Chapter 15 ― Zayn

We were back and the next day we were going to Harry’s bungalow where we were going to spend holidays together. Where Mila was going to be close to me all the time. I wasn’t sure why that kept me so excited and nervous at the same time.

As I was packing for the next day, the memory of when I hugged Mila at the airport came to my mind. Hugging her felt so different yet so familiar, like having her in my arms was the most normal thing in the world. She felt so small in my arms, but I really felt like she fit in there. Was that even possible? Was it normal for me to feel like that?

It had been difficult to see Niall and Alex recreating a movie scene in the airport, but with one look at Mila, I just forgot about that, I forgot about how much I wanted to be in Niall’s shoes and I just could look at her, being trapped in Harry’s arm and not in mine. Sometimes it surprised me how jealous I could get at Harry and Mila’s relationship. They seemed so close and it was obvious both adored each other, but could that end up in something beyond friendship? It was amazing how much that question haunted me and I hated that the answer might be yes. I hated the idea of Mila and Harry together, I hated it so much.

I feared I was caring too much for Mila and if I did, then I would end up in the same situation that happened with Alex. She would pick someone over me and I would end up alone, wishing something, someone I couldn’t have. I didn’t want to go through the same situation again.

I sighed and closed my bag before sitting on my bed. I held my head with my hands and messed with my hair as I tried to push those thoughts aside. I couldn’t like a girl who had to make an effort to be nice to me; I couldn’t like a girl who obviously liked one of my best mates better. I just couldn’t. Yet everything pointed at the fact I already did.

I was afraid of these days to come. Yes, I was excited, but I was scared that maybe things would get more complicated for me, that my feelings for Mila were going to deepen and I would end up stuck in a worse situation.

One thing was good about this: Alex was the least of my problems now.

Why, when I laid my eyes on a girl, this girl had to like someone else? Why, when someone who really caught my attention appeared, someone who could see the real me, this girl didn’t like me back? First Alex, now Mila. I seriously was an unlucky bastard.

+ + + + +

“Zayn, you ready?” Louis asked from the living room. I sighed as I grabbed my bag and put it over my shoulder and walked out of my room.

The day had come, we were going to Harry’s family’s bungalow and I barely slept the night before. I had so many questions in my mind, so many what ifs that I just couldn’t close my eyelids. And that was so weird in me, who loved sleeping. Sleeping had always been easy for me. I was damn tired from our flight, from this trip to America and even then I couldn’t sleep; so I looked like a zombie that just walked out of its grave. Lucky enough I wasn’t driving that day or Eleanor, Louis, Liam and I would’ve ended up dead.

I was so nervous and anxious and excited and still a bit scared about this trip. There were ten days we were going to spend together and I knew, I just had this feeling, that many things were going to change and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for these changes.

“Coming,” I shouted as I made my way to the living room where Liam, Louis and Eleanor were waiting for me. We made groups to travel and we were one; Alex, Niall and Phebs were another, and Mila, Moni and Harry were the last one, so we were going to have three cars for us during these days at Harry’s bungalow.

“Mate, you look awful,” Louis said when I met them and I just rolled my eyes.

“Well thank you, man. Today I woke up whishing someone would tell me how fucking great I look,” I snapped and I saw their surprised expressions.

“And apparently you also woke up all moody. Hope you fall asleep on the ride,” the Doncaster boy replied ignoring me as he turned around taking Eleanor’s hand and walking out of my flat.

“You okay?” Liam asked, approaching me and putting his hand on my shoulder. I shook my head slightly with my eyes closed before answering.

“I didn’t sleep well last night. Jet lag, I guess,” I told him and he looked at me suspiciously for a couple of seconds.

“If you say so. I had a bad night for the same reason. Time difference always messes with me. Good thing Louis is driving, huh?” I smiled because he was right, it was most definitely a good thing. Liam looked tired as well, as usual after we came back from America or any other country with a huge time difference. Jet lag was a bitch.

We walked out of my flat and I locked the door. When we were out of the complex, Louis and Eleanor were already in the car so we put our bags in the boot and got in. “Sorry, mate. I just had a bad night,” I told Louis and he looked at me in the mirror for a couple of seconds before smiling.

“It’s okay, I’m used to your moody self. I still love you like that,” he replied and I smiled. I wasn’t that moody, he —as all the other lads— just liked to exaggerate about that, as they liked to do it with so many other things about us.

He started the ignition and soon we were on our way to Harry’s home. Probably the other two groups were way closer to our destination, but I just couldn’t get up earlier. I finally fell asleep like at six am and we had to be up at eight.

As tired as I was, I fell asleep and so did Liam. We cuddled together and I just opened my eyes when Eleanor shook us softly. “Boys, we’re here. Wake up,” I heard her soft voice and I just groaned. I still needed more sleep. I heard her giggle. “C’mon, they are waiting for us. You can’t stay here. Louis is already inside with the others,” she tried again and she just got the same reaction from me, but Liam moved and as we were pretty tangled, he moved me, as well. Bad Liam, bad!

