yup, its rant time.

ok, so it's the christmas holidays, which is generally considered a nice time for relaxation, taking a break from life, eating and seeing your family. which is all good. i love doing all of the above.

but you know what's not all good?

WHEN YOU HAVE FUCKING EXAMS THE DAY YOU COME BACK.

as if i wasn't dreading school enough already.

YEAH, THREE WEEKS OF REVISING IS NOT A VALID BREAK FROM SCHOOL.

i'm pissed. i'm panicking. i'm stressed.

i'm forced to not do any of the above relaxation activities because i have to revise. my life has become an endless vortex of misery.

i wouldn't call myself stupid. i can answer questions in class and i understand most topics. thing is, relearning everything i have learnt over the space of two years in only three weeks kind of makes me want to kill myself. like how is that even physically or mentally possible.

and even if i somehow do learn everything i'm supposed to learn, when i go into the exam hall, my mind just goes blank.

it's not because i'm scared i'll fail, it's because there's so much pressure to perfectly recall every tiny fact you learnt in the past two years. like honestly how do they expect that.

lastly, exams aren't really good determiners of how good you are at a particular subject.

for example, i love english. i love writing descriptions or stories or anything really. i love reading as well. i will literally read anything i can get my hands on. but the english exam consists of close reading (which i'm not too bad at tbh) and writing a fucking critical essay (which i'm terrible at) as well as text questions.

i actually love english, i really do, i just don't understand how the fuck to structure my essay and how to use PEEL, which is a stupid acronym that is no help whatsoever.

this means that english is usually one of my worst exam results, even though it's one of my favourite things.

ALSO HOW THE FUCK DO YOU DO PHYSICS??

need some liquid luck, like now.

until i get it, i'm boycotting exams.

that is all.

✌️️rachel