"Well, I think we'll call it there," Ross said after we finished the race.

        "Good day," Trott exclaimed.

        "Good day," I said plainly, happy that we had finally finished this bulk recording. I sighed once Ross said goodbye and stopped the recording, immediately getting up and wandering into the kitchen. I let my face drop and my shoulders, suddenly feeling very tired and unmotivated.

        "Smith?" I heard Ross' familiar voice say from behind me while I was digging through the fridge to find a beer, "Can we talk?"

        I walked over to pull the bottle opener out of the drawer, taking my time to take the cap off before I turned to him. "Yeah, what's up?" I asked after a while, knowing he only got this serious when I did something wrong. I tried to remember if I had broken anything or said something stupid on one of the videos to warrant for one of Ross' 'talks.'

        He sighed, "Listen, I completely know what you're going through," he said delicately. "And...and I know it's completely justified," he added quickly, "but..."

        I leaned up against the counter, supporting myself on the edge as I took a quick swig. "Mate, what the hell are you on about?" I asked, annoyed that he won't just tell me what I did.

        "You're just..." he flinched instinctively, "you're not yourself...and the fans are starting to notice. It's happening more and more that me and Trott have to tell you to be more active and alive..." He gave me one of his sad, piercing gazing, and I knew he was having trouble explaining it.

        But I understood. I had noticed it in myself months before and made a desperate effort to try to counter it and at least pretend to be happy, but obviously it had not worked. I just couldn't feel happy, not when I knew Amanda was an ocean away, probably having forgotten all about me. But I wasn't in the mood to talk about her with him, he would think I was naive and pathetic. "I'm just," I said quietly, rubbing my eye and dragging my hand down my face, "I'm stressed from the move here, that's all."

        "Maybe it's become more prominent these past few months, but it has been going on since we got back from..." he said before I cut him off.

        "It's not that," I said, trying to control my anger and biting back a mean retort. "It's just... I'm not really..." I sighed, realizing I wasn't going to be able to hide it from him if he already knew. I fell into the chair near me, defeated.

        He gave me a look of pity and pulled another chair over, sitting across from me. "I know you miss her..."

        "I don't just miss her..." I said, not meeting his gaze.

       He leaned to the side, trying to catch my eye, "It's okay if you miss..."

        "I love her," I said barely over a whisper. I felt tears stinging at the back of my eyes, but I quickly brushed them away, not wanting to seem so upset over a girl I'd only spent five days with. When I thought about it, I was pretty pathetic. I was fantasizing about this American and waking up at night after dreaming about her to find cheeks wet from tears. I could spend hours just day dreaming about a life with her. I would always see something that reminded me of her wherever I went that would put me into a bad mood.

        "Have you tried talking to her?" Ross asked, concern choking his voice.

        "I don't think she would want me to do that," I told him bitterly, "she probably won't even remember who I am." I picked a spot on the floor, glaring at it while Ross continued.

        "Come on, I doubt that," he said exasperated. "How can you know if you don't try?" he asked.

        "Why should I try if she doesn't like me? What am I even supposed to say!?" I said desperately, "She already made it clear she doesn't want a long distance relationship!" I didn't want to talk to him about it, but once I started I became a blubbering idiot, saying every irrational thought that came to mind, loud enough that Trott came running in to see what was wrong.

        "Smith!" he said, "What's wrong? Are you okay?" his eyes were wild with fear. Ross pulled out the chair next to him and motioned for him to sit down, not saying anything.

        I wiped at my nose, feeling embarrassed that both of them had to watch me wallow in my misery again. I had made it a point not bother them with my problems after that night in the hotel room, but here I was in all my selfish glory. I knew how fearful they got when they saw me cry, and I felt the same way with them. It was frightening to see grown men cry.

        I sniffled, sitting up straighter. "Honestly mates, I'm fine."

        Trott eyed me up and down. "You sure as hell don't act it mate," he said, sarcasm leaking into his voice.

        "Please just talk to us Alex," Ross said, leaning his elbows on his knees. I snapped my head towards him, not used to him using my first name.

        "There's nothing to talk about. I'm sorry I bothered you guys," I told them. I got up to leave but Ross got up and quickly grabbed my forearm, looking almost hurt as he stared into my eyes.

