Confessions

Naina Maheshwari

My eyes followed him like a tennis ball from across the cabin. The walls of his cabin, rather there were no walls, all glass, we could all see him and when he needed privacy he would turn the blinds on. These days the blinds would always go on once I would enter his cabin. It irked me to great length and it seemed like he enjoyed himself, since his lips would turn up in that manner to mock me. Urghh I hate him! Do I ? no? yes? My feelings were a jumble since that encounter with him yesterday morning, the way I had responded to his every move, every action. Yes I was drawn to him and the attraction didn't stem from the mere fact that he is charming and extremely good looking. But there was indeed more to what met the eyes. I was head over heels in love with him, since the time I first met him and no matter how much I denied I had to be honest to myself. But yet I was scared to let myself go, what if it was just another game for him and what if he left me after a few days of dilly dallying. What if this marriage was just a challenge for him? There were a lot of what ifs that plagued my mind while I looked him. He sat in his chair, cool as cucumber, leafing through some business files while I could see his lips turn up and that next moment he lifted his eyes and before I could get the opportunity to avert my eyes, he was looking straight at me, twerking his eyebrows as in challenge. I looked away but then I saw my phone light up. It was a message from him.

Sameer: I know am handsome, I usually people find it difficult to take their eyes off me but don't be so blatant darling! Stop staring!

Naina

See this is what he does, I could sense my cheeks go red, and my ears were red too, already the giggles from the colleagues didn't help every time I entered his cabin and he would slyly put the blinds on and now this! But I was quick enough to type back a retort.

Naina: stop giving yourself so much importance and for your kind information I was not staring, I was just distracted for a while and my eyes just chanced upon you since in this office you are kind of the hawk sitting right at the middle and that too in a glass cabin! Have you ever given it a thought that you might be intimidating your employees ?

It had been a mistake, I shouldn't have written that since his reply left me dumbfounded! I knew it!

Sameer: baby you have been staring and your eyes have been following me I was some tennis ball in a freaking lawn tennis match and you are enraptured and enticed completely like in some kind of trance. Don't worry theres no need to be embarrassed since I have that kind of effect on people usually. But take my suggestion, save this staring for tomorrow onwards, then I would give you the opportunity to stare at not just my face but other interesting parts of me too. After all we are to set out on our honeymoon.

Naina

I couldn't reply back, like I said earlier, his reply made me speechless. He had dropped that bomb of honeymoon out of the blue in fornt of nanaji yesterday. I thought he was just trying to be polite to his grandfather and would later make up some excuse but then when in the morning he asked me to pack, I literally was left dumbfounded. I tried talking to him in the car enroute to office but that had been a complete disaster.

A while back.....in the car.....

Sameer

Ah! The silence and the fidget continues, we are on our way to the office and I had stumped her some 30 mind back when I asked her to pack for the honeymoon. Her expression had been that of deer caught in the headlights kind and since then there had been complete radio silence. We ate in silence, at the breakfast table she wouldn't look at me, rather preferred playing with the food. And when I prodded she gobbled it all once leading to a mishap. The food went into the windpipe and then she couldn't stop coughing. I knew she had been surprised at the announcement but she acted flustered as if she didn't anticipate this! But why? I mean did I leave any doubts in her mind, still about us, couldn't she tell that I was head over heels in love. Yes a few months back if somebody would have told me the same thing may be I would have laughed at their faces but then since the day she walked into my life, my heart started acting strange, I tried denying the feelings, keeping them at bay giving them the name of lust but eventually even I couldn't deny it!

Sameer: enough!

Naina

His voice made me stumble out of the reverie. I was in my own world reeling with the words that he had uttered. We were to go on a honeymoon.

Naina: what enough? What are you referring to?

Sameer: really?! You want to play that game now seriously!

Naina: what game?

Sameer: leave it, just get your packing done in time, we leave at 9am in the morning.

