Riley grabbing Maya's head and staring at her face really close though. (Twice, might I add.)

(What I'm listening to: Don't Say Anything -- Sleeping With Sirens)

~ JM/SS/CW

----------------------

Auggie has been pretty attached to me for the past week, almost as if he expects me to snap like Riley did.

Although I can't give him too much shit about it -- he's seven years old and lost his only sibling to suicide. That's a lot for a kid his age.

"Maya, where are we going?"

I look over at him and try to force a smile, but I can't. He looks like he hasn't slept in days, and it's probably true. "The church."

"The church where we're going to cry and talk about her?" In the week since Riley's death, I don't think I've heard her name come out of Auggie's mouth once. It's always just "her."

"Yeah, we're going to her funeral." I respectively haven't spoken her name in front of him, in case hearing it could trigger something and send him into a crying fit.

"Okay." He turns back to the window, and doesn't say a word for the rest of the drive.

In the church, Auggie and I sit in the front row while Cory and Topanga greet each heartbroken guest. Of course, all of them were way more surprised about Riley's suicide than we were. Because none of them knew about the first time.

Once the funeral finally starts, Cory is the first to speak, but I don't listen. I don't listen to anything Topanga says either, because I don't want to cry. Not yet, at least.

"Maya, you should speak next."

I look up, and Auggie, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks, reluctantly lets go of my arm.

Slowly, I stand up and make my way to the front of the church and up the stairs to the stage. I can feel the eyes of everyone in the church on me.

"You may know that Riley was my girlfriend, and if you didn't, you do now." I let out a small laugh, but it's followed by a sob.

I almost don't catch one of Riley's relatives standing up and walking toward the doors of the church with a loud huff. Obviously homophobic. Before I can stop myself, the words come out of my mouth. "She's dead. She's dead, and you're going to walk out of her funeral because she had a girlfriend?"

The woman stops, but doesn't turn around.

"I loved Riley. She was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Honestly, if I didn't have Riley, I'd probably have been dead a long time ago." I can't stop the tears that pour down my cheeks. "I loved her. And obviously you loved her too, or you wouldn't have been here in the first place. Don't walk out of here."

And she doesn't. She turns around and walks back to her seat, sitting down without a word.

"Riley was the most beautiful, amazing girl I'd ever had the pleasure of knowing. Even if we hadn't dated, I still would've loved her as much as I did, because just being in her presence made me happier. She was my Riles, and that's how I'll always remember her. Not as a suicidal, depressed mess, but as the adorably optimistic freak of nature that she was before Suzy Baker ruined her life."

Choked sobs taking over my voice, I walk off the stage.

And next up to speak -- Auggie.

-------------------------

I asked my mom if I could listen to music, and she said "if you take it in the other room," so I took that as giving me full permission to get on the laptop and do whatever I wanted. And I wrote this chapter.