        "We care about you mate. Neither one of us likes seeing you like this," he admitted after a few moments.

        "Just let us help," Trott added from his seat.

        I looked between the two of them. Between the stress of running a Youtube and all the jokes and picking on each other for the viewers entertainment, I forget how close the three of us actually are. At times like this, it would suddenly hit me how much I love these two twats, and maybe I could use their help. I know I needed to stop pushing these guys away and walling my feelings in when this topic came up.

        I sat back down, trying to organize my thoughts more clearly. They gave me time, sitting there quietly while I took a few deep breaths and calmed down enough to think. "There's really only one option for me here," I explained to them, "I have to get over her. She doesn't want anything to do with me and she probably doesn't have time with her school and everything." I said, taking another sip of my beer. "I mean I'm not really looking to have a relationship over Skype either," I lied.

        "Have you tried talking to her about it?" Trott asked. Ross gave me a look and motioned over to the brown haired man next to him as if to make a point about his suggestion earlier.

        "I already told Ross that it was a bad idea," I told Trott before giving Ross a look. "I don't want to be rejected again..." I trailed.

        Ross sighed. "Then if you feel so strongly about this idea then fine. Just forget about her," he said without any malice in his voice.

        "We should go out," Trott pipped, "you just need to get back out there!"

        "Yeah!" Ross agreed, adding to Trott's suggestion, "You haven't been to a pub in months!"

        A night out with the guys sounded good right now, and they were getting pretty excited about it anyway. They started talking about which pub to go to and what we all could do after and their energy began to leak into me until I was looking forward to it as much as they were. I might even be able to meet someone tonight.

---------------------------------------------------

        "Yeah!" Trott said once we all calmed down, "he just broke his arm!" I started laughing along with the two of them, feeling giddy and light headed from the alcohol in my system. We had been here for a while and I was actually feeling a lot better. I had missed these two in the few months of my depression, but I was hopefully that I could return back to my normal self.

        "Check out that blonde over there," Ross said, nodding discretely over his beer glass. I looked over to see a tall girl with bright blue eyes in a very short black dress. She wasn't stunningly beautiful, but she was pretty enough, and seemed to by eyeing Trott seductively. "She's nice," I told them, uninterested. Trott and Ross talked about going over there and I tuned out.

        I kept looking around the pub, looking at every woman there, trying to find the right one. I guess I didn't have to find someone tonight, but I felt like it was necessary before I fully forgot about Amanda.

        I heard the door open with a cold gust of wind, thinking nothing of it until I saw the girl who had walked in. She wore a pea coat and jeans, nothing special, but what caught my eye was the wavy brown hair that cascaded over her shoulders and down her back. She was with a few other girls who already seemed drunk and they made their way over to the bar.

        I kept my eyes trained on her as she shrugged off her jacket and sat down at the bar, ordering a drink. I tried to act interested in what Trott and Ross were saying, but I couldn't stop sneaking glances at her. She sipped at a beer, only giving her loud friends a few words whenever they addressed her. She would look around the busy pub every few minutes, as if she were expecting something.

        "Smith!" Trott yelled, getting my attention.

        "Sorry, what mate?" I asked, sheepish for staring at the girl.

        He looked as if he was going to say something else, but then noticed the brunette I had been looking at. "See someone you like?" he grinned cheekily.

        "Um..." I mused, thinking about lying. "Yeah I do actually," I told him, getting up, "I'll be right back."

        I got up unsteadily, feeling a bit drunk. The girl eyed me as I began to walk over to her, blushing and looking down when she realized I was headed her way. She seemed shy, so I made sure to turn up the charm when I said, "Hey, how's it going?" I gave her a half smile, trying to get her to ease up.

        "Good," she said quietly, her voice soft in quiet at the loud bar.

        I waited for her to say something but realized that's all I was going to get, so I continued. "What's a pretty girl like you doing here?" I asked, motioning to the bar.

        She blushed and smiled a bit at the hands in her lap. She jabbed her thumb over her shoulder at the giggly girls behind her at the bar, and rolled her eyes a bit, smiling. "What's your name?" she asked, smiling.

        "Sm...Alex," I said, catching myself. "And you?" I asked.

