Vance sat on the thick post that made up the top of the stall's wall while Anise paced the walkway between the enclosures. His head barely cleared the loft area--he had hit the ceiling while getting up there. "Why is this bothering you so much? We're not still sitting in there--he's the one that went forward, not us."

It was another minute of pacing before Anise spoke up, "Vance, would you call yourself a Christian?"

"I don't know. I mean, we go during holidays, especially if Gran is in, and it's not like I burst into flames if I touch a Bible." Vance smirked at his own joke but was sad that she didn't seem to react.

"So, you're someone who goes where people drag you, not really committed."

"Sure." Vance schooled his face before it betrayed him with a besotted Goofy look. She dragged him in here, after all. He didn't think she meant the full consequences of what she said, but it was true that he was far more aimless than he acted. She'd hate having that applied to their relationship, right now.

"Jedediah calls people like that Culture Christians. He warns people that some even sitting in those very pews are nothing more than that."

"Is this where you tell me you're not going to be talking with me because sex belongs to God or whatever weird things that man said?" Vance showed he had listened to the class in more depth than he let on with this one. This hadn't been the focus of the talk, so it could have been lost to inattention.

"No!" Anise yelled it loud enough to get a few of the horses at the end to nicker in confusion. The cows were less likely to care. She stopped her pacing to look up at him with that expression on her face. His best guess was she wanted to cry and hit something at the same time, but wasn't hangry yet, "No. I'm saying he's talking about me. I'm one of those kids that if I didn't plan on working in this county, I'd disappear from a church."

"I still don't get why it upsets you."

"I'm getting there. Your dad didn't do this lightly. We'll be sitting in that church the rest of this school year listening to awkward conversations together. And if he takes to what the message today? He's not going to be so harsh on you having a kid, sure, but he's going to have a whole hell of a lot more disappointments." Anise crossed her arms--it would have been a dominant stance, but she started to rub her right arm.

"It won't be that bad," Vance shrugged. "Your dad probably thinks we are already doing it. He's not dumb--he knows I want you."

"No..."

"I'm not hiding it. Even my dad knows I want you. I told him the day he accused us of fucking on the couch." Vance sounded like confidence incarnate. He hoped she would never piece together how safe she was to approach when least available. He wanted to be this confident when facing her.

Anise paused and stared at him, eyes huge. She thought he ran from everything, and he had been standing up against Mr. Leighton the whole time.

"So, your dad isn't any further behind."

"He knows that's the risk. That urge he had to trust you was a hope that it would force me to face this same choice your father made. Pa is gambling that you're a way to reach into the heart of me, not a way to lose me." Anise let out a slow, shaky breath, getting back into her rant. "It's a lot of work to sit there and think about every single thing I want to do and ask myself 'Does this serve God, or does this serve me?' "

"I still don't think it's worth freaking out over." Vance's words were soft, cajoling.

"I know. And I did this same thing when John went forward, then again when Gray did. It's called 'kicking against the goads'."

"Why?"

"Because I believe the whole of it...and I don't want to do it."

"There's a lot of it you don't want to do, Anise. You're smart enough to figure out what you're going to do with it all." Vance shook his head as he jumped down from his seat. "Come on, your excuse to get us out here was to walk the cows, so let's get it over with."

"What, you're not going to tell me I'm crazy?" Her eyes were damp as she looked up at him, paler than usual, shaking a little, but not showing any sign that she wanted him to scoop her up and run away. He wanted to--until he thought about lunch.

Vance shrugged, not knowing what to do with her in this state. "It doesn't have a thing to do with me until you make it about me. You're still close to your brothers. My dad is still impressed with you. Both your parents still support you. Their decisions haven't made them give up on you, so what do you want?"

She went over to him for a hug and leaned her head back, looking at him. "You. You make this easier."

He reached down and gave her a quick peck. "We still gotta walk Besse."

'Besse's the dog. Minnie is my mini-Jersey and Sulkey is the Sebu-Jersey Mini Moo." This time she reached up for him and brought him back down to rub her cheek against his.

He missed her lips, but then he knew she didn't like fooling around in front of the animals so much.

It was a few minutes before Vance pulled back, but he, at least, was back to his regular self---with a wicked grin. "So...is there actual hay to roll in?"

"It's up in the loft with the mousers. Come on, I want to eat lunch and Minnie is going to tear up that stall if I don't get her outside, soon."

"You're going to put her on that leash?"

"Lead?" Anise was so used to correcting people that it was automatic. "No, she's home, we're going to walk her and Sulkey to the run out the left door."

It took a minute to throw open latches and shove two doors aside. As usual, one cow took convincing while the other skittered off to the door before they turned to follow.

The two of them strolled the length of the run while holding hands. The cows frisked around much like dogs, causing quite a few of the couple's smiles. Not even Minnie lipping at their pockets got to them--a threat to their phones.

Anise watched the sky for most of that time, trying to get a feel for the atmosphere like Cousin Sean taught her. Along with the weather report, she thought the two would be good in the run until after lunch. She showed Vance how the gates latched and dragged him inside to a boisterous meal.

Their parents caught up with each other's lives and reminded themselves of childhood. Stories where Pa wasn't always so calm and Ma was a raving beauty who spent hours on her looks. Vance's mother was quiet until someone crossed her, then she would embarrass people with their history. The pranks Mr. Leighton pulled on her no matter how much she humiliated him enthralled Vance. None of it fit who they were today, except the barest hints that popped up here and there, through the monotony of adulthood.

Vance sat next to Anise again. Instead of feeling like time would drag, she worried it would be over too soon--and it was. Their parents decided that they could use a break from each other to get homework done, so the Leightons left once through.

Although having Vance close made Anise's anxiety lighter, it worried her more once he left because it wasn't just about her--not like in the past.

After all, Vance could change instead of her. The stakes would be higher if either one of them decided to lead a life of discipline. It often caused to people marrying before they were ready to commit, in the pretense that they were. They were only 17. Vance didn't know what he wanted to do with his life. Anise could see that their choices could lead them to be more like her parents--or like his father. Although there were still worse fates to earn.