Amanda was leaving tomorrow.

        While she was quiet and a lot more tense today, I seemed to be in denial and blatantly ignored the impending parting that was creeping up on us fast. Whenever I even thought about not having her around after getting used to it over the week and a half, my chest would squeeze tight and my stomach would churn.

        We've been inseparable all day. Amanda didn't even go on her morning run today, choosing instead to just work out in the green screen room for half an hour while I showered. We ate breakfast with our chairs pushed closer together, Amanda finished editing our FTB episodes in my lap, and whenever we had the chance our hands were clasped together tightly. It was hard watching her pack up her clothes and collect all her belongings that were scattered around the flat, and even harder to think about what it would be like without her here.

        Amanda held an aura around her that had permeated throughout the flat during her stay; we all felt a bit happier, like we had a little more energy. You could always hear her singing or humming under her breath, and there was even more laughter than we thought possible, considering the joking atmosphere that the three of us normally kept up. Trott and Ross seemed to feel the same way, for they seemed to hover around us all day, wanting to give us privacy while still spending the last day with their friend.  We loved having her here, and right now six months seemed like a life time of waiting.

        I had begun to toy with a few ideas to shorten that time frame, and the closer we got to her departure the more irrational they got. I wanted to visit her sometime while she was at uni, and I would have to check with both my flatmates and family to see which holiday I could skip and fly over to America. It would be nice to see her on valentines day, but I know the airfare would be ridiculous and I wouldn't have enough time to save up some extra money for a visit.

        "You ready Smith?" Amanda asked, poking her head into my bedroom and interrupting my reflection on this week.

        "Mm, yeah," I said absently, standing and throwing on a blue flannel to complete my casual outfit. Amanda was wearing something more dressy, and I looked her over as she stepped into the room and shut the door behind her. She had on a plain, half-sleeved black dress, and as she turned away from me I could see that the back dipped down quite low, showing off her back tattoos perfectly. I didn't think any of my friends at the party would mind them; they were pretty accepting of any girl I introduced to them, even if she might not be the brightest or classiest. I'm sure a sweet, pretty girl like her wouldn't gain any disapproval.

        "Where are we going again?" she asked as she stood in front of the mirror and ran a hand through her hair to push it out of her face. The bees on her arm wrapped around her wrist and disappeared under her sleeve, and the raven on the inside of her other arm complimented the dress well.

        "Ross' mate Lawrence is throwing a party for New Years," I explained, "He doesn't live too far away, only like 15, 20 minutes."

        "How many people are going to be there?" she asked quietly, giving me a look out of the corner of her eye as she continued to fix her hair. I knew that she was nervous to be around so many new people, but hopefully they were all friends or acquaintances of ours and wouldn't overwhelm her too bad.

        "Don't worry," I told her, walking over to wrap my arms around her waist and lean my chin into the crook of her neck, "Trott, Ross, and I will be right there with you in case you need saving." She smirked at my comment and ran a hand under her eye to fix her makeup.

        I watched the two of us in the mirror as Amanda absently tugged at her dress. She was so small in contrast with my giant form, and her dark completion was stark against my light. Still, it was as if we were meant to compliment each other; everything about us seemed to be enhanced by the other. She was beautiful; simply gorgeous. I couldn't help but tilt my head to kiss the soft skin of her cheek as it pulled back in another smile.

        "I love you," she said quietly, turning in my arms to thread her fingers together behind my neck and tilt her head to look up to me. Her brown ringlets cascaded down her back to reveal the hat tattoo on her collar, and my smile grew as she pulled me down into a real kiss.

        "I love you too," I whispered into her lips, pulling her tight against me and burying my face into her hair and neck. She hugged me back, threading her arms under mine and curling her fists against my broad back. I could feel her heartbeat through her chest, and electricity hummed between the two of us as we shared this silent moment together. I guess this was the start of our goodbye, and I wouldn't have minded never letting go if Ross hadn't knocked on our door and told us that we were leaving.

