Reader POV (age 28, present day)

A gentle meldoy was heard and I moved towards the sound, absolutely in love with it.

It was Tchaikovsky's Pas de Deux.

I took off my cloak and put it on a hook, placing my hand over my heart and closing my eyes.

In the empty space in the astronomy tower, I let the music take over my body and allow myself to dance to my heart's content, something I hadn't done in 7 years.

Had it not been for my interest in protecting my kingdom, I would've become a dancer.

Nacht had told me that our mother used to be a ballet dancer long before she had our older brother Shielo.

When the music was on, everything was silent.

Like swimming through a lake on a sunny afternoon.

I was about to spin in place when I heard someone clearing their throat.

I stopped in my tracks, a blade made entirely of shadow appearing in my left hand.

"Who the hell-"

"It's me."

"Oh. Even worse." I crossed my arms and stared at Nozel with a glare. "What the fuck do you want, you asshole?"

"Quit it with the names. Now, I know you requested an audience with Damnatio Kira today about the divorce. Why should I divorce you?"

"Why shouldn't you?" I spat. "You can't stand me,
I can't stand you. You constantly bother me and I don't even do anything. I hate you and you hate me."

"I don't hate you," he said. "The polar opposite of hatred."

I turned away and fixed some things on my desk. "Didn't seem that way almost seven years ago, bastard. And does it matter? I don't love you. In fact, that was one of my biggest mistakes."

He let out a sigh. "It was the only way to protect-"

"Yet you hurt me and killed our son. Wait, he's actually yours. I don't recall wanting to have a child with you." I took off my necklace, filled with random ashes.

The real necklace was hidden in a shadow space only I could access.

"So take this crap. Do whatever you want with it. It means nothing to me. You mean nothing to me."

He caught the necklace, staring at me. "You really regret us?"

"Yep. I should've listened to my brother. He could see you for the asshole you are. I should've never married you nor became somewhat close to you."

"So all those nights I took you-even in this very bed-and you would whisper 'I love you' to me. You regret it?"

"Absolutely. You've ruined my life, Silva. I hate you. I hate your entire family except Noelle and Solid. But Solid! I hear you allowed him and Nebra to abuse Noelle! What kind of sick and disgusting person are you?! I should-"

I was shut up when he kissed me, wrapping his arms around my torso.

But I wouldn't have it.

I stomped on his foot with my heel and head butted him, punching his stupid face.

"I'll never forgive you, Silva. You may have been able to apologize to me in the past with that shit you just pulled, but I hate you. I question why Lady Acier kept you. You're a disgrace to your name. And don't you fucking say I'm now part of the family since I share the same last name through our loveless marriage."

"You married me that day because you love me!"
He spat. "Don't you dare curse my mother's name."

"Oh? And why not? I recall you calling my father weak and pathetic for dying when Nacht and I were
younger. And calling my mother a whore since she was forced to have a child belonging to another man while my father was away."

"And don't think I haven't heard you fucking spitting on my mother's grave. You don't know the pain she went thorough. It hurt her every single day to see me, knowing I was the daughter of the man who hurt her the most. That disgusting nobleman. And she didn't get to tell my father since he died!"

I glared at Nozel. "And for the record, I never loved you. It was just stupid hormones. You disgust me, have I not made that clear?!"

"Crystal."

"So why the fuck are you still here! Wait! Why am I here?!"

The atmosphere became darker and darker as my anger poured out, my body becoming transparent through the shadows.

Nozel knew and he was alarmed.

"My love, please. Please just talk-"

"What the fuck do you think I'm doing right now?!"
I screamed. "I hate you so much! I wish I never loved you nor married you!"

The shadows overtook my body to the point where only my eyes could be seen.

However, something worse was coming.

If someone with a four leaf clover were haunted by guilt, depression, anger, and other negative emotions, a fifth leaf would be born.

Inside a fifth leaf resides a devil.

"(y/n), I'm sorry-"

"You're lying!" I screamed. "You're a fucking liar! I bet you never cared for me! Only toying with my emotions like the sick son of a bitch you are! If I could kill myself, I would! But no! I have to stay in this miserable world because my brother needs me."

Nozel stood in the area as I turned the room we were in completely to shadow.

I was at the end of the rope, trying my hardest not to submit to the anger and loss.

I wanted to kill Nozel Silva, but that would only reflect badly on Nacht and do no good.

"I wasted 13 good years!" I pushed Nozel, punching and kicking him. "13 years I could've been happy! I wasted it on you! Are you happy now!? You've broken me."

"I never intended to do so-"

"Yet here we are!"

"I just wanted to protect you!"

My eyes widened and my emotions calmed, the shadows stopped swirling in a hurricane, standing still as I stood in front of him, my eyebrows furrowed and tears glistening down my cheeks.

He looked taken aback as he had only seen me cry once, and that was when he killed Noah.

"You wanted to protect me?" I whispered.

He nodded, glad to see I had calmed down. He moved slowly, one step at a time.

"Yes. It pains me to see you in pain. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. If I could go back and fix everything, I'd do it."

I began to grow angry at his words, the storm turning back on but getting more and more violent.

"The only person I need protection from is you. You're a monster, Silva. I'm afraid of you and what you will do. So please..." I stared down at the checkered floor, my tears mixing with the shadows that surrounded us in a shadow hurricane.

"So please make me happy once and for all and divorce me!"