        She giggled "Miranda." I ignored the similarities of her name, telling myself that I would think of Amanda tonight. She blushed, looking towards the door. She bit her lip and looked at me through her dark lashes and then back at her friends over her shoulder. "You...you wanna get out of here?" she asked, winking.

        Well that was extreamly easy, I thought as she took my hand and got up, leaving her half finished beer at the bar. I quickly left her and ran over to Trott and Ross who both gave me knowing looks. "Don't wait up for me," I winked, handing them some money to pay for my drinks. They just smiled at me as if this was some inside joke and took a drink at the same time. 

        "Ready?" I asked her as I threw on my jacket. She just gave me a cheeky smile and walked out as I followed her.

-----------------------------------------

        "This is a nice apartment," I told her as I kicked off my shoes and set my jacket down on the sofa.

        "It gets kinda lonely," she said, taking a step towards me and running her hands up my chest to rest on my shoulders. I was mistaken about this girl, she wasn't as shy as I originally thought. The car ride was full of flirting and wandering hands, and now she was looking up at me expectantly.

        I wrapped my hands around her hips and brought her closer, leaning down to kiss her. She eagerly kissed back, running her tongue across my bottom lip, asking for entry. I obliged, deepening the kiss. Her breath tasted like beer and her lips were rough and chapped from the weather. We continued like that, exploring each others body with our hands.

        She broke the kiss, breathless. She bit her lip and grabbed my hand, not breaking eye contact as she walked backwards into a hall and through to a bed room. I kicked the door closed behind me, plunging us into darkness, the only light coming from the streetlights outside the window. We continued the kiss we had started as we made our way to the bed. She frantically worked the buttons of my shirt, gasping as she fell back on the bed. I pulled off my open shirt and climbed on top of her.

        "Alex," she breathed as I nibbled on her neck and collar bone, pulling back the neck of her tee-shirt. She took the hint and wiggled out of her shirt with my help. I returned my lips to her chest, kissing the top of her breasts as I ran my hands up and down her waist. She was a bit chubby, but I didn't mind the softness of her sides and belly.

        I pulled myself up, wanting to kiss her lips again but then stopping when I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. "Whats that?" I asked, observing a ceramic cow sitting on the nightstand next to us.

        She seemed somewhat offended that I had stopped to talk about something so insignificant. She looked over at it, her hair shifting around her head. "Oh, that?" she asked. "It was a gift from my roommate," she rolled her eyes, "she's really into art like that and is always spouting her vegetarian shit." She pulled me down and kissed me again, but I was beginning to feel very uncomfortable.

        "I'm sorry," I told her, crawling off of her and grabbed my shirt. She sat up and gave me a questioning look. "This was a mistake," I told her, quickly moving to the door.

        "Wait, what?" she asked, astonished and somewhat angry. "What the hell?" she yelled, getting up and blocking me.

        "Listen, you're a very beautiful and sweet girl," I told her gently, "but I can't do this." I quickly buttoned up my shirt. She gave me a critical look and opened her mouth but I pushed past her, ignoring her. I quickly threw on my shoes and jacket, leaving in a ferment.

        As I walked home in the cold, I had a lot of time to think about what had just happened. I had mistaken my need for Amanda for a need for general feminine companionship. I was stupid to think a one night stand could have made me forget about her. I resolved to talk to her, knowing fully well that I could not keep living my life like this, that I needed some type of closure from her. I just wish I knew what she was thinking.

        By the time I got home it was one or two in the morning, but I assumed Amanda would still be up or at least see it in the morning. After giving Trott and Ross a brief explanation, I sat down at my computer and planned my email.

A/N Sorry about the slow update, but I decided to take a week off from writing anything (typing chapters or free handing new ideas) since I have been having some trouble; It's not exactly writer's block, but I was just upset with the quality of writing for my stories, especially for 'Compelled'. I'm still not happy with this chapter, but I felt like it was my duty to continue updating this story, since it's so popular. I love this story and it wont be ending anytime soon, but I hope you guys will be patient with me while I work through whatever is happening to my writing. I love the feedback and I thank you all so much for the votes and comments and messages, and I encourage you to check out my other work if you enjoy my writing. I have a few other story ideas bouncing around and maybe a collaboration or two, so keep an eye out. Thank you, happy reading!