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        As I suspected, everyone was infatuated with Amanda. She seemed like the life of the party, even if she barely talked and kept her eyes pointed towards the floor. Surrounded by so many other people, you could defiantly tell she wasn't British. She held a foreign, complex look to her that was so different than the rest of us that you couldn't help but want to talk to her. I got a lot of approving comments and glances whenever I introduced her to one of my friends, and I felt my chest swell with pride to be dating such an amazing girl.

        At one point Amanda was flocked with girls as they all talked about her dress and hair and makeup, and though Amanda seemed thoroughly uncomfortable, I could only laugh and watch from a distance. She seemed to relax a bit the more they talked to her, and I could hear cooing and exclamations of awe as she explained how the two of us had met. Deciding that she was safe enough with these girls, a few of them being good friends of mine, I wandered into the kitchen searching for some booze.

        Trott was in there, and handed me a bottle as I approached him. "Having fun?" he asked as he raised the bottle to his lips and took a swig. The music was quiet in here, allowing for conversation around the drink table.

        "Oh yeah," I nodded, also taking a drink as I watched the people around us. Some of them were already pretty drunk, and though I felt inclined to join them, I didn't want a massive hangover to send Amanda off.

        "Katie seems to like Amanda a lot," he pointed out, nodding over to where his girlfriend sat next to mine. The crowd around her seemed to have dissipated, and now the two girls looked to be engaged in polite conversation. 

        "I can imagine after spending a week and a half with three guys she would enjoy her company as well," I joked, taking another sip of my drink before seeing a few of my friends and bringing Trott over with me to talk. I had a few more drinks and spent so much time catching up with the people here that I had completely lost track of where Amanda was.

        After asking a few people of her whereabouts and getting an "upstairs," from Katie, I quickly made my way into the quiet second floor, searching for a bathroom or living room where Amanda might be hiding. Most of the doors were closed so it didn't take me long to find Amanda through a bed room and out on the balcony.

        I stood in the dark room for a moment, observing the girl while I stayed unnoticed. Her skin glowed in the light of the streetlamp, and her hair was gently waving in the breeze. Her tattooed legs seemed to stretch for miles between her dress and the heals that gave her ample height to lean against the railing. Her shoulder blades poked out from under her skin and the pale skin covered in ink looked smooth and flawless. Stepping closer, I cleared my throat in hopes that I wouldn't startle her. "Won't you get cold our here?" I asked as she turned to look at me.

        "I'm okay," she shrugged, her breath billowing out in front of her and her cheeks colored by the cold air around us. She turned back away from her and I leaned against the railing by her side. She had a red solo cup in her hands, but I knew there was only water in it as she absently played with it.

        "For an entertainer," I joked, "You're pretty introverted."

        She smirked up at me, and then said, "I just needed a moment to breath. Unlike you, I get drain by people..." She paused to look down at her hands and then returned her gaze up to me. "And sometimes I just need to be alone to recharge..." she muttered.

        "Sorry..." I mumbled, realizing that she wanted to get away from everyone, and that included me.

        "You don't have to baby sit me Smith," she said, giving me a genuine smile. "Go back downstairs, I'll be down in a minute," she said, nodding back towards the door.

        I started to walk away, but realized this was going to probably be the last time I could talk to her alone. "Actually," I started, grabbing her attention, "I wanted to talk to you about something..."

        She furrowed her eyebrows at me. "What is it?" she asked, meeting my eyes. I felt a lot more intimidated when we made eye contact, so I resolved to go stand by her side again at the railing.

        I wanted to propose a possible visit to America, and find out when she was on holiday so I wouldn't be disturbing her studies. I could easily say this in a message over Skype, but for some reason I felt like it was imperative I talk to her about it in person.

