PHASE FOURTEEN

THE LOSERS AND THE SEEKERS

There was a Baroque exposition a few days after the previous exhibition at The Raison. It was exhibited at the same area; however, it was divided into two spaces—wood sculptures of the Brazilian Baroque at the left side, and silver sculptures of Italian Baroque on the right side.

I attended the exhibition—one, because it was required in the course that I was taking, and two, was because I wanted to find myself one with the sculpture and the sculptors.

I would be lying if I said that it didn't spark any inspiration in having sculpting ideas. It was a little bit beneficial for me—one that could guide me on how I should rethink my path and tread it in a different technique.

Or was this a side effect from the Japanese-inspired immersive installation that I went to?

I was unsure, but the only thing that I was sure of—I now had a stronger sense of direction. Probably due to Michelangelo's presence, probably not him—probably from my own realizations and admittance.

It doesn't matter, for now.

As long as I know that I was on the right path, I would continue doing what I had aimed for—to gain mastery of this discipline.

"This is an example of Naturalism in sculptures," Head Sculptor Rodriguez started.

She was one of the few Head Sculptors, but she was more inclined in teaching rather than sculpting. She had a clean look—hair tied into a low ponytail, white chiffon long sleeves tucked in her skinny jeans, and a pair of high heels to finish her look.

"Lael," Michelangelo called.

Nang nilingon ko ay nahuli ko siyang nakatingin sa 'kin, seryoso.

I gave him a questioning look. "What?"

Nilipat niya ang tingin kay Head Sculptor Rodriguez bago ibinalik ulit sa 'kin.

He was taller than me, so he had to lower his head and lean it towards my face; his lips brushed the side of my ear in the process.

Kinilabutan ako ro'n.

What was that?

"Gaya-gaya siya," he whispered, his voice low and thick.

His mouth was still beside my ear—I was aware of it, so I didn't budge and let my irises move for me. Wala naman akong nakitang pagkakapareho sa Head kaya paano niya nasabi 'yon?

I discreetly sucked a deep breath when something tickled my scalp.

It was his fingers. It played with the tips of my hair as his hot breath fanned the side of my face.

Mainit ang pisngi ko ngunit malamig ang dulo ng mga daliri ko.

Kabadong-kabado.

What was he doing?

"Anong gaya-gaya sa kan'ya?"

Napalunok ako nang tumaas ang palad niya patungo sa batok ko na hinaharangan ng buhok. Kinumpol niya 'yon patungo sa puyod na lagi kong ginagawa, ang mainit na daliri ay humahaplos sa pawisan kong batok.

"Ponytail," he whispered, again, before he let go and fixed my hair that went astray. "Hindi ka naka-ponytail ngayon."

I dissipated the lingering nervousness in my throat with a shrug. "Tinatamad ako magpuyod."

May inayos pa siyang kaonting hibla ng buhok ko bago umayos ng tayo. Umaktong ang atensyon ay nasa lekturang kanina pa nagsisimula.

I shrugged off the actions that he did earlier. What was there to question, anyway? He didn't look bothered by it, so why would I be the one to be bothered for him?

"This is—"

"—Doryphoros by Polykleitos," it was Michelangelo who finished the sculpture's name in a whisper. And when he did, it marked something in me—the pleasantness of his tone.

I was unsure if it was because of his low voice, or it had something to do with the gates that are slowly opening. Because why did the sculpture's whisper sounded like an installation—pleasant, kind, and warm? It wasn't forceful, rather, inviting because it was unlike the tones of the existing sculptures.

How could that be possible if he was the qualification for a sculptor to be a sculpture, and vice versa?

What was really behind Michelangelo's powers that I was caught in between it?

To add—he was kinder after the immersive installation as if a sign that he was letting me in.

Why?

Was he convinced that I was interested in sculpting?

I indirectly told him about it a few days ago, but I was unsure if he would hear honesty—that wasn't scripted—in my tone. It came from the truth that I was yet to understand, but maybe I was too vague with what I said.

