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MISADVENTURES IN PARADISE
iv. ROAD-TRIP GONE WRONG

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   PETER SHOULD HAVE BEEN grumpy the following morning, between the rush of packing his belongings last-minute for Paris, the grogginess of not getting much sleep last night, and making sure Ned was feeling okay after getting shot. And yet, he couldn't stop smiling to himself. His shoulders were less tense, and there was even a pep in his step.

   All because he and Riley ended last night deciding to stay friends.

   Peter wasn't sure how they could go back to being just friends after learning to be with her like that. But it was the most realistic option, the only one that promised the most sanity. "Life will be easier if we just stay friends. For now," Riley had said. Peter was really holding onto that "for now" part.

   He didn't want to say it then, but he wasn't sure if it was what Riley really wanted. He knew it wasn't what he wanted, despite everything. But time was supposed to be their friend, the thing that heals all traumas. Peter would be okay with it because it meant they could still be in each other's lives. That was what mattered. He wasn't losing her.

   Peter was carrying his suitcase outside when he found Betty Brant chatting with Ned. She cupped his face in her hands, rambling on about how he needed to drink plenty of water and take his vitamins. She naively thought Ned suddenly got sick from the canal water yesterday.

   Why was Betty worried about Ned, you may be wondering. Peter was still puzzled about it, too, considering Ned had been hellbent on them spending their trip being American bachelors in Europe or something. Yet here he was, in a relationship with Betty after they got stuck sitting together on the flight to Venice. Long story.

   "Hey man, are you sure you're good?" Peter asked once Betty left to get Ned a vitamin C pill.

   "Oh, dude, I'm fine!" Ned promised. "Don't worry! Seriously, getting tranq'd in the neck by Nick Fury? Probably the coolest thing to ever happen to me."

   "It is pretty awesome," Peter laughed as they went into their secret handshake. "I'm just happy I don't have to go to Prague."

   "At least you cleared things up with Riley," Ned mentioned. "I was getting really worried. I don't know if I'd be able to pick between my best friend and an OG Avenger."

   "Pfft, yeah right—"

   "Good news! We're going to Prague!" Mr. Harrington announced as he joined everyone outside. Confused whispers erupted from the students. What about Paris? "Yeah, tour company called. They upgraded us! You should've heard me on the phone with them. I really gave them hell."

   "All I heard was crying," Mr. Dell chimed.

   Everyone followed Mr. Harrington down the street as he skipped ahead. "Look at our upgraded ride, huh!"

   Whatever rage the students were muttering about dissipated as they came in contact with a luxurious bus. It was painted black with covered windows, a sliding front door, and a mysterious driver dressed in leather who just so happened to look exactly like Agent Dimitri.

   "This is sick!" one classmate rang while another cheered, "Come on! I want a window seat!"

   But Ned and Peter stood at the back of the line, one puzzled, the other consumed with sudden despair.

   "Peter, what's going on...?"

   Peter sighed dejectedly. "I think Nick Fury just hijacked our summer vacation."

   "Awesome," Ned marveled.

   "Yeah," Peter grumbled. "Awesome."

   So much for relaxing and not being Spidey for a while.

   When would he ever get what he wanted? It felt like he hadn't gotten a break since he quite literally died.

   As they shuffled to board the bus, MJ trickled to the back of the line, phone gripped in her hand. She eyed Peter suspiciously. "I'm gonna assume you have something to do with this?"

   "It's complicated. Not that you would know since you've been mad at us since we got here," Ned deflected.

   "I have a right to be mad at you," MJ argued, brushing her curls behind her ear. "If it weren't for you dorks, Brad Davis wouldn't be so freaking obsessed with me."

   That was another result of a much longer story. It all started with Peter's plan to win Riley back. Since MJ was her best friend, he wanted to sit with her on the flight and convince her to help him with his relationship troubles. MJ would know everything he needed in order to win Riley's heart again. It was such a simple plan. Too simple. Of course, it didn't end up working out that way.

   Instead of just asking MJ to sit with him, Ned tried to play wingman and get Betty, who was originally sitting with MJ, to trade seats with Peter, making up a lie about Peter having really bad perfume allergies that were being triggered by the person seated in front of them. It would've worked, but then Mr. Harrington overheard this and got involved. In the end, Ned ended up sitting with Betty, Peter with Mr. Harrington, and MJ with Brad Davis.

