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MISADVENTURES IN PARADISE
xii. THREE IS THE MAGIC NUMBER

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   MAY PARKER WASN'T A hero like her nephew. She didn't have superpowers to give her strength or fancy technology to ease her labors. Most of the time, she had nothing, nothing to give but love. In the end, love cost May her life, and Riley was, again, reminded of Solar's bitter mantra. Death might be an inescapable fate, but love is a silver bullet shot by warm hands.

   Love spares no one. Love is a killer. Love is why we grieve. Love is why life hurts. Love is a drug. Even when we lack it ourselves, we crave it.

   May wasn't supposed to die, not yet. She was supposed to dance into elderhood, smiling through her fine-lined wrinkles and embracing her gray hairs proudly. She was supposed to watch her son grow up and make all the mistakes you're supposed to make when you're young. She was supposed to walk him down the aisle and give him unwarranted advice every time he visited as an adult because, at the end of the day, he would always be her boy.

   How could someone like May, who filled everyone she knew with life, die? May, who devoted her life to helping others? May, whose love made her almost godlike, like sunsets and flowers, reborn again and again? How?

   May Parker wasn't your typical hero, but she died as one that unforgiving November night.

   Riley didn't remember anything that happened next.

   One minute, she was home.

   The news reporter was describing May's corpse. They said even if the paramedics found her a second sooner, she had no chance of surviving. She had endured stab wounds, an explosion that destroyed half the building, and, worst of all, burns on her back that were already eating away at her muscles and tissues. This wasn't just the Goblin. This was Solar, too. They did this.

   The next minute, Riley was flying through the rain in search of Peter.

   Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. She could only think of his name, like a ritual that would bring him to her. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter.

   May was gone. His last piece of family. Just like that. Riley refused to let him believe he was alone now. He might feel like it, but he wasn't. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not as long as he had Riley. She needed to be there for him. She needed to find him.

   But the rain wouldn't stop falling into her eyes.

   No, she couldn't stop crying.

   Frustration raged through her. How could everything spiral so maddeningly fast? How did Solar manage to strike May when Riley was right fucking there? Why May, why Peter, why now?

   She should've just killed Solar when she had the chance.

   How could Riley escape death by the skin of her teeth again and again and again, but her loved ones couldn't? Wasn't living the one thing people were guaranteed to do when they were born? Then, why? Why did everyone keep dying?

   She had to be cursed. Everyone who touched her heart eventually fell, one way or another.

   In some ways, perhaps Solar was right. As long as Riley held back, her loved ones would suffer. She couldn't afford to play it safe any longer. It was time to let loose.

   But first, Peter.

   Always Peter.

   She called him. He didn't answer. Again. Again. Again. Again. Voicemail. Of course.

   The next best idea was to reunite with Roman, Ned, and MJ. On the way to Ned's humble home, she braced herself to get yelled at for not calling them sooner.

   She stood at the door, shivering. The rain had let up, and she managed to dry herself with her powers, but she couldn't sand down the goosebumps raiding her skin. She knocked twice. She wasn't sure if they heard it. It sounded like MJ and Roman were bickering inside.

   "You're obviously making him very uncomfortable with your Soul Searchy thingy!"

   "So, now it's my fault for making sure they aren't evil Peter Parkers that want to kill us!?"

   A new voice, a young man, chimed, "Evil Peter Parkers...?"

   "Yeah," Ned said. "Uh, no offense, sir."

   "Sir?" the voice echoed. "Oh, God. I'm old."

   Another man, this one sounded older, joked, "You're telling me."

   Riley knocked again, this time more aggressively. She was about to phase inside when the door opened.

   An older man with thinning brown hair and curious crystal-blue eyes greeted her. What was a friendly smile dropped almost immediately.

   "Riley?"

   Riley sniffled. "Um, hi. Where are—?"

   "RILEY!" MJ shoved past the older man and threw her arms around the battered girl. "Finally! Thank God you're okay! Where are Peter and May? Are they hurt?"

   Ned and Roman joined them at the door, leaving the older man to stare at Riley, paralyzed.

   "For fuck's sake, Riley, you look like shit!" Roman's eyes strobed different colors, blinking through irritation, then relief, then concern, then shock, then realization, then— "Why didn't you call sooner?"

   Riley started to respond, but her attention darted to the other young man observing from inside the house. She didn't recognize him either. With thick brown hair and matching brown eyes, he was a bit older than her. He was lean, but the crimson and blue Spider-Man suit clinging to his figure highlighted his muscles.

