dedication for @zelyhe because she read Backfire and this in just two days and she really loves this story. Espero te gustara el capítulo, cariño.

Bel, xx