   Brad Davis was a kid who survived the Blip. Back in the day, he was an annoying little kid who cried a lot and had a bizarre nosebleed issue. Now, he was totally ripped, super nice, and attracted girls like a moth to a flame. He was the cool nice boy Peter wished he was. Not only that, but Brad kept trying to convince everyone he was friends with Valor (which was something everyone at Midtown High did, but it annoyed Peter just because it was Brad). To make matters even worse, Brad developed a sudden crush on MJ after the flight, so there went Peter's chances of convincing her to help him.

   "I said I was sorry, MJ—" Peter tried.

   "Don't bother. She's just mad she can't text Roman in peace anymore," Ned said, making kissy faces at her.

   "Ew, don't perceive me," MJ hissed. "How do you even know about that?"

   "Betty said she woke up to you video-chatting him last night."

   MJ peered over her shoulder, glaring at the blonde. "Next time she snitches on me, she won't wake up at all."

   "Okay, you've definitely been talking to Roman and Riley too much," Peter nervously said. "You know, it's not a bad thing if you've got a crush on Roman. You guys talk all the time, and he has the same dark humor as you, and you're both softies at heart, and you're both super obsessed with true crime."

   "And he's good with kids, and he'll always know how you're feeling on the inside. And he's hot," Ned added. "Objectively, I mean, come on."

   "Exactly," Peter agreed. "It makes a lot of sense if you think about it."

   "When did this suddenly become about me?" MJ interrupted, shaking her hair in front of her face to hide her embarrassment. "I came over here because I wanted to hear more about what Nick Fury said to you last night, not because I need romance advice from you idiots."

   "How do you know about that?" Peter interrogated, keeping his voice low.

   "I've been texting Riley."

   His heart started racing. "You've been texting Riley?"

   "Duh. She tells me everything. She already told me about last night. If you two won't tell me anything, I'll just ask her," MJ remarked. Peter opened his mouth again, but she cut him off. "No, I'm not going to tell you what she said about you. I'll consider it if you can get Brad to leave me alone."

   The trio looked to the front as Brad waved at MJ and yelled, "I'll save you a seat!"

   "Why don't you ask Romie to handle him for you—? Ow!" Ned whined as MJ flicked him before heading onto the bus. He rubbed his forehead. "Those two really would make a perfect couple."

   Peter had stopped paying attention though, staring at the phone in MJ's hand longingly instead. If only he knew what Riley thought of him. Did she still have feelings for him as he hoped? Or did she truly just want to stay friends?

   The next few hours were spent sitting at the back of the bus alone, scrolling through his texts with Riley. The cursor kept blinking at him as he deleted and retyped and deleted and retyped various messages again and again. Was it too soon to text her? Too late? Would she want to be thinking about him while she was prepping for the next fight against the Elementals?

   He sighed, dropping his phone onto his lap. He reached into his bag where the necklace he bought her in Venice was. He was about to open it to ensure it was still in one piece (as he'd been doing obsessively every time he started to get nervous about his plan... if you could even call it one) when he remembered the retirement gift Tony left for him. Peter reached for the case, rubbing it as he had last night, and opened it.

   Inside was a pair of large glasses, much like the ones Tony was often seen sporting. On the interior of the case, Stark Industries was printed in gold. Peter slid them onto his face, expecting something to happen, but nothing did. He inspected the case again, finding a small note that had been tucked inside.

   Peter read the message aloud to himself. "For the next Tony Stark, I trust you. PS, say EDITH."

   The glasses lit up, the lenses blinking blue. Tiny screens appeared before his eyes, and a woman's voice announced, "Stand by for retinal and biometric scan." The glasses scanned his face. "Retinal and biometric scan accepted."

   "Uh, hello?" Peter said.

   "Hello, Peter. I am EDITH, Tony Stark's augmented-reality security and defense system."

   Peter sat up straighter, eagerly asking, "So he really made you for me?"

   "Not exactly. He made me long ago, but he and Riley had the idea to put me into these glasses recently," EDITH clarified. "But you have access to all of Tony and Riley's protocols. Would you like to see what I can do?"

   "Cool," he muttered.

   "EDITH stands for, 'Even dead, I'm the hero.' Tony lives on, but Iron Man doesn't. Tony loves his acronyms."

   Peter's smile returned. "Yeah, he really does."

   "I have access to the entire Stark Global Security network, including multiple defense satellites, as well as back doors to all major telecommunication networks," EDITH reported. "I also have the entire Stark family playlist installed, as well as the phone number to Happy Hogan's secret, personal cell phone. Riley thought you would enjoy those."