Naina

I almost opened my mouth to say, rather ask him about his plan? Was it all a joke for him, was he fooling around with me? What plans did he have? But then i couldn't muster the courage to do so. I don't know a part of me was eager for this honeymoon. Somewhere when he uttered those words yesterday, my heart had leaped out in joy, as if it was his declaration of love. A part of me stays wary still unsure but that part is getting shadowed by the optimist since the optimist keeps nudging me towards the beast telling me that he is the one for me. That he is mine and I am to be his.

Naina

That was that and now I was sitting across from him, still fuming and still clueless about his plans and now the clock was soon to strike 6pm. The whole day just flew past with me sitting and staring most of the time. Today i didn't learn neither put my mind or heart at devoting myself to work. When my mentors tried delegating work, I looked on dazed, and then I could sense the smiles, the giggles and stares. He had already shared our plans via mail and that we were to be out of office for a week and then even elaborated on the part that even though I was the trainee yet they were not to disturb me at any cost and that I shall be out of bounds for them for over a week!

Over a week! Over a week! What did he mean when he wrote that! I was now the laughing stock everyone gave me that secretive stare and all of them when they passed my desk literally couldn't hold their giggles. I was done I had to have a word or two with him. I got up and started towards his cabin in long strides. Usually the protocol said that we were to seek permission on the internal chat portal before setting an appointment with the boss and then drop a formal mail and block his calender. Then only was he available to us but then no part his treating me, in this office has been formal and neither does he treat me like all the other employees here. Most of them rather all of them know about us and they regarded with with wariness and sometimes are nervous around me too. I feel the shift so why should I bother. Let me just throw the weight around and simply barge in! I did just that

Sameer: any reason for you to be barging in without permission? Anything urgent?

He swiveled in his chair, while he leafed through the documents looking at his watch simultaneously asking me the question

Naina: yes

I almost hissed at him. All this while he acted to be engrossed in those drab papers but he too realized the shift in my mood and hence he looked up at once. Keeping all things aside, he gestured with his eyes and hands for me to take up seat on one of the chairs right in front of his desk. I complied while I kept giving him the angry glares

Sameer: I know sweetheart, you are my wife so does the entire office but we at Maheshwari industries believe in equality and though you are partner and soon to be MD, you are still, yet still in training so cant really indulge your whims and fancies in the office. You would have to go by the book seek permission before you come in. you should have blocked my calendar. I don't want my employees here to think that since you are the boss's wife you can flout the company rules at the drop of hat. Having said that, I would let this one incident go since I can see since morning you have been fidgety and somewhat nervous and I believe you coming in today all of sudden here has something to do with the very thing, so proceed.

Naina

This man I tell you, he frustrated me and exhausted me with his tactics instead of being sorry he was actually meeting my glare with his and that ominous expression didn't help rather I could feel my resolve slip and somewhere I was again at a loss. I was here to thunder and give him an earful afor his antics for which I was now the laughing stock in the office and here he was making me cringe for breaking protocols and teaching me how to behave! I did lose my confidence a bit since I could see he was not ready to back away but then I had to voice my doubts. Get it clear.

Naina: thank you for the lecture and the walkthrough with the company rules and protocols but then you might have noticed that until now I had been religiously following them to T and usually I would block the calendar for all of our official encounters. But then I believe that you need to practice what you preach!

Sameer: what do you mean?

He hissed at me

Naina: have you seen that mail, that you sent to all, informing them about our plans for ......I mean...our plans for......

Sameer: honeymoon

He challenged with his eyes

Naina: ya

Sameer: so whats the big deal? We are supposed to keep them informed just incase.

Naina: no, its not a big deal, like you just mentioned that it is the company protocol and all planned leaves are better to be planned

Sameer: so

He challenged again and this time I caught the whiff of mischief, he was smirking. He was enjoying himself he knew what he had done, rather he did it purposely to get a reaction. He was such a sly!

Naina: stop smiling!

Sameer: am not sweetheart

Naina: don't call me that!

