Even though he tried not to think about it, the date of Hogwarts was fast approaching, and he was forced to acknowledge it was real when his cousins came to visit. Andromeda, Narcissa and their mother Druella arrived for tea two weeks before he would be leaving, bringing the gift of a brand new school trunk. Sirius saw his mother's face. Walburga couldn't stand Druella, her late brother's wife, calling her an airheaded idiot. He knew she would see the gift as an insult. Walburga thanked her rather stiffly before sending Kreacher to bring it upstairs, where Sirius knew it would not see the light of day again. He already had a trunk, ready to be packed as soon as his new school robes were delivered. His wand had already been purchased and sat in its velvet lined box upstairs.

The adults sent the cousins out of the room, closing the heavy drawing room doors. They were mostly too old now, with the exception of Regulus, for the childish games they used to play. Andromeda, who was about to start her final year, was the only one who could do magic outside of school and amused them by helping Regulus make a little obstacle course for Robert, though Narcissa was wary of the mouse and inched away from him. "You shouldn't keep a mouse as a pet. They carry all sorts of diseases."

"Robert isn't diseased," Regulus said quietly. "He isn't dirty either. He gives himself baths all the time, so there."

Narcissa shuddered. Though she didn't like mice, he knew she wouldn't tell his parents. They all had each other's backs. They knew the punishment they would face.

"Nervous about Hogwarts?" She asked Sirius instead.

"Nope," Sirius bit into a chocolate biscuit, hoping he looked braver than he felt. "Course not."

Narcissa took on a knowing look, and pushed back her hair. Narcissa was always very vain about her hair, which hung in a golden sheet to her waist. "It's not that bad," she said. "Not once you make proper friends. And if people tease you, all you have to do is mention Bellatrix. They're all scared of her."

She sounded proud, but Sirius saw Andromeda's mouth tighten at the corners as she arranged Robert's obstacle course. "You shouldn't use Bellatrix as a threat," she murmured.

Narcissa simply shrugged, but patted Sirius' arm. "You'll be all right," she said. "I was nervous too. In fact –"

She broke off as the door was pulled back, and Druella stood in the gap. Regulus hurriedly shoved Robert into his trouser pocket, but their aunt hadn't noticed him, though she looked with disdain at Andromeda on her hands and knees by the table.

"Get up," she hissed. "You're too old for childish games. Your aunt wants to talk about your wedding."

Andromeda blushed pink and stood, brushing off her knees and following her mother, the doors closing once more.

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When their relatives had left, the boys got ready for bed. Sirius came downstairs in his dressing gown and slippers just as Walburga was dragging a comb through Regulus' thick hair. He was getting a little old for her to still comb his hair for him, but she did it anyway, fondly stroking the black locks. Sirius felt an odd twist of jealousy. His mother had never stroked his hair. She was still seething over Druella's gift.

"That woman," she sniffed. "How dare she! Does she think we can't afford a school trunk?!"

"Mother?" He asked, hanging in the doorway. A question had been twisting itself in his mind since his relatives had left.

"Yes?" She looked up at him. Sirius' mother was a large woman, pale and appearing paler still by the fact that she always wore vast black robes. She spent most of her time reclining on the chaise longue in the drawing room, her cat in her lap. Louella was almost as large as her owner, a bad tempered ball of black fur who wouldn't allow anyone but Walburga to touch her.

"Is it true that everyone at Hogwarts is frightened of Bellatrix?"

The comb made vicious lines across Regulus' scalp, making him wince. "I should hope so. Bellatrix has made a very fine name for herself. You should aim to do the same."

"Yes Mother. Goodnight, Mother."

She barely seemed to hear him.

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Sirius felt sicker and sicker as the days went by. The arrival of his school robes meant that his trunk was neatly packed by house elves, all ready to go by his bedroom door. At dinner on his last night at home he thought of wild ideas to avoid going, faking being ill, begging his parents to let him stay. But then he felt ashamed. He was a Black, and Hogwarts was his birthright. His ancestors would have been ashamed of him, his parents even more so. He was being a coward. His father took him into his study the day before he was leaving, and told him as much. Being a Black came with responsibilities. They had certain standards to uphold. He had to make not only his parents proud, but the Dark Lord too. Sirius had never seen the Dark Lord in person, and he wasn't sure he wanted to. Thinking the name alone made his skin prickle. He sat with Regulus at their little table in the kitchen, not yet being permitted to sit with the adults. It was beef wellington, his favourite, but he pushed his food away. Regulus was sharing his food with Robert, breaking the food down into little pieces, feeding them to the mouse furtively. "He can do tricks now," he said proudly. "Run up my arm, and do the tightrope, and –"

"I don't care about your stupid mouse," Sirius burst out, then felt awful as Regulus' face crumpled.

"Sorry," he muttered, then, feeling guilty, offered the mouse some of his potato. Robert wriggled out from Regulus' sleeve, nibbling at it.

"That mouse is going to get fat," Sirius stroked his back.

"He gets lots of exercise," Regulus said, once he had swallowed his food. They had both been taught not to talk with their mouths full. The kitchen was silent as they watched Robert eat, and then Regulus spoke. "Sirius.....you will write to me at Hogwarts, won't you?"

Sirius looked up at him, gave him a half smile, though his insides were jumping with nerves. "Of course I will. I'll tell you everything that happens."

"You'll do well in every class," Regulus said confidently.

Sirius wasn't so sure. His marks with their tutor at home, Mr Rookwood, had always been excellent, but he was worried that they would be stricter at school, that the subjects would be more difficult. He wondered how often students were beaten at Hogwarts, and quickly went back over what his father had drilled into his head about the history of magic, because he had told him it was the most important subject. Sirius had to show off all he knew, especially about their ancestors. He looked at the clock, and swallowed hard. It would soon be bedtime, the last time he would sleep in his own bed until Christmas. He knew he should be brave, be strong, like all of the Black ancestors who had come before him. But he felt very, very small.