   "We were watching the news," Ned said, "but then—"

   Riley shoved her friends aside with a forcefield with one hand and blasted light at the Spider-Man clone with the other.

   He dodged, letting the light char a streak across the carpet. The older man extended an arm and fired a web at Riley. It stuck to another forcefield before it could adhere to Riley's skin.

   Two Peter Parkers. They were more than likely from one of the two universes as the others.

   "Wait, wait, wait!" MJ yelled. "Riley, wait! They're harmless!"

   "They're actually really nice!" Ned added. "I magicked them here with Dr. Strange's ring thing!"

   Riley ignored them. She captured both Peters in two forcefields, dragging them outside and chucking them onto the lawn.

   "WOAH— HOW ARE YOU DOING THAT!?" the third Peter, the one that was suited, shrieked. He somersaulted out of the way as Riley fired at him again.

   The older Peter, Peter 2, was calmer than his slightly younger counterpart. He anticipated some of Riley's moves, dodging and countering skillfully. His civilian clothing did nothing to armor him, but he moved like he trusted his body to protect him. He might've been older, but he was sprightly.

   Riley charged her fists and swung. She only managed to land one punch before Peter 2 twisted her arm with a web, flipping her onto her back. She kicked at his legs, and he dodged with a leap. While he was in the air, she grabbed him in another forcefield and threw him at Peter 3.

   "Riley, hang on!" Roman tried, but it was pointless.

   Peter 2 flung webs at Riley's feet, restraining her movements. But just because she was stuck in one spot didn't mean she could be easily defeated. It just meant that now, her targets would come to her.

   Fists swung. Webs soared, only to disintegrate under sunlight. Despite how her body begged her to stop moving, Riley writhed and contorted herself backward and forward to avoid Peter 2's attacks. While she held close combat with him, she blasted sunbeams at Peter 3 as he shot at her long-distance.

   Other than Solar, finally, the two Spider-Men proved to be equal matches for Riley when they fought as a team. A fight like this, two against one, should've ended in seconds, but Riley wouldn't give up. Not with Roman, Ned, and MJ so close to the battle. Riley couldn't fight forever though. She was so burnt out from her heightened emotions, lack of sleep, and fighting against Solar that the second she attempted to burn through the webs at her feet, Peter 3 webbed her arms together.

   She braced herself as Peter 2 grabbed her.

   Was he Peter's evil counterpart like Solar was Riley's? Maybe he would kill Riley in some Solar-like manner. Maybe he would stretch her limbs with his webs far enough to tear them off her body. Maybe he would choke and hang her with his webs for the city to see in the morning.

   She waited, but he didn't do anything. He just gripped her shoulders and caught his breath.

   "You're... You're not her," Peter 2 finally said. "You're not my Riley."

   "Wait," Peter 3 said. He approached the two with a wary gait. "You're this universe's Riley? You're Riley Romanova?"

   "You mean Riley O'Dair," Peter 2 corrected.

   "Technically, yes, but no, I mean—"

   "You're from Solar's universe," Riley suddenly realized. She gawked at the older Peter. "You're her Peter. You left her to die."

   When Peter 2 didn't reply, Roman said, "Look, man, she's not batshit crazy like Solar. She won't hurt either of you."

   "To be fair, she did try to. Like, a few seconds ago," Peter 3 said. "Solar's the one that's all over the news, right? The shapeshifter?"

   "She's not a shapeshifter. That's just the story the news is spinning because Riley hasn't told them any better," MJ explained. "Our Riley's kind of a big deal in this universe. For good reasons. She's a hero. We call her Valor."

   Riley couldn't look away from Peter. The older Peter. The Peter who continued to live after Solar died two times. He went on to live a long life after being partly responsible for killing her twice.

   "Roman's right. Solar tried to hurt me, too, in ways I'll never be able to forget every time I look in the mirror," Riley grated. She turned to Roman, silently asking if he was certain they could trust the Peters. He nodded. "I'm sorry I attacked you both. When I saw you... I was scared you were... like her."

   "Likewise." Peter 2's hold on her shoulders loosened. "How is this possible? You're... just like her. Well, except for..." He nodded toward her webbed hands.

   "Riley, what happened?" Ned slowly asked. "Where's Peter? I mean, Peter-Peter. Our Peter."

