VENTING AHEAD

I'm so fucking upset and angry all the time. I know how childish it is to be here. but i need to vent because i know my containment will make me worse. you know you say be active and etc? the fuck you think you're doing. all I am is upset and angry. i sit here making a fucking attempt in my roleplays. I sit here making a fucking attempt trying to keep it together. I hate being on this fucking call and just hearing this shit and not having any part meant in it. I fucking hate how sensitive I am. i fucking hate how pathetic i am. I fucking hate how weak willed I am. i fucking hate how much of a child i am. I fucking hate how upset I am over that. every day i fear you guys are angry at me but then i fucking lack it. i get angry and i get annoyed. I fucking hate getting reminded how shit my memory. i fucking get it but i will fucking remember this. I fucking hate how I have to stand here and remain calm as best I can. fuck fuck fuck I dont know what to fucking do with myself. I used to be in a much more chipper mood but all I am is fucking angry now. all I deem is misery and emotions of pain. I'm fucking sensitive and it's pathetic how sensitive I am. just why? just fucking why do you all bother to stay with me. start and ask what's up but fucking forget. fuck tuck df idk. I CAN'T ANYMORE. IT JUST fucking hurts. everything makes me fucking want to give up. I want to close my eyes and I want to go into the abyss. i want everything to stop. I feel embarrassed everytime I feel like this. everytime I want to ask something it feel. think. fuck. because I already feel so fucking guilty and miserable as I vent. because I'm a useless fucking coward and I don't know how to face you. fuck I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything. I'm so fucking sorry I'm this useless. I'm a mess I'm sorry.