Rant ahead

I'm sad.

like saaaaaad sad.

okay, but not that sad.

maybe i am.

whatever.

so, here i am, feeling a bit down from reading things. And no, what i read has nothing to do with my rant. Only a fraction maybe, but overall i'm just sad and need to vent.

so you know my story, swings? Yeah the yoongi one.

that story hits home to me. 

actually, i'm going to say that the reader is basically me, but better since she has the power of me as an author to save her live and min yoongi as her everlasting saviour.

i'm sad.

i have no actual friends.

(i say that a lot, but what i'm implying that i don't have any bestest friends within my current grade. In my class. In other words, i feel so alienated in my current class, and to think i'll graduate with their pathetic donut, i'll just puke now)

i have best friends, friend to die for. Bestie that will be my second reason to live, next to the number one bts and mortal desires.

but are they here physically beside me?

nah.

are they there to support me through the internet?

i would say yes just to comfort my sorry self.

One migt say i'm just being sappy and desperate for attention.

well, i say you're not technically wrong.

swings captures my real life story of being the odd one out. Being the outcast. Being alienated from my peers at school.

(my bestest bestie is in another school, mind you. We kinda talk, but rarely. Still on good terms tho.its just that i feel different not talking face to face.)

my classmates would leave me alone, just like what i like doing all the time. (Sense my sarcasm? No? Ok)

until they needed me for something.

and then after that they would just leave me alone, minding my own business.

again, i would love to be the best at studying, like the reader in swing.

but no, i'm not. People who are better in studies do get more attention and people sticking their noses up their donut hole.

i get, solitude.

people think i like being alone.

"why are you always alone?"

"aren't you tired from being mute?"

no. I don't at all.

i like to be heard, not just listening to your stories and rant nonstop while i sit there waiting for you to finally stopped to respond back, but you just walk away not caring a single word i exist.

like peach, i exist.

i am human.

do talking to outcast like me gives you the feeling that you do something good?

cause i hope you feel worse after.

no one waits for me.

There's this one time, we need to hand out the assignment.

so someone who was tasked to do so gather the assignments.

and then none of my 'friends' tell me to collect mine.

they forget.

they genuinely forget, which is more sad because i can't do anything other than peaching about it.

so i had to collect it myself.

don't get me wrong, i didn't hate every teacher, i'm just not comfortable with each and every one of them.

i don't like it.

i hate it when tey forget me.

i hate it when they talk and laugh and whisper to each other.

RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

and my heart would shatter to pieces, slowly but surely.

i hate it when they talk about things i love (example, bts) and i couldn't even say anything about it.

i'm invisible.

i want to talk
i want to speak.
i want to laugh.
I want to goof around.
i want to be like them, 
i want to be with them.

i want to fangirl,

i want to scream in joy.

i want people to notice me for what i am, not for what i have. Not for things i could provide. Just as the npc people approach when they needed.

but i can't.

i tried.

i tried talking.

no one is listening.

i tried telling them stories,

no one takes it seriously.

i'm tired of it all.

i'm really tired of it all.

i'm done.

i hate you all.

i'm gonna drown in sadness and cry forever till i smile because of silly bts meme.

i hate you all..

i hate you.

why won't you give me attention?

​​​​​​​cries