Picture credits: Background by Monicore /Pixabay.com and LOVE- png illustration from Pixabay.com

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This rambling is on account of me reading a question, which semantically speaking was not a question, but on a slightly philosophical tone, it is a huge question, one that should drastically change our way of thinking.

I will not state the full question here, no fun in doing that, but will rather split it into two, exactly where the questioner takes a dramatic pause.

So I start - "Name the things you love" 

Nothing difficult here, right? (And reminding you, dear reader, the semantics are not important, so things would mean, names, places, people and things)

The list would be quite long - common ones being: names of cities which we like, food items (coffee / tea, chocolate, pasta, Chinese noodles, ice creams, muffins, ), the people who are integral part of our lives (parents, siblings, spouses, children, friends, kith and kin), seasons and things such as books, cars, watches, jewellery, the possibilities are endless. Depending on the time and the patience the questioner has, one could write down a very very long list. It is indeed a wonder that there are so many things which we love.

So do you have your lists ready? Great. 

Now here is the rest of the question after the pause, and I shall state it in full:

Now tell me truthfully, how many wrote your name in the list? Tell yourself at least. I did not and I never would, even if I counted to eternity. And that got me thinking, why is it so difficult to love ourselves and even if we do, why cannot that not reflect in everything we do and say?. Why does our name not figure in the list of the things we love?

I can hear an argument, people who love themselves are egoistic and / or narcissistic. How can you love yourself, it makes you selfish? It makes you blind to your flaws and leaves you arrogant.

Okay - so if we go by the above logic and reasoning, all the people / places / things are perfect, which is why it is okay to love them. I am saying this because if loving ourselves makes us blind to our flaws, we should not love anything that has flaws (being blind to flaws is a serious flaw), so all that we love is perfect.

NO, that is the most flawed logic ever put forward, we love those people despite their flaws, we love things despite their defects and love place despite the drawbacks. So can we not love ourselves despite not being perfect? Why should we love ourselves only when we are perfect (which begs another question, though it is for another day - What is perfect?).

Further, in the normal course of life, when our love is not and does not turn obsessive, why should loving ourselves make us narcissistic? Obsessive or narcissistic love are disorders, both of which need psychological assistance to reduce such tendencies and are definitely not the norm.

And why should loving somebody make one selfish - you love a person (spouse / soulmate) you would not share him or her, is that not selfish? You love your parents, you share them with you siblings, but you would grudge having them being the parents to all and sundry. Siblings and friends, are but between a few people, every one is not everyone's sibling or friend. By this, it is clear that love is never all inclusive between people but when it comes to loving oneself, this very exclusiveness becomes a blemish.

And this is where we have to change, we have to learn to love ourselves. For when we do, we improve our relationship with ourselves, we are more careful of what enters our bodies, hearts and soul, we will watch what we eat, watch what we say and watch what we do. Loving ourselves is a favour we do to ourselves and those around us. Just try it out, for once go ahead and fall in love with yourselves. That is the best relationship ever.

And after a few months, ask yourself the question again and find out where your name figures - preferably should be the first one, at least in the top twenty items.

Nyna