   "They escaped. All six of them. I had to leave Peter to go after them. Solar... Solar... She went after my family, even Morgan. She would've... She could've... She and Norman... The Goblin..." Riley took a sharp breath and burned through her confinements. "May is dead. And I don't know where Peter is. I don't know if he's okay. I don't know where the rest of those guys are. I don't know what to do or how to fix this—"

   "I'm pressing the button," MJ decided. She started to march inside to grab the Macchina di Kadavus.

   Roman grabbed her arm. "Wait."

   "Wait?" Riley asked. "Rome, these guys can't stay."

   "The damage has already been done," Roman gently argued. His eyes descended into a deep blue. "We send these guys back, and all of this will have been for nothing. May will have died for nothing. First, we find Peter. Then, we decide what to do next as a team."

   "What's the point?" Riley demanded. "May is dead. Those assholes are running around New York, Solar included, probably hurting innocent people or themselves all because Norman convinced them they're gods for escaping their inevitable deaths. We tried to cure them! They don't want our help! You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved!"

   "Has that ever stopped you from saving people before?" Roman fired back. "You're not like her, Riley—"

   "I am, Roman! Of course, I am. She's me! She's just like me if I had nothing left to lose!" Riley cried. "I look at her, and I see everything I hate most about myself in her. All of the bad I've done to guarantee the good. The hypocritical things we heroes have done with no one to answer to but our egos. All of the horrible things I'm capable of that people don't think twice about because I'm still on their side."

   "She's in your head. Don't listen to her," Roman said. "You've made some tough calls before. That doesn't mean you're like her. You said it yourself. She's like you if you had nothing left to lose. It takes a lot for a person to end up like that."

   "That's the problem. I have so much to lose now. She's right. I do hold back because I can do everything she can and more. I don't let go because I'm scared to. The last time I did, I killed my mom. Sometimes, I still think that's why Thanos won the first time. Because I was too scared of who would get hurt if I just let go," Riley said. "Strange was right. We're meddling with forces we know nothing about. We need to send them home. They don't care if we die, so why the hell should we care if they do?"

   A weighted silence fell over the group. The Peters looked at each other, and somehow, they could read each other's minds.

   "It's harder to save than it is to kill," Peter 3 admitted.

   Riley's head snapped toward him. She'd heard those words before, months ago. Bucky said that once to John Walker.

   "My, um... My Riley's dad... It doesn't matter where I heard it. It's something I think about a lot," Peter 3 said. "I've been doing this gig for a long time, but... you never realize things like that until you screw up trying to save someone."

   "He's right. I don't know how many bad guys I've killed, but I remember every person I tried to save but couldn't," Peter 2 agreed. "Killing is the easy part. Saving... Living... Moving on... That's the hard part."

   "It's not fair," Riley weakly said. "There's so much at stake, and May still wanted us to help these guys. The one person who advocated for them from the beginning... They killed her."

   "Aunt May's always had a heart of gold. Always," Peter 3 mentioned. "If it was May's dying wish to help these guys..."

   "You can't be serious," Riley said. "You have no idea what we've been through—"

   "If we send these guys home, she will have died for nothing," Roman repeated. "You know better than anyone what you have to do next. If you can't save her, you can damn well avenge her."

   It was such a stupid idea.

   But he was right. They all were.

   May insisted that the so-called Sinister Six deserved a second chance. Riley didn't know the intricacies of her death yet, but she figured it was to save Peter from a tight spot. She died to give Peter a second chance. They had to honor her somehow. Maybe this was it.

   Dr. Octavius ended up turning to the light again once Peter cured him. Maybe (and this was a very, very uncertain maybe) healing these guys would accomplish the same.

   "Okay. I don't like it, but okay," Riley eventually said. "But first, we have to find Peter."

   Older Peter nodded. "This might seem kind of weird, but... I've been trying to find your friend, your Peter, ever since I got here. I just had this sense that... that he needs my help."

   "Our help," Peter 3 sincerely said.

   "He does," MJ said.

   "We don't know where he is," Ned mentioned. The Midtown pair spoke more softly now. Grief was melting over them.

   "And, um, honestly, right now, we're all he really has left," MJ added.

   "Well, is there someplace that he might go that has meaning to him?" Peter 2 inquired. "Like a... a place where he would go to just—?"

   "Get away from everything?" Peter 3 finished.

   The Peters shared a stunned glance. Of course, they were just like Riley's Peter. Of course, they were good people. That wasn't what bothered her. It unnerved her knowing they weren't similar the way Riley and Solar were.

