❝ no matter 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡, you keep
finding something to fight for. ❞

— "first fig" ✷ by edna st. vincent millay,
published in 1920

❝ i've killed before, and i'll kill again —
take the noose off, wrap it tight around
my hand. they say heaven hath no
fury like a woman scorned, and baby,
hell don't scare me, i've been times before. ❞

All Lena Spence wants after two decades in a living hell is to be forgotten. For fourteen years, she takes on a new name and a new home; working her hardest to keep her little family away from the prying eyes of the Fireflies.

But when she learns that her daughter's life is being threatened, Lena knows she must go back to where it all began: Boston; to face the family and friends she has abandoned.

Unleashing a chain of events that would set her world on fire, Lena accepts to team up with fellow smuggler Joel Miller to deliver Ellie Williams — the daughter of her childhood best friend — to the Fireflies, halfway across the country.

She thinks love is lost on her, but she soon discovers that there is more to her road trip than a single job . . .

SOUNDTRACK

thirty-three tracks, two hours and thirty minutes of runtime

SIDE A ━━ LENA SPENCE

★ MIRRORED HEART — fka twigs ⭒ LARK — angel olsen ⭒ I KNOW — fiona apple ⭒ LIGHT OF LOVE — florence + the machine ⭒ ALL OF ME WANTS ALL OF YOU — sufjan stevens ⭒ SONG FOR OUR DAUGHTER — laura marling ⭒ SILVER SPRINGS (LIVE '97) — fleetwood mac ⭒ STONEY END — linda ronstadt ⭒ SILENT ALL THESE YEARS — tori amos ⭒ GOD'S COUNTRY — ethel cain ⭒ DUE WEST — kelsey lu ⭒ I DON'T WANT TO KNOW — fleetwood mac ⭒ A HOUSE IN NEBRASKA — ethel cain ⭒ WINTER — tori amos ⭒ EL ARADO — victor jara ⭒ LOVE IS A LOSING GAME — amy winehouse ⭒ FIREWORKS — mitski ★

SIDE B ━━ CESS SMITH

★ BACK TO LIFE — soul ii soul ⭒ AMERICAN TEENAGER — ethel cain ⭒ SPEED OF THE SOUND OF LONELINESS — alabama three ⭒ AMERICA HAS A PROBLEM — beyoncé ⭒ EDGE OF SEVENTEEN — stevie nicks ⭒ LIKE I USED TO — sharon van etten & angel olsen ⭒ HEADSPACE — sharon van etten ⭒ ANDROMEDA — weyes blood ⭒ SUPER TROUPER — abba ⭒ FALLING LIKE RAIN — tina turner ⭒ IN MY PLACE — coldplay ⭒ BLOODSHOT — julien baker ⭒ YOU WANT IT DARKER — anita lester ⭒ GEORGIA LEE — tom waits ⭒ THE GREAT GIG IN THE SKY — pink floyd ★

━━ disclaimer! this book contains/refers to possible triggering topics like death, violence & gore, adult language, suicide, and other canon-adjacent things. i will try to add content warnings in chapters i feel the need for, but other than that reader discretion is advised.

━━ just as a small heads-up, english isn't my first language, so don't expect literary perfection from this book :) if you encounter grammatical or formatting errors please point them out to me, it'll save me a lot of trouble while editing.

━━ this story is dedicated to Ioveuadrian | driftmarks | foulkloures | padaleckisms | xanderherondale | targaerys | eunoiaology | thank you all so much for your support, mwah <3

❝ and for the lovers who found a mirrored
heart, they just remind me i'm without you. ❞

@TARQARYEN, 2022 / 2023