Word count: 2604

Title: King Eden

Genre: Sci Fi

Blurb: A warlord must rescue her son from the Martians before they destroy what remains of post-apocalyptic Earth.

When her son is sold to the Martians by a traitor in her clan, King Eden abandons her people to bring him home. Determined to defeat the Martian forces, she must battle metal titans and nightmarish experiments to win back the young prince-and she must do it alone to maintain her reputation, pride, and power .After an encounter with the infamous Martian general, Unit Zero, King learns that her boy's capture was no ruse to draw her into their clutches. The Prince is the cure to a disease that ravishes both worlds, locking them into a centuries-old war for resources. The General offers King a savage choice: surrender her son as a peace treaty, curing their worlds and ending an era of warfare, or save him and subject Earth's survivors to annihilation. King has days to decide before the General attacks.

Legends immortalize King as a brutal, loveless woman, but these stories underestimate a mother's heart. The Martians have made a deadly mistake: they've forgotten that a Lord will stop at nothing to save her son, and they've forgotten that there is nothing more dangerous than a woman on the path to revenge.

Status: Ongoing

Starting points: 30

* * *

Note: This review is so late its almost criminal. I'm actually disgusted. I should be locked up. But it couldn't be helped. I have a myriad of whys and hows but boring ya'll will add no joy to my tired soul lemao. *scrunches nose*

-The author and I did a review for review and you can check out her review of my book Scandal on The Leal community review shop. Link's on the author's bio.

-Right, let's get down to it then.

Cover: I think its beautiful. Certainly nicer than the previous cover. And it fits the genre. Been looking at it for weeks and my feelings for it hasn't changed... for better or worse. Is that a good thing or bad thing? No idea. But no points lost.

Title: Bold. Unconventional. Unique. I'm a fan.

Blurb: Okay so I have a number of problems. First off, I'm pretty sure the Author changed the blurb bc this is not the same blurb I've been avoiding for weeks now. If I had started your review and just now saw the change, I would've gone berserk. For future reference, if ya'll want to change your blurb or cover or literally anything that might affect your review, let me know! No one likes a double job. Luckily, I hadn't started your review so you're off the hook.

-Anyway. I don't really remember most of the happenings of the old blurb but I do think this new one makes for an easier understanding of the plot.

Update: I'm eating my fkn words. While going through the pages, I came across the old blurb! And God, it makes a lot more sense all things considered. It expands on the world in a way this new blurb does not. I would have been saved a helluva lot of confusion if it had simply maintained its position as the blurb. (-2)

-Back to the new blurb. *weeps silently*

-First paragraph should have an em dash not a hyphen. (-1)

-You have two contradicting sentences:

Excerpt: [A warlord must rescue her son from the Martians before they destroy what remains of post-apocalyptic Earth.]

Excerpt: [The General offers King a savage choice: surrender her son as a peace treaty, curing their worlds and ending an era of warfare, or save him and subject Earth's survivors to annihilation.]

-The first sentence is misleading because it implies that if King doesn't rescue her son, the Martians will destroy earth. When in fact the opposite is true according to the second sentence which implies that if she gives them her son, earth is safe. But if she rescues her son, earth is doomed. (-3)

-And finally, excerpt: [The Martians have made a deadly mistake: they've forgotten that a Lord will stop at nothing to save her son, and they've forgotten that there is nothing more dangerous than a woman on the path to revenge.]

-I don't think the former sentence has the effect you wish it to have because of one minor detail. This scare tactic would have been more effective if you substitute "Lord" with "mother" instead. It rings more true, not to mention it upholds the theme of the plot significantly. (-2)

First thoughts/impression: I've actually read a few chapters of the old story before and I loved it. A part of me dreads to read this new version bc what if the old one is better and I come to loathe this one? *holds breath*

excerpt: [The city is ruined already.]

-Solid start, yo. *starts breathing a little*

So King is walking the ruined city looking for... human survivors? I'm saying "human survivors" because I've come across something called the Corrupted and I'm pretty sure that has nothing to do with being human. And since its a sci fi book, its safe to assume not all characters will be human. Oh, and apparently king has heightened senses. Cool. So far loving the lore.

