Subito forte
To my own surprise, time in a place like this flew by much faster than I had ever suspected. It had not taken long, either, for me to get used to the rhythm of the life I lived there. One day passed after another, and soon, I lost my count of them. I was no longer sure what day it was, whether it was day or night, and soon, I even discovered that I did not even care much.
It did not mean, though, that it was a holiday for me – on the contrary, this time was busy and filled with so much work that I found myself falling asleep as soon as I lay down, what was quite surprising to me, since even when I had slept so little, I had not been that tired. I could not complain, though. I knew this time was a good time for me – my education went pretty well, and even more often could I see that look of pride in his eyes... and for some reason, I found myself so fond of it.
Every lesson was even more demanding than the previous one, and they seemed to take forever. As soon as we finished, my throat was sore, and I could hardly speak afterwards. Nevertheless, even I had to admit that I was even more and more proud of myself. Even the hardest parts of the pieces I sang suddenly seemed to become easy, and performing them gave me so much happiness and satisfaction...
And then, I remembered his words... that I would find happiness there, with him. That living there would no longer be unbearable. And whether I wanted to believe that or not, I had to admit that back then he had been right.
No, it did not mean that I no longer missed my previous life. I still wondered if Madame and Meg were well... were they nervous because of my disappearance? Or had they suspected I would have been taken away by my Angel? And even if so... did they feel alright with it? And what about the rehearsals?
There was not much time, though, that I could spend on such thoughts. Moreover, I had to say that I did not even have much time with my Angel, like during the first few days. The only way we met each other was to practice. He never accompanied me during my meals, and I was not quite sure whether he ate at all, the same with sleep. At last, I realised I actually began worrying about him. After all, he was my tutor... and my only companion, and I did not want anything bad to happen to him.
At least a few weeks must have passed when another thought appeared in my mind: that I felt lonely. There was no-one but me and my Angel, and despite the fact we spent a lot of time together, we hardly ever spoke to each other. And even if we said something not connected to the music, we created no bond between us.
That was the time when I started awaiting the moment when I could get back to my world, to speak to Meg, to Madam... to my other colleagues or even the director. I missed them so horribly I could hardly sleep – only the fact that my lessons took so much energy from me made me sleep at all.
That day, I woke up and after my usual breakfast, I began heading to the main hall. What surprised me first, was a beautiful dress put on the chair close to the entrance. There was no chance it could be for anyone but me, since there was no other woman in this place, however, I dared not put it on.
It was completely white, with subtle lace insert on the back. The corset would put much accent on the wearer's bosom and waist, while the bottom of the gown would hide her legs completely and pool around her feet. The fabric was so delicate that I could hardly believe it was real, almost as if it had been made from a cloud.
Gently, I took the dress into my arms and headed out to ask my Angel about it. Was it a gift for me? And if so, what had I done to deserve it?
However, although I looked around the main hall, I could not find him anywhere. And since I did not know the whole place, I dared not go anywhere but there. I suspected there must have been more rooms, but I could not be sure whether they were not too private for me to walk into them, and I decided not to risk my Angel's fury... especially since I had just managed to find so much peace in spending time with him.
Sighing quietly, I took a seat at the desk and moved a piece of paper I had not seen there before. Since I could see it was a score, I did not have to be afraid I would read something that was not meant for my eyes. As I put the gown on my lap, I began humming the melody quietly – it was surely composed in the night, for I had not heard it ever before.
It was even sweeter than any of those I had heard before. And I meant every piece of music I had ever heard. Since I had grown up in the opera house, I had listened to lots of music... not to mention, in the past several weeks I had heard so many dulcet sounds that it had almost seemed to be impossible to beat them.
And yet, I had been wrong.
I was so amazed, that I completely forgot why I had come there. I took the paper into my hands, hung the dress on the chair and having stood up, I started walking around, murmuring the song. At first quietly. Soon, though, I found it difficult not to add the words and at last, I began to put as much emotion into it as I could, for it seemed to be impossible to be sung without that. The lyrics were so simple I did not even think that they had not come from my own heart; the whole song was almost as if I just began to sing about my own life, my own feelings... it was not just written down. It was alive.
I turned the page, and found out the tune was not yet finished. Truth be told, I could not say why I felt this disappointed, but my voice broke and I sighed quietly, slowly returning to the reality this song had taken me away from.
"Just as I've thought... this piece is perfect for you," I heard a familiar voice; it startled me so much that I quickly put the paper back down and, blushing, lowered my sight.
I was not quite sure how long he had been there, but he had been listening to me at least for a while. It should not have surprised me so much, after all, it was his home, and I was just a guest there. Maybe that was why I felt as if he had just walked in on me doing something embarrassing, even though I had been just singing to myself.
"You sound like an angel when you sing it," added my Angel as he approached me as if from nowhere. And once again, I could see that smile that made me feel so weak, so vulnerable that if he had asked me to jump into the lake and drown, I would have probably done that for him. However, he did not ask me to hurt myself – instead, he reached his hand out to me (once again, he wore his black gloves) and touched my cheek.