Or perhaps he heard my tone correctly that's why he was less uptight and now more open to his grounds? Then he knew that I was trying my best not to be half-hearted with sculpting?

But really—what does he know?

"Doryphoros means spear bearer," he answered when the Head Sculptor asked a question.

Michelangelo didn't look bothered when I stood silently beside him—a drastic difference from his hostility a few months ago. Tumango-tango pa siya, hindi inaalala na ang katabi niya ay nanghimasok sa larangan niya.

Or maybe he really let me in.

Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa harap habang tinuturo ng Head ang iba't ibang parte ng katawan ng iskultura.

"This sculpture is created out of mathematical precision—iyon ang concept ng beautiful ng Greeks noon."

It was one of the many life-sized replicas in the College used for educational purposes. Some were sculpted by the students; others were bought from shops or commissioned works from artists.

Umakyat siya sa maliit na hagdan upang ituro ang braso ng iskultura. "The left arm is holding the spear and the right foot is pressed forward. Iyong right arm naman at left foot is relaxed which gives off a feeling of counterbalancing."

"Itong type ng sculpture na 'to ay isang example ng contrapposto sa Renaissance, and chiastic pose kung sa ancient art world. In Italian, contrapposto means 'counterpose'. Ang idea no'n—ang isang hita ay naka-engage kung saan doon mapupunta ang bigat ng katawan, habang ang isang hita naman ay naka-relax. Opposite naman no'n ang sa braso. Kung ang right arm ay naka-engage, ang left arm ay naka-engage. Pa-diagonal, kumbaga—may sense of movement."

"As you can see"—she pointed at the contours of the sculpture's body—"the muscles of this Doryphoros sculpture is in the right place. Makikita mo ang skills at oras na inilaan ng sculptor dito dala ng naging direct observation sa human body—particularly to the athletes. May proper understanding sila ng anatomy kaya naging gano'n na lang lang dating ng kabuoan ng katawan. Kaya siguro naging gano'n na lang dahil originally, naka-display 'to sa lugar na pinag-wo-work outan ng mga atleta."

"Okay! Quick question: aling sculpture ang medyo may pagkahahawig kay Doryphoros in terms of body mass and movement?"

"'Yung statue of David po."

"That's great! Aside from the sculptures having a concept of contrapposto, alin pa ang may similar sense na na-discuss natin?"

May nagtaas ng kamay. "The Artemision Bronze sculpture na nirerepresent si Zeus o kaya si Poseidon."

"And? Expound on that idea. Bakit siya 'or' at bakit hindi tayo sigurado kung sino ang sculpture na 'yon?"

"Mostly, naka-three-fourths position ang katawan. Nasa harap ang katawan but the upper trunk is twisted to the left. Nakabanat ang left arm niya and its palm is faced down, habang ang right arm ay naka-flex na may hawak. The ones who found it were not sure kung si Zeus ba or Poseidon kasi it's missing the thing that it was holding. Kung trident, e 'di si Poseidon. Kung thunder bolt, then Zeus. Pero 'yung pagkabilog ng kamay niya ay masyadong malaki para sa trident, so baka raw thunder bolt ang nakalagay ro'n at si Zeus ang sculpture."

"That's nice! At ano ang indicator na bronze 'yon?"

"Kapag may pag-green, pwedeng i-conclude na bronze sculpture. At kaya 'yung naka-display ay hindi green na green kasi parang na-preserve siya underwater considering na sa underwater din siya nakuha."

"Okay! You have a sharp memory, that's a plus points for you." Pumalakpak siya. "Let's get going! Sa isa pa tayong sculpture bago tayo mag-proceed sa Baroque sculptures."

Sumunod ako sa paglalakad at nilingon si Michelangelo na nasa gilid ko. Walang bakas ng kasupladohan ang mata niya nang tumingin sa 'kin.

"Bakit?" nagtataka niyang tanong nang makitang nakatitig ako sa kan'ya.