-I was under the impression she was looking for the survivors to help them but turns out she's not and is just there to gloat. Seriously, she's been calling out to them on the streets only to find them (through her heightened senses) in deplorable conditions, say she has no intentions of helping them, and then call them cowards. The whole thing seems so unnecessary. Why look for them if you aren't going to do anything to help? King seems like a bully. How complex.

-Anyway, I understand that the Martians are punishers? They destroy cities with diseases? And I'm guessing that disease is the Corrupted? Okay. And they're seen as the bad guys... why? I mean their cause makes sense if you catch my drift. Why have the disease spread when you can terminate it?

-Kidding. I'm kidding. Sortof. I do not support the way they go about it. It's just a great agenda is all.

-The way the corrupted are described is wonderfully graphic and so fascinatingly repulsive. I'm also very disturbed about how a bar whose very foundation is on human waste is still functioning. I think this shows not only how a once thriving city has achieved extremely low heights because of the repercussions of the disease but also the conditions survivors must live under amidst the repulsiveness and hopelessness.

-King and the bartender called Z are having a conversation and the more they talk, the more confused I become. The Wastes. Ancients. The Tribes. Countess. River district. Aurelian. So many unfamiliar things thrown at my face at once and I'm expected to just understand them. You have to remember that this is a world your readers know nothing about. We're basically babies you have to spoon feed. Throwing out words like that with no explanation and expecting us to understand leads to a quick death. (-2) Gonna have to put in extra work to understand what my eyes are reading, which is bogus. *tuts five times*

Excerpt: ["I picked up a ship's transmission a bit ago."]

-The use of "bit" instead of "while" is making one side of my face slack.

Characters:

King Eden: I have mixed feelings for this character. On the one hand, I love how unique her make up is. From her name right down to her position as a warlord. And there's that bit about her being ruthless, cold, strong... you know, your average female villainy superhero. On the other hand, she seems bipolar to me. First, she looks for survivors, only to not help them when she finds them. Then, she tells Z to transport the survivors she shunned to her district. Yeah, yeah I know its called a change of heart, but still. We didn't have to go through all that hassle. Z says her son made her soft but I'm thinking she's probably got two personalities lemao. She reminds me of a more bloodthirsty Katniss Everdeen. (-2)

I would commend the motherly instinct King show cases every now and then. Like when Eli hugged her and she immediately asked if he was okay. Or when she kissed his forehead and told him he needed a haircut, or when she protected him first during Fix's assaults. This all builds and answers the great question of why she's willing to sacrifice the whole world for her son. If this element was missing, it would have been a huge problem.

Eli: King's son. The heir to her throne. The supposed "cure" to the disease, if the blurb is anything to go by. This character confuses me. Sometimes he acts like the 10year old child he is, other times, he's a grown man. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem. But its the way it switches with ease like one would perspectives that bothers me. His speech is usually so out of place that sometimes I wonder if the author was mistaken in adding "Eli says" in the dialogue tag because I'm almost certain it wasn't Eli who said such a thing. This is most prevalent in his interactions with his mom.

Excerpt: ["Heal, Mom," he's saying. "Heal and get back up. What's wrong with you?" He's crying now, grabbing my arm to help me to my feet.]

*Leans forward* *leans back*

-I mean, its probably just me but something about this doesn't read well to me. I dunno whether its because it doesn't use the correct punctuation that warrants such urgency (i.e an exclamation mark) or if its how I'd imagine siblings talk to one another but I can't relate the boy's actions and the supposedly terrifying scene to the words coming out of his mouth at all. He sounds calm. Calculating, even. Not at all the distraught child he should be having just witnessed his mom get shot. (-2)

Excerpt: ["Get away from her," Eli says. He lunges at Fix, ready to throw a punch. "You promised you wouldn't hurt her, you're a liar. Get away from us both."]