He shook his head. "I can't do that. I know I'm a selfish bastard. I simply cannot let something I love slip away from me. I learned my mistake the hard way. Please don't leave me again. I'm begging you."

"Nozel," I said.

His eyes glimmered as this was the first time I called him by his name in over 6 years.

"You can't lose what you never had." I released us from the shadow grip, looking away at him. "Please just stop. You're only going to hurt me more and more. Stop it. Let me go."

Nozel looked truly lost. "But I love you."

"If that is true, then let me go. Let me be happy."

"I can't." He started walking towards me. "I promised you long ago that I would always redeem myself from errors. Let me try."

"How can I be sure you won't hurt me again? You always go back on your word."

"You'll just have to trust me."

I took a deep breath, remembering something my mother said.

"My mother used to say give it a shot. If it doesn't work, move on." I looked up at Nozel. "One week. I'm giving you one week to redeem yourself."

"You are?" Nozel's eyes widened with shock and relief.

I smiled, knowing he would be absolutely crushed by what he was going to hear me say next.

"No, bitch." I grabbed my broom, opening my window. "This is goodbye, Nozel. I'm not coming back. I don't care if we're married on paper. You're dead to me."

"What?!"

"You heard me. I got Lord Julius to assign the infiltration mission to someone else. The next time you'll see me is in Hell. Goodbye, fucker. I hope you live a long life remembering you killed Noah and are the reason why I hate this kingdom."

"What! Please, stay!" He grabbed my hand, desperately wanting to let me know that he didn't want to lose me.

I didn't know this, but he would always whisper how much he missed me and how he would just stare at the box that contained my broken wedding ring, silent tears in his eyes that never traveled south.

"Why? I have no reason to stay in this shit kingdom."

"Not one? Not even for Solid?"

"No. He'll be fine."

"What about the library?"

"My assistant Siran will take over the position. Goodbye, Nozel."

And I jumped.

I heard him follow me, so I dove into the water below, using magic to keep myself in an air bubble and traveling through the shadows all the way back to the border of the Clover Kingdom.

I felt Nozel's mana still around.

I turned my head and saw him standing behind me, a look of sorrow as the cold winter snow pelted us.

"I'll chase you, (y/n). I won't stop."

"Then go ahead."

I slipped into the shadows and came up by the volcano and he was there, using his mana tracked to find me.

I went to the Wizard King's castle and there he was.

"I could do this all night," I said to him. "Whereas you will drain your mana."

"So be it."

"Huh. Well, good luck trying to find me."

This time, I went to the shadow realm where I saw Nacht.

The shadow realm was a place where shadow mages could go to communicate with one another as well.

However the grand kicker was the fact that only mages who had an aspect of the underworld could detect other shadow mages.

Almost as if we never existed.

I popped out of the shadow realm and back to the safe house where Nacht was holding that kid Tobio in his lap, asleep with a book on his chest on Tobio's head.

I picked the book up and placed it on the shelf, snickering at my brother.

I knew Nozel wouldn't dare enter another country without the proper documentation papers, so I was fine.

And I especially knew he wouldn't bother crossing the Grand Mana Zone that separated the four kingdoms.

Three on one side and one on the other.

I turned off the light after drawing a sun on my brother's forehead, putting the marker near Tobio's face on his chest.

"Awww..." I quietly pressed my lips to Nacht's cheek and Tobio's as well. "So you really do have a heart, Nacht. And you're the one who said you hate children."

I left them in the still darkness aside from the small night light on the wall.

It was dark as I had taken my sweet time walking through the shadow realm, in no hurry to get back to the Spade kingdom.

I went outside, basking in the cold air.

I gripped the locket in the shape of a heart with the ashes of my son.

"I'm sorry, Noah."

A lone tear came down my cheek and I wiped it.

"I'm not strong enough to deal with your father. I'm sorry."

My mind conjured up a projection of my son who would've been the spitting image of his father.

One thing I always found interesting was the fact that the spirits I summoned could choose whatever form they wanted to be in.

Some days Noah chose to be a silver fox and run around the snow, but some days he chose to be his human form.

"It's okay, Mommy," he said to me with a smile.

What hurt the most was the fact that Noah forgave his father and wanted us to be happy together, but it just wasn't possible

The literal scars cut too deep.

I allowed Noah to take a physical form, knowing the magic required to do so would drain me for a solid couple of hours as it really did require lots of mana.

I knew it was selfish, but I could afford to be selfish.

I hugged my son tightly, crying as I felt his cold hair that was just manipulation of shadows.

"Look, Mommy! Grandma showed me how to use magic!"

Another thing about shadow magic: it granted the powers of the underworld in such that it allowed the dead to come back so long as the caster knew what they were doing. These shadow people could even use magic like they could in normal life-as if they were living.

Noah focused his efforts and I saw a rabbit be created out of metal magic.

"I see you have your father's magic," I said as I sat down and allowed him to sit on my lap, turning into a fox and purring loudly. "Well you tell your grandmother I'm watching, okay? Now go and have fun."

Noah hugged me one last time in human form before disappearing. the shadows recalled.

It was truly an honor to be able to hold conversations with him, but it wasn't the same.

In this fantasy I created in my mind, I knew I was just living a beautiful nightmare.

One I couldn't escape, no matter how hard I tried.

____________

Frozen yogurt or ice cream?