im not ready for school yet i am. im just so ready because i wanna get this over with yet, im not.

im not ready for the judgement i'll be getting from teachers, students, anyone really.

i like elementary better because we stick with one teacher and you could go to them for help for whatever and they know how you'll react because they've been with you for months but its changing.

people have told me that a specific person who im close with is better than me for so many reasons.

"oh she's much nicer and prettier than you are. its probably why she has more friends then you do liv."

well im sorry i change how defensive i am. she's got more than i have and she gets to have a family and i dont ok.

i get it. my eyes are small and im way too smart and i get made fun of it. alright then. i dont see george getting made fun of how smart he is so why am i?

i get it, im way too defensive but its only because thats how i am. i never got the affection that people with both parents and their siblings with them got.

i get it. im asian and thats a weakness for me. it doesnt mean you can just dig the knife deeper into the wound.

i get it. she's prettier than i am. its not my fault i cant get rid of the chubbiness in my cheeks and how she's just natural and doesnt need to fix anything.

i get it. everything i have is a target and a huge weakness. my heads too big, im too tall, im older than most people, my eyes are small, my feet are huge, and im just unappealing to the human eye.

i get it. im just ugly in general. but it hurts. ive had close family members tell my own mother im unattractive and she even agrees. i cant even take a compliment because i dont know if they're joking or not anymore.

i get it. my voice is annoying. i sound like a boy but thats not my fault. my own mother thought my voice was my cousin's before but that's ok. i can take it.

i get it. im not a social butterfly like everyone else is. its not my fault im not allowed outside and cant let my social anxiety go.

i get it. im just a horrible person. its not my fault thats the environment i grew up in. my mom sometimes hits me and thats ok. i can take a hit.

i get it. im supposed to protect but cant. i let my little cousin down. he gets hurt all the time and all i do is just sit there and let him cry into my shirt.

i get it. im annoying. its not my fault nobody in my family cares for my mental health.

i get it. im way too reserved. its not my fault when i reach to my mom to help with my depression she does nothing.

i get it. im growing too fat. its not my fault my mom shoves food down my throat without letting me tell her that im not hungry. im starving myself to the point i can spend days without eating because i cant get up to eat.

i get it. my mom never spends time with me and i dont have a father. doesnt mean you can tease me about it. you dont know what i have to survive through alone.

i get it. all those times i almost died i didnt. but you dont know how scared i was. i was 4 when i choked and nearly died. i was 7 when i almost drowned because i still dont know how to swim. i was 12 when i almost got into a car crash because i didnt alert my mom of the car heading our way.

i get it. everything is my fault. every single thing. how ugly i am, how horrible and annoying i am, how im just not appealing to normal people.