Again, nothing. In this case, its most likely the lack of proper punctuation to ensure effectiveness, but ultimately, I'm finding it hard to gauge his true character. (-2)

Z: Bartender friend of King's who was looking after her son. Lost the love of his life to the Corrupted. He's an okay character and his presence in chapter one was purposeful bc it served us with information about the world (albeit too much information) and provided King with intel that Fix was in the building.

Fix: King's ex husband. Eli's dad. King says he forced himself on her and I'm guessing that's when Eli was conceived? Anyway, apart from that detestable act and his very disgusting appearance (honestly, kudos on the descriptions, I nearly gagged just imagining it) we're expected to hate this old bugger but I kind of don't. Right up until his death. To me, his character is more straightforward than King's or any of the other characters I've come across. He's a sick man who thinks his son's best hope is the Martians. Technically, its the other way around but he didn't know that and he was fooled.

In his eyes, he was doing the right thing. He was saving his son. He didn't think King was being a good mother, and I'd have to agree (she left the poor boy alone for a month.) In a place crawling with the likes of things like the Corrupted, you'd think she'll stick by her son's side like superglue. Business or whatever she left him for be damned. But she left him with Z knowing that Fix would come knocking, instead of trusting no one with her child but herself. That's bad motherly behavior if you ask me.

Anyway, Rip Fix.

Inconsistencies

-Not really an inconsistency but I'm curious, how does one get sick or start corrupting? Do you have to get bit by the corrupted or is there a more unconventional approach? One minute, King has a yellow sore on her neck (?) and the next she gets shot and the sores start spreading like wildfire, she's turning into the corrupted way too quickly. I was so confused as the scene unfolded. Do wounds make it spread quicker? And why does King have a high tolerance for the corruption? What makes her so different? Is it because she's an Ancient (I still have no idea what that means) or because she's a warlord? Why does she have heightened senses?

-These questions probably have answers as the story progresses and I'm just being a nuisance by asking them, lemao.

Grammar:

There's a recurring thing you do:

Excerpt: [I back away from the threshold, set Eli down behind me so that I can protect him, reach for a weapon I don't have.]

- You don't add "and" when you list events like this. At first I thought it was a mistake, but I've seen it happen again and again. I think there are situations where this is acceptable, but I'm not sure. Correct me if I'm wrong. (-2)

Anyway, apart from this little hiccup, this author's grammar is fire!

Dialogue:

Some parts practically had me frowning both internally and externally but overall, the dialogue is pretty great.

Likes/dislikes

- I was confused for three quarters of my reading experience and only started to understand the lore of the world when I read it again. (-3)

-"an age long gone." You repeat this phrase way too many times. (-2)

-The character names are so cool and rare!

- badass morally grey female character who isn't really all about saving the world is refreshing. She's selfish, she'll put the fate of her son before the fate of literally every one else, the rest of the world be damned. *cackles*

- I'm still reeling over those putrid descriptions of the setting and the corrupted.

- I really like your author's note. It's the best I've ever seen. I think its won my heart over because of how personal you wrote it. I'm definitely taking pointers.

- Look at me, I barely complained about anything!

When I stopped reading: I read chapter one weeks ago but had to put the story away because a) I was confused, b) I got so overwhelmingly busy all of a sudden. Picked it up again literally last night and read up to chapter 5 mostly because I wanted to understand the world more. Would've gone further but I felt bad for keeping the author waiting for far too long.

Final thoughts

-I still prefer the old version of this story to this new version if I'm being completely honest. I barely remember most of what went down but there was something so immersive about it that I don't think this new version fulfils. It's probably one of those things that take time, for me at least. *blows raspberries*

-The story line is still pretty gripping and this is gold for anyone who loves sci fi. I'm not sure you've lost all your points, I doubt it. *goes back to count*

- Ha. I was right. Well... you know it has to be done. (-7)!

-Congratulations!! Your book will be added to the M30 Elites reading list!! And you get five votes from me!

- Oh, nvm. I already voted for those chapters once upon a time when the old version reigned. Oops.

*runs*