ARNAV

For the first time ever, today I saw something in Khushi's eyes that I hadn't seen before, something I never thought I'd see, it was disappointment, she was really disappointed in me, I mean she had to, I had done so much terrible things.

"I am sorry Khushi, I know I made a mistake but..." I tried to explain.

"Mistake? You tried to jeopardize everything that was between Aditya and I. Do you know because of you I might have even lost him as a friend? Thankfully I trusted Aditya enough to know what he could and what he couldn't do but I never thought that you would have done something like this Arnav." She looked at me in shock.

I know, I know I did a terrible thing, but if I could, then I would definitely change it.

"I don't even think I know you anymore Arnav. Is there something else that you are also keeping from me?" She asked.

"No, it was just this, and I know it was wrong but I loved you Khushi, I wanted you, all I could think of was you and I did stupid things but I dint want to lie to you and that's why I told you about it."

"I thought we had a honest relationship Arnav, you ruined it, you ruined everything for me. You shouldn't have done that, you really shouldn't have." She cried as she ran out of my room, damn it Arnav!

What the hell was wrong with me? Why was I continuously hurting the only person I never wanted to hurt? I hated myself for this.

I hated myself for everything stupid I ever did because now it was all haunting me, I had literally broken her trust and seeing the things I had done off late, I was scared she was going to leave me.

Please don't leave me Khushi.

"Khushi." I called her out as I followed her.

"I need to be alone Arnav! Just let me be alone! Don't you dare follow me. Here I am trusting you, trying to help you, trying to make this relation work when you had tried to ruin things between me and Aditya" She shouted at me angrily.

"You dint love him Khushi!" I said in my defense.

"So what? Whether I loved him or not dint give you the right to interfere. How would you feel if someone would interfere in our relationship Arnav?

Do you realize slowly you are turning out to be the person you said you never wanted to be? This wasn't the Arnav I loved. Who are you and what have you done to my Arnav?" She looked at me like she actually dint know me.

She shrugged and walked away leaving me standing like a statue on the staircase while Ishani rushed towards me.

"You see the difference between you and us Arnav, our wives never dare to talk to us in that tone." My father smirked, seriously, did he think he was powerful just because my mother wouldn't talk to him in a loud tone? How delusional was he?

"That is because you think you are the only important person in this damn world!" I looked at him angrily and rushed back upstairs into my room while Ishani followed me.

"What did you do now Arnav?" She asked, she also seemed disappointed in me, why was I disappointing everyone that I dint want to disappoint in the first place?

"The mistakes of my past have come back haunting me Ishani. I don't think Khushi would want to forgive me for them." I looked at her sadly.

"You had one chance Arnav, I told you not to ruin it."

"I know, but look, I proved that I was like my family, I ended up proving it. I am just like them, I want to control Khushi just like they all do, I want to keep her all to myself just like they all do, Ayush was right, I am just like them." I sighed, it was high time I accepted it.

I might pretend not to be like them but I was, and one day I was going to ruin Khushi's life like they had ruined their partners. I dint want to do that!

"I need to go." I said as I stood up and headed outside, I got into the car and told the driver to take me back to Dr. Roopa.

*****

"Please help me." I said as I walked into her cabin, I dint even bother to check whether there was someone in there or even knock, I just needed some freaking help because my own behavior was driving me insane!

"Lock me here, tie me to a freaking bed, inject me, give me pills, do whatever the hell you want to do, but help me please. I will do everything you tell me to, I will cooperate, just help me please.

I love her a lot, I can't lose her and if I keep acting like this I will lose her, please help me doctor." I fell down on my knees and begged her.

I was Arnav Singh Raizada, I never even pleaded for a think let alone begging, but Khushi's love had changed me, not in a bad way.

I just wanted her, I wanted her to love me, and I was going to beg if that's what it took for her to continue loving me.

"Arnav, you need to calm down." Roopa rushed towards me.

"I can't. If I keep behaving this way Khushi will live me, I don't want to live a life without her, either help me or kill me!" I screamed, calm the hell down Arnav! Screaming isn't going to help you.

"We are going to start your treatment next week Arnav." She said.

"I am not patient, I don't want to be patient, we will start right away. Just make me better, make me the Arnav that Khushi fell in love with.

I don't want to behave so obsessed, I am not obsessed with her right? Please help me." I said in defeat, I no more had words to speak.

"Okay calm down, I will help you Arnav." She said as she helped me stand up and then told me to sit on the chair, I obeyed her.

"You do know that this isn't going to be easy right?" She said.

"I don't care, I'm ready to do anything as long as it gives me my Khushi back." I said.

"Okay. First we need to figure out why exactly you are acting this way."

"I don't want to I promise, I just end up."

"I know Arnav. How about you take this pen and paper and write down everything you are feeling right now? Write everything, like what kind of thoughts go on in your mind when you act in a specific way with her and all that."

"Okay." I nodded as I started writing down everything I was feeling at the moment.

*****

"Here." I said as I handed her almost five pages that I had filled with my writing, if I was to become a writer, I swear I would nail it, the depth with which I had written down my emotion said it all.

I sat silently in front of Dr. Roopa as she went through each and every word I had written, it took her quite some time but I sat there patiently, I had to do this, for Khushi, to make sure she stayed and loved me like I wanted to be loved.

"I have good news." Dr. Roopa said with a smile on her face.

"What?" I asked curiously.

"When you came here earlier today, I suspected a personality disorder, but after reading all this, I don't think you have any of those. I think it's just your mind getting influenced by your family members. You might try not to be like them but as you live with them, you end up acting just like them despite not wanting to or not realizing.

Like for example when you are in a relationship and you get habit of stuff that your partner does. We will still need to do some test to confirm it but I think helping you isn't going to be that difficult." She smiled.

"So what do I need to do?"

"You need therapy, like counselling. It's the only thing that will help." She sighed.

"Okay let's do it."

"It can't be done today itself Arnav, look if you need help you need to learn how to be patient. Go home, take a rest come back tomorrow and we'll start. I need to prepare."

"Okay." I nodded as I stood up and decided to head back home, I hoped Khushi was going to come back. Please come back Khushi, forgive me one more time.