I flipped through the large textbook, looking for a specific passage to help answer the practice test question. I don't know what the hell a prion is! Let alone the difference between it and a viroid! I silently yelled at my bio assignment. I groaned and led my head drop onto the desk, wishing that I could go down to the studio where all the other art students hung out on Saturday nights.

        My phone buzzed from it's spot on the charger and I quickly grabbed it, welcoming any distraction from microbiology. I quickly went through my notifications, clicking away anything that said Facebook or Twitter, and saw that my business email was full of unread messages. Most of them were confused fans, but one in particular at the top of the list caught my attention.

        It was from Hat Films.

        I swallowed hard, feeling my heart speed up at the name. I hadn't talked to them in months, and they had ignored me for the same amount of time. I waited with baited breath as the email loaded.

        Good day Amanda,

                It's been a while since we last talked, and we, here at Hat Films, are feeling a bit of with drawl. I'd like to discuss a possible collab with you, as it would be very beneficial for both of our channels. Perhaps we could play Minecraft or Worms? 

        Let me know what you think,

        -Alex Smith

        I tripped over the name at the bottom. Smith wanted to do a collaboration with me? I guess it would be all three of them that would have made that decision, but he was the one to email me. Did this mean anything? Has he not forgotten about me after all?

        I made sure not to sound too excited or get my hopes up. It could have been a coincidence that he was the one to talk to me. He was the one that generally talked for the other two. My fingers flew over the touch screen as I typed back quickly.

        Hey Smiffy!

                Nice to hear from you! I'd love to do some cross-channel content. What game would be easiest for you guys? :)

        -Amanda Blackwell

        I curled up in a ball, reading the message over again as I sent it. Was there too many exclamation points? Was the smiley face too much? I felt as if my whole body was about to break apart from the tension.

        I nearly dropped my phone as it buzzed again.

       Amanda,

                I'm thankful for your quick reply! :) Would you be able to get on Skype? I feel that it would be easiest to discuss plans there.

        -Alex

        My heart was ready to pound out of my chest. What did that smiley face mean? And Skype? It was obviously easy enough to discuss plans through email, perhaps even easier than a video call. Did this mean he wanted to see me? I sent him back my Skype information.

        All of the nerves and jitters I felt around Smith in August were awakening again. I knew this was a bad idea and would just reopen old wounds, but the prospect of actually seeing his face again made the pain worth it.

        I went to go turn on my camera when I passed my mirror and started panicking. I had been studying for quite a few hours, and it defiantly showed. I tried to tame my curls and slap on atleast some foundation. I had dried clay on my cheek and a few bits in my hair; I tended to get clay dust all over everything whenever I had studio in sculpture, and today was no different. I swore furiously as I rubbed it away and sloppily applied some mascara.

        I jumped as I heard my Skype ring from over at my computer. I nearly fell as I tripped on Mike's history book as I ran over, and momentarily screamed a string of curses as I held my stubbed toe. I fell down into the chair and answered him.

        There seemed to be a collective relaxing of shoulders and happy sighs as our pictures came up on screen. It was so nice seeing him again, and I was reminded of how much I've missed him over the months we've been apart. I could tell that he was feeling something similar, and all my worries of him not caring seemed to magically disappear.

        "Hey," I tested, pretending like nothing had happened a few minutes before.

        He gave me a half smile and I was surprised that I wasn't a puddle on the floor at this point. "Hey," he answered back.

        We sat there for a while, just drinking in the image of each other. He looked disheveled, but I assumed it was because it was late or he had just gotten back from somewhere. His hair was much longer than I had last seen it, but his lazy smile that turned up the corners of his beard and the wrinkles that appeared at the corners of his eyes gave me a stab of euphoria. I still love you, I tried to convey to him.

        He was the one to break the silence after what felt like hours. "So I thought we could do a Minecraft series, since the servers are the most reliable," he told me, "and we have some awesome builders that we could enlist of you wanted to go that route."

        I could barely think with him right in front of me. "Oh yeah, that sounds great," I told him, "I can start bouncing around ideas in the next few days for a theme." I smiled, already thinking of what modpacks we could use.

        "Cool, we would need to figure out a schedule, you know, with the time zones and all," he pointed out, shrugging.

        "I'm free from 8 to 11 on Wednesday mornings," I said, looking up at the recording and class schedules tacked to the wall. "SO like 1 or 2 for you guys," I told them.

        "I'll have to check with Ross and Trott," he said, "but I'm sure we could move some stuff around if we had too." He pinned me with another heartbreaking smile and I had to look down in my lap before he could see my blush.

        "I'm assuming it would be on you're channel," I said, looking back up at him through my lashes, "I doubt my editor has time to do four different streams." I laughed.

        "Yeah, we can do the editing," he assured me.

        I nodded and ran a hand through my bangs. Now that all the business stuff was out of the way, we settled into an awkward silence.

        "So..." he started, and my head snapped back up, "how have you been?" I thought I heard sadness creeping into his voice, but I brushed it off, convincing myself that I hadn't heard it right.

        "Oh you know," I sighed, but gave him a smile, "stressed." I laughed, trying not to sound too depressing or pathetic, "I get to graduate a year early though?" I shrugged, not knowing if that was good news or not.

        "That's amazing!" he exclaimed.

        "Yeah, but that means cramming all my classes together the rest of this year and next," I laughed.

        "What are you going to do after that?" he asked me. He turned his head to the side, and I was silently panicking at how adorable he was. It wasn't healthy to feel this attracted to someone, I was sure of it.

        "I'll go for my masters in computer science and animation," I told him, leaving out the fact that I was only applying to schools in England. "How have you been?" I asked, directing the topic to him.

