The Croupier

The building was saturated with endless chatter and overdue work as I made my way to my office, returning greetings and pointing out some indiscipline I had noticed. The entertainment industry is flashy, a huge downside to something that puts a piece of bread on my table. A big piece at that. Everything has pros and cons, and I learned to deal with the cons before falling head over heels for the pros. So after years of repeating the same routine, the loud vibrations emanating from the training rooms didn't bother me much. The crowd of applicants waiting in endless lines to prove their unmatched talent in three minutes didn't elicit any reaction from me. The scurrying assistants pushing rakes of clothes left and right during the never-ending fittings didn't unsettle me. The piles of documents and the inspections of the stock exchange and all the nausea-inducing stress that came with it did not dampen my mood. Still, Kim Seokjin's presence in my office so early in the morning managed to assault me with all of the above-mentioned symptoms.

I didn't utter a single word as I walked to my desk and pressed the speed dial button that connected me to my secretary. "Ms. Baek, you failed to inform me that I had a guest waiting in my office. How come?" My calm and composed demeanor, even in the face of this unexpected intrusion, was a testament to my patience.

"Brat!" Grumbled Seokjin as he dropped his phone beside him, looked me straight in the eye as if he hadn't just insulted me, and added, "You're late. Because of your tardiness, I missed a golf appointment. What kind of loose management is this?"

"Mr. Kim Seokjin told me that you had an off-schedule meeting. I assumed you were aware of his presence since this meeting was not on the agenda, after all."

Mrs. Baek had a point. But her point was lost on me because she knew me well enough to know that I wouldn't add an unscheduled meeting to my already busy schedule. "I'd appreciate it if you don't assume next time. Let's keep working by the book. And uh-I would also appreciate it if you could order us two espressos. No sugar. Thank you."

I hung my vest on the hanger to my left, still refusing to acknowledge Seokjin with a glance, and sat down in my chair before finally giving him a piece of my mind. "You wouldn't have missed your appointment if you had checked my schedule with my secretary. It may sound unbelievable, but I pay her to keep my schedule organized so that I don't lose any time and my honorable guests don't either."

"Last time I checked, I wasn't a guest. It may sound unbelievable, but the results of my inspection suggested that I am a partner in this business. Can you believe it?"

Oh, Seokjin was in the mood for sass and I was not at all. I figured it would be better to keep my trap shut, lest I wanted this ping-pong conversation to continue. Mrs. Baek helped with my intention, as she came in with our drinks just in time to steer the conversation to another fashion. Hopefully the business kind of fashion.

Silence, however, had a short lifespan. As soon as Ms. Baek had left for her work and closed my office door behind her, Seokjin resumed the conversation. Admittedly in a different style, but he carried on with the nonsense nonetheless. "When are you planning on stopping losing precious time doing extracurricular activities that are of no profit to our business, Tae?"

"Please define 'profit' and 'extracurricular activities' while you're at it," I offered as I brought my caffeine fix to my lips, intending to indulge in the pleasure promised by the delicious aroma.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Taehyung. We both know what I mean." Seokjin lit a cigarette, knowing full well that I hated the smell of tar in my office. Don't get me wrong. Nicotine is my best friend. My chosen path of demise. A trope of hate and love, if such a trope even exists. It's just that I preferred to respect the no-smoking signs and the law that installed those signs in the first place. I have a decent balcony in my office. I usually smoke three cigarettes in a row there when I feel the need to kiss my white sticks. But in my office? Nah-uh! That always struck me as vulgar and downright unprofessional. "I have eyes and ears, Tae. I ain't neither blind nor deaf, thank God. I know exactly how many hours you are still spending in Yanghwa-dong, and to be honest, I don't like it at all. Either you wrap this shit up or scrap your absurd plan altogether. And if you ask about my opinion, the latter option is way more logical."

I checked my emails and answered some of them while listening to his endless sermon until his voice stopped echoing off the walls of my office. I took this as a cue to avert my eyes from the computer and finish the rest of my coffee before offering my retort: "The key point here is that your opinion is totally unsolicited, Jin. Which brings me to my next comment. That matter is mine to handle."

"It is indeed, 'cause God knows I suffer from no OCD. You, on the other hand, if you don't start working on that matter of yours instead of just studying the situation from behind the windshield of your car, like a creep, do. I've got a couple psychologists in mind if you decide to seek help."

"I'll keep you in the loop. Is that all for today?"

It might sound like I didn't want him in my office, and that was because I really didn't want him in my damn office right now. But that wasn't the only reason I couldn't spend my time bickering with him like a man and a woman. I actually loved Seokjin the same way I loved cigarettes. That trope included, and pardon my goddamn French about literature. It was just that I had things to do and places to be, and he was consuming my energy on such a big day when I needed every drop of it.

Kim Seokjin was my partner. A friend, too. But I feel inclined to precise that it was a friendship that came with a lot of pain in the ass. He was so obsessed with making millions and getting his face on the cover of every Forbes issue, while I was out to gain power for reasons that didn't involve being interviewed or plastering my face on the billboards of Seoul. But a different way of thinking and seeing things has never been a reason to start wars. Or maybe it has, but not in our case. Rather, our different points of view ensured the absence of competitiveness between us, which, in turn, ensured a smooth joint management and a stable working dynamic.