   As she spoke, Peter looked around again, watching as tiny screens sprouted before him. He could see everything everyone was doing on their phones. Flash was texting his mother (Mother, have not heard from you or father in days.), Brad was searching romantic spots to go to in Prague, and another classmate of his was texting their mom (Hey Mom, Venice was crazy! Can you transfer me more money?). Mr. Harrington was texting someone about how the class trip was finally looking up, and Mr. Dell was reading about the History of Witchcraft since he was convinced Mr. Beck and the Elementals had something to do with witches.

   "Woah... Is MJ texting Riley, by chance?" MJ's screen appeared for only a few seconds. All Peter saw was a text from Riley (I'm freaking out, MJ. I don't know what I'm gonna do about him.) before he suddenly sank into his seat, looking away. "Wait, no. Don't look at that, don't look at that. That's— That's wrong. That's super creepy. What's she freaking out about—? No, stop. Don't... Don't think about it."

   Peter glanced aside, cringing as he watched Ned and Betty text each other despite being right next to each other. (Miss you, texted Ned. Miss you more, Betty replied). Peter really hoped he and Riley were never like that.

   "I also have a prerecorded message for you from Riley," EDITH announced. There was a quiet beep, and Riley's voice came flooding into his senses. He jumped in his seat again as a small video of her played in the center of the lenses.

   "Testing, testing... Okay, I think she's ready. Ahem. Hey, amor," Riley brightly said, and it wasn't until then that he realized how much he missed hearing that nickname from her. "I thought I'd leave you this little message because Tony's toys can be pretty overwhelming at first. I'm sure EDITH already gave you the run-down in her fancy computer talk, but you should know, bottom line, this is just a more accessible medium to use any Stark tech you may need. It's a lot easier to manage than other mediums, which means it's just as easy to make mistakes. So, I guess what I'm getting at is... don't bomb a school or something on accident, alright? That would be bad, and I don't really know if I wanna date a murderer."

  "One last thing. Don't feel pressured to use this at all. It's really just a parting gift from Tony. And me, obviously, I helped. But mostly from Tony. Don't tell him I said this, but he really does love you. It's cute. Anyway, I'm saying this because you've never needed any tech to be great, whether as Peter or Spidey. I always thought you were better at the hero gig than most people in the game." She glanced down at her phone, humming fondly. "Funnily enough, I actually have to go now. To meet you. Date night. My favorite day of the week, I'll have you know."

  "I guess it's goodbye for now. I'll see you soon. Whenever you need me, whether you have questions or you need someone to talk to about this or anything else, you know where to find me. Unless I'm invisible... which I guess I usually am. Hm... I guess I just like making you chase after me, heh. See you around, Bug-Boy."

   Riley brought her hand to her mouth and blew a kiss at the camera. The video shut off, and Peter was left with that warm feeling in his gut again. He'd never noticed that twinkle she got in her eye when she talked about him before. He wondered if he looked like that when he talked about her, too.

   The bus was halfway through the Alps when Dimitri pulled over at a rest-stop. It was admittedly unsettling how Dimitri managed to ignore Peter so well, but then again, that was part of his job description, wasn't it? Besides, the less attention Dimitri paid to Peter, the better.

   "Petrol and toilets. Ten minutes!" Mr. Harrington called as everyone vacated the bus. Some hung by the bus to stretch their legs, others bolted straight for the bathrooms. Flash wouldn't stop talking to his Instagram followers (which he called his Flash Mob) through videos and livestreams. "So, Dimitri, where exactly are we?" Dimitri ignored him. "Yeah, okay. I'll figure it out."

   "Oh, my gosh, this is so sick!" Betty chirped, her hand webbed with Ned's.

   Peter was the last to exit the bus. He was interested in getting a better look at the rest-stop (and getting away from Ned and Betty for a little bit. He was feeling a little lonely next to them). Through the windows, he only saw a glimpse of tall peaks of rooftops and dark wooded walls. But once he stepped out, Dimitri stopped him. He didn't say anything, simply pointing in the direction opposite the restrooms. An abandoned restaurant, to be exact. Sighing, Peter knew this had something to do with Fury, so he headed for it without a complaint.

   The door was already open, the room inside dimly lit. Peter was hoping Riley would be waiting for him, but all he found was a tall, blonde woman.

   "Hello," Peter awkwardly greeted.

   "Close the door," she commanded in a thick Austrian accent.

   He did as she said, with a touch of reluctance. This part of the job wasn't something he could get used to. The ambushing, the secrecy. He was learning to appreciate the charm of being a mostly solo hero more and more.

   "Uh..." He approached her, offering his hand, which she disregarded. "I'm Peter Parker."