Sameer: call you what darling?

Naina: urgggghhhh you are exhausting me!

Sameer: really? Am I ? but I thought our honeymoon is planned to start from tomorrow, so I would give you plenty of time and opportunities to be exhausted. But it seems we have to do something for your stamina for you to keep up with mine.

He was smiling, blatantly and my mouth was hanging open! I was aghast at his declaration! He was such a shameless man!

Naina: you are such a creep!

Sameer: whats your problem naina? I don't understand why on earth you barged in through those glass doors today, to call me a creep?

Naina: no!

Sameer: then what is it?

Naina: as if you don't know?

Sameer: no I don't, you need to elucidate, put your thoughts to words for me to understand

Now he teasing me and while he did so he laughed gleefully. He was enjoying himself at my behest!

Naina: how could you write such an embarrassing mail, announcing to the world that since it's a personal trip with all the innuendoes of being a honeymoon I would be out of bounds for the staff and that at no cost should we be disturbed! You talk about treating at parity in office and that am no special here but your mail clearly is in contradiction with your own words! And because of the same I am now the laughing stock in office everyone his behaving strange! Giving me some stares and some giggling away to glory. Its all so embarrassing! I just have one question for you today and I want you to be absolutely honest! Is it all some sort of game for you? Will you leave me after you have had your way? Is it some sort of ploy ....i wont be able to survive it if its so!

Sameer: joke!

Sameer

The word tasted like bile in my mouth. How could she actually think it all as a joke and what is this having my way with her then discarding her. True I am not a saint, and yes I have had relationships with women in the past but not as many like the media likes to portray. I usually am respectful of women and earlier in my teens I also dreamed of a normal happy life, having a wife and children but all my dreams, notions came crashing down for that one experience, one brush of deceit and my perception changed. I started keeping my distance from women though it was difficult to stay celibate and hence I would indulge in the dalliance. But I had sworn myself off marriage till the day this woman, with tears in her eyes and that desperate expression written on her face walked into my life. Since then my world, my notions and even my dreams changed. My resolve melted and I knew I had found the one and hence I moved mountains to get her in my life and she thinks its all a joke!

Naina: yes it seems like it, given the way you have been behaving

Sameer: given the way I have been behaving! And how have I been behaving? Please let me know whats wrong in this behaviour?

Naina: this frivolity!

Sameer: frivolity! Amazing! I cant believe you, I am frivolous why? May I know?

She did look exhausted at once, pain flitted across her features and that very expression wrenched my heart. I was almost off my chair to be at her side when she spoke again, rather she asked.

Naina: what do you want from me Sameer?

Sameer: you, I want you and let me clear it here for you, spell it out it is not a joke, no part of it ever was, and let me tell you if I ever wanted to have my way around you, I can or rather could have done that without taking the pains of marrying you. Why announce in front of the whole world about the same? Moreover am a businessman, with a sharp acumen and knowledge and I have an army of lawyers and even am not naïve that I would take the plunge without consulting them, had it all been a hoax.

She looked puzzled and a smile automatically adorned my face at her innocence

Sameer: you didn't understand did you?

She nodded in affirmative

Sameer: naina I could have had you way, I mean if this marriage would have been only about that then I could have had a pre nup drawn to my benefit and then I believe it would have made sense. Why would I make you partner in my firm that too give away 50 percent of the shares. I am a charmer true but am not a fool!

Naina: then why?

Sameer: why what my love? Is it still not clear?

I sighed in resignation, the moment had come but then I didn't want it to be here. I had saved it for our honeymoon and wanted the same and hence

Sameer: all I can say is nothing, no part about you and me is fake. Its real and I like I had promised in front of the holy fire, intend to keep each of the 7 promises along with a few others that I had made up in my mind during the pheras. It was never intended to be a joke, never.