I blinked. "Hindi mo 'ko itataboy?"

He didn't look shock because of my question. He was aware of it.

He snickered with a satisfied smirk on his face.

Umiiling-iling ay marahan niya akong itinulak papunta sa kumpol ng mga estudyante, sinasabayan ako sa paglalakad. "Ba't 'di ka na lang matuwa?"

I shrugged. "It's just weird."

He murmured something that was inaudible to hear. Pagkatapos ay nagkibitbalikat at napabuntonghininga.

I looked around before I questioned him. "This is a Baroque exhibit. Bakit merong Naturalism sculptures?"

Tinaasan niya ako ng isang kilay. "Diversity, Lael. Para merong comparison."

Tinagalan ko ang tingin sa kan'ya, hindi kumbinsido. "Talaga?"

He chuckled lightly. "To be honest, I don't know."

Inalis ko sa kan'ya ang tingin at naglibot ng mata sa paligid. May ibang faculties din na nagdi-discuss at mayroon ding ilang mga bisita na sinasamahan ng mga guides.

I think they're also here for the Baroque exposition. This is one of the events that was open to the public, anyway.

"Michelangelo," I called. "If there was one ancient sculpture that you'd like to be the artist of, what is it and why?"

Nakapamulsa niya akong sinulyapan bago ibinalik ang tingin sa harapan. "'Yong pinuntahan natin kanina."

"The Doryphoros one?" Tumango siya. "Bakit?"

"The details are lifelike and intricate."

Was this also one of your attempts to make a name for yourself? I'd like to ask, but I chose not to.

Hindi ko kailangang idiin sa kan'ya ang pagkatulad at pagkaiba nila ni Michelangelo Buonarroti.

"I also want to get credit for making the jamb figures," paghahabol niya.

Kunot-noo ko siyang tiningnan. "Jamb figures? What are those?"

"They are figures that look weightless. Hindi sinasalat ng paa nila ang sahig dahil nakadikit ang likod nila sa pader. Their body was also interesting—frozen and rigid, very different composition from the Doryphoros. Mas natural ang Doryphoros, mas tensed ang mga jamb figures."

Tumango-tango ako. "Bakit gusto mo yung magkaibang-magkaiba? Hindi ka ba naninibago?"

His look at me was the instance that I realized—the question was meant for myself.

Hindi ka ba naninibago sa paiba-ibang lugar, Lael?

He knew it, too, that's why it took him a few moments before he could respond.

He clenched his jaw—was that meant for me?

"It's nice to do different things once a while," sagot niya, ang tono ay ingat na ingat. "And the goals were different; it doesn't make its appearance lesser."

I tried to focus on the discussion. But no matter how hard I tried—I promise, I had been doing the best that I could—the question was etched at the back of my mind. It clawed on my path to make its presence felt. It destroyed me without any reason why.

I was lost, once again, and I knew that I was having a hard time to get back to my path.

Mariin kong ipinikit ang mata. "Can you..." I sucked a deep breath. "Can you tell me anything about sculptures, Michelangelo? Gusto ko lang talaga na may maisip na iba."

I was unsure what his reaction was—if he was fascinated that someone like me was interested to learn, or if he was offended because someone like me dared to try entering even it was unclear that I was permitted to.

"Michelangelo's David's arm was torn off into three pieces because of the riot due to the anti-Medici rallies."

Napadilat ako ng mata, ang gulong namumuo sa dibdib ay humuhupa na.

If sculpting was really for me, I wonder, could I really get back?

"Today years old ka ba nang malaman mo 'yan?"

Naningkit ang mata ko. "Today years old?" Bahagya akong natawa. "Yes, I'm today years old. I don't know other things about sculptures, Michelangelo. Kaya..."

Itinikom ko ulit ang bibig.

Was it worth it to focus on this path again?

Nanatili ang tingin niya sa 'kin. "Actually, the rallyists were not the direct cause of it—they were indirect. Let's assume that there was a riot. Research said that the bench tumbled down on David's arm that's why it broke into three pieces. Aside from that, the David sculpture's marble block was also of low-grade."