   "Take off your clothes."

   Peter gripped his backpack straps. "E-Excuse me?"

   "You told Fury Spider-Man cannot be seen in Europe. So I made you this, another suit." The Austrian Agent reached for it from the table, handing it to him.

   "Oh, uh. Thank you. I'm sure it fits fine. I don't need to try it—"

   The woman was already aggravated. "Take off your clothes!"

   "O...kay... Sure..." Peter trailed off. At least she wasn't the first woman to ever tell him to do that. That would somehow make this worse. He unhurriedly set the new suit down and dropped his backpack. "This is a little embarrassing."

   "Now!" she barked. "Hurry up."

   "Yeah, okay. This is weird..." He unzipped his pants, wondering if his slowness was making it weirder. His jeans were around his ankles when the door suddenly swung open. Peter flinched, and the agent reached for her gun. "NO, no, no, no. Don't!"

   In walked MJ.

   "Oh my God." MJ immediately covered her eyes, peaking through parted fingers. "Um... I'm-I'm sorry...? I saw you come in here, and I just thought... I just wanted to get away from Brad—"

   "MJ! This isn't what it looks like!" Peter cried out. "Just... Um..."

   What he wanted to say was, Don't tell Riley! As if Riley (probably) didn't already know he would be subjected to this. But Peter wasn't thinking clearly, and MJ was already backing out the door, insisting that she would give them some privacy.

   Peter yanked his pants back up while the agent aimed her gun. "Oh my God. Don't shoot anybody! Don't shoot her!" he exclaimed, hurrying after her. "MJ? MJ, shit, this isn't what it looks like! MJ—"

   "Hey, don't worry. I get it. When you're abroad, it's fun to hook up with pretty European chicks. I totally get it," MJ said. She refused to make eye contact with him. "I didn't realize that was your speed though. I guess 10 minutes is enough time if you were in a hurry, but... How did you guys even decide to get to it so fast—?"

   "Listen to me, MJ, I'm serious!" Peter begged. He jumped in front of her, shaking her shoulders. "I don't even know—"

   "I thought you were still hung up on Riley," MJ interrogated. "I mean, after last night, I just figured... I don't know, I thought you had a plan to get her back or something."

   "I do! I mean, not really. I don't really have an exact plan yet. But I-I'm trying, and that's what I've been wanting to talk to you about, and that's why you got stuck sitting next to Brad on the plane—"

   "Your plan to get back with Riley was to hook me up with Brad?"

   "No! I can explain everything, but just— Wait, did Riley say she wants to get back together?"

   "Well, I'm not telling you anything, but if I were, she's not gonna make the first move."

   "Of course..." Peter muttered. "Look, just don't tell her you walked in on me hooking up with that lady! I promise I wasn't—"

   "Are you lying to me, Peter?" MJ demanded suddenly rather intensely. "You're cool, Pete, but Riley's my best friend. And she's kind of going through some shit right now. I mean, when is she not? Point is, if you're sneaking around, hooking up with other people, I'm going to tell her—"

   "Do I look like someone who does that!? I don't even know how to talk to girls!" Peter pleaded. "You're a deeply mistrusting person. I get it. I do. Just... It's not true, I wasn't... I wasn't hooking up with her! I promise! I promise I'll get Brad to leave you alone if you just sit with me and hear me out. I'll tell you anything you want, even the stuff Nick Fury said to me."

   "Okay, put one foot in front of the other, and everybody, back on the bus!" Mr. Dell called.

   "It's been 10 minutes!" Mr. Harrington chimed from beside the bus. "Let's go!"

   MJ stared at him, unsure. "I'll think about it." Then, she stepped aside and headed for the bus.

   Peter buried his face in his hands, groaning. Dammit.

   When the bus took off again, Peter was stuck sitting in the front near Flash. His palms were so sweaty, and he just couldn't sit still. He kept looking over his seat at MJ, who was staring down at her phone, ignoring Brad to the best of her ability.

   The only thing he could think to do was beg EDITH to help him. He slipped on the glasses, tuning out Flash as he whispered, "EDITH?"

   "Hello, Peter. How can I help you?"

   "Hey, so... I'm kind of... having an issue with a friend of mine..."

   "Peter, I'm having difficulty hearing you. Can you please speak up?"

   Peter cleared his throat. "Um, Michelle Jones-Watson. I'm worried she's gonna send a text that I really don't want her to send, and I don't know what to do."

   "Michelle Jones-Watson. Is she a target?"