Naina

We had returned since 2 hrs now. After dinner, now I am packing my bag for the honeymoon. I was still in a trance for all the things that he said. The one line struck me like lightening, that was when he said, "it was never intended to be a joke" what did he mean? That means when he came knocking on my door sitting on the stairs requesting me to be his fake fiancé, he never intended it to be fake at all! But why? There were too many questions and the answers evaded me but now after the altercation in office, I didn't want any more questions rather I was ready to go with the flow. I was ready to be his.

Sameer

I could see her shuffle around in the room silently packing her bag, when I nudged her to do my packing as well, she obliged without any queries. I could tell there was a shift, an air of acceptance that had creeped in her gait. As if she was telling me that she was ready for everything that I had to offer but then I wanted her acceptance and also for her to know everything. How the ball had set rolling after all me sitting at the stairs, those requests of her posing to be my fiancé and then the ruse of my naanu's health and her relenting, it was never all just coincidence luck or me extending out my hand for help. There was always more to what met the eye. Yes it was never a joke, it was never fake, I was never faking it, when I introduced her to the family till the announcement and the wedding it had all been real and it had all borne out of my mind. I was to reveal everything to her on this trip and I know she wouldn't be pleased much after all she might think that I used my naanu's ill health to my benefit. But then that was the only way I could make her listen, talk to me after what I did with her I knew she wouldn't have seen my face in ages to come so I had no other option. But then it was also one of the genuine reasons, since my naanu had been worried about me for long and he had been prodding me for long and then I had met the one like they say. How could I have let her slip through my fingers. This gem was mine to be forever.

Naina

I was a little surprised since I thought we were headed to the airport but when I saw the car take a similar turn towards the highway, I knew we were headed where. The same place where it all began. The farmhouse

Sameer: you don't have anything to say?

Naina: hmm? What? No, no

Sameer: usually newly wedded brides expect their husbands to expend a moolah on their honeymoon especially when the husband is somebody like me a business tycoon. Aren't you disappointed that I might me taking you to a similar location? And not some exotic town in Italy or the south of France?

Naina: no am not disappointed, a little surprised but glad that you didn't choose an exotic location.

Sameer: now am surprised at that answer, why so?

Naina: it all began there, isn't it, it would be more like the culmination of the journey. Coming a circle and hence am glad you chose the farms

Sameer

I was dumbstruck at the answer! This woman never ceases to surprise me with her patience, compassion and love. The pure unadulterated love that she holds in her heart and the very same that oozes through her pores and channels in to the lives of those she holds dear spreading positivity all along. What did I do to deserve this angel of a woman?

Naina: can I ask you something ?

Sameer: go ahead

Naina: yesterday in office you said that it was never intended to be a joke. Does that mean when you approached me for help that night, you had it all planned that it was never to be fake? Or is it my imagination?

I saw him go still all at once somewhat rigid, the hold on the steering tightened as if I had struck a nerve.

Sameer

There was no escaping now, though I had wanted it to be after we reached our destination but then now the way she was looking at me I knew the moment had come. So I took a few gulps before I started.

Sameer: yes

Naina: yes it is my imagination or yes it was all planned?

Sameer: yes it was all never fake and no it is not your imagination and before you jump to any other conclusions and start ranting as to how I lied to get to you hear me out. Will you?

Naina: yes please

Sameer

I was awestruck, she was smiling and not angry.

Sameer: Naina I, when, I mean after our encounter and me giving you that offer

Naina: you mean that lewd proposition

Sameer: stop interrupting and let me speak and yes that god forsaken proposition that was definitely out of line and I shouldn't have. I know that now and am sorry for the same. But after you walked out on me, I couldn't get you out of my mind. I tried distracting myself, with work, took up some project in New York too but then your eyes haunted me, that smile I pined to see somewhere everywhere I looked I saw you. I was losing my sanity and though I tried keeping busy yet I just couldn't concentrate and hence I returned back to India. I tried brushing it off as a whim or a stupid fantasy that my heart had festered but then the feeling just wouldn't pass. And then I saw you one day with that fool. He was trying to put his hands around you while you kept brushing his hands off you. I could see your expression to be that of irritation while your tayaji and tauji were gleefully taking to an elderly gentleman and what seemed like his wife. They were standing at the same stairs that led to your house and you were dressed in a green churidar. Your taiji continuously prodded you to touch the feet of the elderly and I was intrigued. I tried hearing on to the conversation while hiding in the shadows...