   Fate showed her three Peters from different, randomly selected universes, and they all seemed to be heroes. Meanwhile, fate showed Riley different versions of herself, whether in real life or dreams, and they were only similar because they were overwhelmed with unimaginable power, grief, and loneliness.

   There just wasn't a bad bone in Peter Parker's body.

   Meanwhile, Riley was plagued with the potential to be more... to be worse.

   "For me, it was the top of the Chrysler Building," Peter 2 confided.

   "Empire State," Peter 3 indulged. "It's a better view."

   "That is a sweet view," Peter 2 agreed. His smile made Riley feel fluttery. It was warm and welcoming, the kind of smile May had, the kind that came with age and experience. His smile cleared the befuddling fog in Riley's head. He was a different Peter, but he comforted her the same way her Peter did.

   "Rooftops have always been Peter and I's thing," Riley gently said. "I've always thought if everyone found a tall place to sit for a while—"

   "Everything below would seem so small—" Peter 2 continued.

   "That all your problems shrunk with it," Peter 3 finished. "Guess our Rileys are more similar than I thought."

   Riley flinched. "Something like that. I know where he is. Follow me."

○ ○ ○

   Riley didn't exactly make it easy for them to follow her. Once she realized where Peter probably was, she took off at what must've been lightspeed. All that remained in her wake was a stripe of light ribboning the snoring sky.

   Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter—

   Riley's breaths became lodged in her throat.

   There he was, perched on Midtown High's rooftop. Alone.

   The evening's shadows obstructed his figure as he looked out at the city. She could somewhat see his brown ringlets dripped with rainwater, and soot soiled his suit. He was deep in thought, but when her feet hit the rooftop, Peter instantly whipped toward her.

   "It's me! It's me!" Riley held out her hands as proof. "It's me. It's Riley."

   They regarded each other for a moment. The distant yellow lights from the skyscrapers across the city gathered, just barely stretching far enough to illuminate their broken faces. Peter's eyes were puffy and red, both from crying and from a blood vessel that burst behind his conjunctivae. His muscles were tense, yet they trembled in the still air from exhaustion and fear.

   Every inch of exposed skin was as red as his suit, sliced open with wounds that would never heal right. This night wouldn't just scar him. It would brand him. The memories of this night would never leave. They would make a home where his heart was torn out of him.

   Peter finally bowed his head. "She-She... May, she's... She..."

   Riley swept to his side and pulled him into her arms. It was hard not to tighten her grip as Peter clung to her desperately. He nestled his face into her, holding her as if he was about to lose her, too. Riley didn't complain. His tears dripped onto her, and all Riley could do was hold him.

   "There was— Osborn, he—" Peter's voice was muffled as he kept burrowing into her. "—An explosion— And May tried— She tried to—"

   "I know, amor," Riley whispered. She ran her hands through his tangled hair. Pressure built in her chest. She didn't think she had it in her, but she was about to start crying again. "It's okay. You don't have to talk—"

   "May tried to save me— And— And I couldn't— I wasn't fast enough—"

   "It-It's not your fault—"

   "It hurts so much, Riley—"

   "I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry—"

   "It hurts— Everything hurts so much—"

   "Peter?" Ned's voice came from behind them.

   Peter had hardly glanced up before Ned and MJ were wrapping their arms around him. Roman was a second slower than them. He wasn't injured like Peter or Riley, yet he felt more hesitant to approach them. Waves of Peter's sorrow crashed into Roman. Roman knelt by Peter, placing a supportive hand on his back.

   No one spoke for what felt like hours. They held Peter as he sobbed. It was all they could do to hold him up before he fell apart completely.

   "Peter," MJ quietly said, "there's... there's some people here..."

   Peter sniffled. "What?"

   "We found some guys who want to help us," Roman said.

   The group hug dismantled as everyone pulled back. Riley slipped her hand into Peter's, and he stood with a grunt. Peter's eyes widened again, the same way they did when his Spider-Sense tingled. He craned his neck back and spotted two silhouettes sitting atop the school tower. The two Peters jumped down to greet them.

   "Hey, wait, wait! Woah!" Peter shouted. He positioned himself in front of the group as the realization dawned on him. "What...?"

   Peter 2 held up his hands. "Sorry... about May."

   Peter shot Roman a look. He would know better than anyone if they could trust them. He nodded. It's okay.