   "Is MJ a target? Um..." He looked back again. It looked like MJ was texting Roman (When was the last time you talked to Riley?). He sat back in his seat again, a newfound fear of facing Roman's overprotective wrath creeping in. "Yeah. She's a target, she's a target."

   "Copy that," EDITH affirmed. "Target is Michelle Jones-Watson. Initiating strike."

   Peter paused. "Initiating what, now?"

   "Intercept point determined. Releasing kill vehicle."

   Peter was pretty sure his heart just fell out of his ass.

   "EDITH?" Peter looked out the back of the bus. No one was paying attention, busy with conversations of their own. None of them saw the drone drop from the sky. Dark smoke followed it, frosting the horizon, webbing between the clouds. "Oh, God. Oh, God."

   The glasses suddenly vanished from his face. "Dope glasses, Parker," Flash said, sliding them onto his face. "How'd you pay for these?"

   "Flash, give them back," Peter panicked. "Flash, give them back!"

   "No, really!" Flash insisted. "I'm really paying you a compliment!"

   "Please give me—" Peter smacked Flash. His head flopped aside, his jaw falling as he sank into unconsciousness. Peter's eyes went wide as he gasped. "I am so sorry." Nonetheless, he took the glasses back, fumbling as he tried to put them on again. "EDITH, don't kill MJ. Whatever you do, don't kill MJ."

   "Do you want me to cancel the drone strike on Michelle Jones-Watson?" EDITH requested.

   At the same time, one of his classmates, Zoha asked, "Did you just punch Flash?"

   "No!" Peter assured.

   "Firing," EDITH announced.

   Peter had no time to spare. He turned to Dimitri, firing a string of webs at the steering wheel and yanking it aside. Shouts rang through the bus as it swerved. Dimitri gripped the wheel, trying to keep them from driving through the railing on the side of the highway and killing them. The drone shot once at the bus. A hole burned through the left side-view mirror.

   "Hey, this is not the autobahn!" Mr. Dell admonished. "Harrington! Is this the autobahn!?"

   "EDITH," Peter murmured, but the glasses had fallen off his face. He spun around, finding them on the floor by the steps. He flung himself at them and put them on again.

   "Commencing second strike."

   "Peter, plant your fanny and buckle up!" Mr. Harrington shouted.

   "Don't worry, MJ. I'll protect us," Brad promised.

   But his shouts were nothing compared to how Peter's heart was pulsating in his ears. His lungs were on the brink of collapse. Peter's eyes flickered between Mr. Harrington, the drone in the near distance, and MJ, who stared at him inquisitively with a book in her lap. She had no idea her own friend was trying to kill her — not intentionally, but that didn't really matter right now, did it?

   "LOOK AT THE BABY MOUNTAIN GOATS!" Peter shrieked, pointing out the window.

   "Baby mountain goats!?" Mr. Harrington yelped.

   Like a flock of kindergarteners, everyone on the bus looked outside.

   This was Peter's chance.

   While everyone was distracted, he leaped skyward, pushing through the door on the roof, and shooting his webs. The drone's blinking red light glared at him as it became stuck to a rock. His other webs blocked the drone from firing, causing it to spin out of control and explode on itself in the middle of the road.

   Peter landed inside the bus again, curly hair sticking up wildly, chest heaving. It was just barely perfectly timed as everyone turned to him again.

   "I don't see any mountain goats," Mr. Harrington said in disappointment.

   "You missed them," Peter panted.

   Just when he thought he'd averted the crisis, Betty declared, "I know you think none of us have noticed."

   Shit. "What?" Peter asked.

   "But your new look? I love it," Betty went on. "Right, babe?"

   "Oh, yeah. Sophisticated, classy. Very European," Ned agreed.

   Peter could hardly spit out a thank-you before falling back into his seat to catch his breath. Dimitri was staring at him rather intensely, but he didn't care. His eyes fell shut, his heart rate slowing again, one thump at a time.

   "Oh, man..." he muttered in relief. "Way to do the exact opposite of what Riley told you, Pete. Let's try this again." He just hoped MJ never found out what nearly happened just now.

   Peter repeated the issue to EDITH, this time a little more carefully. But there was no point. MJ hadn't sent Riley or Roman or anyone any particular messages about Peter. He didn't want to pry though. The more he thought about it, the weirder he was realizing it was, to stalk your friends' texts, so he decided to drop it and hope for the best. But at the last possible second, he happened to notice a text Riley had sent that made him feel uneasy all over again:

   I never wanna see him again. When this shit is over, I'm making sure of it. He's nothing to me.