        "I finally quit my job," he told me, "and the Youtube's been doing great since I moved in with these twats." He rolled his eyes and pointed arbitrarily over his shoulder.

        I giggled. "You're living the dream finally," I told him.

        He gave a hearty laugh that rang through my speakers. "I quit my job to play video games. You can't imagine what it was like to tell my boss that."

        I pretended to flinch. "Oh, awkward," I lamented.

        His smile faded a bit and he looked as if he was thinking about something. He studied me, his eyes traveling around the screen as he examined my picture. He leaned back, not saying anything, just licking his lips and then rubbing his beard. I felt my heart flutter, desperate to know what he was thinking about. I didn't say anything, just furrowed my eyebrows and waited.

        He turned to look at something else in the room, not meeting my eyes. "I miss you," he said quietly. He looked at me through the corner of his eye when I didn't reply, trying to find a reaction.

        I felt a stab of pity as my thoughts were confirmed; he had felt the same way I did. "I miss you too," I told him, staring at a post it note next to my keyboard, unable to meet his gaze. I paused, picking up a pencil and tapping the eraser on the wood. "Listen, Smith, about what happened at Minecon..." I started

        "No, I understand," he cut me off, "you don't have to explain it to me." I flinched at the sudden hardness in his voice. I knew that I didn't want to relive that pain either, but in order for this series to work, in order for us to start talking again, we both needed to find closure over what happened. 

        "No, that's not what I meant," I told him. I wanted him to know that I had made a mistake, that I still loved him and every day without him is torture. I needed him to understand that even if I had kissed him, if we had shared those few days together as a couple, that we would be exactly where we were now, but with a few more fond memories. "I...I made a mistake..." I told him, feeling like I was going to cry, but stealing myself so I wouldn't.

        I didn't know what to say. I wanted to be with him more than anything else in the world. I was stupidly in love with him, and as irrational and impractical as I was being, there was no other way for me to be happy again. We both didn't want a long distance relationship, but I was in a corner and didn't see any other solution. Ignoring each other obviously didn't work, and the next option was to...

        "No," he said plainly, "You didn't. You made it easier on both of us. We shouldn't have let it get as far as we did." He seemed to choke out the last few words. The statement was robotic and stunted, as if he had practiced it.

        I wanted to yell at him. How could he say that? Not to mention he just shoved us back into a sea of awkward, but he had to see that discouraging our feelings only made it worse? I knew he still had feelings for me, or at least I thought he did, so what was so wrong with acting on them? The worst case scenario is that we break up until I'm over there. I was still reluctant to tell him about my moving situation, in case I wasn't able to get a visa or even get accepted to any of the colleges.

        Mike walked into our room and I told Smith I had to go. Shutting off my computer, I leaned back into my chair and pushed my hair back, moaning loudly.

        "What's wrong grunty?" He asked, grabbing my bag of kale chips and sitting on his bed.

        I groaned again. "Fucking Smith!" I exclaimed.

        "I pretty sure that's the opposite of a problem..." he pointed out.

        I ignored the joke and continued. "I mean, he just emails me and then calls me, telling me he wants to do a collab with me," I explained.

        "Again, opposite of a problem," he said, taking another bite, "good publicity for the channel, I don't have to edit as much, and you get to spend time with your hubby." He smirked at me.

        "Yeah, except the minute I started talking about our relationship he just...friendzones me!" I complain. I didn't want to talk about it, so I looked to change the subject. Mike continued to eat my kale chips, so I reproached him, "Do you know how hard it is to make them?" I sighed.

        "Oh yeah, that's why I don't make them," he scoffed, happily munching away. I pushed my hair back again, realizing it was useless to try and stop him.

        He swallowed and sat up straighter. "Okay, so back to Smith," he said, "I don't even get why you like him. He kinda seems like a prick."

        I felt somewhat offended and looked down at my lap. In a monotone voice, I looked him in the eye and said, "He's hotter than the flames of hell you bitches are going to burn in."

        I couldn't react before a pillow sailed across the room and hit me in the side of the head. "Don't quote Scott Pilgrims when I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you!" he yelled.

        I apologized trying to hide my grin. "Anyway," I continued, becoming serious again, "I just... I don't know... I kinda just wish he'd tell me what he was feeling. Like, I thought he still liked me but after what he just said...."

        "I bet he's feeling the same way you are Manda," he muttered.

        "But I tried to talk to him about it! I wanted to explain how much I love him and how I can't live without him and how I want to marry him and bare his children and grow old together without sounding...weird...or stalkerish..." I said, meaning it more as a joke.

        He chuckled. "Start out with "I like you and even though were in different countries I want to have a relationship with you'," he told me.

        "But... What if it doesn't work out? We really couldn't recover from that," I explained, "and then I'd be all depressed..."

        "You're already depressed," he said, throwing up his arms in frustration. "and the long distance thing would only be until you move to England and work for the Yogscast and have a real relationship," he said, handing me back my bag of chips, apparently full.

        I rolled my eyes. I had been hiding my applications to the art schools in England from him for the past few months. My reasoning was that if I talked about it with him then I would get too excited and convince myself to actually go, and I wasn't sure I wanted to follow through with that yet.

        "Have you even talked to Lewis yet?" Mike asked.

        "No!" I shouted. "I never said I wanted to work there!" I lied, knowing fully well how much I had told him I wanted to work there when we first started the channel together back in high school.

        "Then I'll get you the internship," he said, laying down.

       I glared at him. "Don't you dare," I threatened.

        "Too late dude," he said, rolling onto his side away from me, finishing the conversation.

A/N sorry if this was kinda rambley and jumbled, but it gives you a little insight into what the two lovebirds are feeling right now. Again, I want to thank you all for the support. I'm really enjoying writing this. Happy reading!