Focus, Lael. The façade that you're nurturing...

"Low-grade but it got famous," natatawa kong sabi. "That's ironic."

Ramdam ko kung gaano niya ako kinikilatis ngunit nagtago muli ako sa likod ng nakasanayan.

It's always like that—illusions created to direct them into thinking that I was on the right path.

Maybe I wasn't. Maybe I was.

But it was better to be unsure—like being in the middle. Because rather than being confused on an issue that could be disregarded, it was better to move on and search for different paths.

Even if it would destroy you?

Yes, even if it would destroy me. What's there to lose anyway?

He let out a small smile. "The marble block, aside from being low-grade, was also rejected twice by two sculptors. It was sculpted after the Pieta, by the way, which helped Michelangelo rose to fame. But it was David who cemented his fame."

"Low-grade but it was able to withstand weathering."

There was a glint in his eyes when I replied.

"Ang dami no'ng pinagdaanan. Dati, naka-display siya sa labas. But the riots happened, and they realized that David was safer inside, so they put him inside. Nahirapan nga lang sila because it's around seventeen foot tall, I think. At kaya gano'n siya kalaki kasi originally, it was meant to be admired from a high position."

"Titingalain?"

"Oo."

"Hindi ba sila mangangalay ro'n?"

Lumiwanag ang mata niya. "Mangangalay, malamang, pero nanghinayang sila na sa ganda ng detalye, hindi mo ma-aadmire ang lahat, kaya ibinaba na lang nila. And that's the so-called history of the David sculpture."

I twitched my lips. "How about the arm? Did the restorers worked on it?"

"Oo, at sila rin naglinis no'n periodically. Kalimitan, every twenty-five years or so. 'Di ko sigurado pero matagal ang interval."

Inikot ko ang tingin sa paligid. "It reminded me of the Venus de Milo. Naririnig ko na pangalan no'n, but I'm not sure if there are hidden facts about it. Magkukwento ka ba tungkol do'n?"

Nang ibinalik ko ang tingin sa kan'ya ay mariin ang titig niya sa 'kin.

"That's a story for some other time, Lael," saad niya, may maliit na ngiti. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang itatrato ko sa tonong ipinarinig niya, ngunit pwede ko bang tukuyin bilang pang-iimbita?

"Michelangelo, are you—"

He looked at me, inquiry on his face. "Am I what?"

I looked away when the hostility in his eyes was replaced by hospitality.

Bakit?

Anong nangyari?

Ikinuyom ko ang nanginginig na daliri.

It was scary to tread on this path, but what should I really do?

Umiling ako. "It's different from before," I murmured.

Maliit na ngiti ang isinagot niya. Pagkatapos no'n ay wala na.

I focused on the discussion instead.

Don't think too much, Lael.

We stopped in front of the Apollo and Daphne sculpture.

"This is Apollo and Daphne by Bernini, an example of Baroque sculpture. This is inspired from one verse in Ovid's Metamorphoses. As what I have discussed in our previous lessons about sculptures, the Renaissance movement is all about having the sense of stability and clarity. Take the Pieta or David. Balanced siya, 'di ba? Kita mo ang sense of movement niya. Kumbaga, hindi gaanong 'active' sa paningin at isa lang ang sense of direction."

"But when it comes to Baroque, meron tayong disorder, confusion, and a sense of change and motion. Take this laurel leaves in between Apollo and Daphne."

"The story behind this started because of Apollo. Ininsulto kasi niya si Eros, the cupid, na hindi pwede sa bata ang bow at arrow niya kasi weapon of war 'yon. Ano nga namang gamit ng bata do'n, 'di ba? So, as a revenge, pinana ni Eros ng gold arrow si Apollo at lead arrow kay Daphne. At ang sabi, ang gold arrow ay parang love arrow, at 'yung lead arrow ay magtutulak sa pinana para tumakbo."