   "Yeah. Sorry," Peter 3 said. "I got some understanding of—"

   "No, please don't tell me that you know what I'm going through," Peter rasped. His chest heaved unsteadily. "She's gone. And it's all my fault. She died for nothing. So I'm gonna do what I should've done in the first place."

   He reached for the Macchina di Kadavus in MJ's grasp.

   "Peter," Peter 2 called. "Please don't."

   "You don't belong here. Either of you. So I'm sending you home," Peter said. "Those other guys are from your worlds, right? So you deal with it. If they die, if you kill them—" He sniffled. "—that's on you. It's not my problem. I don't care anymore. I'm done." His voice cracked as he added, "I'm really sorry that I dragged you into this. But you have to go home now. Good luck."

   Peter tried to press the button on the ancient relic, but MJ pulled it away from him. Neither spoke, but the aching stupor on Peter's face said everything he was thinking. MJ nodded to the Peters. Hear them out, she silently said.

   "My Uncle Ben was killed," Peter 2 revealed. "It was my fault."

   Riley's head snapped toward him. She wasn't sure if she heard that correctly.

   "I lost... I lost Gwen," Peter 3 said, struggling to pull the words out of himself. Tears pricked his eyes. Gwen was still a fresh wound. "My, uh... She was my... She was my Riley before... my Riley. I couldn't save her. I'm never gonna be able to forgive myself for that." He swallowed hard. "But I carried on, tried to, um... Tried to keep going, tried to keep being the, uh, the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. 'Cause I know that's what she would've wanted. But at some point, I just... I stopped pulling my punches. I got rageful. I got bitter. I just don't want you to end up like... like me."

   "The night Ben died, I hunted down the man who I thought did it," Older Peter grimly said. "I wanted him dead. I got what I wanted. It didn't make it better. It took me a long time... to... learn to get through that darkness."

   It was a fleeting thought, but for a second, Riley realized they were just like her. They knew pain, too. Pain and remorse and guilt. That didn't make them bad people, did it? She would never think that toward them.

   "I wanna kill him. I wanna tear him apart. I can still hear her voice in my head." Peter's voice shook. His tears streamed freely as he started to break down again. Riley squeezed his hand. "Even after she was hurt, she said to me that we did the right thing." He took a deep, tentative breath. "She told me that with great power..."

   Peter 2's eyes cleared with recognition. "Comes great responsibility."

   Peter's eyebrows creased. "Wait, what? How do you know that?"

   "Uncle Ben said it," Peter 3 weakly said.

   "The day he died," Peter 2 added. "Maybe she didn't die for nothing, Peter."

   Peter 1's face suddenly brightened. Riley could see it, the realization that he wasn't alone, that his suffering wasn't new or unshared. The three Peters lived different lives, yet somehow, they were strung together by the web of fate.

   And if these two Spider-Men had faced these villains once before, maybe with their help, Peter, Riley, and Roman could finish May's moral mission once and for all.

○ ○ ○

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I just wanted to pop in here because I feel like some people might've been under the impression that everything Riley went through before, from WandaVision to FATWS, was ~fun, cameo filler~. But I've actually been building up to this moment this entire book!!

I've always thought Riley has a rather one-dimensional view of heroism and her work. Yes, she's surrounded by people who have made her question S.H.I.E.L.D. (which is touched on more in the prequel, Valor), but it never really clicks until people start to judge Riley for surviving Thanos's snap in Adventures in Babysitting. Until she sees Wanda, who was once a beloved superhero, become targeted by S.W.O.R.D. Until she faces the Flag Smashers, who deserved better, who were led by a misguided, mistreated child, just like Riley. Until Eden and Carson Belmont challenge Riley and call superheroes out for being "glorified cops" and "egotistical hypocrites." And then Riley starts to truly realize the shady industry she's a part of as she joins Fury and Mysterio in Europe.

It all clicks — the kind of person she could've been and maybe was supposed to be — when she finally faces herself. When she finally meets Solar.

All of this was my way of making Riley look inward. The world she's a part of is hypocritical and self-sanctimonious. Shit is tough out here! And now, Riley's feeling all of that pressure crash down on her. She's scared she's the exact kind of person she was raised to kill/put behind bars. She's worried she's not as "good" as she originally thought she was. We're really just taking Riley's existential crisis to its peak right now.

Of course, we're not done with this part of the story yet. I just wanted to point that out because... I dunno, I felt like it! If you read all of this, I hope it made sense to you. I'm excited for you guys to learn a little more about the Peters and their relationships with our Riley, as well as their Rileys. :)