((if you don't read illusive, or are not interested in seeing the second version of chapter 15, you can just ignore this. if you do read this, please tell me what you think!!))

Chapter XV - Damaged

[The Coffee Lounge, Central London, 2:20 pm, T 01/11/16]

PHIL: (grinning) "Look who showed up on time."

DAN: (laughs as he walks in) "Now who would even consider doing that?"

PHIL: "None other than Dan Howell."

DAN: (hugs phil) "Surprise!"

PHIL: (didn't expect it, but wraps his arms around dan's waist) "I thought surprises were supposed to be good."

DAN: (jokingly) "Shut up. You love me."

RHIA: (walking towards them while fastening her coat) "Phil, what were you saying about Dan?" (looks up, sees them embracing) "Oh, I didn't--"

DAN: (pulls away hurriedly, irritated) "Yeah, Phil, what were you saying about Dan?"

PHIL: "Nothing, I didn't say anything."

RHIA: (quiet) "--think that you'd be here."

DAN: "Well, I am."

RHIA: "Which is why I'm going to make a swift exit."

PHIL: "Rhia!"

RHIA: (leaving) "See you tomorrow Phil."

DAN: (turns on phil) "Explain. Now."

PHIL: "I just was telling her..."

DAN: "What?"

PHIL: "That I told you that I love you."

DAN: (annoyed) "Why would you tell her that?"

PHIL: "Because..."

DAN: "Because what?"

PHIL: (sighs) "Because I don't know what to do."

DAN: (confused) "You don't have to do anything. I'm not doing anything."

PHIL: "That's the point, Dan."

DAN: "Can you please just explain? I feel like you're leading me in circles."

PHIL: "I'm not trying to, I just..." (exasperated) "I told you I loved you and then we kissed and now you're pretending like it never happened."

DAN: "No, I'm not."

PHIL: "Dan, if I even bring up that night, you change the conversation. I'm surprised we're even talking about it."

DAN: "That's not true."

PHIL: "Yes, it is."

DAN: "So what if I don't like talking about it?"

PHIL: "We're going to have to, sooner or later."

DAN: "I'll go with the latter."

PHIL: "Why don't you want to talk about it?" (quiet, insecure) "Are you trying to let me down gently?"

DAN: (blurts) "No!" (repeats quietly) "No."

PHIL: "Am I a bad kisser?"

DAN: (smirks, remembering the night) "Quite the opposite actually."

PHIL: "Do you regret it?"

DAN: "No, definitely not."

PHIL: (annoyed) "Then what is it?"

DAN: (hesitant) "I don't like being in relationships."

PHIL: "Why not?"

DAN: "Because..."

PHIL: "You're allergic to commitment?"

DAN: "No."

PHIL: "You're scared?"

DAN: (unsure) "Yes?"

PHIL: "Of what?"

DAN: "I don't know."

PHIL: "Dan, you need to work with me here."

DAN: "I just don't want to."

PHIL: "So you do like me? But you don't want to be together?"

DAN: (stumped) "Well..."

PHIL: "You can say yes. You don't have to worry about hurting me."

DAN: "No, I do."

PHIL: (relieved) "Ok, that's a good start."

DAN: "A start?"

PHIL: "Yeah, baby steps."

DAN: "Wait, no, I don't like you."

PHIL: (hurt, confused) "Why did you change your mind?"

DAN: "I don't want to take steps." (winces) "I like things the way they are."

PHIL: "What?"

DAN: "Everything's good right now."

PHIL: "Not for me." (shy) "I want more."

DAN: (winces again) "I'm sorry."

PHIL: "I-I'm so confused. You just said--"

DAN: "I didn't get the question."

PHIL: (scrunches his eyebrows) "Why are you lying?"

DAN: "I'm not."

PHIL: "Yes, you are. You literally just said that you do like me."

DAN: "It slipped."

PHIL: "So you--"

DAN: (realises what he said) "No, I didn't mean it."

PHIL: "Dan, you've given me three different excuses. Which means that you're definitely lying."

DAN: "No, I'm just a bit tired."

PHIL: "Are you scared? Because we can get over that little--"

DAN: (interrupts, yelling) "It's not little. I don't want to be with you! Why is that so hard for you to understand?"

PHIL: (yelling back) "Because it's so obvious you're lying straight to my face!"

DAN: "No, I'm not! You just don't want to accept it!"

PHIL: "You're the one that doesn't want to accept it. I've already lost the bet, what do you have to lose?"

DAN: "I have fucking everything to lose." (turns away) "I can't do this."

PHIL: "You know what? I don't care. Screw you. You're a wimp."

DAN: "No, I'm not."

PHIL: "A coward."

DAN: "No, I'm--"

PHIL: (taunting) "A scaredy-cat."

DAN: (shouting) "I'm leaving."

PHIL: (not what he was expecting, whispers) "What?"

DAN: "I'm moving away. To the US."

PHIL: "When?"

DAN: "Soon."

PHIL: "Why?"

DAN: "I'm going to study law."

PHIL: "Does Ethan know?"

DAN: "Yeah."

PHIL: "Rhia? Lucas? Jess? Erin?" (hurt) "Fuck's sake, you told everyone but me?"

DAN: "No, I only told Rhia and Ethan. They spread the word."

PHIL: "I'm the last one to know? You all kept me in the dark."

DAN: "Not purposely."

PHIL: (blinks repeatedly, trying not to cry) "You're leaving. But..." (wipes under his eyes) "I'm in love with you."

DAN: "I know. That's why I don't- that's why we can't."

PHIL: "I bet you were laughing at me when I told you."

DAN: "No, I wasn't--"

PHIL: (letting tears flow) "Pathetic little Phil, can't keep his feelings to himself."

DAN: "No--"

PHIL: "Haha, can't wait to break Phil's heart."

DAN: "That's--"

PHIL: "Oh God, isn't Phil so annoying? I hate him so much."

DAN: "Fuck you." (spitting) "You know what, I do hate you."

PHIL: (rubs nose harshly with the back of his hand) "I know."

DAN: "I hate you so so much." (covers face with hands) "Because you tripped me."

PHIL: "What?"

DAN: "You fucking tripped me and I fell so hard and it's ruining me."

PHIL: "You fell?"

DAN: "Yes, I fell into the horrible, torturous endless chasm that is love."

PHIL: (sniffles) "How romantic."

DAN: "Phil, it's so stupid and pointless. So what if I love you and you love me? We're never going to be together. I'm going to be halfway across the world."

PHIL: "How much time?"

DAN: "Less than two months."

PHIL: "Why?"

DAN: "Why am I going?"

PHIL: "Why is the first person I've loved about to leave me?"

DAN: (feeble) "I'm studying law."

PHIL: "Do you even want to?"

DAN: "What do you mean? Of course, I do."

PHIL: "Why in America?"

DAN: "It's where my dad studied law."

PHIL: (angry) "Yeah, well look how that turned out."

DAN: (yelling, shocked) "How dare you?"

PHIL: "How dare you? You knew all along! You wanted this to happen. I will never forgive you."

DAN: "I don't want your forgiveness. I don't want to see you again. Leave."

PHIL: "Everything is only pointless because you don't even want to try!"

DAN: "I never said that."

PHIL: (walking away) "You may as well have."

**yo so i abandoned this because i thought it was lame, but idk what do you think??**

✌️rachel