"Na-inlove si Apollo kay Daphne, pero hindi interesado si Daphne so tumakbo siya sa kagubatan. Humingi siya ng tulong sa kan'yang tatay na si Peneus, a river god, para iligtas siya at ilayo mula kay Apollo. Sinagot naman ng tatay niya ang pakiusap ni Daphne. At itong sculpture na 'to is the moment when Apollo touched Daphne, she turned into a laurel tree."

"Sa ginawa ni Bernini, pinortray niya na hindi mahahawakan ni Apollo si Daphne. Kasi 'yung instance na nahawakan ni Apollo ang katawan ni Daphne, naging laurel bark na siya. Tinubuan na rin siya ng dahoon hanggang unti-unti siyang naging puno. Knowing na hindi niya mapakakasalan si Daphne, ginawa niyang commemoration ang laurel leaves, thus, the laurel leaves wreath sa ulo ng mga victor sa Rome."

"And one last thing, nakapwesto lang dapat 'yan sa pader, parang two sides lang ang makikita niyo. But as you can see, inilagay siya sa gitna para maikutan mo ang sculpture at makita ang pag-flow ng drapery mula sa bewang ni Apollo patungo sa kamay na nakayapos kay Daphne."

She rambled a bit more—that the sculpture was an example of unwanted desire, on how a man couldn't take 'no' as an answer. May sinabi pa siyang iba ngunit hindi ko na nasundan pa dala ng pagtitig sa iskultura.

The form of the sculpture was natural.

The bark crawled from Daphne's foot up to her waist, the action on her outstretched arm, and the emotion on her face. Apollo's reaction—unaware of what was happening, his fingers that touched Daphne's skin which slowly turned into a bark, the drapery of his clothing, stretched legs and arms.

Trapped in marble, frozen in time. Natural composition, but it doesn't seem that they were breathing.

I was right—Michelangelo was the only sculpture in his discipline.

"Daphne looked stressed," I commented.

"Apollo looked happy to be with her," dagdag ni Michelangelo.

"He was?" Naguguluhan ko siyang tiningnan. "He couldn't even touch her."

He shrugged. "Maybe he had a different definition of love."

"What's your definition of love?" Hinarap ko siya.

"My definition of love?" He blinked. "Lael, our love for sculptures is different that's why my answer wouldn't reflect Apollo's."

Itinagilid ko ang ulo. "Gusto ko lang naman malaman kung ano ang tingin mo sa mga iskultura. Do you prioritize stone-cold marbles rather than warm persons? Hindi ka naman si Pygmalion at wala ka namang Galatea, 'di ba?"

"Pygmalion and Galatea..." Pinaningkitan niya ako ng mata. "Kanino mo nalaman 'yan?"

Ngiti lang ang isinagot ko. "Or you have a stone-cold marble sculpture turned into a person like you?"

"Lael..." he called dangerously, but it had another tone in it.

Ano 'yon? Hindi ko mabasa.

I decided to drop the topic. Hindi niya rin sasagutin ang tanong ko.

Nagpakawala ako ng hininga. "Michelangelo, do you know that you can be a life model and a sculpture at the same time?"

I was expecting hostility in his eyes, but why was there a glint of fascination?

"Ang dami mong alam," saad niya, bahagyang natatawa. "Paano mo nasabi 'yan?"

"Because you're so stiff," I said. "You can sit there for hours, and you won't be sore by the position. Magaling kang umaktong hindi apektado, Michelangelo, and that's the direction that I'm searching for."

He held my stare. "Lael..." he trailed off. "I want to hear more about what you think of me. Papayagan mo ba 'kong marinig 'yon?"

I couldn't respond, and for once, I wanted to be deaf because I wasn't used to hearing the kindness in his tone, and blind because I don't want to carve his smiling face at the back of my mind.

Because rather than being offended, he showed the exact opposite.

Why was Michelangelo de Angelis smiling widely at me? I didn't give him any reason to.