"No, it's not," Seokjin voiced as he tossed the stub of his cigarette into the coffee cup. Ugh! If I wasn't a man who needed a long list of triggers to be set off, I would have made him drink that cigarette-flavored coffee. He was so inconsistent as a man. His demeanor commanded respect. His fashion sense reeked of money and nobility. He was perceived as the epitome of perfection wherever he set foot, but when he was with me, he behaved in a barbaric way that suggested he was suffering from severe bipolar disorder. Maybe his doctors weren't that good after all. I should find a good one and make introductions. "When's your plan gonna take off? See, Taehyung, I really don't give a fuck about your revenge and all that yada-yada, but we have a business to focus on. Our girls will make their debut this month and I can't afford a lousy launch. We've spent so much money for four years trying to instill in them the talent they don't possess, and it hasn't been easy. I'm not going to watch you ruin everything over a stupid distraction that could have been avoided if you'd taken a step forward instead of studying the woman like she's an alien specimen."

See, another thing I hated about Seokjin besides his unrefined ethics when we were together was that he stuck his nose where it didn't belong. And there was something else. I hate how he managed to play down my plans even though he knew exactly the amount of sufferance I've been through. Seokjin was there for me, I won't deny that. He was the shoulder I could cry on. The wake-up call that woke me up from the self-pity, which resulted in the urgent need to burn the world of all those who had rocked my world and turn it to ashes. But when it came to money and work, he acted like I was a lunatic who enjoyed stalking as a hobby, just like he played golf with old geezers in his spare time, which, by the way, wasn't really spare time, but time he invested in building relationships with potential investors.

Seokjin is a businessman through and through. Anything that didn't add a penny to his pocket wasn't really needed. He was a man with zero hobbies and a below-negative passion. His only interest was business and pussy, to clear the fog of work stress so he could focus on business again. A vicious circle, if you ask me. But what can I say; to each their own.

But what Seokjin sometimes failed to see was that I was not a man who tolerated failure. And sure enough, I wasn't a man who would bring failure around either. I built this company from scratch. I invested my heart and soul into it given the fact that I had no money to invest. I spent my youth begging and knocking on closed doors hoping to sit where I am now. I wouldn't jeopardize all that for a mere distraction, as Seokjin liked to call it, especially since I created this empire for the very purpose of fulfilling my plan, the very distraction he hated so much.

He should have known long ago that I put money at his feet to lure my joker card into the cave. If anything, he should be grateful for my grit and the sheer hatred I have toward that family for the luxurious life he led. He would have been mired in failure if it wasn't for my surging need to avenge the death of the only person my heart beat for so she could finally rest in peace, and right next to him I would have been mired in misery and perhaps caught an addiction much worse than nicotine. Far worse than cocaine, too. Thankfully, rehab existed. Thankfully, my customized revenge plan helped me with the withdrawal.

"I've already signed three advertising contracts while you were talking nonsense and wasting my time. The major television networks will air the debut. Cass Beer has agreed to feature them as their brand face. Their pictures will be hung in every restaurant and bar so that every beer lover, which statistically is half the population, knows about them. The rest, which is their discipline, is for you to manage according to our contract. I don't have to deal with artists and their eternal nagging."

The promise of success seemed to reassure Seokjin. He leaned against the sofa and looked me straight in the eye, as if he wanted to bring my hidden intentions to light and read between the lines. He hated my secrecy. Hated how much I enjoyed working so quietly and never left a trace behind my steps. No reproaches. He was always worried about how far my actions might go. Always worried that I would end up in some kind of sealed-off prison, and I really didn't see why this wouldn't be a plausible solution. It would have taken me a lot less time and energy to kill those bastards and get it over with. It wasn't as if prison was going to snatch my life away. My life was already over when she died.

I've thought about it more than I'd like to admit. The homicide part. It had lured my demons. Promised them the kind of peace I was still trying, and apparently still failing, to achieve. But then another thought softened the painful need to see crimson. It was just as evil, but at least less aggressive. If I killed them, they wouldn't feel the suffering I wanted them to feel. It would be merciful. Death has this kind of mercy. One would be breathing one second, and the next he'd be dead. No matter the pain that would cause said death, it would be forgotten the moment the last breath is taken.

I couldn't possibly let it end at that. I couldn't give them such an easy way out. I suffered a lot. They had to go through the same shit. She suffered a lot. They had to go through all that too. It wouldn't be peaceful for me in any way, shape, or form. In fact, planning this revenge all these years had worn me out. It took away my sleep and my appetite. I no longer felt like doing anything other than imagining their end. My life stilled on its axis to see them shatter into pieces, and God! I did my best. I had taken away the power they had used to humiliate me. I had taken away their money and tarnished the reputation they claimed was better than mine. And now I was ready to wrap it all up with a nice ribbon and hand it over to the one person whose lack of support had caused me the biggest loss in my life.

"Tae, why don't you just forget about the past and move on?" Seokjin propped his elbows on his knees and looked at me with concern. An emotion he rarely showed. "I'm not saying you should forget her. Love isn't easy to forget. You can't just force your heart to stop beating when the reason why it does is tied to a person. But I wish you could keep her in your heart, not in your mind. I'm sure she would have said the same thing. You should live, Tae, and not just exist for a game of hate."

I stood up and put on my vest while keeping our gazes locked. "It's too late to back off now, Jin. You can't possibly live in a place that's been doused with gasoline and expect cigarette ash not to start a fire. I've got the cigarette in my hand now and I'm going to throw it in the middle of the place along with my lighter and watch everything go up in flames, including me."

Votes and comments are appreciated. x