Only then did I realise how much I had missed his touch. I would have given my everything to feel his fingertips instead of the fabric of his gloves... but although I could not feel the warmth of his hands, my eyelids once again became strangely heavy, and my breath – laboured as a pleasant spasm crossed my body.
"I was thinking... of making this song a duet," he confessed, bringing me back to reality. Immediately, I opened my eyes and took a deep breath to calm down as soon as he took his hand away from my face. "But I am not sure whether a male voice could entwine with yours properly... I do not want to destroy this piece."
Although I did open my mouth to answer, I could find no words, so I remained completely speechless. He, on the other hand, did not seem to be awaiting my response. As he stepped back, he looked around, as if searching for something.
"You did not put your new dress on," he noticed, slowly returning to glancing at me. "Why? Did you not like it?"
"No, monsieur, I did like it, very much," I responded quickly, shaking my head as I raised my sight to look at him. His eyes were gentle but serious at the same time, and I could swear he was observing me for some reason. "I just... did not want to put it on as long as I didn't know it was for me... I didn't want to look like a thief."
His lips soon formed a light smile as he reached for the gown and handed it to me. Without a second thought, I grasped it, understanding it was the sign for me to put it on right now. It was obvious, though, that he was not used to give presents to people since he was weirdly awkward despite his elegance.
I did not ask about anything else, just left to the room, which I referred to as mine now, to change my clothing. Truth be told, as any young woman, I loved wearing beautiful dresses, but I did not think the change would be really so big. However, when I returned, I saw a sparkle of sheer admiration in my Angel's eyes that I had not seen for a while.
"Now... you sing like an angel and look like an angel, as well," he murmured with some childish happiness echoing in in voice. "It had to be white... angels should wear white to accent their beauty and purity."
Out of nowhere, a thought appeared in my mind. One that should have never found a way to my head since it seemed to be so indecent at that moment, so improper... but I simply wanted to find myself in my Angel's arms once more. To hide underneath his wings. To whisper that it was not me who had come from the heaven above.
But why an angel like him would ever hide in the shadows of the night? Why would he live in the deepest parts of hell?
"Sing for me, my Angel," he begged in that voice of his that made my stomach flip. I knew I could never decline such a request.
Not thinking twice, I reached for the paper I had left on the desk and having taken a deep breath, I began singing the tune once more. And this time, when I knew he was near, it sounded differently, but even more sweetly. A part of it I already knew by heart, so I caught myself focusing more on my Angel's presence than on the music, what seemed to be unforgiveable. With all of my will I brought my mind back to the song.
It was not that easy, though, as he soon stood right behind me, his chest pressing against my back. His hands rested on my shoulders, warm and soothing, making it so hard not to think about him... And when he leant down to press a kiss to my head...
My voice was now not louder than a whisper, but he did not scold me. He did not tell me to raise my voice, although I could hear his breath. No longer was I able to sing, but that was when my part finished, and without even a second of hesitation, he continued the tune, making the piece a duet.
I could not imagine singing it with anyone but him. This song would never sound that wonderful if it was not my Angel's voice. Only he could sing what he had created – only then did it sound the way it should.
His breath brushed against the skin of my temple and cheek as he wrapped his arms around me, pressing his face to my head as he stood behind me. His hungry hands once again began exploring my body, but although there was so much passion in his touch, I did not see anything indecent in that act. He would never dare defile me... he did not try to hurt me. He was just learning my body by heart.
Before I knew it, the song was over, but he did not pull away. And I did not want him to... I would just wish for the melody, for this moment to last forever, even though I did realise it could not. But never before had I felt this wonderful with another person so close to me. I wanted to cherish those seconds as much as possible.
"You are my angel," he whispered into my ear, "mine, and no-one else's. No-one is ever going to take you away from me."
And this time, I knew he was right. No longer did I want to leave this place. I was happy there, with him. I simply belonged to him... just like he had once said. And just like he had mentioned, he was capable of making me feel good, despite him being who he was... or maybe because he was who he was.
"Then why does my Angel hide away from me?" I asked just as quietly. My eyes remained closed and I did not move away from him, feeling safe in his embrace. "Why does he not want me to know his name and face?"
That was a mistake. I should have not ever said that, but how could I know? Within a second, he pushed me away from himself, looking at me with fury I was so frightened of.
"Then that is why you were so obedient?" he roared, and his voice echoed in the hall. "For a moment... for a split second I thought it was all real... but you are no angel. You are a demon hidden in a body of an angel... or are you an angel sent to me to punish me for all of the sins I have ever committed?"
With a quiet groan, he hid his face in his hands, as if something hurt him. I was so shocked that I only made a couple of steps back, hitting the desk behind myself.
"N- no... I..." I began, but my voice broke.
"My face... is nothing you would ever be fond of looking at..." he hissed. "No-one has ever been able of loving me just because of it!"
Trembling, I opened my mouth once more, but not even one sound left it. What was I supposed to say? Because I felt that something should have been uttered... but any response seemed to be wrong at a moment like that.
"Be gone!" he yelled at me. "Go away... and never come back."
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