E1

Aiden: How's your stupid pig? I hear intensive heat causes brain damage

Jesse: Then who left you in the oven?

~~~~~

Lukas: I get to wear this jacket because I know how to build. That doesn't mean I don't know how to break things

Lukas: *Breaks chair over Axel's neck*

~~~~~

E2

Axel: I'd take it a souvenir but I don't want to stick it in my pants

Jesse: Good call, buddy

~~~~~

Jesse: You better keep away from us, or I'll make you hurt in places you didn't even know existed

~~~~~

Jesse: Yeah, well, that's because he's your biggest fan, look at him

Axel: I mean, not like "biggest" fan.

I actually died

~~~~~

Jesse: It seems that the student has become the teacher, and you shall be added to the list of ocelots that I have slain

I don't know what that means but I love it and want to put it on a t-shirt

~~~~~

(F)Jesse: I'm the King of Boom Town!

~~~~~

Lukas: I heard your voice and thought I'd come down here

*Nervous Chuckle*

~~~~~

Ellegaard: Magnus, if an artist painted the inside of your mind, he'd come up with the most extraordinary desertscape paintings

~~~~~

Jesse: this place is a dream come true for Lukas. Look at him, he's loving it

Oh no, he's precious
~~~~~

I apologize for this next one

Magnus: Soren says that dropping the F-bomb can destroy anything

(Later, in Ep3)

Jesse: Hey, Witherstorm! FUCK YOU!

Witherstorm: *Dies*

~~~~~

I'm sorry again

Jesse: Fuck you

Aiden: *Dies*

Jesse: Fuck you

Cassie: *Dies*

Jesse: Fuck you

PAMA: *Dies*

Jesse: You're cool

Ivor: *Lives*

Jesse: and fuck you, I'm out *leaves*

Hadrian: *Dies*

~~~~~

Gabriel calls his friends "friend"

Jack calls his friends "friend"

Let that sink in

~~~~~

You know how Magnus swears a lot in episode 2? If Netflix manages to lower the rating to TV-Y7, how many of Magnus' lines would actually have been cut out or edited?

~~~~~

Sometimes when Lukas screams it makes me laugh and I don't know why

~~~~~

If you ever feel bad, just remember the time Axel actually took an arrow to the knee

Or the time Jesse got reversed defenestrated by TNT

Or the fact that Boomtown is literally a Fallout reference

Or imagine the entire Jesse v. Magnus fight as an anime

Or the time Jesse rebounded a potion

How people hate Episode 2 is beyond me. The whole Magnus vs Jesse thing is pretty cool. If you ask me and that's probably why I like the episode so much.

E3

Jesse: somebody say something

Lukas: Hamburger

Olivia: Donkey

Gabriel: Pants

Axel: Floor

Reuben: *Pig noise*

~~~~~

Jesse: Sure let's just give up. Let's just sit around singing songs all day. The first out will be called 'How we gave up at the finish line, because of Lukas'

~~~~~

Jesse: Let's just punch through 10 layers of Stone instead of punching one layer through a bookcase

~~~~~

Jesse: There, there, Lukas. It's okay...Let it all out

Lukas: What--no, I'm not crying

~~~~~

Lukas: What do you see?

Gabriel/Petra: Please don't say more stairs

 ~~~~~

Lukas: Impressively bananapants

Jesse: *Gasps* Language!

~~~~~

Gabriel: Is he going to be okay? Perhaps he's allergic to wool

~~~~~

Jesse: Are you doing okay?

Gabriel: Besides the fact that I'm dying slowly? Pitifully wasting away? My circumstances becoming more dire with each passing second?

Jesse: Yeah, that

Gabriel: Fine, all things considered

~~~~~

Gabriel: I just hope we dont' discover Soren as he's getting ready for bed...he always wore the most -- revealing bathrobes!

~~~~~

Gary may seem scary
But he's a swell guy
Sally dilly-dallies
Give her credit she tries

They might seem different
from the untrained eye
But that's a lie
And so I say...

~~~~~

Jesse: *Autistic screaming*

Axel: Why?

I can make joke this because I'm autistic

~~~~~

Jesse: ...They won't attack us, will they?

Soren: Ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies

Jesse: But that didn't--

Soren: Ask-me-no-questions!

~~~~~

Ellegaard: I insist

Magnus: I double insist

Ellegaard: I triple insist

Magnus: I... insist four times

Ellegaard: Quadruple

Magnus: Know-it-all

Ellegaard: Never found that insulting

Magnus: Bet you don't know what the fifth on is, though

Ellegaard: Quintuple. Alternatively pentuple

Magnus: Up to you Jesse, real armor or nerd armor

~~~~~

When Lukas freezes in place when he's terrified, it's actually pretty adorable

He's like an older Radar

Or is Radar like a younger Lukas?

What's I'm saying is that they're the same character

~~~~~

To get the achievement "That's some pig" You have to talk to Reuben like 40 times. How did people figure this out?

~~~~~

REMEMBER THE TIME LARS DIE--

Wait wrong fandom

REMEMBER THE TIME ELLEGAARD/MAGNUS DIED?

That was an interesting time. WASN'T IT?!

~~~~~

If you ever feel bad just remember the time Axel kicked a spider over and killed it

Or the time Reuben told Jesse a risqué joke

Or the time those Iron Golems overkilled those mobs