Naina: wait! I know am interrupting but then how did you get there?

Sameer: where?

Naina: in front of my house?

Sameer: I had gone there to run some errands

Naina: really errands?

Sameer: ok I just wanted to see you since your thoughts haunted me day and night not even leaving a second. Now listen, so I tried overhearing and only part of the conversation floated in the air and I could catch the words shaddi ki tareekh pakki and roka. The words felt like lightening to my soul and the pain that I felt pierced through my heart I had never ever felt before. All at once I felt the land slip beneath me and somewhere the feelings were of rage, possession and something that I couldn't place. I came back home tried drowning myself in alcohol, drank for two days waking up to the shrill noise of the phone that informed me another incumbent doom. Naanu had been hospitalized and was in ICU serious. At once I rushed to the hospital. While waiting in the waiting area, while my mother cried and the family of snakes and vipers waited for the news of his passing. I closed my eyes every now and then and every time your image flitted across. I was exhausted, frustrated, angry and sad. The feeling that I had never felt before ever I felt it in my bones, that of helplessness. In the meantime the doctor made an appearance and gave me a silent nod gesturing to meet in the ICU. When I entered, I saw Naanu's eyelids flutter, he was awake. I took the chair by the bed while the doctor left us alone. I could see my mother through the glass door wanting to come in but the doctor gestured with his hand for her to wait and so she she did. I felt something rough yet warm touch my hands. I had been moving in a daze till then, first the news of your impending marriage and roka and now this shock of naanu's health. I turned to him trying to give him his best and optimistic smile but failing miserably and when I saw his shrivelled self looking back at me I got my answer. It was you and that is the same day I told Naanu about you and the next thing I knew was he started recovering. Miracle the doctors called it but I knew it was not a miracle that was created by god but my own the magic was you and I knew I had to get you. So wiping those tears, getting some much desired sleep I put my mind to work but before that I had to know about you and I put my people at work. I received the information that for long now you had been aspiring to go to Mumbai, that you had been applying for jobs and that your friend Munna had been helping you out in the same regard. While your tayaji and taiji were hoping to get you off their hands you were busy concocting your plans to give them the shock of their lives. I remember chuckling at the information and marvelled at your strength and patience and tenacity. In all of this, what I couldn't tolerate was that fiancé of yours and his urge to be extra touchy with you. I skin burned whenever I saw him in close proximity with you and I could tell that neither were you glad of that trait and hence I made my entry into your life and the plan, like you always say, the plan was ensnare you away from all the bad influences, to protect you, to cherish you, to marry you, give you your desired and deserved position and life. To make you happy and keep you content and to...

Naina: to?

She whispered

Sameer: we are here

I was startled, puzzled, what did he mean but the I caught him gesturing towards something and when I looked around we were at the farms. We had reached our destination and soon the gate man was opening the door. All at once there seemed to be a hustle bustle in the quiet, the servants rushed to get our luggage and I saw Sameer trying to slip away.

Naina: Sameer

I called out, he half turned

Naina: you didn't finish, to...?

This time he turned around and looking straight at me he said

Sameer : to... to... to love you Naina, give you world full of love, to be yours and to make you mine.. mine forever. I love you Naina.

I have tried to make this a long one to compensate for the delay. Let me know whether it meets your expectations. waiting to hear from you all. Happy New Year to you all! 

The Girl from St Mary's would be up next please bear with me. I am busy micromanaging a job and a toddler so it might take some time but would come for sure.  this is the second last chapter for this story next would be another chapter and then the epilogue and i would be wrapping this one one. 

thanks for all the love and support