        "Listen, I was thinking that I could come visit you in the next few months... Maybe during your spring holiday or semester break? I could rent a hotel room off campus and take a cab there and back.... or you could just stay at the hotel with me? I'm not really sure what you normally do during holidays at your uni, but it would be nice to come see where you live and not have to spend half a year waiting to see you again..."

        That's what I planned to say anyway.

        That's not what came out.

        "I want you to move in with me," I said, rather calmly, to her, even though that's not what I had intended at all. I mean, I had considered it a lot lately, but I knew that was way too forward for our relationship at this point. I blamed the alcohol in my system for making me so stupid and outspoken.

        She laughed, like it was a joke, and for a second I thought of putting it off like it was one, but I couldn't get myself to laugh along with her. As soon as she saw my face she stopped and her smile fell. "You're serious," she said; it wasn't a question. The wind rustled our clothes and hair as we looked at each other, and I desperately tried to collect my thoughts. I was normally smooth and confident about everything, not just girls, but as Amanda had proven many times, she was different. She did something to me; she made me stumble over my words and blurt out the first thing I thought of, and her big, hazel eyes were sharp enough to cut me in half.

        "Amanda," I started, sounding much more calm than I felt, "After this week, I can't even image a day without you, let alone weeks or months..." Her face remained passive and I gave her a second to speak, in which she stayed silent, so I continued blindly. "I know you have to finish school and everything, but I also know that there is no way I can stay away from you for any longer than that," I scoffed, "I'll move to Bristol with you...I'd..." I took a deep breath to try to calm myself down and pulled her closer to me by the waist. "I'd do anything for you," I whispered, leaning down so that she could hear me over the wind. Her skin was cold against my hand, and I wrapped the other arm around her to keep her warm.

        "But what about Trott and Ross?" she asked after a moment, "What about your channel? I can't just take you away from that..."

        I was surprised that she seemed okay with the idea, and was only concerned with my job. "I mean, we lived apart before and made it work..." I defended, "and our lease is up right around that time anyway so-"

         "Smith," she sighed, "Are you sure you're ready for that?" 

        "That I'm ready?" I repeated, feeling more and more anxious about where this was going by her body language alone. Surely she would be less prepared for owning a flat together, considering that she's always lived at home or in a dorm, yet she was looking at me as I were the immature one.

        She shifted out of my arms and took a few steps away from me, keeping her front hidden as she looked at the street below. "What do you want from this Alex?" she asked after what seemed like forever, "Honestly."

        "From what?" I asked.

       "From this relationship," she said resolutely, turning around again and fixing me with an innocent, yet serious look. "You know," she continued, shrugging her arms, "if your that serious then I don't want to waste anytime, but-"

        "Of course I'm serious," I cut her off, raising my voice involuntarily, "How can you say any different when I've devoted so many months to trying to make this work?!"

        She held up her hands in defense. "I just don't want you to jump into something and have it not work out simply because it was rushed into," she said, her voice and expression portraying a mix of sadness and fear.

        I let out a long sigh and ran a hand through my hair. "After everything we've been through," I said bitterly, "you're worried I won't like you?"

        I saw her cheeks color a deeper shade of red, and her fists clenched at her sides and she said, "Talking over Skype and playing video games together is completely different than owning an apparent and having to pay bills and being around someone for all that time."

        "You asked me what I wanted from this," I recapitulated, taking a step closer and so I was standing over her. "I want to spend my life with you, I want to get married and grow old with you, I want to do all that cheesy, romantic shit you see in the movies. I don't know about you, but I'm willing to take a chance for that." It came out a bit more angry than I intended, but I hoped she would forgive me for wanting to get the point across. 

        She was silent for a long time, her gaze never shifting from my face as she studied me. "Then I guess it's settled," Amanda said quietly, turning and walking back to the party. Besides the bite from her cold temper, I felt elated with that answer. I knew there was a possibility that we wern't as compatible as I imagined, but as I watched her saunter away there was a spark in my chest that told me that wasn't the case.