“Not yet. More sleep. I need. No,” I mumbled pushing Liam away for being mean and not helping to keep myself asleep.

“Zayn, move your bloody arse now,” I heard and that wasn’t Eleanor’s sweet voice, that was a more aggressive yet feminine voice and I could recognise it. It was Moni. “Mila said I can’t eat cupcakes unless we’re all in the kitchen and all includes you, so move or I’ll drag you in!”

It wasn’t the threat nor the mention to cupcakes —which could move almost all the lads as Mila’s cupcakes were heaven made food—, but the mention of her name what made me open my eyes. Right. Harry’s bungalow, which meant Mila was there.

Was it normal for a guy to feel that knot in his stomach tensing so much? I didn’t know what I was expecting or why I was so anxious, but I just couldn’t help it anymore.

I saw the brunette outside the car next to Eleanor who was still giggling. Liam was nowhere to be seen so I knew they were waiting for me, just me. I stretched myself and got out the car, Moni still watching me, waiting for me to fall asleep again, apparently.

“I’m awake and coming. Don’t freak out,” I told the brunette as I started making my way to the house.

“We’re talking about cupcakes here, Malik. You don’t get between cupcakes and I, comprende? Move. Faster. It’d be better if you run.”

I just laughed at the silly girl and walked slower just to piss her off. She snorted and soon I felt her hands on my back urging me to go faster. We walked into the kitchen with Moni still pushing me and a giggling Eleanor following us.

“Ha! You owe me ten pounds, Harry!” Mila shouted when she saw as. “Told ya Moni was going to drag him in.” Then her brown eyes met mine and her smile was so sincere and easy that for the first time I felt like she wasn’t forcing herself to be nice to me. “Hi there, sleepy head. It’s really hard to wake you up, huh?” She commented whilst opening a box. Moni was next to her with big eyes and she looked kind of like a puppy waiting for its food.

“Bad night. I needed to sleep,” I replied.

“Liar. You’re a heavy sleeper and it takes a whole army to wake you up,” Harry intervened and I glared at him murderously. That didn’t leave me in a good position.

“Sleeping is good. Let him be,” Mila replied and I opened my eyes totally stunned. The black-haired girl looked up at me and gave me an honest smile. “Cupcake? Let’s celebrate we’ll got here without accidents or getting lost. The last one is for me.” Moni laughed and high-fived her and I wondered how frequent they got lost to react that way.

That question led to many others. I realised I knew so little about Mila and I wanted to change that. I wanted to know everything about her. I shook my head to push those thoughts aside as I didn’t want to go deeper in that matter. Not yet.

“Sure,” I replied as I saw Moni getting the first cupcake. That girl had issues.

Soon we were all eating cupcakes and having a few drinks to start our holidays. Everyone seemed so excited and pumped up and it seemed like they were ready to have a great time. Yes, we looked tired but you could see that everyone was happy.

After that, it came the distribution of rooms. We had to share; Harry and I were in one room, Liam and Niall in other, Louis and Eleanor together, Phebs and Alex, and Moni and Mila in another room. Niall complained about the whole distribution thing, he wanted to share room with Alex but his girlfriend wouldn’t lave alone her friend, so he had to suck it up.

We were settling up our things and, incredibly, I finished first so I went downstairs to the kitchen looking for a beer and in there I found her, distracted talking over the phone.

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry, everything will be fine,” she stopped listening to whatever they were saying to her. “Yes. Have fun, take care. I’ll see you after New Year’s. Bye.” It surprised me how cold and sharp she was being. I didn’t know whom she was talking to, but it didn’t seem like she wanted to have that conversation. Mila turned around and saw me, her eyes showed her surprise. “Zayn,” she said still looking at me. “I didn’t hear you.”

“I just came in. Beer,” I explained and she nodded. “If you don’t mind me asking, whom were you talking to?” I inquired as I walked towards the fridge to grab a bottle of beer.

“I don’t mind. Um, just my mum,” she replied and my surprise grew bigger. “Gotta go help Moni.”

I couldn’t say anything else before she just walked out of the kitchen leaving me wondering what was going on with her family. She really sounded like she didn’t want to talk to her mum, but why could that be? What kind of problems did she have? I found myself wanting to know all that but I mostly just wanted to be there for her, to hear her out if she felt like talking. I wanted her to trust me with whatever happened with her family.

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At the sidebar, a picture of a very happy Mila (she's gonna kill me for this, I just know it).

Dedication for Sophie, because she's such a loyal reader and she has been with me for many years; and... she always comments, in all my stories, in all the chapters. Isn't she just a great reader?

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Bel, xx!